R I L E Y

It had been four days since we'd arrived at Delphinium's home. We'd only encountered her grandmother—a stern, businesslike woman that reminded me of the overseers at the orphanage—a few times. She seemed to always be out during the day.

Most of the others were gathered in one of the sitting rooms. This house was larger and even less familial than Jaxon's had felt, so it was understandable that they might want to stay close together. Kane and Arlo were engaged in a game of chess while Benton watched on, occasionally chiming in to tell them he knew several ways to win already. Finn sat by the window and stared out at the wide view, ignoring Arlo's loud bragging. Jaxon was taking a break from building whatever it was he'd brought from his house and tossing a knife into the air, somehow catching it by the hilt every time. The crime lord came and went as he wished, not caring to tell anyone where he was going. As for Delphinium, we saw her as scarcely as her grandmother these days.

I wondered if this was how the crew always was. Finn had told me about the fight they'd gone through when Benny turned them all against each other. But they seemed to have pulled themselves back together, especially in the wake of Marcella Krasowski's betrayal.

I didn't look up at them. Though I still didn't trust them entirely, as they could clearly be dangerous if they wanted, I was jealous. They had what I wished for all my life—a bond so strong they might as well have been family. I might have once been a part of it, but I wasn't now. I didn't know them, and because of it, I was an outsider in their little group.

It made me want to know who I used to be. At first, I couldn't care less and simply wanted to get back to my normal life at the orphanage. But as I became more involved in this life and heard stories of what I'd done, I began to wonder. Would I rather be her than who I was now? Was she ever able to escape the loneliness and sadness of her past life?

I didn't want to broach the subject with any of the others. They didn't seem like the type for pity, which I hated anyway. But I couldn't say it to them, couldn't admit I didn't like who I was now that I'd heard who I could be. I didn't want them to know I was pathetic enough to feel weak and lonely and sad. Hell, I could barely admit it to myself. I had to be tough and guarded—a life in the orphanage had taught me to trust no one. And that would include my fellow criminals.

Through lowered lashes, I saw Delphinium walk into the room. She didn't smile even when the others voiced their greetings to her, possibly because Benton was in the group. It was obvious to even me that she was wary of him after what he'd done.

To my surprise, she stopped before me. This time, I looked up from examining my nails. "We need to talk," she said.

My face pulling into a frown, I asked, "About what?" Had we been friends before, gossiping about God-knew-what? She certainly didn't seem like the type.

She sat down in the chair next to mine. "You don't know how you lost your memories, do you?"

"No..." I dragged out, still suspicious. "Finn filled me in on most of the things I'd forgotten but he never said that." I shot a glance over her shoulder at the boy in the corner, face angled away from us to peer out the window.

A single nod. "I thought so. He wanted me to be the one to say it."

"What? What happened?" I hated myself for being so eager for the answer, but I was becoming ravenous for information on who I was before.

"There was a fight. It was when I was still...under the power of my master. You and the others were sent to take me down, but of course, I fought back. And I fought back a little too well. You tried to sneak up on me while Jake distracted me from the front, but I knew. I knew you'd be brave and crazy enough to do something like that. So I crushed you with a boulder. I thought I'd killed you, but it turned out..." A second passed. "It turned out you'd hit your head hard and lost your memory."

When she was done, I simply leaned forward, elbows resting on my knees. There were too many pieces to focus on in the information she'd just given me.

"It was me." Her lips barely moved. "I did this to you."

For a moment, I just stared at her. She was strangely two-sided—murderous one second and quiet and shaking the next. A normal person might have thought her to be erratic or dangerously unpredictable. And maybe she was. But I wasn't a normal person. I knew too well what it was like to have to cover your fear behind a mask.

"I should be angry," I said slowly. "I should be furious." Part of me wondered why I wasn't; my emotions burned fast and bright like wildfire. But now, eerily enough, I wasn't feeling any of them.

Her eyes were still on me, searching my face. Intelligence laid in their depths, and I knew she was trained in finding and exploiting information. But still, I felt the ability to tell her, "But I'm not. I'm not angry. How can you miss something you never knew? How could I hold a grudge over something that I don't remember?"

"I'm the reason you no longer have those memories." Her voice was nearly a whisper, as if she was ashamed even admitting it out loud. "I'd do anything to get them back for you."

I showed no outward sign of it, but that hit me hard. No one had done anything for me before, much less anything of this magnitude. It made me wonder if the old Riley had loved these people—dangerous and unpredictable as they were.

"Finn also said you had no control over your abilities at the time." Why was I being so gracious, so accepting of what she'd done to me? That was a thought that kept rattling around in my brain, even though I knew the answer.

It was because she was like me. Not in the obvious ways, no. But I could tell when someone was hurting; I'd felt enough pain myself to recognize it in others. Inside her light eyes was the weight of the world. And something told me she might need someone else to shoulder the burden.

"No, I didn't. My master completely controlled my mind." She looked off into the distance and her eyes went slightly unfocused. She must have been reliving some memory of that time. "But...I should have been stronger. I should have been better. If I was, none of this would have happened. You'd be yourself again."

"I don't blame you," I told her, surprising myself as I said it. "Even if you were somehow better or stronger, from what I've heard, your leader would have still gotten you somehow. What they did to you is not your fault." She said nothing more, but her silence was amicable and I wondered if I'd said exactly what she needed to hear.

She'd also just made a mention of who I used to be. And before that, she said I'd been crazy and brave enough to attack her from behind. Was that something I'd do now? I wanted to know more. Perhaps if I learned my history, it would begin coming back to me.

Delphinium was a fearsome assassin, a skilled killer, from the stories Finn had told. But he also spoke about how brave she'd been in the mission to destroy her evil enslavers. He said she'd fought for good, even if she believed she wasn't good herself. And I believed both sides of his narrative. She was dangerous, more dangerous than I'd first thought. But something soft and compassionate hidden inside me ached for her when I looked inside her eyes and saw myself.

Then I knew it for sure: I could ask her. I didn't trust her, not entirely. But something told me she'd understand more deeply than the others.

"Who was I?" I asked, the words coming out softer than I'd intended.

Delphinium didn't seem surprised, though she did take a moment to give her answer. "You were...wild. Not in a bad way—wild like a fire or a rushing river. You were bold and confident even when I wasn't. And fearless—all those snakes and spiders and poisons you had. I was wary of it at first, thinking you might be an enemy, but..." She shook her head. And added as an afterthought, "I don't know if Finn told you, but you infiltrated an Imperium fortress all by yourself without having planned anything. That's what made it possible for us to burn it to the ground."

I listened to her with rapt attention, greedily taking in every detail. It almost felt like she was telling me a story of someone else. But that had been me. I'd overcome all the issues I'd left the orphanage with and had somehow become someone to be proud of. Someone who people might have even looked at with admiration, if Delphinium was to be believed.

Now I was even more unsure of whether I wanted my memories back. The person she described sounded like everything I wasn't, but everything I wanted to be. On the other hand, if Delphinium was any sign, we'd been through hell. She clearly carried a piece of it in her soul. That meant I probably did too. What had I done to survive?

Both of our attentions were pulled to the front doors, visible through the wide entryway. Jake Evans walked through them and inside the house. Glancing over at Delphinium, I was slightly surprised to see her watching his every movement. But not in the same way she watched Benton's. No, this was different.

The crime lord sauntered down the hall, probably aimed for his room. But when he reached Kane and Arlo, he stared at the board for a moment and then told the former, "Move your queen to E5."

After a split second of realization, the strongman obeyed and said, "Checkmate."

"Thank God," Benny said, watching his brother. "You were beginning to bring shame to our family name."

"You do that just fine yourself." Jaxon laughed at Kane's quiet jab to his brother.

Ignoring the siblings' bickering, Arlo said to Jake's retreating form, "What the hell, Evans? I thought we were friends."

Jake didn't stop walking away. "None of you are my friends." His voice echoed over the marble.

Across the room, my gaze caught Kane's. Even from here, I noticed what a nice shade of brown his eyes were—light enough to be golden in the sunlight. He looked away first, directing his attention to back to his brother and Arlo.

"Why does he look at me in that way?" I asked Delphinium, still eyeing the strongman.

"Who, Kane? What do you mean?"

"I mean the way he looks at me...it's like the way you look at Jake."

Her eyes narrowed and she seemed unsure whether to continue the conversation. "Like what?"

My lips curved up. "You look at him like he put the stars in your sky." I'd been with men in the past, but none had looked at me like that. Not like the silent strongman did.

A weak, "Oh," was all she seemed to get out. She seemed eager to get off that subject when she said, "Kane cares deeply for you. You could make him do anything for you. He doesn't open up or express himself very often, but I do know that for certain."

"Did I care for him?"

She gave a breathy laugh without really smiling. "You could say that."

"Did he and I ever...?" I waved a hand in the air, searching for words that wouldn't be too lewd, for once.

But she knew what I meant. "I don't know. As I said, he's secretive." She must have seen something in my face to add, "Jaxon told me a while ago he thinks you did."

Eyes still on the golden boy across the room—who happened to be doing a brilliant job of pretending I didn't exist, I said, "Well, if I remember, I'll tell you first."

She let out another breathy chuckle. I tore my gaze from Kane and gave her a smile, wondering if I'd made my first friend.