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-&-

Chapter 17

"My lady."

I blinked over at the large wolf-borne standing just outside of the door, his golden eyes soft for once as they gazed down at me. I couldn't even force my lips to smile at the concern on his face.

"You are going too?" I was certain my voice sounded as miserable as I felt, but I cared little about showing him that weakness.

Terif stared down at me, his large body covered in the same armor as most of the others, except for the silver badge of his rank gleaming brightly on his breastplate. "I am our greatest warrior. There was a reason the King had sent me to guard you in the Lower Kingdom."

I could only nod at him before turning from the door and walking away. There was no reason to stay there any longer. Not only was Eirik risking his life for a territory that was barely his, but Terif was as well. It didn't surprise me, he would do anything the King asked him to.

"Emrie, wait." The General called after me, but I hardly paused as I stepped onto the large marble staircase. The fact that he didn't say 'Lady' in front of my name never even registered.

I didn't get far before the wolf was at my side, his golden eyes flashing in the off light of the hall. "You shouldn't worry too much about him." He started slowly, his voice warm as it washed over my depressed, slumped shoulders. And this was the same wolf-borne who called me a nuisance barely a week before.

I licked my bottom lip and gazed over the large railing at my side. It seemed none of them understood.

"The King is a great warrior. His reputation is well earned. Nothing will happen."

I knew he was trying to reassure me, and honestly I knew I was being a little overdramatic- but it was just the fact of the matter.

"Terif," I started softly, my voice almost a pathetic wobble as I leaned heavily against the porcelain railing. "Do you have a mate?" Something dark flashed across his golden gaze, and for a minute I had actually felt bad for asking- but then his face was back to that somewhat emotionless mask.

"No."

There was a hard bite to his voice, one that sent an icy chill straight down my spine. It was a tone of loss... But that was just something I would have to wonder over later.

"If you had one, and they asked you not to go, would you stay?"

That hard look of his mask slowly fell as he stopped walking just a step below me, his golden eyes staring softly to the side. "North is just not used to having someone that cares as you do. You just have to be patient-"

"Would you stay?" I felt bad for cutting him off, but I didn't want to hear any more excuses. What I wanted to hear was what I knew for a fact. The King couldn't care less about how I felt, or what I was supposed to be to him.

Terif paused, his dark voice silent before he let out a gruff sigh and gripped gently onto the top of my arm. Even a step above him he still towered over me, and I had to crane my head up just to look at him. I wanted to say I was surprised at the sadness in his golden eyes, but I was expecting something close to it anyways.

"Yes, I would stay if she asked me."

That painful ache in my chest reared its ugly head as water once again threatened to fill my eyes. I gulped loudly and forced the tears down. I wouldn't cry over this. I wasn't a fool. I knew where I stood with Eirik- where I stood in his life. I was just a problem he didn't know what to do with.

I wasn't supposed to have him anyways.

"Emrie, please don't hold this against him. He cares for you-"

The General's voice died on his lips as I leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. His golden gaze was wide, and his mouth was slightly agape when I pulled away from him with a gentle pat to his strong arm.

"Stay safe, Terif." I whispered softly and gave him a small smile before turning around and heading slowly up the marble stairs. He didn't stop me.

"Interesting..."

I stopped half-way up the large marble staircase as any eerie voice sent an unpleasant chill down my spine. My eyes snapped up from the bottom of my gown that I was trying not to trip over and locked gazes with a man creepier than an eel. My grip on the railing tightened.

The announcer from the King's birthday ceremony...

"Who are you?" I couldn't hide the hostile suspicion in my voice as pale-yellow eyes glowed down at me from the split platform in the middle of the staircase.

The man's skin was paler than my own, almost translucent- like snow, and his hair was just as white. The robes he wore were a sickening yellow-green color that only made his odd appearance seem even more snake-like.

I took an uneasy step back down the stairs. Talk about a bad feeling.

Like all other wolf-bornes I met, he answered immediately. "Liberius, royal advisor to our Great King and translator of the ancient souls."

Liberius... Why did I feel like I heard that name before? And he was a translator of souls, that alone was enough to scream odd. Seers weren't around much anymore. Most had gone mad and evil with power, while others couldn't handle the voices and took their own lives. It was rare to find one, especially this far up the mountain.

"What's interesting?" I asked instead of voice how creepy I truly thought the man was. His beady yellow eyes reminded me too much of a serpent, and I highly doubted he was a wolf. But I'm sure the King wouldn't let someone so close to him if he wasn't- he wouldn't even let me close to him.

"Your little interaction with our Great King. He seemed oddly fond of you."

He obviously wasn't paying too close attention, then. I definitely wouldn't use fond to describe how the King was feeling during our little conversation.

I glanced back down the steps and frowned when I saw no sight of Terif in the mass crowd of guards running around in battle armor, and that the thick brown door was shut tight. No one was paying attention to us, and I could find no genuine excuse to rid myself of the eerie man.

"I wouldn't necessarily say fond..." I muttered more to myself than him as I edged further along the step before walking diagonally up and away from Liberius.

"I've seen you walking around with Aeyron from time to time, that it surprising as well." He continued to speak like he couldn't tell that I was obviously edging away from him.

But his words made me pause. Aeyron had made sure no one was around when he escorted me anywhere... Did this man suspect who I was supposed to be? Did he know?

"The King does not keep his affairs around for long, much less have one of his Generals escort them. You must be something of an extraordinary bed-"

"Excuse me?" My voice came out as an appalled gasp at the innuendo in the man's horrible slippery voice, and I stared up at him in wide-eyed horror.

Oh, I know he did not just try to imply-

"Although, you do seem different than most." He continued with a curious tilt to his head, like I hadn't spoken at all, his yellow eyes flashing in the candle light. They narrowed in concentration.

"That's enough, seer."

I nearly jumped in absolute delight when Aeyron's dark growl reverberated around us, and I tried not to make it too obvious that I was practically cowering towards him as he walked up the steps between the rude man and I. It was all I could do not to press myself to his hard back in relief.

Creepy-man, Liberius, seemed to stand a little taller at the sight of the large General now standing between us, his pale eyes flashing in brief anger before fading once again to that dull yellow.

"Commander Aeyron, a pleasure- as always." His voice was a dark hiss as he bowed slightly to the wolf-borne standing almost protectively in front of me. I peeked around his large arm to glare about that the thin, gangly seer.

Aeyron scoffed and lifted his thick arms until they were crossed firmly over his chest. I stayed safely behind his back. "I'm sure. Shouldn't you be preparing for the departure. I'm sure the King will want his advisor with him."

Liberius clenched his thin jaw and his eyes flickered briefly to mine before returning to glare at the King's Second in Command. "Yes, I was just on my way to see him." Snake-man spoke as he began to descend the stairs, his front to us the entire time.

Aeyron made a point to keep me safely behind him as he turned with the advisor, like he was making sure he was actually walking away.

"It was a pleasure talking with you, my lady." The seer called as he descended the steps, his white lips pulling into a sickening smirk.

I bet.

"You're positively stunning." Liberius chuckled, as if enjoying a secret joke with himself before finally turning his back to us and walking casually down the rest of the steps, a whistle on his lips. Aeyron visibly relaxed in front of me.

"Disregard anything he says, my lady. He speaks through his ass."

I gave the scowling General a small smile, before a frown slowly took its place. The King doesn't keep his affairs around for long.

"So what he says isn't true?" I asked softly as Aeyron placed his hand gently on my lower back and began leading me up the stairs once again.

"About you being a common whore? No, of course not."

I rolled my eyes and hit his arm lightly as he let out a loud laugh. "No, not that. About the King having- affairs?"

It was hard speaking the words, hard to have them pass my lips. I didn't even like thinking about them. But- but it made sense. I mean, neither of us ever thought the other had a mate- why would he wait for me?

Aeyron tensed beside me, his strong shoulders stiffening once again as his hand fell uncertainly from my back. "He has, uh, in the past. But I highly doubt he has been with anyone since he found out about you."

My heart stalled in my chest. He highly doubted, but he didn't know for sure- and the King has made it quite obvious where I stood in his life. I wouldn't blame him if he has been with other women since he's known me. Water suddenly threatened my eyes once again, but I tried to force it down as we stepped foot into the hall that would lead to my wing.

"Please don't get upset over this. I'm more than positive North would never be with anyone else ever again-"

"Thank you, Aeyron." I interrupted him softly as I stepped away from his large body and turned towards the direction of my wing. "I appreciate your words, but I would just like to be alone right now." Alone to sulk in my own miserable feelings.

"But, my lady-"

"I will see you soon. Give the King and the other General's my best wishes." I tried to make my voice as strong as I could as I walked slowly away from him, but my fist was pressing firmly into my stomach.

I never should have agreed to come here so easily, never should have convinced myself there was hope for the King and I. I was mistake, a problem he didn't know what do with.

I was never supposed to have him anyway.

-&-

The days passed slowly, and the weeks even more so. And yet, I was still surprised when I learned that it had been almost three moons since I arrived at the King's castle. He and his five Generals had been gone for the entire second one.

The castle was even more quiet than usual, and that was saying something. Aeyron was the only one I had to keep me company, but even he would disappear occasionally. I didn't blame him though. I wouldn't want to be stuck babysitting either.

The General received a message every week from the King- explaining what was happening and whether or not they would be staying away longer. Not once did Eirik mention me. It was a selfish thought- I knew it was, but was it so silly to hope he was actually thinking about me?

All I did was think about him. I would sit in my rooms or that little garden that Aeyron had taken me to what seemed like forever ago, and wonder over what was happening. Hoping beyond hope that the King was okay, that they wouldn't stay too much longer. Not that it would be any different if he were here.

He had filled my being with such hope all those weeks ago as he sat beside me on my bed, hand feeding me soup to ensure I would eat. He wanted to take me somewhere, to ease the distance between us. It was all a false hope. Just sweet words to take my mind off the sickness.

I had not been ill since he left, but even if he had been right about why I had been sick- there was absolutely no connection between us now. Physically or mentally. My body had no reason to act so foolishly.

I kicked the soft snow away from my feet as I sat on the cool bench in the castle's winter garden. I had no idea where Aeyron had run off to, but ever since the King and a quarter of their army had left- he had been much more lenient on escorting me everywhere.

A lot of the servants had left with Eirik and his Generals, and I could only assume the 'he' I had overheard Aeyron and Terif talking about had gone as well. There was no need to ensure that I stayed in complete secrecy. I wanted to enjoy the freedom- I wish I could have, but my thoughts didn't grant me any reprieve.

"There you are."

Aeyron's voice startled me out of my thoughts and I raised my eyes from the dewy snow beneath my feet to see the large wolf walking steadily towards me. He walked so easily over the icy terrain, like it was simply grass instead of snow and ice.

"I didn't realize you were looking for me." I gave him an apologetic smile and moved over on the bench so his large body could sit beside me.

"I know, perhaps letting you wander around on your own is not such a good idea." His voice was a teasing grumble, one I actually laughed at.

However, the quiet giggles died on my lips when I saw the paper clasped in his hand. When the King sent his messages it was always through a trusted soldier or servant, he never once sent a letter. That made a nervous flutter shoot through my stomach. I would know if something had happened to him, right? I-I would have felt it.

Right?

"This, is for you."

Aeyron held the letter out to me, his hand strong as it raised in the air. My fingers were shaking as I reached for it. I was terrified of what could have been written on that paper. Had he been injured? Were they coming home? Or did he finally decide he was done with me? Was this paper the rejection I was starting to think would be the only future we shared?

"I can leave, if you would like." Aeyron spoke softly, his tone was that reassuring verse I often clung to. I shot him a bewildered look.

"No, please. Stay. I could use the company."

I truly felt bad for the General, for having to suffer the quiet loneliness at my side. He gave me a soft smile as my shaking fingers broke the wax seal and unfolded the letter. He looked away, his dark eyes giving me the privacy I hadn't even thought about.

There was only one sentence written in the middle of the paper, one sentence that tore my heart in too many different ways. Tears filled my eyes.

I miss you.

I had no idea why my emotions decided to get the better of me. Maybe because I was expecting something completely different, or maybe it was because I had slowly lost all hope for us. But those three words suddenly made my heart ten times heavier.

"Are- are you sure this is for me?" I could barely speak above a whisper. I was too afraid the tears would fall if I allowed my emotions to clog my throat.

Aeyron let out a dark chuckle. "Of course it is for you. The messenger specifically said I was to give it directly to you."

My heart thumped heavily in my chest. 'I miss you.' I ran my fingertips over those three words.

I missed him too, but I always had. Even when we were in the same castle- I missed him. How could he miss me? He never had before, never made any inclination to be near me when he had the chance. Never once made an effort to spend time with me.

A drop of water fell onto the pale page.

Aeyron shifted suddenly at my side. "Are you alright, my lady?"

I'm sure he felt the shift in my attitude, could smell my tears in the cold air, but I quickly wiped the water from my cheeks and drew in a shaky breath.

"Y-Yes, I'm fine. Thank you for bringing this to me." I murmured hurriedly as I folded the paper back again, hiding that one sentence that tore at the wall I had built around my heart- one that was far thinner than I thought.

"Of course."

His eyes watched me with a knowing suspicion as I stood to my feet and clutched the letter tightly to my chest. "Would you like me to come with you?" He asked politely even though I know he already knew my answer.

"No, it's okay. I just want to be alone for a while."

I could feel his dark brown eyes on me as I walked back into the castle, the cool air following behind me. The letter seemed to radiate warmth in my grasp, the three letters that tore at my heart were burning into my skin.

He wasn't even here, and yet he was still able to tear me in every different way.

-&-

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