Every night her thoughts weighed heavily on her soul but every morning she would get up to fight another day, every night she survived. ~ r.h. Sin



Sydney's POV

Fate can be cruel as fuck sometimes. One day Anthony was leaving me for another girl, and the next, some pyscho bitch was chloroforming me and pulling me into his military-grade SUV. You know, just your regular weekly round up. But things haven't always been this fun. At one point Anthony and I were basking in the haze of the honeymoon stage, and psycho bitch and I were enjoying more of a long distance relationship.

I guess I should explain how that semblance of normality morphed into a shit show. Though, the details of everything leading up to my kidnapping just seem so tedious to me now. But, you wouldn't be here is you weren't interested...or maybe you're bored by me already—not that I blame you. Cole used to say I can be a pompous bore. I'll try to rein in my arrogance and keep my profanities to a minimum—no promises though.

Anthony—though I called him Tony—and I had been in the same math class since fifth grade. See, we were those weirdos that were actually good at math, like freakishly good at math. Somewhere around seventh grade I began to realize my growing attraction for this fucking idiot I had geometry with. Since the other kids in our math class were usually a few years older than us, we always ended up working together. I definitely didn't complain.

Eventually we made friends with some of the older kids, but by then Tony was one of my best friends, and working with someone else wasn't the same. We'd study together at this hole-in-the-wall coffee shop even though we both hated coffee. Turns out, though, the pastries there were the shit. In addition, we ran track together in the spring...which I was okay at. I thought it would help me with my fluctuating weight. Tony, on the other hand, was the best distance runner on the team. But we spent a lot of time together, proven by our constant banter that began to border on flirting—albeit extremely juvenile and cheesy.

It made me feel special though, because school sucked. I lived in a predominately white area, meaning I stuck out like a sore thumb. Plus, me being the youngest in most of classes didn't help. And let's not forget my braces, coke bottle glasses, acne, and fluctuating weight since apparently my body hated me. Kids can be so damn mean. That's why I looked forward to math. Although, lunch and history were pretty great. Those classes were with Kalinda, my best friend. She would always bring extra dessert her mom made for us to share. Those two made school bearable and helped me step out of my shell.

Tony and I had been at this flirting shit for months. Then the worst thing happened. Tony's sister was killed in a car accident and I watched him shutdown. So every day, I was there to provide support. If he didn't want any guests, I was there helping his mother in the kitchen or tutoring his older brother in math. When he finally agreed to go to therapy, he asked meto be there with him. I went to every session with him, stayed up late on the phone talking until he calmed down enough to sleep, and let him cry on my shoulder. We visited her gravestone and Tony told me all these stories about her and he asked me what flowers he thought his sister would like. And when Tony was ready, he let me know.

We were sitting in his room after school working on geometry when I had just explained proofs to him because he'd been absent for the lesson. I turned to ask if he'd gotten all that and I nearly pissed myself when I saw how close our faces were. He said my eyes twinkled when I was explaining the concepts and then he leaned in to kiss me. Basically, we dated from April of eighth grade up until February of the next year. Over the summer, we ran together, and I began to shed some of the baby weight. Though, he was still faster than me and possessed more endurance. Still, I scraped together the cash and joined the high school soccer and track teams. So, we continued to run together.

Being with him was better than any rollercoaster or shooting a game winning goal. Doing the most mundane activities were like an adventure, and hours with him felt like nothing. Everything was going smoothly until a little after freshman year started.

Maria had a lot of classes with Tony. I was one of the first to get my temporary license, and a family friend sold us his old car. So, I drove Kal and Tony home after practice—not that it was legal just convenient. He soon began walking out with Maria, would bring her up in conversation, defended her if anyone spoke against her whether she was present or not, and invited her to activities that were originally just for the friend group.

01000011

One day Kal and I were waiting for Tony. I needed to get to work.

Tony showed up, twenty minutes late, apologizing and asking if I could drive Maria as well. Maria gave an apologetic smile and said she could wait for her brother. Well of course I drove the bitch, you think I'm some selfish cunt? My boss was pissed. I was pissed.

That Friday before the football game, Tony and I talked. He assured me there was nothing between them. We spent an amazing homecoming together, along with Kal, Halle, Nick, and Dylan. Things again went back to normal: hanging with friends, advanced math with Tony, spending as much time as I could with Kal, working, and studying. Again, I won't bore you with the all details.

01101111

January, some of the upperclassmen ran unoffical pre-track workouts. One day, Tony told me he needed to talk with me about something. That same day, Maria landed wrong when doing box jumps, so Tony walked down her down to get ice. I had to leave early for work and then stopped at Kal's to help her with math while she helped me piece together a rough draft for my essay.

01101100

It was dark by the time I got home. My body felt heavy and my head throbbed. Neither my parents nor my brother were home, which was weird since at the very least my mother—a private school teacher—would be home by now. Sometimes my brother and dad would work late.

Flipping on the light bathed the tiny kitchen in a pale yellow pallor. Everything stood in silence, only broken by the hum of the fridge and a distant car alarm. My stomach growled, so I began to scour the cracking kitchen for something to eat besides dried up condiments and moldy bread. Eventually, I found a frozen pizza that had apparently expired a year and a half ago.

I put that in the microwave while changing into a tee shirt I won for free somewhere and my brothers old basketball shorts. After finishing my dinner, I sat on the couch to wait up. As I was ready to call it a night, headlights shone through the front window, followed by jangle of keys, and my exhausted parents entering.

"Hey, guys. Where's Aaron?" I asked stepping over to them.

My parents shared a look before telling me to sit down. They had been at the hospital. Aaron needed a heart transplant due to some recessive defect that he had the shit luck of inheriting. We didn't know much of our genetic history either. My mother had copper skin with a full head of ebony curls, sapphire blue eyes, monolids, and never knew her parents. My father spent the first few years of his life on a reservation before his mother moved to the city for work and he never knew his father. Our background was a jumbled mess, and my mother didn't exactly have top of the line pre-natal care. That costs money.

Hospital stays are also crazy expensive. Not to mention a heart transplants can climb into the hundreds of thousands. And Aaron had dreams of being a doctor which meant undergrad and med school. All of this on the salaries of a teacher and construction worker. While my parents believed I was mature enough to know this, they assured me they'd take care of it. I texted Kalinda and Tony before crying myself to sleep.

Just when I thought things couldn't get worst, I found Tony alone with Maria. Trying not to be the crazy girlfriend, I planned on walking away until I heard him say.

"Look, last night was a mistake. We can't keep doing this. I'm dating Sydney," Tony told her, regret lacing his voice.

"I know, we never should have had sex," Maria agreed. Holy shit! They did what?! Did he cheat because I wouldn't put out? We never really discussed that sort of thing. I mean we were only fifteen.

I was so lost in my thoughts of hurt and homicide that when I looked back they were kissing.

Ha, homicide. Is anyone else seeing the irony here? Oh shit, where was I?

I stormed away after that and worked with someone else in trig. At workouts, I asked Julia to be my partner. Afterwards though, most of my anger had dissipated enough to ask Tony what he wanted to talk about. He tried to shrug me off and underplay it. When I insisted, he said it can wait, since I didn't need more after yesterday.

"Look, just tell me. I'd rather deal with all my shit at once rather than prolonging it, I sighed, "I know it's about Maria."

"How did you...you saw us," his brow creased, and those chocolate eyes that once made my heart swell, now just made it shatter, "I didn't want you to find out this way. It was a mistake, but it won't happen again."

I paused for a second before I said something that surprised me, "No, we're done."

I think my words stung me as much as they stung Tony.

"She makes you happy, and I'm not going to stand in the way of that. I see the way you look at her. It's how you used to look at me." It looked like he wanted to say something, but I kept talking, "I hope we can still be friends after this, but I'm still human. And it still hurts. I'm gonna need some space." I readjusted the strap on my duffel bag and began to walk away.

"Syd, you're just gonna give up like that?" he called after me.

I turned back around and sighed again, "I'm not going to fight for something that won't work."

"It was only for a few months," Tony pleaded, "I'm so sorry, Syd. I've ended it. I'm willing to stay with you."

I should be happy, right? That he still wants me...but God...months. Am I that naive that a few months seems like a long time for something to be a mistake?

"The fact that you're willing to stay makes this all feel like an obligation. I mean cheating once is a deal breaker for me, but God Tony, you've been doing it for months. How am I supposed to believe you care about me and you won't do it again when you've been making the conscious choice to put yourself in a situation that holds the potential to lose me?" I demand as emotion clouds my words and tears threaten to fall.

Guilt, hurt, and confusion are splashed across his features, "Syd, I'm so sorry. I messed up. You're my girlfriend."

His clear dismissal of everything else I expressed stings, "Not anymore. Goodbye, Anthony."

I drove to work, only to return later that night for a basketball game that not only Kal but Aaron insisted I go to. I never saw the appeal in basketball and finally slipped out as fans watched in anticipation. It had been a close game.

It was just beginning to grow dark when I stepped out into the parking lot. Clouds blanketed the sky as a frigid gust of wind sliced through my thin sweatshirt.

There was a car parked annoyingly close to the driver's side of my car. Jerk-wad's car looked like the average SUV caked in road salt. I couldn't see through the dark windows but figured I could still squeeze in. Honestly I was cold and sad and wanted to go visit Aaron before visiting hours ended. As I unlocked my car, jerk-wad's door swung open and a sweet smelling cloth clamped over my nose and mouth. Panic flooded my body as I began to scream and squirm—trying to elbow his face, stomp on his foot, hit his groin. I managed to land a few solid hits by sounds of a sickening crack of this person's nose and a deep grunt when I kneed his groin. These allowed some respites from the chloroform.

But as the minutes carried on, my reaction time slowed, my fight dwindled, and my eyelids felt heavy. As much I tried to fight it, I knew my body was succumbing to the effects.

"Good night, sweetheart."

The last thing I saw before going under was a cold smile on psycho bitch's face.