To choose between shameful victory or honorable defeat is nothing you should do without thought of the consequences. While many may only see it connected to the art of war, it is a way of life.

An example is shown clearly in this book I am in. The Lily in the book tried to walk the path of shameful victory.

She was about to lose her beloved prince, and rather than accepting defeat, she began using dishonorable methods to win. Still, even then she failed, and because of her actions she was killed in public.

As for Darius... he appears to be considering his answer for a good while. Perhaps he has figured out that this question means more to me than just your average dilemma.

Darius looks up determinedly and replies boldly, "A shadow-guard is not dishonorable, but I would probably choose honorable defeat... I want to protect people and that is honorable."

....

I hold in sigh.

"Darius. The only reason you realistically choose a shadow guard over a normal one is to tempt the enemy into attacking you. Rather than a normal guard that prevents an attack, shadow-guards are used that way to give you an excuse to attack those who fell to temptation while appearing justified. It is a trap that increases the probability of war rather than keeping peace."

I stare at him calmly as he soaks up my words.

"But they attacked first, so it is honorable to defend yourself," he insists while furrowing his brows.

"We are not perfecting the art of war, we are defending the art of peace," I retort sharply. He looks confused at my words and considers them for a while, but I am not done with him yet.

"Guarding aside, sneaking and backstabbing will never be honorable behavior, and it is certainly not behavior fit for a knight. You are not acting as the virtuous knight you should be. A legend going 'and thus knight Darius snuck up behind his enemy and stabbed him to death' will never come to pass. Even then, do you still want to become a shadow-guard?"

I remind him of the consequences of what he has thought of as natural, and how he steps away from the path that he is required to follow as a knight. Honestly, if it had been one of my soldiers and not Eric's, then I would have had him sent home. He doesn't fit in. Darius' magic is strong and very effective, and he must have gotten this position because of that... but as he is right now, his behavior is unworthy of his title as a knight.

"...I do."

He looks determined. Even more so than before. I take my three breaths of thought before I continue.

"I see. Then, when we return I will recommend you to the Salender army and the armies of the northern marquesses. Those are the only ones that would take in a shadow-guard."

He stiffens.

"I am only loyal to the Celeste!" He bursts out as he realizes that my final question from before was not a test of his determination, but a test of whether or not he should stay in our army.

I watch him quietly, but I have no intention of changing my mind on this.

"I have no need for a shadow-guard. Eric does not do things those ways either. Despite your dreams and loyalties, this is reality. You cannot fulfill your dream at our side."

Darius is now split between his loyalty and his dream... and it shows... his eyes begin to glisten with frustration.

"... is there no way you will accept me?"

His tone turns bitter, and he clenches his fists. It is all too clear that he feels like the world is against him... but he never made a realistic choice to begin with. Going up to a tailor and saying you want to be their blacksmith apprentice is not going to get you anywhere. He's simply the wrong place.

"You would do brilliant as a scout. That is the only way, but even then you would never be my guard. You cannot fulfill your dream here. If you insist on staying, then whether you rise to the role of a knight, or degrade yourself to the role of a scout is up to you."

I don't give him wriggle room. This is a choice he should have made when he decided what army to join or when he got the offer to be knighted. However, he has tried to do everything at once without properly making a decision, which has put him here. I don't like the idea of giving career advice to someone shady, but right now he is under my care.

Darius is quiet for a long time. His gaze is cast down while thoughts whirl appear to whirl around in his head. It wasn't the plan to deal with Darius this way, but the reason behind his behavior was different from what I had expected. Any light nudging wouldn't work against someone that brushed it off with a 'they do not understand my dream'.

As for me, I've only seen something like a 'shadow-guard' once. It was an unpleasant experience for the few seconds it lasted. An enemy courtier walked past me, and little hints of footsteps followed above the ceiling... I didn't sleep well that night.

For reference, the enemy I walked past is from a clan known to me the most dishonorable and manipulative of all. Not only do they deal with... with brothels...

I hold back a rush of nausea at the thought. They also deal with poison, drugs, blackmail and spies... their armies appear and disappear out of the blue and you never have the correct number of enemies when it's them. Their hobbies? Making people lose composure. They enjoy putting wasabi and other... overwhelming spices in their visitors' food and make other disturbing dishes that truly do not belong on a breakfast table. All just to make you lose composure and grimace at the sight or taste and thus make you breach etiquette... I believe Gilbert would have fit into their clan brilliantly, and so would Darius.

I peer back over Darius that is still stuck in thought.

"You can delay the decision for after we return. However, if you choose to do so, then you must make a choice now to either return, or act as a normal knight and stay with us until we meet up with the Tepet army."

I gave him a temporary escape. Deciding the direction of your life in an instant while being under pressure is unwise as well. In the end, all I need is for him to clean up his act until we return. After that it is his path to choose fully.

Darius looks up at me with a somewhat dejected look. He has finally realized he cannot have everything.

"I will follow you..."

Unexpectedly he wants to stay.

"Very well. Then I believe we are done here. You will be practicing the sword and shield every night until we get to the battlefield."

He puffs up a bit as I take away his favorite weapons.

"I can hold my own in a battle!"

I stare at him quietly, but I don't mind reminding him that the sparring he has been doing till now is different from reality.

"We are not approaching from the front where the Tepet army is. If you lag behind you will be surrounded and die. The bow is out of the question. The knives will be tossed and either blocked with a shield or enemy magic making it useless. Precision doesn't matter when they can use power to make it harmless. That leaves you with a couple of knives against swords and shields and spears. Against a shield line your knife won't be heavy enough to even tire the defender's arm, and the range difference between knives and spears is too big, you will get hit at least once while trying to get close. Those things are faster than you expect, they don't exactly let you grab it or stab it past you."

That is the cold and harsh reality. Knives may be acceptable when you get in a very tight clutter battle, but if you're fighting against armored foes, they'll just block you with an arm or sword and bash you with the shield, or block with the sword and slash you down. You'll have to sneak up on them, and not get noticed by the enemy's friends while doing so. Dishonorable, and inefficient when someone faces you. You won't have the time to change back to using a sword.

Darius doesn't complain any further. He isn't stupid, so he understands what I just said. One on one battles are not the same as mass battles, and the balance of weapons change a lot under those circumstances.

I prepare to stand up as Darius asks me one last question.

"What about you, would you chose honorable defeat or shameful victory."

I look over him calmly as I consider how to form my answer. The answer was made many, many years ago... and even despite my death it will not change... even... even despite the losses made, it will not change.

"Once it comes to lives, people tend to chose the path of shameful victory. They get afraid to take that extra step and bring the honorable behavior onto the battlefield where lives are at stake... so much can go wrong, and losing is terrifying. However, it is a terror you must not fear, and an ideal that must be brung onto the battlefield. Even an enemy should be shown sincere courtesy. If the enemy is dishonorable, then they shall be punished... however, you should never stoop to their level. That is the path I walk as- me." I want to say 'my clan'... but that is from a life that has already passed. In the end I leave it at this.

I step out of the tent to head towards dinner, and to let Darius contemplate what he wants to do from this point onwards. With this I temporarily close the case of what to do about Darius... which leaves just Peony.

I may have my... suspicions.. when it comes to Felix. However, he has proven himself worthy to be here despite his... semi-criminal background...

[AN: If you're interested head off to Lily's Memory Box for #askRei]