Hereford Base; GIGN Dorm

June 22, 2021

Derek POV

You stood outside the door of the GIGN Dorm since Gustave thought it would be better to have your report done here and not in the Medical Wing with all of the NightHaven members. You hesitated at first, but you finally raised your fist and knocked on the door. After a minute, Emma answered the door.

Twitch: Hi, what're you doing here?

Derek: Hello, um Gustave wanted to see me. It's my first day of my Psychological Report.

Twitch: Right, come on in and just sit down on the couch.

She opened the door all the way and you walked inside and sat down on the couch.

Twitch: Could I get you anything? Coffee, Tea, something along those lines?

Derek: I'll just have a cup of tea if that's alright.

Twitch: Green, black, ginger... Earl Grey?

Derek: I'll just have Earl Grey.

She made you a cup of tea and set it down on the table with a coaster.

Derek: Thank you darling.

Mute: Calling my girl Darling now?

You looked over and saw Mark standing in a doorway not wearing a shirt

Derek: Just being polite Mark, I'm still recovering from my last relationship so you've got nothing to worry about.

Mute: Just pissin with you.

It took you a second then a thought clicked into your mind.

Derek: I'm sorry, did I interrupt something? Because you don't have a shirt on and her clothes seem rushed.

They both looked at eachother and Mark cleared his throat

Mark: We um... might've been fooling when you knocked on the door.

Derek: I'm just gonna empty out my mind of these last 5 minutes.

You heard another door open and saw Gustave exit his room.

Doc: Oh good, you're here.

Derek: No one else in this dorm is getting knocked up right?

Doc: You learn to drown those two out. Now how're you feeling today.

Derek: I mean, I feel alright. Backs hurting a bit since I fell asleep on a chair, but I got some tea.

Doc: Good, how was your visit with Sean.

Derek: It was good, it was nice to see him recovering after that whole ordeal.

Doc: If you wouldn't mind, if you could lay down and make yourself comfortable. It's gonna be a bit of a session.

You took off your shoes and laid down on the couch resting your neck on a pillow.

Derek: If I might ask, are we keeping the company for this?

Doc: Every word you speak stays here. Harry doesn't need to read the report. Only whether I see you best fit to be cleared. Plus, it'll be a learning experience to speak your mind with others around you who aren't as close.

Derek: Well alright then.

Doc: To start things off, what was your early life like?

Derek: My early life? I'd have to say that it was peaceful. My father was still in the military so I rarely saw him in my early years, but my mother was a loving woman. She enjoyed nature and making sure we were always smiling and laughing. Mix that with Ashley and I couldn't have asked for a better family.

Doc: Your mother sounds lovely, did you have any hobbies?

Derek: Um I did, I was very into hockey. Would play all kinds of it, but my most favorite had to have been street hockey.

Doc: I'm familiar with ice hockey, but not with street.

Derek: Its basically like a normal asphalt road. But the rink is asphalt. Gear is all the same except you would use just your normal shoes.

Doc: I'd imagine that sounds painful whenever you skid across the ground.

Derek: Oh yea, lots of road burn. One mess up or cheap play and you were feeling it for the rest of the day.

Doc: Poetic.

Derek: But um yea, after my sister enlisted in the marine corps, me and and a couple of my mates from our league went out.

Doc: What were you guys doing?

Derek: Just normal teenage things like walking around, pulling pranks, hanging out in a place. It was a good night, until we started heading back home.

Doc: Is this the night that it happened?

Derek: It is.

Doc: Before you start talking, I want you to realize that you can take it slow.

You took a second to take a deep breath and once you exhaled you started to talk

Derek: On the night of October 12th, 2015, we started to walk back home. As we got closer to town, the gun shots and smoke became alot more noticeable. Our first thought was our families, then it was concerning for our safeties. We were always told to think for ourselves when a situation comes up that threatens our lives. So they ran.

Doc: And what did you do?

Derek: For the first time in my life, I ignored what my father told me. And I ran to my home. Biggest mistake if my life, and the thing that made me the man you see right now.

Doc: What did you find?

Derek: I found my home, windows shattered, door busted open and broken off the hinges, bullet holes lined the walls. My mother was dead in the kitchen, clothes torn with a throat slit. My father, the man I looked up to and admired? He was thrown over the coffee table with 5 bullet points in his chest. And my little sister, I um... found her in her room and um same situation as my mother. Clothes torn, on her bed, throat slit.

Doc: And as a young boy yourself, it must've been a hard experience.

Derek: It was, but it's also when I got my first kill.

Doc: Your first kill?

Derek: I was upset and angry. I wanted to get back at those who did this to my family. So I went upstairs to my parents bedroom. Unlocked the gun safe and took out my father's Gen 3 glock 19.

Doc: The same one you possess today?

Derek: Its slightly modified to my liking, but yea. I took it, I left my house, saw a mask roaming the streets and without thought... I shot him... with every bullet in the magazine.

Doc: So is that what started your will for wanting to enlist?

Derek: No, I've wanted to enlist ever since my Father taught me the ropes and told me stories. This was just my first act of fighting back, and I wasn't satisfied.

Doc: Something traumatic can cause someone to lash out. Now what was life in the orphanage.

Derek: Well since my sister was deployed, I had no family to rely on. I locked myself away unless I had school, from that day forward I wore a half mask to school and a balaclava back in the orphanage.

Dox: So this was when you concealed yourself.

Derek: Yes, if I wasn't at school I was in my room with the only activity being that I kept my father's Glock clean.

Doc: You did that everyday?

Derek: Until I was 17, yes. They broke my mind, I broke my body.

Doc: What about your school life?

Derek: To put it simply? I was the kid nobody wanted to talk to. Pretty reasonable though, you find out a kids backstory and now he's some quiet anonymous kid who just radiated with negative energy.

Doc: Nobody reached out to help?

Derek: Pfft why should they? They didn't know who I was and they couldn't give less of a damn. All it did was give them rumors to spread and a reason to single me out. Nobody wanted to help the kid who had nothing, nobody wanted to help fix his shattered heart, and nobody cared about how he felt when he was slammed against the lockers getting the only change he had taken from him. They demoralized my father as a joke and they labeled my older sister as the barracks bunny.

You closed your eyes and let a tear roll down your face until it met your balaclava.

Derek: They knew everything, and yet they still saw it as an opportunity to make my life an even worse hell. Junior year comes around, I turn 17, enlisted in the marine corps and never looked back after that.

Doc: And your life during basic?

Derek: What is there that you don't already know? I wasn't good at receiving orders. I preferred to run my own way, and it fucking worked. My father's lessons came into play and I was very good at what I was doing. We graduate basic, the ones I knew in my squad saw their families. I had no one.

Doc: But this was after you opened up to her, right?

Derek: Still never introduced myself to her family. The only time I did, was after she passed away. I had to go to their home and deliver them my condolences. Both her and Felix impacted and John and I heavily.

Doc: We're Felix and John...

Derek: Oh God no, they were almost like brothers.

Doc: My apologies, so whike he delivered condolences to Felix's family, you did the same with Anna's family. How did that go?

Derek: As good as it gets, trying to make light of the situation and trying to toughen out a few tears. I didn't want to show weakness in front of my lovers father. But he saw right through it.

Doc: What did he say?

Derek: Not what he said, it's what he did.

Doc: What did he do?

Derek: For the first time in years, he embraced me. Even after breaking the bad news that his daughter was killed in the line of duty, he still saw me the same way she did.

Doc: Because you can't blame yourself for what happened. He understood that.

Derek: It wasn't just him, it was all of them. Her mother, her two younger sisters, and her younger brother. They all made me feel wanted.

Doc: You said before that she wrote letters home, did she know your story?

Derek: She did, and it's why they didn't blame me. She worried for me, and they worried for me after losing more of those that I loved.

Doc: Have you visited them?

Derek: Besides her father visiting me in Quebec, I haven't seen them since.

Doc: From the way you put it. With your story about your family and also her own still showing that you are one of them, that you're emotionally detached, you've forgotten what it feels like to be loved.

Derek: Guess you could say that.

Doc: And to help cope, it'd be a good idea to go visit them again.

Derek: *sighs* Maybe you're right. But I can't leave base for the next month.

Doc: With the report I give Harry defines whether or not you're out of duty, it doesn't specify on taking a mental vacation.

Derek: Hm, guess you're right.

Dkc: Now then, for more serious matters on why Harry requires this report.

Derek: What is it?

Doc: We need to discuss your PTSD.

Derek: *laughs* Gustave, I don't have PTSD.

Doc: Derek, every action you do, whether it's you relapsing on past memories, acting out after having another person close to you get hurt, and when you hear the sound of a weapon firing when you aren't focused.

Derek: I don't consider them PTSD.

Doc: Derek, you had a short episode after you heard a balloon pop.

Derek: Ok fine, maybe the shit I experienced in 2018 gave me a small dose of PTSD.

Doc: I think it goes further than that. I think it first started when you were a child. You were young, and you saw many things. You're traumatized.

Derek: Its not who I am.

Mute: Derek, it's ok to be yourself.

Mark walked over to you and reached for the bottom of your balaclava and slowly lifted it off your face.

Mute: Just for this session, don't be Colt. Be Derek.

Derek: I don't like feeling weak. Showing it got people killed.

Doc: But being stubborn only made others worry.

Derek: This feels more like a therapy session than it does an exam.

Doc: Oh believe me, I know the main source of someone's issues just by letting them talk... and Derek, it's ok to be afraid.

Derek: Being afraid made me second guess my shot, being afraid is what got then killed. It shouldn't have happened if I just stayed calm.

Doc: So then we can work on that.

Derek: Dont be disappointed if it doesn't work.

Doc: Now the last thing for today's session Derek, is I want you to read the note.

Derek: You want me to read the note she left for me to read?

Doc: Think of it as a way of opening up.

You sighed as you sat up and reached into your pocket and pulled out the note.

Derek: *clears throat* Dear Derek, it's odd to be writing you this letter when I see your face every day. However, I feel as though this will be the right time to, since we graduated basic training. We truly don't know what lies ahead of us, so think of this as my afterlife message to you incase this instance happens. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I found the one. Your ocean blue eyes looked so tired but they showed no end, I just couldn't stop looking away from them. They told a story, of a scared child growing up and walking the path of his father. And I'm proud of you for how much you've changed in the short time we've known eachother. It's why I love you, because you were always learning something new, and you always got so excited to come tell me. It was comforting knowing that I could be your outlet and also help you experience the good in life. You're a great guy, and people should see that. It's why I wish that you open up to others the same way you opened up to me. Because everyone deserves to see the Derek I experienced. Not the scared child or the man who hides behind a mask. But the Derek who is loving, smiling, laughing, glowing. I will forever consider you the one I chose to love, and I will forever be watching you. Learn one last lesson from me, keep growing. Until we meet again, your one and only, Anna.

You folded the note back up and put in your pocket

Doc: So then, what do you plan on doing?

Derek: The only thing there is left to really do. Keep helping those that need it most.

Doc: You're not doing it for revenge.

Derek: No, I'm doing it because no one should have to live through the same pain I did. Be the person people look up to, not a man people fear.

Doc: But the important thing is that you need to keep on growing.

Gustave sat up from his chair and placed his notes in a folder

Doc: I believe this will be the end of our session, I'll let Harry know how this went and also ask that he allows you to leave for the week to spend time with Anna's Family. Does that sound alright?

Derek: It sounds perfect.

Doc: Great, you did really good today Derek. Saying what's on your mind takes alot of courage, but you did it.

You felt a hand slap your shoulder as you turned your head to see Mark overlooking you from behind the couch

Mark: I'm proud of you, you really grew during that small time frame. Keep doing that. Keep being that man we just saw.

Derek: I'd still prefer my identity secret, but maybe you're right. Maybe it's time to stop being so careless...