Slowly, consciousness aroused in her, wakening all her senses.

She didn't open her eyes. Her hearing was dull. Her eyes rolled behind her closed lids and her nose flared as she took in deep breaths. The fresh air entering her lungs rejuvenated her body and that's when she started to feel strange.

Her body felt stiff and heavy. Her limbs were stuck in place. Her mouth felt dry and her throat hurt as as soon as she tried to swallow. Her head was heavy and pounding with pain.

Her eyes opened. Her vision was blurry. She had to close and open her eyes again but the blurriness remained. She tried again and when her vision cleared a little. it was greeted by white and it was so bright that she was forced to squeeze her eyes shut.

Her lips parted to let in some air.

She opened her eyes again and looked around herself. She was in an unknown room but the objects in the room were very familiar for her to know that she was in a hospital room. Her neck ached as it moved and she looked down to see that her body was covered, she could feel something wrapped around her forehead and her on the soles of her feet.

There was a moment of confusion. She couldn't understand why she was in a hospital room.

But one glance at her arms and wrists triggered her mind to start processing. As soon as her eyes landed on her arms that were full of bruises and marks: many of which had faded, appearing greenish blue at places but on her wrists, the marks were even more prominent.

Her breath got caught in her throat and her heart almost stopped. As if she was struck by a bolt of lightening, realization dawned on her. Her eyes widened and that's when she started to recall everything.

That night.

'No please!'

The struggle.

'Please! Don't do this!'

The agony.

Her eyes filled up with tears and she began to choke.

The whole torment that she went through.

Her head began to hurt so badly. Now that she was completely conscious, she felt only one thing which overwhelmed her.

Pain.

Pain everywhere.

In her body, in her mind and in her spirit.

Why? Why did it happen to her?

What did she ever do to deserve so much pain and anguish?

She was always a good girl. She always obeyed her father, tried to be a good law abiding citizen, a passionate patriot and a devoted physician. Then why?

Her heart ached so much. All she wanted now was to be in the warm embrace of her father. She wanted to feel safe. She wanted someone to tell her that everything would be alright.

But she knew that things could never be alright with her ever again.

She was stripped of her innocence.

Her purity and chastity was taken away from her.

All that she could feel now was the deep agonising pain that kept ripping through her heart.

As she sobbed silently, she looked at her arms and all of a sudden, she felt so much disgust and revolt with herself.

She began to choke on her sobs as the memories rekindled in her mind and repeated the events over and over again. Her skin began to crawl with chills and her stomach churned as her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach.

She could still feel it.

She could still see it.

All that she saw on her body was filth.

His filth.

She could see and feel it everywhere on her.

She could still feel his touch everywhere and as soon as her eyes closed, she could see the monster staring back at her with hungry eyes.

She couldn't hold it in any longer as her empty stomach twisted and she leaned over to the side as she vomited.

Her mouth was bitter with the foul taste. But she couldn't care less. Without any regard, she ripped the IV line along with the cannula from her arm. A low shriek escaped her throat from the pain but the need to wash off his filth was greater.

As she tried to sit up, her body ached all over, her taut muscles loosening and her stiff joints popping. Her body was in a mess but her heart and mind were in a much bigger turmoil.

She had no idea for how long she was unconscious but she guessed from the state of her body that it might've been for some time now. She fought against the discomfort and managed to stand on her feet. It took her a few seconds to steady herself on her shaking legs. The light hospital gown on her body made it feel a little less difficult for her to handle herself.

She looked around and saw three doors in the vicinity of the room.

The bathroom. She searched until she finally entered a small cubicle. Staggering to the sink, she held on to the edges and dared to look in the mirror.

The girl that she saw staring back at her, it wasn't her.

Who was this girl?

It wasn't Sadia.

Tears welled in her eyes and her hand came up as she slowly caressed her cheeks and jaw.

As her eyes roamed on her face; she saw so many anomalies. The left side of her face was bruised, the marks of which had faded a little. The corner of her mouth on the left was also wounded. And what got her nerves on edge was the evidence of bruising marks around her neck.

She couldn't breath as she recalled what had happened with her when she obtained those marks.

'Stop fucking struggling!'

The monster had growled at her as he had held her by the throat. Even now, she could still feel his grip. It was hard and it was choking her.

Her breathing accelerated and her eyes widened.

Shivers rolled down her spine and the hair on her back raised up in fear.

Suddenly, she felt as if she was being watched.

As if she was being watched by that monster.

Her hands wrapped around her throat and she tried to pry those hands away from herself.

There wasn't anything around her throat but then she started to feel heavy at different parts of her body. Tears rolled down her cheeks and her chest felt tight.

With a scream, she turned on the faucet and splashed water on herself, washing her neck and scratching her skin in an attempt to clean herself from the filth she felt was on her.

But it wasn't enough. She could still feel it.

She rubbed her skin and then started to claw at it as well in desperate attempt to rid herself of the defilement that still made her skin crawl. From her neck, she started to wash her arms.

They were still there.

His marks were still there!

Why weren't they going away? Why?

As hard as she tried, they wouldn't wash off.

She felt vile.

She felt dirty. Too dirty.

Her heart sank with every move. Her hands desperately tried to wash off the stains of defilement but to no avail.

Tears began to stream down her cheeks in an uncontrollable fashion.

She cried hard as she kept washing her neck, her arms, her hands.

She washed and washed. She rubbed her skin until it was raw. But still the blemishes remained.

And when she came to her face, she started to claw at her cheeks.

With a scream, she kept on going.

"Madam!" A shrill worried voice came but Sadia paid no attention to it. The nurse came forward and with wide bewildered eyes, she saw Sadia wash herself frantically. The poor girl had a crazed look on her face.

"M-Madam?" The nurse was scared. She had never seen a patient act like this unless they belonged to the psyche ward.

"Madam, what are you doing." The nurse mustered courage and tried to stop Sadia but as soon as she touched Sadia, Sadia froze.

One external stimulus was enough to halt all her movements. The nurse thought that she must've realized something but she was wrong.

Sadia's neck turned in her direction and her eyes widened as big as saucers as a look of total fear entered her eyes.

"Ahhhhhhh......" she started to scream.

She saw him.

He was here.

***********

"She started to scream. I tried to help her but—" the nurse couldn't find words to describe what she had witnessed hours ago.

Zameer listened attentively as his eyes remained on Sadia's unconscious face through the window.

As they stood outside the ward room, the nurse told him what she had encountered. It was surprising enough that Sadia had managed to wake up despite having sedating drugs in her system but the way she had behaved had left Zameer shellshocked.

"But the way that she looked at me.....as if.....as if I would do her harm. She was so afraid of me, Sir." She explained, finding it hard to keep her wits about. "As soon as I touched her to try to help her, she jumped away from me and started to scream so loud. It was horrible. I don't know what happened with her. It was as if she saw a ghost." She continued as she wiped the sweat from her forehead. It was the first time in her whole career that she had encountered such an event. But again, she was a young nurse and had much to experience.

"She had taken off her bandages in her fit of hysteria. She was scratching and clawing at her skin as if she was hallucinating insects on herself. Thankfully though, the damage isn't much for we were able to stop her from further self harm and knowing that she's a diabetic, these latest wounds don't pose much of a threat but our consultant has advised to start the patient on a new therapy."

"I had to call in a red code. Three nurses had to be brought in to stop her from further hysteria." The nurse concluded.

"And, when will she come to?" Zameer inquired in monotone.

"Probably in a day. But she's sound asleep now. We can't know anything for certain yet but we can have doc-"

"Thank you, nurse. That will be all." Zameer immediately dismissed the nurse before she could say anything more.

The nurse looked at Zameer and couldn't help but think that he was so stoic.

"Yes sir." She went away.

And when she was gone, Zameer sighed to himself and combed his fingers through his hair in trepidation.

What he had expected, happened. The nurse's explanation had given too much of a vivid scenario that it left Zameer shaken. Too shaken.

He had dreaded it.

He had dreaded her reaction and now he knew that he was right in letting her heal under sedation. Otherwise, she would've died by now.

Entering inside the ward, Zameer quietly made his way to Sadia. He saw her, covered again in bandages except now that they covered most of her face and whole of her arms and neck.

She was in a terrible state yet again and this time, she did it to herself. And he knew that he was still responsible for it.

'.......as if she saw a ghost.'

Yes, she must've seen me. He thought in despair and palmed his face, clenching his teeth and fisting his hands. Anger rose in him for himself. She reacted that way to a stranger then imagine how she would react when she would see him.

He couldn't even imagine and he didn't even try.

Fuck, how will I ever deal with her now?

Just looking at her made him feel that same fear again. His heart sped up and his chest tightened. He felt an immense urge to just runaway from here and never come back.

But truth be told, there was nothing he could do now.

He could never set her free. And he could never kill her.

So the only option left was to just accept what was to come. And to embrace what had already come to pass.

And one thing was clear which had become their reality.

And he only had to accept that reality.

For himself. And for her.

Drawing in a shaky breath, he tried to gather his wits and courage. Fighting against his emotions that threatened to overwhelm him, he sat on her bedside.

With a shaking hand, he grasped her soft hand. He saw her delicate fingers were all messed up. Her hand was cold.

"I never meant to hurt you. Never." He murmured and gently squeezed her hand.

"I don't know how it happened. I was drunk and I have no memory of that night. But, I know that I never do anything reckless. I know that I don't—" he stopped as a lump formed in his throat but he needed to carry on.

He needed himself to accept this truth. About himself and about the future that was to come.

And strangely enough, that evoked determination in him as his heart grew soft and motivation pumped in his veins.

"But I did. I became reckless and hurt you." He whispered and looked at her, his heart filling with an unknown emotion.

"But I think I know why I did what I did," he continued. "And I know that it doesn't absolve me of the crimes that I have committed against you but I just won't deny it anymore. Not to myself and when the time is right, I won't deny it to you either."

He looked at her and he realised what a difficult journey it will be from here on out. But he had to take responsibility for his actions. The only way that he sought now could only be achieved through patience and perseverance.

It won't be easy to deal with but he vowed that he would do it, by any means necessary.

She was his ward. Thus his responsibility.

No, no she was more then that. She was his wife and thus she deserved all the respect and dignity that came with that title.

And these thoughts lit a fir inside of him. His heart bloomed with an emotion he knew not. The fear was still there but it didn't hinder him from feeling this stable emotion. It steadied him. It gave him a certain fortitude.

Breathing in deeply, he gently touched her face. "It's because I've wanted you. All this time, I wanted you." He confessed.

"Ever since I saw your eyes, those beautiful marble eyes, it's as if I've had a set of two galaxies. I can stare into your eyes all day." He smiled, not touching her face any further. He would never touch her again without her consent.

"And ever since I kissed you that night, I wanted you. My desire for you only grew."

He knew what he was saying would sound crazy and selfish to any sane person. But then again, he wasn't a top assassin for no reason. And a skilled manipulator at that.

"And you, you little innocent fairy. I would never hurt you." He sighed. "But I did and from now, I will do what I can to atone for my sins. But still, that does not mean that I will let you go."

He looked at her face. "You are my wife Sadia. I know that I have a lot to do before I can ever earn the right to be called your husband. But my dear," he slightly traced her lips. "What has happened has happened and one way or another, you will just have to overcome it."

"Even if I have to become the villain that I have always been in your eyes, I will make you accept this role as well as earn your forgiveness." He smiled to himself.

"That's what men in the Mafia do after all. I'm sorry my dear, but that's just how it is."

The task ahead an an enormous one. He had no idea how he would cope, how she would react and behave but he would have to do it any other way. He would have to make her her accept all the realities that he had to force himself to accept. Even if he had to force it upon her. After all, hadn't he forced enough on her? What difference could a little more make?

**********