*MATURE CONTENT*

"The worst part of love is that I remember it. I walk around all day thinking: I'm going to die in the universe you loved me in. I get so jealous of euthanized dogs." ~ June Gehringer

Sydney's POV

Sunlight streamed through the little window near the ceiling and his scent engulfed me. It had been a mistake to stay, but after I peed I couldn't help but climb back into bed with him. He held me and traced each scar with his finger with such a tender look in his eye. He gently kissed the still healing patch of skin where the lock picks had been and the burns from the explosion. He told me how beautiful I was. How he missed me. How he never wanted that moment to end. And we fell asleep together, because it just hurt too much to leave.

For a moment, I let myself believe it could happen. He'd be my boyfriend and I'd be his girlfriend. We'd exchange gifts on Christmas eve and go to Henry's huge new year's eve party and kiss at midnight. His family would welcome me to family dinners and we'd go to prom together and spend the summer together with our friends. We'd go camping and to concerts and swimming in our friend's pool. And then the reality of the moment bloomed in the pit of my stomach and a feeling of deep emptiness carved its way through my chest.

Sun bounced off his features and he look so beautiful and peaceful. His soft lips and dark lashes and his annoyingly perfect eyebrows.

I had to leave.

I started to move, but his arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me back into his warmth. His eyes flickered and slowly opened to meet mine before a sleepy grin spread across his lips.

"Don't leave yet, Syd. I don't want this to end."

He lazily reached a hand up before tenderly running his finger down the scar on my face before tracing my bottom lip. His gaze followed his hand before he paused and he moved his hand down my arm and around to my back where he began to draw circles that sent chills through my entire body. Everything inside of me wants to nestle into his shirtless chest and fall back asleep. In my head we could wake up and maybe have sex again and then get up and shower together, eat breakfast together, and spend a slow Saturday together on the couch.

He places a kiss on my forehead and I almost melt. And then he moves his hand from my back to tilt my chin up to meet his lips and I really do melt. His touch is still as gentle as last night—somewhere between scared I'll shatter if he's too rough and full of so much care and lo... I don't want to think about that word. But it's too much. Too many emotions. Too much tenderness in his touch. Yet, I deepen the kiss and his body is more than responsive.

He pulls back to look at me and all I have to do is give him that look before he breathlessly pulls me back into a passionate kiss. With our warmth intertwined, skin against skin, and our bodies tangled together all logic flies out the window. He rolls on top of me as his lips travel over my neck and across my chest, leaving me breathless. I run my hands all across his body feeling every curve and dip of his lean muscles.

"Tony," I breathe out and for a moment time stops as his gaze burns into mine, "Don't be gentle this time."

As if some switch is flipped, his lips are on me making me feel ecstasy. His name leaves me lips endlessly, crying to God to keep going. And before I know it he's hitting the right spot every time, forcing me to grab one his pillows to muffle myself. He moves the pillow to meet my lips never once stopping.

Rough, animalistic, and beyond blissful he brings me to climax before finishing. Tony cleans me up and carries me into his bathroom where we take a hot shower. I sit in one of his shirts sipping coffee he made me as he runs my clothes through the laundry. Saturday morning cartoons play on the TV as the dryer buzzes in the background and Tony tilts my chin up to meet him in a long sweet kiss before walking out of the room to grab our clothes out of the dryer. I pull on my cotton thong on first and reach over to grab my bra.

"Oh here lemme help," Tony grins before pulling his shirt off me and staring at my chest, "Nice."

I smack him lightly, "Pervert," and pull on my bra with one hand and my shirt with the other.

He smacks my ass as I shimmy into my jeans and wraps his arms around my waist as I finish buttoning them.

"Why don't we grab breakfast," Tony murmurs into my ear before placing a kiss on my neck, "We can go to that one diner you like."

I turn around to look him in his beautiful dark eyes and grin. We used to go to that diner all the time and get milkshakes after practice or grab dinner after those long evening track meets or lunch after morning tournaments. And on occasion, we'd grab breakfast on weekends or before late starts. The waitresses knew our names and the cooks would give us extra fries. The coffee was watery as hell and they always overcooked their sausage links, but otherwise it was a cute, cheap little diner.

"Tony, last night-"

"And this morning," Tony chimed in with sing-songy voice.

"And this morning," I continued, "was fun, but let's be honest I was just your rebound after you and Maria broke things off. As much fun as it was, hooking up with an ex is such a cliché."

I stepped away from him and sat down to put on my socks before standing up to yank my jacket off the chair. My phone buzzed on the side table. Texts from my parents asking where I was lit up my screen. So, I quickly typed out a text letting them know I was fine and that I had stayed over at a friend's house. A hand rested on my shoulder. It took a second for me to suppress the initial instinct to grab and neutralize my target.

"Syd-," Tony started.

"I should really go."

"Syd, would you please look at me?" Tony's gaze met mine, "You're not just some rebound. Or a cliché. I meant everything I said last night. It's you. I want you."

I shrug his hand off, "Tony, you're great at telling pretty lies and making empty promises. But, even if you were completely serious about us, how do you think this is going to look?"

He looked at me confused, "Since when did you care what other people think?"

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, "I don't, but I know you do. Maria is varsity track. Beautiful. Smart. Popular. And I'm some tattooed skank that half the school is afraid of and the other half thinks I'll suck them off for a six pack of beer. If we're seen together, everyone will make their own assumptions knowing we used to date and then I'll be a slut and a homewrecker. And you'll be the disgraced ex that did Maria dirty." I didn't mention that she was also white and I was very uh...not. It felt like I was beating a dead horse and I wasn't sure he'd fully understand.

"I don't care what they think. I was stupid before. I was a dumb 15 year old virgin who was psyched that the pretty popular girl wanted to have sex with me. I was stupid and I messed up, but it's not worth it if it means I can't be with you," he gently grabs my hand before tilting my chin up to meet his eyes, "Syd, I'm trying not to make the same mistake again."

Fuck.

This is such a bad idea.

And he has no idea about everything else. He'd run the second he heard what I've really become. The boy breaks under pressure. Or worse, he stays when he doesn't want to out of some weird sense of obligation to prove he's changed. And let's be honest, I'm a fucking mess. He should not do this. And neither should I. Last night was a mistake. Staying was a mistake. This morning was a mistake. But God those mistakes felt so damn good. Even if we wouldn't have the most batshit toxic relationship, he still needs to stay away for his safety.

"Look, Tony...we had fun, but come on. What we had was just a little kid crush. That was forever ago and we've all grown up," a deep sadness bloomed in my stomach and pain ached in my chest, but I kept a straight face and my gaze direct, "I don't feel that way about you anymore. And honestly, I don't think you do you either. We were just emotional and nostalgic."

His expression broke, "You...you don't mean that."

"I do. Cole and I kinda broke things off and I was feeling shitty, but it didn't really mean anything. I'm sorry if you thought that last night and this morning meant we were getting back together, but-"

"Sydney, I'm in love you!" Tony grabbed my firmly by the shoulders, "And I've been in love with you since freshman year."

How mean is he gonna make me be so I can leave? I could talk about Cole and tell him how in love I am with him, but I'm too mad at Cole to give him the satisfaction of using him and the l-word in the same sentence. I could tell him I don't feel the same, but that didn't stop him from dropping the l-word. And he didn't just say he 'loves' me he said he said he's 'in love' with me.

"If you being in love with me means getting cheated on when I needed you most, then I don't want that kind of love. Were you in love with Maria too or were you lying to her?" I stared him down as a mix of shock and hurt marred his handsome features, "Tell your mom thank you for dinner, but I should go."

Anthony was still processing what I'm saying and it gave me enough time to slip upstairs and step into my boots and out the door.