"WAKE UP, DARLING, THE sun is up."

She didn't know when she had fallen asleep, but when she opened her eyes, her sight wasn't blurred with insomnia anymore. Instead, all she saw was him as he leaned over her: his messy hair, his boyish grin, his playful eyes. In the filtered sunlight shining through the curtains, he was an angel. Even with the clear realization that he had drugged her to make her sleep, she couldn't help but see the halo above his head.

"What time is it?" she said, pushing herself up in a sitting position.

"Doesn't really matter," he shrugged," it's time to wake up, that's all. I'm bored." His eyes lit up as he jumped out of bed, grabbing her hands to pull her out. "Let's have a fun day together."

"Where?" she said, stars dancing in front of her eyes at how fast she stood up," you can't go outside, Nathan."

"Why not?" he said, throwing the closet open," I can do anything I want."

"What do you mean why not?" she blinked," you're one of the most wanted men in the world."

He placed a cap on top of her head, grinning as he pushed a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"The most," he corrected her," not one of. I'm the headline of every paper it seems, but I suppose my face does look nice enough to print. I quite like my mugshot, you know."

Swiftly he placed another cap on his own head, turning towards the door.

"This will work," he said," let's go outside."

Pure terror surged through her when she saw him walk away, a nauseous feeling she couldn't shake. She should go along with him, call for help, escape, but still, she couldn't help but think of the blood staining her hands. Soon it would be her mugshot beside Nathan's and the world would spare her even less kindness than they had at first. No one would declare her mentally unwell, they'd all know she'd been aware of everything she had been doing. Never before had she been allowed weakness, so why would anyone start permitting it now?

His accomplice, that's what they'd call her at best. A cold-blooded murderer, that's what she called herself. What good would it plead for her case that she had forgotten all the names of the victims? Her mother whispered in her ear and she saw black for a moment, about to faint in nothingness as she ran towards him. He couldn't leave her alone, but he couldn't bring her outside either. She was treading on the thin line between losing herself and finding reality, but she didn't know which of the two scared her more just yet.

When she grabbed his hand, she knew she had made her choice.

"We can't," she said.

He glanced over his shoulder at her, smile becoming warm as he took her in his arms.

"I won't let anything happen to you, my lovely psychiatrist," he promised.

She could still taste the iron in her mouth as she looked up at him, averting her gaze at once. He grabbed her chin, forcing her to look back at him when he spoke.

"What are you scared of?" he said.

"I -" she began, but the words tangled themselves around her throat like thorns.

"Is it me?" he asked," or is it the world freezing you in place?"

"I'm perfect," she said, nails digging in her palms," I'm supposed to be perfect, I have to be perfect. No one will forgive me for what I've done. I can't even forgive myself for breathing, never mind murder."

He took her hands in his, prying her fingers out of her bleeding palms as he held them to his lips, staining them red.

"My silly Helene," he drawled," was that all? That's no problem at all."

"What do you mean?" she said," aren't you hearing me? There's no forgiveness for the wicked."

He fished something out of his pocket, smiling as he opened her mouth and held it against her bottom lip.

"There's no rest for them either," he said," come on, swallow. It'll make you happy, I promise."

"What is it?" she asked.

"XTC," he said," or perhaps something else. Who knows? Who cares. It'll ease your worries, that's all that matters."

She remembered the pills her mother had given her for years, the way they had made her perform better at the cost of her sleep, a price she was still paying years later. Still, her mother never had been kind to her, not like Nathan was. There was no way she could stay in this house forever, but with the way she was currently feeling she couldn't get herself to move forward either. What if this was the only way to get herself out of this all-consuming fear she was feeling?

When she took it out of his hands he smiled, gaze following her as she placed it between her teeth. She leaned forward, his eyes widening as she kissed him, before breaking it in half in his mouth. With a laugh he swallowed it, his hand tangling in her hair afterwards.

"Now we wait for it to kick in," he said.

"If it's XTC, it'll be soon enough," she said," pupils will dilate, sensations will alter, our heartbeats will rise. Serotonin, adrenalin and noradrenalin are quite potent, if they're kept in the blood in a dose this high."

"This is my first time taking it," he said," so I suppose we'll find out soon enough."

When he saw the surprise in her eyes he chuckled, shaking his head. "I like being in control at all times."

"Why did you get this then?" she asked, the taste still bitter on her tongue.

"You were showing withdrawal symptoms," he shrugged," in the prison, here. You told me your parents gave you pills, but you took them yourself too, didn't you?"

"I - I mean - "

"You don't need to justify yourself to me," he shushed her at once, pushing her hair back out of het face," you were doing what you needed to do to survive. Now we'll do what we'll need to do to have fun."

"Why do you dread boredom so much?" she whispered.

His emotions were undecipherable even with a smile on his face, voice colored with the premonition of death.

"For the same reason you dread being alone," he said," though I've been living with my demons while you've been running from them. Tell me, have they caught up to you yet?"

"They have," she said," I can feel them screaming in my ears every moment I'm awake." She took another pill out of his hand, eyes earnest as she looked at him. "Will this make them quiet?"

She expected him to say yes immediately, but instead he remained quiet, staring at her. It would've been fine if he had lied. In that too, she could've found some comfort.

"Nothing ever will," he replied then," that's why we have to keep scratching that itch that never goes away, until you peel away skin and bone and end up seven feet under."

He chuckled, voice lighter this time as he spoke.

"Ghosts are terrible company to keep," he said," I'm glad you're here instead."

They were sweet words, but she never had been one to immediately trust kindness, even though she really wished she could. Instead she smiled back, even though her heart was starting to beat faster and her stomach turned.

"What about your murders?" she asked," am I now going to participate in them?"

"Like I said," he drawled, leaning forward so their noses brushed," simply an itch. When the urge comes again, I will have to dig my knife in to scratch it. You can join me if you want to, Helene. I think soon enough you'll realize you'll need to. You and I are more similar than you think we are."

"I think it's starting to work," she said, having difficulty catching her breath as the contents of her stomach rose up in her throat," I'm feeling sick."

"So am I," he grinned," who knows, perhaps we'll die together."

She knew that it would turn into pure euphoria soon enough, but all the knowledge she had learned in her books couldn't help her panic from rising as she felt her body shut down. Was she going to actually die? Then, she slowly started becoming lighter, her heart beating so loud it seemed to want to break out of her ribcage, jaws grinding and eyes wide.

"Nathan," she said, repeating his name like a prayer," Nathan, I'm feeling better."

"Time for us to go outside then," he grinned, his dilated pupils barely visible in the all-consuming black of his eyes.

It was a terrible idea to leave the house, especially in a state like this, on pills which were probably mixed with every other stimulating substance possible. Still, she felt happy. Such a strange feeling, she thought, one which made her have wings as they ran through the house together. She didn't stop running, adrenalin coursing through her as a laugh bubbled down her lips, the rose garden in her sight.

"I love them, Nathan," she told him, tugging at his hands to hold him in place," I really, really do."

"I'm glad," he said," because I really, really love you."

Whether he meant it or not didn't matter. He probably would never know what love was, but she wouldn't either. She was only half a person, able to bend and break herself into whomever they currently wanted her to be. For a long time she had been perfect. For even longer, she had wanted to be loved.

"I think I love you too," she said, unsure if she said it to placate him or whether it was the truth.

Either way, he smiled at her so warmly that the whole world lit up. Nothing was important except for their heartbeats intertwining and their hands interlaced, everything more vibrant as he opened the door.

"Now let's go outside."