Mirror always tells the truth. Shows the actual us we often want to overlook. But even mirror has its limitations. It can show only what is on the surface. In some way it mimics the superficial world we live in. The outer appearance, its beauty and blemishes are right in front of us but the inner turmoil and tattering? No mirror knows. No mirror shows and somehow it is a boon or else how we'll overlook our own destruction?

Harram pulled her hair in the band and settled the duppata around her shoulders. The eyes which had lost their spark were gazing into their own reflection. The slumped shoulders and loosely hung shirt were the telltale signs how weak she'd become physically in the span of just few days. She took a step back and let the mirror tell her what she'd become. An echo of her former self. How strange it is, someone's absence from your life can take you to that brink from where there's no going back. How massive of an impact some people have on you, without even trying. Without even demanding.

As her eyes went towards her ears a memory made its way right to her being.

"Oh God! This is torture."

Harram fumbled with the long pallu of the Saree wearing her shoes. She could carry any clothing with ease but Saree wasn't something she was fond of. There were so many layers and plates and all in all she wasn't someone cut out for it.

It was the first after marriage party she was attending at her in laws. Mrs Aneesa had specifically asked her to follow the dress code. Harram had huffed. She could never understand the obsession of this clan with gatherings and parties. They had to celebrate every minute thing. Yeah her marriage with their eldest grandchild was not something of trivial importance still this party was not setting well with her.

She swore hearing the car horn one more time. What was this man? He took record ten minutes to get ready. It wasn't her fault she wasn't that lucky.

"I'm coming!"

Her resolve of not talking to him broke and she shouted loudly so that not only him but his ancestors would also hear. There was no honking for next few minutes. Pushing her hair on her shoulder, she clutched her purse and walked outside locking the door behind.

She was so engrossed in setting the Saree that she didn't realize how someone was checking her out and a scowl had settled on that handsome face.

"Let's go."

Harram mumbled making sure everything was at its place in her outfit.

"Go change first."

Her head whipped towards him.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me the first time, Harram."

"That's why I'm making sure you actually asked me to change? I spent hours getting into this mess of fabric and now you are ordering me to change?"

Zaviyar sighed looking above. He was generally a composed guy. His job also demanded him to have a level minded approach towards everything but this woman had the tendency to make him lose him composure and she did it, successfully every single time.

"Look at the distance between the door and my car. Not even twenty steps tops. You tripped two times reaching here."

Harram bit her tongue. She had. No denying.

"You can't even walk properly in this and there you'll have to stand, walk and greet the whole guest body. For your own comfort, go change."

"But this is the dress code."

She whispered worriedly. She herself had half a heart to go and get into one of her dresses. Dressing should never make you uneasy or uncomfortable but knowing Mrs Aneesa's nature she had stopped.

"So?"

He deadpanned

"So? Mr. Zaviyar Ali, you do know your grandmother don't you? This party is for us and if she sees me in something other than the dress code she'll start her own rant party."

"I'll handle her."

His response was like he was talking about the weather.

"You will? For me? No, thank you."

Her anger towards him was resurfacing.

"Harram, don't argue. Go change."

"I won't make you look like a fool by tripping. I know how to prevent the embarrassment."

She tried walking past him to get into the passenger seat when he held her from her elbow softly. Her head bumped with his ear when he leaned down.

"If you hurt yourself with this stubbornness of yours, we'll not go anywhere. In fact I'm all game for skipping this party."

His voice was steady still it induced goosebumps on her skin. Giving her another knowing look he touched her ear ring making it dangle and touch the side of her neck. Without saying anything, she took hurried steps towards the door and started unlocking it. Her mind immediately calculated which dress she should wear just to distract her from what had just conspired between them.

Zaviyar leaned against the car once again while she opened the door and almost ran towards their room still struggling with the saree. She could hear her heart in her ears. This officer would be the death of her one day without even trying.

A faint smile reached Harram's lips. She gazed at her form. The contrast from the memory was almost heartbreaking but how many times a heart can be broken.

"Harram, Soha is here."

Hamail knocked at her door making her come out of her lost state. Shaking her head she sighed and taking slow steps opened the door.

________________________________

Harram let Soha pat her head while tears were drenching her shoulder. There wasn't much she could say to her. Her teary eyes were hollow without any emotion in them. What she should say to her best friend? She didn't know what she should say to her own self these days.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there when this happened. I wanted to run to all of you."

Soha sobbed cupping Harram's face.

"We know and we understand. Don't feel bad about something you had no control over."

Soha wiped her tears and tried finding something in Harram's face. There was stillness about her being which had scared Sohaira. This Harram was so alien from the friend she had left behind. When she had gone to States with Raza after their Nikkah, Harram was so happy in her life with Zaviyar. That time no one knew in just few months what storm was going to hit them. Soha's heart was still not ready to accept that her beloved brother was no more. That he became a part of nothingness.

Hamail and Raza were in the lounge with the elders.

"His posting orders came so suddenly, I think he himself wasn't aware. We were worried because of the situation in that area but duty is duty. He had to leave. He left in the morning and the next evening we got the news of the bombing. Everything happened in a haze. Still seems like a nightmare."

Hamail covered his face with his palms and after composing himself looked around.

"I'm really sorry. For this loss and also for the fact that I couldn't bring Soha earlier."

"It's okay, Raza. You were stuck. We understand."

Yahya ensured him it was not an issue but Raza was still not over his regret. Since the time his relation had been formed with this family, he had loved the bonding they used to share and Zaviyar was him favourite among all of Soha's cousins. Composed and somewhat closed off but still talking to him had always been such a pleasant experience. It was hard to believe that crown of his family's pride was no longer in this world.

"There are so many what ifs to be honest. No proper goodbye. Nothing. We all were so unprepared and when his body finally came, we couldn't see the face. They said it was badly marred. What kind of farewell Bhai got I still can't understand. It feels like just now he'll come back and everything will go back to normal."

The sorrow in Hamail's voice made every face in the lounge solemn and dejected. Raza placed his hand on his shoulder but there were no words to console this family.

Inside the room Soha held Harram's hands looking at her face.

"Say something."

"I have nothing to say, Soha. Your brother didn't do right with me. He didn't."

Angry tears left her eyes slowly. She hadn't vented out in front of even her mother but right now she had her best friend with her. The one who knew about her longing and pining for so long. She couldn't hold back.

"I told him I wasn't feeling good about him going. But he didn't listen. Duty is duty. Now see where this has left us. Who does this? Now what I do with this life of mine? Everyone says to me to keep calm. I'm suffering, Soha. He would never want me to suffer. You know him don't you? My tears used to make him so restless. But now when I'm tired of crying he isn't here. This baby, he told me he'd cherish it all his life now where is he? What I'll tell this baby about its father? This is so wrong. I didn't deserve this, Soha. We didn't deserve this."

She was always told the wives of army men had iron courage. But what she'd do with this heart which had gotten him after going through hell. Their life story was complicated but when they had finally made their way towards each other, things seemed all fine but here they were now. Everything was gone. Every good was just a memory.

Zaviyar Ali and Harram Obaid hadn't even imagined this life for themselves but life often works way opposite of what how you want it to.

Shaam ki na samajh hawa pooch rahi hai ek pata

Moj e hawa e kue yaar, kuch to mera khayal bhi

(The ignorant evening breeze is asking where you are

The wind of his home, do something for me)

(Parveen Shakir)

_____________________

Harram pushed her bag in her car and sitting inside took a deep breath. They were one month into the final semester and although things weren't as hectic, she felt exhausted by all the workload. The project was in its full swing and demanded her attention. The tests and other assignments were also piling up, moreover they needed the practical work ready as well. Under these circumstances, a weekend felt like nothing short of a blessing. Her idea was to take Soha along and bake both of them a gooey chocolate cake but Soha and Hamail both were busy this weekend. Their beloved elder brother was coming after a month of continuous duty. They were talking about his long stay this time as he had been assigned a project which needed him staying in Islamabad only. Harram didn't care. That's what she told herself. After that last encounter with him she didn't want to face him again. If he was going to grace her with his wrong and one sided opinions about her, she was better off never running into him.

It hurt her. He wouldn't know but it did. He had judged her based on the way she treated her father. Did he not know his father had left her mother and her to fetch for themselves? And what about that other complete family he had back in haveli? His three sons and his wife? Harram didn't want to get into any awkward encounter with them nor did she want to break a perfect family picture. She just wanted to be left alone.

Starting her car she made way towards her house. An alone weekend? She could live with that.

---

"Look at your hair. Didn't you get the time to trim these?"

Khadija held his still trimmed hair in her hands making him chuckle. Mothers. He hadn't gotten much time sharpening his looks back there at duty but who'll make her understand.

"You can always do the honors, Maa."

He said with closed eyes enjoying the warmth of her lap. Khadija shook her head.

"If you leave it up to me, I'll shave your head. So go and contact a hair stylist."

"That's what rich kids do and I'm just a regular kid with regular income."

"You aren't a kid either but let's forget you said this."

Zaviyar laughed shaking his head. He was in Khadija's room right now. After getting back most of his time used to spend here. For sleeping and working he had his own house in the other corner of the city. It was his decision after setting into his profession. He wanted his own bachelor pad as Hamail used to call it but he wanted a space where he could work and where he could enjoy his own company. His grandfather wasn't happy but he was a pro at turning things his way when his family was concerned.

"How was work this time around?"

"Hectic."

"That I can see."

Khadija looked at his worn out persona and sighed.

"For how long are you here?"

"As long as this mission keeps me."

"May Allah makes it easy for you."

"Ameen."

He mumbled when the door of the room was knocked.

"Tayi ammi, Dado is calling you."

Khadija nodded getting up. Zaviyar pulled the pillow to place underneath his head looking at the sulking form of Sohaira.

"What's with the long face?"

"I'm bored."

"Contact your joker brother. This one isn't qualified for that kind of service."

"He isn't here. To think of it he's always off to somewhere. God knows what he's up to."

Zaviyar hid his smile knowing well where Hamail was off to these days.

"Then call your best friend."

"That's the problem, Bhai. She's always busy somewhere. You know she hasn't visited here since Jiya's engagement."

That encounter in the restaurant flashed before his eyes and suddenly he had a clue why she wasn't visiting.

"Even Dado is missing her. I asked her to spend her weekend with us but she refused."

"You can always go and get her here yourself."

He suggested casually but Soha immediately perked up at it.

"This is a cool idea you know. If I go myself then she won't be able to refuse. I'm going then. Will let Zara auntie know as well."

Zaviyar saw her leaving the room. An apology was needed and he wasn't going to shun away from it.

___

"I was about call Zara myself asking her what we did wrong that Harram isn't visiting us."

Mrs Aneesa complained hugging her. Harram had no idea what to tell her. She had vowed to not get inside this house specially when he was around but Soha showed up and told Zara about this ongoing refusal of hers. What was next? She was sent here without further ado.

"That's nothing, Dado. I was busy with stuff so that's why."

She reasoned meekly. Khadija who was sitting on the sofa in Mrs Aneesa's room gave her a knowing look. Both knew if they let Mrs Aneesa show her concerns, she'd never let Harram go.

"Harram, Soha had gone to the kitchen. She was baking cake I guess. Go join her."

Harram immediately left the place sending a silent thank you Khadija's way.

"Khadija, I have taken out some jewelry for Jiya. The wedding isn't far so I was deciding what to gift her. We'll arrange for other things as well but there should definitely be a family heirloom as it's the first wedding in our next generation."

Khadija checked the bracelet her mother in law had taken out.

"This is beautiful, Ammi but I was thinking of that necklace, that one to the side."

Mrs. Aneesa glanced where she was pointing when a smile reached her lips.

"That? Well that is for our eldest daughter in law which means my Zaviyar's bride."

Khadija chuckled shaking her head.

"If only he agrees for marriage."

"He will. How long will he continue running away from this topic. But we'll do some changes. You know our to-be-daughter in law is a true fashionista so she might have a problem with the old fashioned design."

The glint in Mrs. Aneesa's eyes was telling Khadija she wasn't the only one who was thinking on these lines.

"We again thought on the same lines, Ammi."

"The exact reason why people call us best friends than mother and daughter in law. Harram is the perfect choice for Zaviyar. Both look so beautiful together and somewhere both complete each other in a way that isn't evident but still is profound."

"If this happens, I'll be the happiest person on the face of this planet but, Ammi, we won't burden them with our choice. If they both themselves choose each other only then we'll go on with this."

"Yes, of course."

Both agreed not knowing this wasn't as easy as they were thinking it to be.

___

"You were so desperate to get me here, now tell me what the hell happened?"

Soha didn't pay any heed to her friend's ranting and kept on enjoying the cake.

"I was missing you."

"We meet every day, Soha."

"Dado was missing you."

"I could talk to her on phone."

"Don't be rude, okay. She loves you like all of us. Just because you have some problem with my brother doesn't mean you have to be mean with all of us."

Harram felt her argument dying on her lips. Soha raised an eye brow challenging her to disagree. Harram didn't.

"That's what I thought. I go and get us some cola."

She was still reeling from the fact that Soha knew her hesitation to come here involved that brother of Soha's, when the man in question himself graced her with his presence. Dressed in his causal clothes with his messy hair which weren't properly trimmed, he stood close to the sofa where she was sitting.

Seeing him she immediately got up.

"Harram, sit. We need to talk."

"I'm in no mood of another insult session."

Saying that she tried walking past him when he blocked her way. No touching. Just standing keeping decent distance with an impression in his eyes telling her to hear him out.

She stood there with her arms crossed over her chest.

"I'm sorry."

He wasn't looking anywhere else. His whole focus was on her. Like he meant every word he was saying.

"That was so mean of me to say something like that to you. I crossed a line and I'm ashamed on it."

Harram's shoulders slumped.

"I didn't expect this from you, you know."

He didn't say anything. He himself hadn't expected that from himself but seeing that Azar his temper had gone up.

"You know what it feels like to be grown up without a parent. That's why I expected you to understand my plight. It's not easy to just accept him in my life. I try but the fact that he has a full-fledged family back home. It hurts. A family he made after abandoning my mother and me. I know he loves me and I do not take that for granted or just to get gifts out of him. He does it all with his own will and happiness. He thinks this way he can mend our broken relationship and I let him. At least he is trying. Not the gifts but may be his effort will make me accept in my life truly someday."

Zaviyar felt like punching himself. How misunderstood he was about this girl in front of him. But nothing was lost yet.

"You will, because he's trying, he loves you and he's here."

The warmth in his voice with an undertone of sadness had hit Harram right in the heart. She couldn't decide to what to say to him.

"Here's our Cola!"

Soha announced breaking the spell they both were under. Zaviyar was the first one to move away. Getting his hands on the cake he took a huge chunk and got up.

"Soha, I'm off to the office to meet Abu. Tell Maa. Bye."

"Yeah yeah I will, Abu's spoilt brat."

He threw a goodbye nod at both of them and was soon out of the sight. Harram kept on looking at his retreating back.

Suddenly everything was looking beautiful, shiny and bright.

_______________________

Zara placed her hand in her daughter's providing her the strength she needed. Harram's face was devoid of any emotion as she was gazing at the person in front of her. The army officials had handed over Zaviyar's things to them. Yahya Duraid had called his lawyer as well who was going to tell them about Zaviyar's part of shares.

"Zaviyar's all money has been in his and your joint account, Mrs. Zaviyar. So that's all yours. The house is in his name which makes both you and his mother its legal owners. You guys can decide yourself what to do with it. His share in his grandfather's business which he inherits applies and will be given to you whenever you want. Rest he has a car on his name. Which you can use but the keys, well they have got lost somewhere. We have no clue if they were with Major. Zaviyar but at this moment the keys aren't to be found. The only other thing the army officials have returned us is a letter, addressed to you, Mrs. Zaviyar."

Her head shot up at this. So he didn't go without saying a goodbye then. The lawyer was extending the envelope towards her which she took with shaky hands.

"That's it."

All people around her were silent. She didn't open up the piece of paper which had her piece of heart. The lawyer had gone taking their leave. She had the letter tightly fisted as if someone would snatch this last feeling of Zaviyar from him. Knowing her turmoil, everyone started leaving the lounge one by one.

Once alone, she wiped her glassy eyes and opened the letter slowly. She wanted to cease the time. If she could, she'd spent all her remaining life just reading this letter so the full stop that her and Zaviyar's happy ever after had would never come. But that was wishful thinking.

The page was right in front of her. There were few stains of dirt and few blood drops over it. She caressed it like she'd look after his injuries.

"Hey, beautiful. I know when this letter is going to find you, I'll be gone. I know you'll cry and I also know that this is so not done. But this is what we all sign up for when we get there.

I want you to be brave and courageous. Not like me. Like you. The way you are. Don't let anyone tell you to bend to the rules because you never did and I'd hate it if you do now. Our baby will not know me personally. Just how you'll tell him or her (I hope it's her) but let them have their own idea of mine. Who I'm and what I was. Take care of Maa. She will need you and you'll need her. Be each other's support like you both have always been mine.

I love you. And you'll always find me close. Love knows when love is here and your love is always here. So what if not physically.

Zaviyar.

P.S I wish you'd mastered the art of tea making but that's another unfulfilled wish I'm taking along.

The letter left her hand and a tear rolled down her cheek. It should've made her insides churn but nothing of that sort happened. Numbness had engulfed her from within.

She picked it up again and read it again as well. One time. Two times. Three.

Each time her eyes would stick at the P.S. And she'd try to find something there.

Her coffee making tendency was her and Zaviyar's inner joke. Not tea. Did he make a mistake?

Her mind was telling her did but heart was screaming this was something else.

"Harram?"

She turned around to find Yahya Durraid standing close to her.

"You need sleep, Bachay. Go. And take the letter with you. I'll arrange for a new car key for you to use. He bought this one with difficulty. I want you to use it. It'll give him peace. Try looking around the house whenever you go there. Must've misplaced the keys."

"Yes, Dada."

She nodded making her way towards her room. The only thing on her mind was the P.S and that mistake which she didn't know why didn't look like a mistake.

__________________________

"When Zaviyar's Baba had died, my parents were hell bent upon taking me to their house. I refused. Ammi and Baba also wanted the same but my reasons for doing this were different. I wanted my Zaviyar to grow up in an environment where his father is everywhere. So, he'd never forget him. That's what happened. He grew up with Zaigham's life stories, his habits, everything. He doesn't have much alike his father but that gave him a fair idea of who his father is."

Khadija was speaking patting her head who was lying with her head on her shoulder. After reading that letter, her lost state wasn't hidden from anyone. No one asked her to let them read what he had wrote to her. But still she showed Khadija the piece of paper. She knew Khadija needed it as much as she did. The result was Khadija losing her control and breaking down. She was the one who gave her the support and now both were reminiscing the memories of a person both had at the top of their priority list.

"Harram, I want you to keep your house intact. The way it is. With all Zaviyar's memories intact there. So that, when this kid will visit that place, he or she will find their father everywhere. That will be their introduction to him. The kind of setting he liked for his house, the kind of clothes he wore, the kind of books he read, music he listened to and things he liked to eat."

Harram snuggled more into her when a tear got lost somewhere in the pillow. Shedding and wiping each other's tears when Khadija went to sleep Harram had no idea. But she wasn't that lucky. Her mind was still thinking of that point mistake in the letter. She was overthinking may be. But she also knew Zaviyar. He was a very sharp minded person. May be because of the profession he was in but he had a habit of looking through tiny and unimportant details. She had seen him doing this way too often. So why would he get this fact wrong that she was a pro at making tea. Coffee wasn't her forte and could never be.

Tired of back and forth arguments and counter replies in her own mind, she sat up straight on the bed when Sohaira peeked inside the room.

"Harram?"

"Hun?"

"I thought you were asleep. Do you have the keys to your house?"

"Yes, why?"

"Zara auntie wants me to go and fetch some of your clothes. You need those as you are going to stay here only."

Harram nodded.

"I just go and get into my chadar."

"What?"

"What? I'm coming along."

"No, no! Zara auntie has specifically asked me not to take you along."

"I'm not backing down here, Soha. You can go tell Amma this."

"She had an important work at the university so she's left."

"Even better. Let me get my chadar."

Soha didn't say anything further. She knew how stubborn Harram could get. But taking Harram to that house? Zara auntie had told her how Harram had lost control the last time. Was it safe to do this? She had no time contemplating it seeing Harram fumbling with her purse clad in her long black chadar.

"Let's go."

_______________________

The whole bucket of cold water had brought him out of his dazed state. Getting his hearings, he looked around at the place. From one dungeon to another, that was some progress. Adjusting to the dim light he focused at the figure in front of him. The middle aged man was scowling at him.

"Seems like you are up."

"I'm. But your way of greeting good morning sucks, Sheraz."

Sheraz shook his head taking the seat right in front of him. His eyes were boring into the messed up state of the guy in front of him. He wasn't beaten up but the numerous drugs he was given to keep him asleep had messed up his state. But there was still a challenge in those eyes. That if it came to fighting even in this state, he wouldn't hesitate. That was his spirit. That had always been his spirit. The reason why he was a trusted fighter and officer. Major Zaviyar Ali was called a tiger not for nothing.

"I'm not here for any word play, Zaviyar."

"And do I look like I'm here for playing freaking dumb charades?"

"This nonchalance isn't helping your case. So let's get to the business. All your stuff has been checked. Some even given back to your family. Where are your car keys?"

Zaviyar didn't look least bit affected by what he was saying.

"I haven't driven it for almost a week. How'd I know where are the keys?"

"Don't try to be smart here, Major."

"I don't have to try. I'm not you."

A vein popped in Sheraz's forehead. Zaviyar leaned into his chair as if he owned this cellar. And Sheraz knew he did.

___________________

Soha was looking at Harram who herself was taking out her clothes and dropping them into the suitcase. Zaviyar's clothes were also getting mixed up but she was putting them aside while caressing them like a prized possession. When his black jacket came into her hands, Harram had stopped. She was looking at it like remembering something she had never forgotten.

"Harram, give it to me."

Soha took the suitcase from her and started packing her stuff once again. Harram gave a last look to the clothes and walked to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm just here. It's been long I've breathed in my own house. Let me please."

Soha didn't say anything. Passing through the lounge Harram stood close to his bookshelf. All his favourite reads were piled up there neatly. She was told Mrs. Aneesa had sent their house help here every day to clean up. That was the reason it was looking fine and not even a speck of dirt could be found. To the right kitchen was situated. Harram took small calculated steps and stood leaning against the fridge. Opening it, she looked inside. The bottles she herself had filled up, the food she had made the last time. Closing the fridge she came to the containers where the entire regular used things were put.

"I'm going to ask this one last time. Simply. Without doing any harm. Where are the keys?"

The person opposite to him still looked uninterested.

"That I'll rack my brains later for. First you tell me one thing; you are threatening me about some harm. Does it even come under your work description?"

It was a straight hit. Sheraz immediately reached his side and held him from his hair. The once silky strands were now an overgrown mess.

"One more word and I'll break your neck."

"The higher authorities will break your back, Sheraz. Don't you remember the policy? Not even a scratch."

"If I tell them how pathetic of a bitch you are, they'll happily give me the right to break all your bones."

"Go on. Try."

His confidence was way to upsetting seeing the situation he was in.

"One thing is for sure, your car keys are important. Okay, don't tell us. We'll find them our own way."

A fleeting moment of dread passed through him but he immediately shrugged his shoulders.

"Try all you want. I don't know where those are and I don't think anyone else also does."

Sheraz kept on looking at him. He stared right back but his heart was beating like it had a mind of its own.

"Harram, decode the message, please. You can do this. Decode it."

A prayer left his heart but his hard eyes didn't give off anything. They were in a stare down with Sheraz.

Harram stood close to the containers. Her eyes looking straight at the tea box placed right in the wooden wall. The P.S was echoing back in her mind. With narrowed eyes she pulled it out looking at it like it was the object of her out most interest. It was the same. Like she had used countless time. Shaking her head she pushed it back on when the faint sound of it hitting something reached her eyes.

Whipping around she stared at it with confusion written on her face. Pulling it back out she checked for anything unusual when her eyes fell on the empty space from where she had taken it out. There was a crack in the wood there. With shaky hands, she pulled the piece out and sure enough, there was a small drawer there. Smaller than geometry box. Her heart was thudding in her chest. It wasn't easy to look into it so she pulled her hand forward and plunged into it.

Her hands collided with metal and plastic. A combination she was very much used to. Taking out the thing her eyes grew wide.

His car keys.

With a chit attached to the key ring.

"Keep. Safe. No one can know."

____________________