*SOME MENTIONS OF MATURE CONTENT*

"This is a little like hell. Almost romantic."

Sydney's POV

Fuck him. I don't need him around if he's gonna be a dick. Who the hell does this motherfucker think he is? I know you've gotten a little sneak peak of the twisted shit I've pulled, but trust me when I say this boy isn't any better than me. Anyone in this line of work has pulled their fair share of fucked up shit. No one has survived this long without getting blood on their hands—so to speak.

My parents are going to a boring ass business dinner tonight so I opted to not join them. I figured I'd pick up some take out from somewhere and spend the night blankly staring at the TV as I convince myself that the movies aren't a coping mechanism to escape reality for a bit. But when I say it out loud like that, it sounds a little more depressing than it did in my head.

Damn, I could really go for some homemade Bolognese. I swear Mrs. Russo's homemade Bolognese really did hit different. The local grocery store had a pretty mediocre imitation that I guess I'd have to settle for. Tonight, I just didn't have it in me to cook for myself. I head into the store and pause at the bakery looking at the assorted cookies and cakes.

"Syd?"

Tony. Shit.

"Hey, man," I say, purposely coming across as dismissive.

"I'm sorry about earlier...and everything else. I was a total ass to you before you left a-and when you came back. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. But, I do miss you, and if it makes it any better, Maria broke up with me," he blurts out, taking me by surprise and grabbing my full attention.

I stand there for a second like a deer caught in the headlights with a box of cupcakes that I planned on stuffing my face with tonight.

"Uh, thanks...and uh...sorry about Maria," I offer before setting down the cupcakes and attempting to formulate a smooth exit.

Tony shifts his weight, "Thanks...i-it's fine. My mom sent me out to get extra cocoa powder for the tiramisu."

God, her tiramisu had to be made with straight up crack. What I would give for a piece.

"Okay, well have fun with that," I try to walk away.

"The invitation is still open," the words seem to spill out of Tony's mouth, "My family would love to see you and not just because you used to be my girlfriend."

I paste on a smile, "That's...sweet, but I don't want to invade. Things are different now."

"Not really," Tony chuckles, "My dad has been reading about the Sydney Reed's state ranking in cross country and my mom wants to know if you're gonna come around so you can discuss those true crime documentaries you used to watch together."

Fuck, don't do it, Syd. But the food and...he seems so insistent...

"I-...I guess I could stop by for a bit. I do really miss your mom's cooking."

Tony stumbles slightly. "Wait...really? Alright, come on!" he flashes me a blinding smile, "Then let's go check out! Everyone is gonna be so excited to see you."

01110011

I park my bike in the turn around and follow Tony through the garage. He keeps gushing over how much his family missed me and how they're 'gonna get a kick out of seeing me again.' Tony opens the door for me and motions for me to go in.

Everything looks the same as I remember—shining hardwood floors and perfectly placed family pictures hung on scuffed walls that show signs of kids growing up here. A warm glow from the chandelier hanging over the foyer bathes the home in a golden glow as heavenly scents waft from the kitchen.

"Tony, is that you?" his mom calls from the kitchen, "You better have the right cocoa powder!"

Tony chuckles as we head over, "Don't worry, Ma. I'm not completely incompetent. That title is reserved for Luca."

"I heard that, asshole," Luca calls out.

Tony smiles before replying, "You were supposed to, dipshit!"

"Language, boys!" Mrs. Russo calls out.

We follow the aroma and arrive at the kitchen as Mrs. Russo is instructing Luca on something before turning away to do something else. The tiramisu sits on the counter in front of her awaiting the much-anticipated cocoa powder. She begins to say something before looking up and stopping short when her eyes land on me.

"Sydney! Is that you?" her brown eyes crinkle in a smile as she wipes her hands on her apron, "Oh my God, Sydney. It's been forever, dear. Come here give me a hug."

Luca's head whips around and a smile graces his face.

Mrs. Russo embraces me and I wrap my arms around her as the scents of French vanilla linger in her silky coffee locks. Her angular features have gained some wrinkles since I've last seen her but she's still as beautiful and full of life, "My God, who did that to your face? Are you okay, dear? Oh, your hair looks so beautiful! I could never quite get my curls to looks like that."

"Thank you, Mrs. Russo. It's wonderful to see you too, and I'm fine. Just a little accident but that's been taken care of," I assure her.

Luca hugs me too, "Hey, Little Reed. Good to see you again!"

"Come on, Luca. I'm not that little anymore," I grin, "At this point I'm only a few inches shorter than you."

"That's true, but Big Reed is your brother, so then what am I supposed to call you?" Luca retorts.

"Uh, Sydney?" I supply.

He just chuckles and goes back to work. Mr. Russo comes home from work and sets down a bottle of wine before kissing his wife. He is elated to see me and asks about the season as we help set the table. At dinner Luca tells me all about college and all the people he's met and experiences he's had. Mr. Russo continues to talk to Tony and me about cross-country season since he also ran cross-country and track in high school. The food is even better than I remember. Mrs. Russo asks about school and we discuss the latest true crime news. I smirk to myself as she brings up the bodies of some of my targets that have been found. I offer some theories and discuss the statistics and probabilities of certain variables until the boys get grossed out. So, we serve the tiramisu and eat until we're all stuffed. We continue eventually going from discussing true crime to matters of the latest on cybersecurity as we all work to clean up. She appreciates that I can understand and laugh at her nerdy jokes since Tony won't humor her as much.

Afterwards, Tony and I hang out until Mr. and Mrs. Russo head up to bed. They tell me again how wonderful it was to see me and to stop by again. Luca sticks around a bit longer and we talk more about college and an internship he got at a local physical therapy office. He's applying to PT school and has gotten an apartment and a girlfriend. Then he asks about what I've been up to. So, I give him some vague details before some of his college friends invite him out and he wishes me a good bye before heading out.

Left alone, Tony and I head to his room in the basement, which always kinda bugged me since I loved the windows in my room, but he made it cozy. We could play music pretty loud without disturbing the rest of the house, however, and that was always a plus. Tony opens the door and I take it all in. Same beige carpet and navy walls with his running shit hanging by the door and double bed tucked in the corner.

"Didn't I tell you my family would love to see you?" he smirks as he sits at his desk, "My whole family loves you."

"Your family is always fun to be around. That was great," I agree and sit on the corner of his desk, careful to not disturb anything.

He chuckles and goes to his speaker to turn on some music, "What're you in the mood for? I need something chill."

"Mac?"

"Damn, you read my mind," he nods before music begins to leak out of his speaker, "Sorry, I didn't mean to change the subject. But tonight, was fun. Just like old times."

We both pause as we register what he just said. He clears his throat and fidgets in his chair before suggesting we watch a movie. We agree on some feel-good classic before sitting down on his bed. He leaves a respectable space between the two of us, but I crave his touch. So, when I return from the bathroom, I purposely sit down next to him. He shifts as I pretend not to notice and subtly touch him or brush my hand against his leg. And as I let out a laugh in response to the movie, I feel his gaze on me and turn to look at him.

"I missed your laugh, Syd," he states and I instantly look over at him as he gives me a sad smile, now cursing myself for how close I sat to him. I got too caught up in the nostalgia from tonight.

My chest tightens and my heart rate increases. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? 'Lol, oh yeah ditto, bro?'—come on.

Tony swallows, pauses for a beat, and continues, "I missed your smile. And your touch. And your smell. I missed bitching about integrals with you and getting milkshakes after practice."

"That...that was a long time ago, Tony. Ok? We were..." I sigh and turn my head away from him to look straight ahead, "They were good memories, and tonight was really fun and nostalgic, but...I think I uh...I think I should get going."

God, I don't want to go.

"Just please let me say this," he pleads. I need to leave right now, but I can't make my body move. When I don't move, he continues, "I was such an ass to you. I'm sorry I cheated and I'm sorry I didn't try harder. I'm sorry I was too late. I never stopped thinking about you when you were gone and I know that makes me sounds like such an ass, but Syd. It's always been you. Maria and I- You know, it was just easy, but it doesn't make it right."

How can his words make me feel so small sitting on this bed? I could snap his neck in 12 different ways and leave no forensic proof of my presence here for fuck sake—not that I want to do that...it's just an example. Work with me here, I'm kinda freaking out right now. The point is I could end him easily and yet I'm struggling to look at him because of a few pretty words.

Tony gets up and I become startling aware of the absence of body heat. He kneels down in front of me and looks up at me, "Can you please say something? Or react? I can't read you anymore. Your face is always so blank and you're always so closed up."

I blink and consider allowing my facial feature to soften enough for me to emote—not that I really know how I'm feeling right now to express anyway, but I digress.

"I became closed up, because I learned that people can't be trusted," I simply state, almost automatically with my features still stiff and blank.

Tony sighs and I just want to reach out. To pull him into my arms and feel him wrap his arms around me and to feel him hold me tightly—like he doesn't want to let go. In a way, people wanting me like that felt suffocating and yet I never stopped craving that feeling.

"Do you want an explanation? I cheated because I was stupid and impatient and thinking with the wrong head. I let my ego get in the way because she was like this fantasy that every boy in the grade wanted. And she wanted me and I was insecure and stupid and let it happen and it was wrong. But you were the one who was always there for me from getting picked on for being that nerd freak, to my sister, and pulling it together for our physics project," he breathed a slight laugh as a small smile curved around his lips. He cautiously reached out to grab my hand and I flinched away. Defeat and hurt fell upon his features and he dropped his head.

I reached out to cup his cheek and he gazed up at me in shock. I felt my face soften enough to allow some emotion to pass over my face.

"You should know by now, I'm smarter than you."

He breathed a laugh again and a grin returned to his face. He stared at me with such intensity like if he blinked some spell would break and the moment would be over. I drop my hand from his cheek as his gaze follows my movements. On a whim, I join him on the floor.

"We were good together," I start, "But things ended for a reason. You and her weren't this one off. You guys have been together for a while too, and we have this really messy history." I'm choosing my words carefully to minimize damage while also trying to deescalate the situation.

"Did you not listen to a word I said? I never stopped thinking of you. I was overcome with guilt, and me staying his Maria was just me being a fucking coward and taking the easy way out. I missed you. I thought about you. I'm talking to you right now and not calling and texting Maria asking to talk and get back with me."

I scoff. "Oh wow you're talking to me, your ex, instead of trying to beg your other ex to get back with you right now. I feel so special," A bitter laugh escapes from my mouth, "I'm just an easy rebound to you. I knew this was a bad idea." I get up.

Tony grasps my wrist and I know I could have had him neutralized before he even realized what was happening. Other men have done worse to me—or at least tried to. So, maybe I let him because a part of me wanted him to. To push him away just to see how much he'd try to pull back. To see how much he still cared. It's toxic and unhealthy I know, but at the time...

He pulls me back toward him. Even in that split second before his lips crash onto mine, I know I could've have stopped this. And as his lips part and lightning seems to course through my veins I could push him away. But I part my lips in response and deepen the kiss as he brings up a hand to cup my cheek. And even though I can pull away at any moment, I press myself into him more and more until we're toppling over with me on top and our lips never leaving each other. I feel his arms wrap around me and he hold me—tight like he never wants to let go and I swear I could get used to how it feels in his arms.

His hands go lower to cup my ass as he scoops me up and lays me onto his bed before crawling on top of me and returning his lips to mine. He stops and pulls back to look me in the eye. And when his gaze meets mine I see everything in his beautiful brown eyes—the fear, the anxiety, the excitement, the lust.

"Syd-" he breathes unevenly. I know what he's doing. He's gonna ask if I want this. If this is real.

"Don't stop. I want this," I whisper and pull his back towards me.

His lips meet mine again without hesitations and he kisses me slowly like he's savoring every moment. He runs his hands all over my body as I thread my finger through his hair and under his shirt. His lips trail along my jaw down to a sensitive spot on my neck and I gasp out his name as his hand cautiously brushes under my shirt that's already ridden up. My hand guides his hand up to my chest as he traces teasing circles. I shift to unclip my bra and when he feels the change in tension of the fabric his instantly responds, rubbing and playing with both before he finally replaces his hand with his tongue.

"God, Tony. Please," I moan.

I trail my hands lower eliciting a low groan from him. He sits us up before pulling off his shirt with one hand and then pulls off my shirt and bra before returning to my chest. Clothing disappears and as I lay there in his sheets, he takes everything in—the tattoos, the scars, the bruises, and burns.

"Still beautiful as always, Syd."