Xander's POV:

My nerves had been churning in my stomach ever since I woke up.

Half of which was on Doe's behalf, that ever-present uneasy feeling from her absence, and the other was over what I needed to get done tonight.

Or in five-ish minutes.

At 6:50 pm, it felt like a decent enough time to go and ask him for drinks.

That guilt-ridden lump had made itself at home in my throat and my heartbeat was already overreacting.

He was going to sense this nervousness the second he answered the door.

If he opens the door.

I cleared my throat in a futile attempt in getting that lump to go away and stray away from those types of thoughts.

My clothes gave off the vibe of 'formal, but not too out of character' so I wouldn't appear... suspicious just showing up like this.

God, I'm overthinking this arent I?

It's just Nico. The dude I've known since I was born.

My brother.

Now I've just gotta confess and explain all of it while trying not to have a complete breakdown in public.

Easy peasy...

It won't be long now until I figure out whether or not I actually believed that.

I forced myself out the door after finalizing my look, every symptom prior amplifying as I got closer and closer.

Ignoring the doubts and panicking over what I'd do if he refused wasn't working anymore.

He'd spoken to me differently at the ball... he had to have known that something was up.

Even if he doesn't show anything or say it, I'd like to think that even after all I put him through, he still cared enough to pay attention to those sorts of things.

To me.

I did tell him that I'd talk to him later at the ball.

I paused in front of the door, just the sight of it instantly making all the pent-up regret and guilt show itself in full force.

Maybe doing this in public wasn't the greatest idea...

But I didn't have any other plan.

I knocked the way I always did, leaving him no question as to who was at his door.

On instincts, I felt myself straighten, ready to portray myself as the upbeat and confident person I'd shown myself as of late to him.

No. No more of that.

I dropped it just in time for Nico to open the door.

He looked to be in a somewhat decent mood.

"What's up?" He spoke first, the look in his eyes losing a hint of its edge.

That's a good sign.

Now I just had to...

"Do you wanna um," Just talk, he's your brother for crying out loud, "come get a drink with me or something?"

I could still feel myself bracing for the denial that hadn't happened yet.

His brows rose for half a second before they furrowed, eyes narrowing with them.

Was it skepticism? Uncertainty?

If it was, I couldn't blame him.

Sweat was beginning to coat my hands at the silence that felt just a bit too long.

To my surprise, he took a step out of his room, the door closing behind him.

"Really?"

Instead of the flat tone I was expecting from him, he sounded somewhat... relieved.

Even so, It wasn't enough to make my nerves chill out.

"Well I mean you don't have to if you don't want." I clarified, my hand moving to the back of my neck. Honesty. Just tell him the truth, "I've just made a lot of stupid decisions lately and want to spend some one-on-one time with my brother. "

My eyes fell to the floor from a mix of that shame and regret again.

It was already getting difficult to contain and this hadn't even started yet.

I nearly gasped at the feeling of hands ruffling my hair, the feeling being long-forgotten, but familiar still.

The nostalgia of it nearly pushed me over the edge.

His arm set itself around my shoulder after he was done making more of a mess of my hair.

"Well, how could I say no to that?" The smile he heald finally did the trick of easing my worries, pushing that guilt up to take its place instead.

Even so, I couldn't help but mirror it, the ecstatic relief temporarily taking me over as his willing if not wanting cooperation.

"Really? Sweet! I'll pay!" I spoke, a joke we've had for nearly two centuries now.

We both got our income from the same place so...

It felt like I hadn't heard him laugh in forever once the sound of it hit me and we made our way down the hallway.

"Damn right you will," He replied, both of us taking a left into the main corridor.

The bar was on the other side of where the dining room was, so we had to go the opposite way, towards my room, to get there.

"So," He started, "What's the occasion?"

"I just uh..." That temporary boost of energy from his compliance ran down the drain.

And now the moment was here.

The moment where I needed to just rip the bandage off.

If only it were that easy.

That thought alone was hopeless and only succeeded in letting everything take me over.

My throat and chest felt tight like both were just going to implode at any minute and tears were already fighting to get onto my eyelids.

No. No, come on, not already!

We hadn't even gotten started yet!

"I-" The words alone came out strained, causing me to hold my lips together to stop any more words escaping and sounding like that.

Whether because of the way my voice sounded, or the physical tension in my body, Nico's gait slowed, forcing mine do to the same.

I couldn't choke it back, couldn't hold it off.

Now was my time to finally fix the damages I've put between us and a part of me didn't want to wait any longer.

I couldn't bear to face him yet but noticed him staring at me, before turning his head to look around.

The arm that was around me moved, taking hold of my upper arm instead before the entire world flew past me thanks to his advanced speed.

It wasn't a long trip at all.

When we stopped, I barely had time to realize that he'd taken me back into my room before he stood in front of me, both of his arms grabbing the top of mine.

I didn't have a choice but to face him, the classic hardness of his eyes locking mine there.

Except this time, there was something gentle in them. Something I recognized from before I started doing all of this.

"Give me a real answer this time," His words were stern but spoken softly, sounding more like a plea than a command, "Are you okay?"

That was it, kicking the last of my self-control down into absolutely nothing.

Everything that was steadily building up now spilling over in the form of tears down my cheeks.

"I fucked up," The words spilled pathetically from my mouth, "I fucked up so badly."

I choked in a sniffle as the newly unleashed emotions raked themselves throughout my body, nearly pulling out the feral part of me.

His grip grew harder and his face showed something close to hopeful anticipation.

Like he'd been waiting for this.

Which, well, he most likely has been, I just thought that he might have given up hope in me by now.

He knew exactly what this was about.

Though my words were a mess through my sobs, I continued.

"I didn't know what I was thinking, I don't know why I thought going for her was a good idea."

Even he tried to warn me against it, but in the end, gave me the approval I was looking for.

"I got stuck to her and I couldn't get away. I didn't want to get away because I thought that if I just kept pushing, i-if I just tried harder, then all of the things I was mindlessly doing for her would have paid off! Then I'd have her and everything I did to tarnish my relationship with you wouldn't have been for nothing!"

I had to catch my breath as well as my racing thoughts.

It felt like I had so much to say. So much to explain.

"I let her control my every move without question no matter how unforgivable or shitty it was because I just wanted her to look at me. I found myself trying to hate you because of how effortlessly you gained her attention. I'd focus all my frustration from failing on you because I was too blind to put it on myself and too stupid to put it on her."

I wanted to think that to her we were more than just our social status.

Or that at least, I was.

"I should have listened to you. I-I should have just-" Nico stopped me there, pulling me in from where he was already grabbing me.

I staggered to the embrace, tense at first from the sudden action on top of everything else.

One I hadn't been in for an embarrassingly long amount of time.

Nico was never the type to be touchy, but he knew that I was and made exceptions accordingly.

The ease I could feel in his body helped mine into its own, the arms now around my back holding me tight.

And I completely fell into it, basking in it more than he could even know.

"Finally," I heard him speak through a sigh of relief.

After years of seeing me do these things, and now he knows that it's over.

I knew it was in his nature to want to intervene. To help when the people he cared about got stuck in situations that they weren't cut out for.

He was protective down to his roots, and even more so due to this royal blood.

Even so, I always looked up to him for that. I always wanted to be that person.

I remember him telling me after we left our territory that he felt like what he was doing made him overbearing. How he felt that handling a situation himself for someone else hindered their growth in standing up for themselves.

He told me then that he'd only ever step in to help if I asked him to.

I never asked during any of this.

And looking back on it now, I could pinpoint multiple times how evident it was that he just wanted to step in and sever the connection I had to Layla himself.

I wasn't even sure if that sort of thing was possible, but I didn't doubt that he could have somehow made it work.

He's always made it work.

And so even then he was left to try to sway me with words of the cold hard truth that I refused to listen to anyway.

"I'm sorry. For all of it. For turning on you so quickly, for ignoring you, for turning into such a dick and going against everything I used to be. Prioritizing my relationship with her over ours and for making you mad every chance that I could."

He stiffened at the last part, which caused me to hesitate.

No... he needed to know.

"I wanted you to hurt me for what I was putting you through, thinking that it would feel like you were getting get back at me for it. I kept pushing your buttons and intentionally pissing you off to try to get you to that point. I thought that it would make me feel better while I was still stuck to her."

"That's exactly why I didn't do it." he clarified.

I sniffled and nodded.

He knew me too well, and therefore knew what I was trying to get from him.

I think he hoped that if he just heald off, that one day I'd snap out of it.

"I'm sorry for treating you like nothing but a doctor, but I also can't thank you enough for helping her every time I stopped by."

Even if he did cut us off, he was still there when we really needed him.

My tears seemed to well harder as Doe came into mind.

"She...She paid for a lot of my mistakes, and I took the blame for everything Layla put her through too because she never wanted you to know what she was really like," I felt my arms tightened, though it felt like it was for Doe's sake, "All those things I said I... It wasn't me doing those things to her, but I still just stood by and watched while Layla left me to deal with the aftermath."

Experiencing the guild from both Doe's side of this and now Nico's became challenging fast.

"I never forced myself on her in the ways I talked like I did, I-"

"I know, Xan," His hushed voice stopped my rambling.

I just wanted him to know every last detail.

I wanted to tell him absolutely everything, but other three words aided me in seeing that doing all of that wasn't needed.

He's known me my entire life.

"You do?" I asked.

"Of course I do," He confirmed, "I'll admit it took me longer than I should have to put it all together, but somehow despite what you were showing me, I knew that doing all of that wasn't something that you were capable of. Once I figured it out, everything made a lot more sense."

I paused, the slightest bit relaxed by what he said.

"I'm working on fixing things with Doe already, but I want to make amends with you however I can. Even if I cant get your full forgiveness, I want to try."

He shook his head.

"All I wanted was for you to get away from her on your own terms, and come away from it knowing what you did wrong. Then to see you want to try to fix it, and you've already shown all of those things to be true. I know that even that first part couldn't have been easy with how set on her you were, but you did it."

He pulled me back, hands returning to where they were before.

There was a small, almost proud smile on his face. One that caused an ache in my chest.

At the realization that he was willing to forgive me.

"I just want my brother back, Xan. The real you."

His words brought me back to something similar that Doe had said to me.

"You're an idiot, but you're still my little brother. I know I've said some harsh things to you during all of this, but I was just mad because I thought that I'd lost you to the one thing I hated most as a prince."

To people who only wish to be acquainted with us because of our status...

"I swear I will never make this mistake again," I promised, wiping my eyes, "And if I do, I'm giving you full permission to knock some sense into me however you see fit,"

His smile grew.

"It's good to have you back," He said lifting a hand to further ruin my hair.

Or make it better, there was really no way to tell.

"Don't tell mom about this?" I begged.

I hadn't even thought about my parents knowing about this long and embarrassing phase of my life, but now...

She'd absolutely kill me.

His chuckle came quick, knowing just how serious I was.

"I'll think about it, but for now, do you feel better?"

I nodded with what I hoped to be my final sniff.

"Are we still getting drinks?" I asked almost sheepishly.

He took another step back, which just so happened to be towards the door, nodding for me to follow.

"Yeah duh, You've got to tell me the details of how you cut yourself from her down at the bar."