"All your fury is to hide a fragile heart." ~ Ghassan Kanafani

Sydney's POV

I felt bad about not saying a proper goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Russo, but I had to get out of there. I pulled on my helmet and kicked out the stand before throwing my leg over the bike and slowly backing up to redirect myself towards a path onto the street. My eyes burning as if begging me to cry. Pleading to react. But I physically couldn't bring myself to allow that. I held myself together long enough to fill up the tank and then headed out.

Past the white picket fence prison of manicured lawns and prying, judgmental eyes.

Away from the bad memories and past the part of town we used to live.

And out into the long lonely stretches of road. If only I could just keep going and just disappear forever. I did it before and everyone seemed fine. God, it'd be so nice. So easy to slip through the cracks. Existing in between fleeting glances and forgotten faces. How lovely would it be to simply fade out of their minds?

But I can't. I need to finish this. Because this, this is bigger than me or my wants or desires. I made promises to those whose families will never know what became of their kid and fosters kids who no one seemed to care about. For the all the kids who had the innocence and love for life beat out of them. For all that was taken from us because of the bad hand we were dealt and a system that forgot about us.

And Tony...he was just a speck in the abyss of cruelty that those monsters put us through. They took everything from me, and left more than a few scars. So why was Tony one scar I couldn't get past?

Why couldn't he have this realization before he starting hooking up with Maria? We would've had sex eventually. I just wasn't ready then. I grew up as the fat kid and was still deeply insecure of my body. Of my hair. Of the color of my skin. Of how different I was from everyone. God forbid a boy seeing me without any clothes on. I thought he knew this and understood. Why did I let him see all of me with my new body? What makes me worthy of his love and alleged loyalty now but not before? Why is it now that my body looks more like Maria's he finally has the balls to say something to me? It's not that simple though. It never is.

But Anthony was never the reason I returned. It was never my goal to come back and prove anything to him. Or convince anyone that loving me was worth it. That I was worth it. I can't forget why I'm here—all the work I've put in. Things were moving fast and the big five, now big three, have to be onto me. It's time to take them out together before they take me out. I need to contact some people, call in favors, send signals, and put the final part of my plan into motion. And of course it's these damn boys distracting me and getting in my way. Typical men.

No! No, I need to stay focused. No making snap judgements and moving too fast. I've only been let loose for about five months. And already two of the big five are dead, compared to the zero dead during the almost two and a half years, closer to 28 months, I was undergoing training to working as a full-time assassin. While there is no solid evidence that traces me back to those deaths, both of them being ruled suicides, the big three aren't idiots. They know this can't be a coincidence. As much as the big three value the skill and deadly force at which I operate compared to the others, I'm not that naïve to think they wouldn't deal with me if I stepped out of line.

Even now they've brought in a new cohort of kidnapped trainees and I heard rumors. Currently I've moved funds to allow for my peers to have enough money to live comfortably on their own terms, therapy, a chance at a normal life. But this vigilante justice carried out by unwilling children. It has to end. I know many have no other community to turn to. No family. No support networks. We've discussed terms of their life post-the big five. Those are still in the works, but a lot of us just want to get back to our lives and our families. Even those without anyone are tiring of the bloodshed and the emptiness it leaves you with. We were all still old enough to remember what it felt like to be a kid and to want to get back to siblings we were separated from, partners, friends, parents...

For now it's time to do the smart thing and lay low, and I will continue to be a valuable asset to the big three. The Sofia assassination was a big one. She killed just as many people with her drug business as her bloody turf war. That, and her dealings were messing too much with the big five's export and trade dealings. They were able to leverage some of the politicians in their pocket by promising to take care of her and her organization. Without her, the clamor for power just leads to smaller coalitions of the remnants of her once formidable empire.

The open roads were always so calming and feeling the speed of the bike as I cruise around curves and take swift turns. But I finally pull off to the side of the road despite not seeing a single person for miles and miles. Honestly, I wasn't paying attention to where I was so I may be slightly lost but that's was the maps app on my phone is for. Once I get my bearings, I pull out a new burner phone and dial. They pick up after exactly three rings.

"It's Sydney. Lock everything down until further notice."

"Understood."