"What doesn't kill you, fucks you up, mentally."

**************

Nikolas's POV

Guilt could make a man like me do indescribable things. Anything, I was ready to do just anything, but didn't know what, or even how.

The grief, the shame, and the sorrow tumbling down inside my chest, the chaos enveloping every part of my brain, it pulled me down, heavy, my mistakes are so heavy I could no longer carry them and move on with this life. Their weight had me dropping to my knees in front of her, hoping, wishing she could believe me for once, believe how sorry, how devastated I am, how even if she moved on, I'll never be able to.

The man who did those horrible things to her, he wasn't totally me. He was the darkest most twisted part of my soul, the one like Isaac said, is still there, it will always be there, haunting me till the day I breathe my last.

Guilt...it is the strongest feeling I've experienced, even more powerful than love itself. Isaac knew that, it's why he brought Cara here and not Natalie. He knew her mere presence was enough to break me down faster, and the truth is...he did. He accomplished something big when he made me admit what I admitted. Physical pain aside, I've never felt weaker my whole life.

So weak. So fragile. On my knees, in front of the woman, I wronged most in my wake. I have so much respect for her, things I wanted to say but couldn't put into words and express through letters. Respect, because how was she able to get through that? How is she not out there trying to ruin me back for what I did? How did she ask Isaac to stop when he was hurting the one person who hurt her the most? How could she be the perfect mother for him? The perfect wife who didn't get between me and Alex, who still lets him be by my side? How is she able to do all of that? Can she teach me some? Because I am stuck in this dark pit since the day I was born, and I just can't crawl my way out...

"What...what are you doing?" Her words came out breathlessly, her hand on my shoulder, pushing me away, "Get...get up," She added, a weakness wavering within her words.

My eyes flickered up, meeting hers, they were wide and glassy, a war raging behind them, shock evident in the tears that stood by the threshold refusing to drop down as she stared back at me. The anger from before subduing, the rage fading away and for the very first time, there was something utterly different in the way she looked back at me...like for once she understood the depth of my sorrow and guilt.

I kneel to no one, I said and I meant it. When you've been through what I went through, your pride is all you have left, the one thing you need to protect at all costs, but her...she wasn't just anyone, and I hoped for once only that she could see that.

When I didn't budge away, when I was too weak to move or speak anymore, she changed her seating, moving off the couch and lowering her body to the ground, uncomfortable with our previous position. Her hand pressed over my shoulder, nudging me backward, "Sit normally," She mumbled, before she sat down as well, leaning her back against the edge of the couch, and leveling herself with me.

Silently, we both just sat down there on the floor, across from each other, a small distance separating us, her gaze down on the floor, refusing to meet mine now. Swallowing past the rock lodging my throat and cutting off my airways, I lifted my hand to my face, wiping at whatever emotions I couldn't trap inside any longer. This day was slowly taking everything away from me.

Cara pulled her legs up, hugging her knees. She rested her chin on top of them, her eyes drifting to me, nervousness eating her up, fighting within herself, as if trying to find something to say back but failing. I shook my head, "You don't have to say anything," I mumbled, taking that burden away from her, signaling that I wasn't waiting for a response, "I just wanted you to know how sorry I am, I wanted you to see that I would never," I shook my head, "Never hurt you again, in any way," I added.

She blinked, staring at me and assessing each word, listening as I spoke, "I want you to be sure that I would never come and take...Max away from you," My chest tightened, my heart burning with a big burden, threatening to break free, to crack and splinter under the heavyweight of this affliction, "I don't want you to be scared of that anymore," I shook my head, "I know that you have no reason to trust me, but Cara, you saw me with Lilly, you know just how much I love her, and that part of me, the one that would die for that little girl, that part would never even think of taking your son away from you."

It was hers. Not mine. I made my peace with that fact even before he was born. But still, it doesn't make this shit any easier.

She stared at me, silent, searching my face for something, for a clue to prove the truth behind each spoken word. A few seconds and she nodded her head, maybe believing me or just trying to believe. I was okay with either at the moment.

I lowered my gaze, sucking some oxygen to my aching lungs, the physical pain surging through my body was agonizing but I couldn't let go just yet, I couldn't let it consume me whole, not when we are still here, not till she is totally safe and back to her home. I let my eyelids drop down for a second or two as I clung to the flicker of strength I had left somewhere. A groan fought its way out of my throat as the burn on my chest and back intensified with every passing second.

"Don't let him hurt Max," Her soft voice had my eyelids opening up, turning to her, "Please," She added, the fear flashing in her eyes reminded me of the one that consumed me whole when he dropped his picture in front of me, exposing the possible various ways he could break me more.

Everyone around you is at risk. Including your own son.

His words still rang loud and clear in my head and apparently it is roaming hers as well. I felt no anger at the moment. I couldn't possibly feel anything but the pain, inside and outside, ripping me into pieces.

I shook my head, "He won't," I said, the words fighting out of my constricted throat. The whole purpose of what he did was to show me who got the upper hand, who has more power, who can break the other faster. I touch what's his, he touches what's mine. This was a warning, a loud threat, a challenge, and unfortunately, he won.

"Don't worry, I won't let it happen," I added, hoping she can finally put her head and sleep, knowing that they're safe. My own messed up life can't keep intervening with theirs, stealing their peace and comfort at every chance.

She gave me a low nod, her gaze dropping down to the floor, her fingers tracing the patterns over the carpet, the situation awkward as it is, out of everyone, it's her and me stuck within the confines of these four walls. I didn't know if she was uncomfortable still with my presence, she didn't say much but she probably is, it's still me after all, nothing gonna change that anytime soon.

Pressing my palms to the floor, I gathered myself and got up to my feet, Cara's eyes followed my movement, her gaze flickering up and I explained, "I will go look around, make sure no one followed us," I said, needing to do that and fishing for a way to let her rest alone.

She got up as well, wiping at her pants to remove the dust away, "Just try and rest, I am pretty sure we're safe for now, I will just be checking around and in a couple of hours Alex will be here, so-" I said, already taking a few steps backward, needing to leave here because I didn't know what else to say.

She gave me a nod, settling on the couch again. I turned my back, heading for the door when she suddenly called my name, "Nikolas," I turned around, trying to understand what more she could possibly have to say, "Don't hurt her," My eyebrows pulled closer and she carried on, "The girl you talked about, I am supposing she is the one from the restaurant," I nodded, confirming her theory and she added, "She looks like a nice girl, so just...don't hurt her."

My heart clenched tight, her first thought ever is that I would just hurt whoever is in my life now, not that Natalie is in my life anymore, "If you wanna make up for the mistakes of the past, then you need to make sure never to repeat them again," My gaze drifted down and her next words proved my current thoughts wrong, "And I am not talking about me and what you...did," Her jaw ticked, something else washing over her gaze and she looked away, composing herself before she turned to me, "Look, I get it, okay, you are not that person anymore," Her eyebrow raised and her tone was bitter, because...why did I choose now to change? Why didn't I change before I made all those mistakes? Why didn't I see how wrong it was from the very start? I bet she's thinking about all of that now...

"Then, what are you talking about exactly?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I am talking about your life, and the way you live it, all of this," She looked around us, addressing the situation we got stuck in, "Even the truth, which I am sure you are keeping hidden from her," She added, "All of this will end up hurting her somehow. Just bringing her into your life will hurt her, and I am sure you know that."

She scoffed, "The thing is, I am not saying that it's just you, it's me, Alex, it's Roman and Emma, all of us, it's our parents, it's our blood, and it's a curse...it feels like loving or being with any of us is almost like a death sentence," She is right, it's a curse, an affliction embedded deep in our bones, a one we can't escape no matter how hard we try, "So, it feels stupid, and well rather selfish to bring anyone else into this."

"We suffered," She shrugged, like suffering wasn't that big of a deal anymore, "So, let's not make more people suffer as well," She added, her tone strong and fed up with what this life keeps pushing our way, "You want to correct your mistakes, you do just that."

I knew that, from the very start. From the second I felt myself seeking comfort in Natalie's presence, from the first time I stared at her eyes longer than I should, from the time I knew what she tasted like, the first time I caressed her soft delicate self, the first time I hugged her and realized just how little she is in my arms...I knew, I knew we had no future, we stood no possible chance. I knew how my darkness will consume her light, and not the other way around.

I knew that her story and mine will end up in tragedy only.

I knew but I couldn't fight it. The monster found his solace in her arms. The way she looked at me, no one ever looked at me like that...but it's only because she doesn't know me. It's...complicated. But it's over anyway. It's over for me. Natalie chose right by breaking it up from the start, by quitting this before I mess her up some more.

Isaac was right in one thing; The likes of us, they don't get the girl.

It's true, and now, I am giving up on her and on everything else. I don't want to do this anymore, fighting a losing battle with Isaac? I just give up. He wants Nathan, he can keep him. He wants power, he can have it all till he dies one day. He wants to kill and ruin more innocent lives with the way he is ruling...let him. He wants to burn the asylum down with everyone in it, he wants to force more people into the HEX, he can do all he pleases. I am no hero to stop him.

I am done fighting the bad in me, done fighting my twisted dark instincts. Done trying to be good. I internally scoffed. No wonder I could never escape the evil in my head, I can't, it's in my DNA.

I gave Cara a nod, "I won't bring more people into this."

Air pushed out of her chest and she leaned backward in her seat, partially relieved that I agreed to her thoughts. Her eyes met mine one last time, her eyebrow raised, glaring still, "I still hate you, by the way, nothing will ever change that."

I smiled, because I was just too broken to put on any other expression, "I won't have it any other way," I said before I turned around and walked out of the room, ending our conversation there, and closing the door behind.

My eyes fell on that Peter person, leaning against the desk, talking with the receptionist girl. She smiled at something he said before she brought her hand forward, fixing his hat and tucking the loosened curls of his hair under it before she edged her head forward and pecked his lips quickly, both unaware of my presence.

I rolled my eyes and ignored them, making my way outside the door. Some people just have it easy, don't they?

I looked all around the station and the motel, I even gave the opposite side of the road a full scan. Fortounality enough, nothing looked suspicious or out of the ordinary. No one was around, just proving my instincts right. Isaac delivered his message loud and clear, and then he let me go. He saw it in my eyes that I gave up. He didn't need anything more.

So, let him live with his precious heir for as long as he wants. Let him create another monster, it's not my problem anymore.

I stayed outside, in case something happens, and just waited for them to arrive. I leaned my back against the motel's wall, my eyelids dropping down, my shoulders falling down, tired and beyond exhausted. My mind fighting to stay conscious still. The pain was only intensifying each minute, one wound at my chest was burning, like wildfire spreading over every nerve. I pressed my palm over it, slightly bending down, feeling the warmness against my hand and no matter how bad I fought it, an agonized groan rumbled out of my throat, reflecting the hell my body was going through.

I opened my eyes but was met with a blurry sight, my breathing became heavier and I felt like I was about to unravel at the seams. No, no, not now. I brought my hand up, rubbing at my eyes, trying to even my breaths, and struggling to stay awake. I am in no position to pass out now.

"Sir, are you okay?" A voice shook me back and my eyes flickered to the side, falling on that Peter something, his head tilted, lines cut between his eyebrows as he stared at me with a wary gaze.

My jaw tightened and I straightened my back, keeping myself intact as I nodded, looking away and ignoring him, maybe he will get the message and disappear. My eyes stayed focused on the road, hoping for Alex to arrive fast before I lose the flicker of strength left in me.

Feeling his presence still, my eyes went back to my right. The Peter person was resting his back against the wall, a small space separating us, a cigarette in his mouth as he went through his phone, ever so casually. My glare had him turn his head to me, his mouth lifting in a small nervous smile, my unwavering glare had him swallow hard and he straightened himself, extending the phone in his hand toward me, "If there is anyone you want to call-" He suggested.

I was about to reach for the phone, maybe call Alex and see if he is close by, but I decided against it and retreated my hand back. I can't forget how things last ended between us, right before this happened. I bet he is angry still, probably even more now that Cara got in danger because of me. I shook my head, "No, there isn't." I simply answered.

He placed the phone back in his pocket, throwing the cigarette to the floor and stepping over it before he started to walk away, a bit of hesitation in his steps. Then, he stopped and looked back at me. Why does god send only the annoying ones into my life? He scratched his neck, "Uh, not to be stating the obvious or anything," He mumbled, "But you're kind of bleeding," He added, his eyes falling on my chest, where blood was painting the shirt in red.

His eyebrows pulled closer, wincing slightly, probably blood is a scene he doesn't have to deal with on daily basis. Lucky. Look at me, envious of the skinny station boy's life. It doesn't get sadder than this, does it?

"Uh, there is a first aid kit in the station, I mean, if you want-" he added, so nervous for some reason, and his nice gestures making me want to punch him even harder.

Air pushed out of my chest and I nodded, no energy left in me to pull on the strong undefeated act any longer, "That would be good actually," At least I could patch up this wound, stop the bleeding long enough for me to get back to my place.

He started walking there and I followed. He gave me a chair and went off to bring the first aid kit. He came back seconds later and placed it ahead of me, "I would help but I have no clue how to deal with...that," He said, the last word leaving his mouth with a screech when I unbuttoned my shirt and he got to see the mess underneath.

I opened the kit and pulled what I needed, my eyes flickering to him when he stayed silent, his eyes were wide, his mouth gaping as he looked back at me, the color leaving his face and I rolled my eyes as I cleaned the wound, "Breathe, Peter, breathe," I mumbled in mockery, he looked like he would pass out and I am the one in agonizing pain over here.

"How are you even alive," He whispered in pure shock, dropping down on the chair beside mine, his wide eyes still on me as I applied some of the antibiotic ointment on whatever wound I could reach.

"Believe me, I wonder that too every day," I mumbled under my breath, gritting my teeth and suppressing the ache down as I covered the biggest wound, applying some pressure so the blood would just stop leaving and draining me.

I finished up and Peter was watching every move I made, so interested, all he needed was a bucket of popcorn to make his night the more enjoyable. I closed the kit and pushed it to him, rather harshly to shake him back. He pulled it into his lap, his eyes still on me, "How often do you work out?" He asked, out of the blue, squinting his eyes at my body.

What the hell-

He wrapped his hand around his own arm, seeing how his fingers closed over it so easily, proving just how skinny he is. He stared at it, dissatisfied, his lips curling up in annoyance before he let his gaze flicker to me, well not me, my arms...I've never felt so uncomfortable under a guy's gaze. Wasn't he freaking kissing the girl inside? I am this close to pulling my gun...

"You're ripped, like really really ripped," He commented, astonished and I stared back at him in bafflement.

He let out a sigh, "Imma sign up for the gym next week," He muttered to himself before his eyes fell on mine, "Can I ask a favor? You know a guy to a guy....well more like a guy to a man," He said, and my hand was reaching for my gun, more than ready to use it, he is freaking me out, "If you enter the motel, can you like go from the back door, if Massie sees you, she will so break up with me-"

My hand fell from over the gun, my eyebrows pulling closer, "Who?"

"Uh, the receptionist, Matheson, well I call her Massie, but she is uh...she is my girlfriend," He smiled, as if mentioning her alone was a happy moment, "And if she sees more of you, then she will kiss my ass goodbye," His lips curled up, sighing, "You are like way hotter than me."

Was it just the name or the memory of that cat and her owner, was it his stupid words, or just the pain drugging my mind, I don't know what it was exactly but I laughed. I just laughed. A low laugh rumbled off my chest and Peter looked the more horrified at the fact that I actually did anything besides glaring and grumbling at him.

"Oh, and he laughs too," He mumbled, sighing in annoyance as he got up to his feet, placing the kit back in its place and I heard his fading irritated whispered words, "And here I thought he doesn't get any more perfect."

Okay, this is getting very weird and uncomfortable.

*****************

A couple of hours later, the sound of the car from a distance had me getting up so fast and out of the station, my eyes falling to the car nearing, to Alex who's driving, and beside him sat Ronald. My eyes flickered to the motel door when I heard the bells ring to see Cara rushing out, noticing them as well.

The car stopped and Alex went down, Cara was already running to his side and she crashed into his arms. He pulled her even closer, tightening his hold over her body, his eyes dropping down in relief. He pulled back slightly, his eyes looking all over her, saying something and she nodded her head before she pushed herself back into his embrace, securing her arms around his neck, needing the reassurance and finally feeling safe.

I walked closer, heading for the car. Alex's eyes fell on me, and his expression shifted slightly, probably noticing my messed-up state, but he covered up his worry before I could even see it. The muscles of his jaw worked, his arms still around Cara, keeping her tucked up to his side, "Are you okay?" He asked me, his tone neutral.

I gave him a silent nod, moving forward and stopping by the car's door. Ronald had gone down and circled his way to the driver's seat, his eyes fell on Cara, she smiled at him and he waved his hand, smiling as well. Alex opened the back door for her to get in, but she told him to hold on, dragged him along as she walked back to Peter's side, probably thanking him for his help.

Ronald's eyes fell on me, his smile fading and he let his gaze wander all over, "You look like you were run over by a truck."

I shot him a glare, "I am too tired to kill you, so shut up."

He rolled his eyes and went into the driver's seat and I went inside as well as Cara and Alex got into the back seat, and finally, Ronald drove off, taking us away from here. I pressed the back of my head to the seat, my eyes closing as I counted the minutes and seconds for this ride to be over, for me to go back to my place and just be alone.

Minutes later and I blinked my eyes open, my eyes involuntary fell into the rearview mirror, seeing as Cara smiled at whatever Alex said, his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close and not planning to let her go anytime soon. He tucked her hair behind her ear, his fingers gently brushing the skin of her cheek, saying something before he leaned forward and pecked her lips. I immediately looked away, not meaning to intrude into their moment.

I heard him tell her to rest and sleep since our ride home was long as it is. She listened to him, leaning into his embrace, closing her eyes, and finally able to fall asleep after one heck of a day. My eyelids kept dropping down as well, threatening to strip my consciousness away but I kept fighting. Not now, an hour or two more only, then I can let the pain take over.

The drive was mostly silent, a few words were exchanged between Ronald and Alex. I didn't bother to listen to what they talked about, I stayed soundless, my eyes focused on the road, my mind busy in its own messed up world, overthinking every single thing as usual. Ronald paused the car to a stop by Alex's house, and I heard him softly waking Cara up, getting her out of the car, and asking Ronald to come down for a minute.

Alex was talking with Ronald about something, their voices inaudible. Cara answered when they asked something and waited by their side, her eyes briefly drifting to me and I don't want to be hallucinating or hoping for more, but the look in her eyes, it just wasn't like before. They were almost normal...there wasn't that uncontrollable rage anymore, nor the immense loathing from earlier today.

She left their side, moved closer, and knocked on my window. My eyebrows pulled closer as I pressed the button and lowered the window down. Her throat bobbed, "Thank you," She mumbled, "For getting me out of there, I mean," She added, "I am thanking you just because I am a nice person not because you deserve it," She clarified.

My lips twitched and I nodded, understanding. A low sigh parted her and she added, "Let's just not make a habit out of it, okay?"

"Last time, I promise," I said.

She nodded, satisfied. She was about to walk away but stopped herself, contemplating over something. She huffed out, giving up before she pulled her hand up and pushed it forward inside the window and toward me. My gaze fell on it, on the...picture in it, my eyebrows pulling closer in puzzlement, the air leaving my lungs, "Cara-"

"Shut up and take it," She said in annoyance, letting it fall into my lap before, not wanting to. interact more with me as she turned and walked to Alex's side, who had just finished his conversation with Ronald. My eyes left them and fell into my lap, occupied by the picture laying there, gazing at his small smile, at his big green eyes...just like my own.

I felt the weakness take over again, I couldn't take more pain, and I couldn't fight against it any longer. I've reached my limit for one day. Ronald got in and I pushed the picture into my pocket, wanting to hide it from everything and everyone, "Where to?" He asked.

"To my old apartment," I said, my eyes ahead of me and my brain lost, so lost.

When he didn't drive yet, I looked at him, and he was staring back at me, "Uh, but Emma and your mother...they are worried and are asking about you-" Before he could say more, I shook my head, "Tell them I just want to be alone today."

He gave me a nod, but didn't drive yet, "Maybe it's better if we pass by the hospital first," He suggested, nodding his head forward at me, addressing my state, and the hard glare I shot him had him raise his hand up in surrender, "Okay, okay, whatever suits you."

Without any more arguments, he drove me to my old place. I felt his eyes flickering to me every now and then and I just ignored him. He parked the car down and I pushed the door open, tumbling out of the car, a bit unbalanced but I didn't care. My blood felt like it was boiling, it was hot, every part of my body felt so hot, on fire, and flaming. But it was raining and cold outside, so I didn't understand why I was feeling all this fervor.

Dizziness swarmed my vision but I kept moving, heading for the elevator, a few more steps, and I can crash after but...but I failed. My body gave up on me faster than I expected, unable to carry me any longer. Every muscle ached, and pain twisted my stomach, pushing and pulsing. My lungs flared, all the electricity that surged through it, fried it up. It malfunctioned now and I couldn't manage to breathe normally without feeling the whole world turning upside down.

I could feel my blood pressure drop down to scary levels. I could feel the tingling sensation underneath my skin. The burn. The pain. My hand was shaking. Coughs raced up my throat and my shaky palm pressed to the wall, reaching for something to cling into. I felt an arm wrap around my back right at that instance, holding me up, "Hey, hey..." I heard a voice but couldn't understand a thing, I only felt the metallic taste of blood in my mouth, "Oh shit, you're burning up," I heard and someone was helping me move till we reached the elevator.

Once inside it, he pressed the button, his wide blue eyes on me, maybe scared, maybe worried, I didn't know. I plastered my back against the elevator's cold wall, my fingers wrapping over the rail, needing to keep myself standing, needing to just breathe. I blinked but I still saw two of Ronald at the moment.

I felt like I was halfway toward unconsciousness land, both here and not. My eyelids fell down but Ronald's arm came around my back, taking my arm and placing it over his shoulder as we exited the elevator, "We're almost there," He grumbled out, pulling some keys from his pocket and opening my door.

He walked me inside and I pushed myself away from him when I saw the couch, stumbling forward into it. A loud groan left my mouth when my back hit the cushions. My back was burning up too, almost as if I can experience it all again, every time the cane hit, every skin that opened up, and every drop of blood that got spilled. I was reliving it again and I just wanted to pass out, so I won't have to feel the pain anymore but for some reason, I couldn't. My mind refused to give up like my body did.

Coughing again, my body shot forward, my hand going to my mouth, feeling the blood mixed with the white foam leave my lips. I felt Ronald by my side again, swearing, throwing napkins into my palm, and using some to remove the rest from my mouth, "What the hell are you doing?" I managed to say.

"You're scaring the shit out of me, what the hell am I supposed to do," He shot out, glaring, "Let me at least call a doctor or something, I think you got one of your wounds infected, and your body is weak now, after being electrocuted and all that, so it can't fight it off," How does he even know that happened, "So, you better let me get you a doctor or you're going to die."

So dramatic. "If you dare let anyone lay a hand on me, I am going to kill you," I said, "I mean it, Ronald, my threat might not sound so convincing because I am about to pass out," I closed my eyes, breathing in and out, my voice dropping so low, "But I swear I will kill you when I wake up."

"Seriously now!" He shot out angrily.

"Yes," I was almost gone, his voice was dropping lower, a fading echo and the pain was starting to loosen its grip around me, at last freeing me.

Behind my closed eyelids, I only saw her, seeking comfort from her has become a habit, even in my knocked-out state and dreams. Only she can give me that lately. Peace. Relief. I found them by her side as I drifted off far away from reality.

*****************

Natalie's POV

I woke up like three hours ago, yet I still refused to leave my bed. It's the weekend and for some reason, I ended up wide awake at six a.m., not that I am able to sleep well lately anyway.

I've been going through the first stages of heartbreak like a pro. I am not sleeping, I am not eating. I just lay down in my bed and think. I zone out at every passing second of the day, even during my sessions, people talk and I silence their words, my mind drifting, thinking and yearning for two specific green eyes. Always wondering what he is doing; if he is okay. Is he eating? Is he sleeping? Or is he as relentless as I am?

Massie snuggled closer to my side, seeking some attention and I couldn't get myself to pet her. My gaze focused on the ceiling, lost in my own head. Day-dreaming. Thinking of what could've been, reminiscing every moment we shared, even the smallest of them.

The sound of the bell ringing had me shooting up from my laying position in shock, my eyes slightly grew wider, definitely not expecting anyone to drop by now and this early. Massie lifted her head, glaring and annoyed by the noise, but careless as she placed her head down and resumed her sleeping.

It rang again and I pulled myself up from the bed. I pushed my feet into the slippers and moved forward, trying to smooth down my messy hair. My gaze took a quick look at myself in the mirror as I passed by it and I cringed, I look like an absolute miserable mess. It doesn't matter. It's not like my future husband is standing behind that door now.

The stupid human harshly pounded on the door again and I groaned, angry to the point that I didn't check the peephole, and immediately latched the door open, ready to start shouting at whoever made his mission to disturb my pity session.

My eyes fell into familiar blue eyes, and if possible, my anger only intensified. I gritted my teeth, glaring at him, hoping the intensity of my look will make him burst into flames and die, "Didn't I tell you never to come here again!" I snapped, my palm on the door ready to shut it in his face but his feet shot forward, blocking my movement and he stepped forward.

My eyes widened, "What the hell do you want from me?" I shot out, "Didn't I-" The left of my words came out muffled as Ronald placed his hand over my mouth, his eyebrow raising in annoyance and shutting me up. My eyes grew wider and I slapped his hand away, the nerve-

"I am not here for me, look-"

I started to shout, "Then why the hell are y-"

"It's Nikolas," The name he said had me shut up immediately and my heart halted to a sudden stop, the fear wrapping me in its tight grip. Please be okay, please be okay...

"What...what's wrong?" I said, breathlessly, "Is he okay?"

"Not really," Oh my god, "And I really don't know what to do," he grumbled out, annoyed but also...worried. Is he worried? He looked like he hated him, so if he is worried, then...oh no, Nik, I need to see him now, "And I really believe he meant it when he said he will kill me if I bring anyone, so I just..." He rushed a hand over his head, sighing, "I hate this, but I just found myself here for some reason!"

My eyebrows pulled closer, "You started with med school, so-" He started to say and I shook my head, "Yeah, but I switched departments after a year, I am no doctor!" I shot out and his jaw tightened and he nodded, "I fucking know, okay, but you're my only option right now, so-"

I shook my head, "It doesn't matter, we'll figure it out somehow, I am coming with you," I said in a hurry, already heading for my bedroom, "I will quickly change, wait for me."

I washed my face, kicking off the remnants of my sleep, and quickly took off my pajama. I threw it over the bed, it landed over Massie and she meowed, annoyed at the disturbance before she jumped off the bed and went somewhere. I wore the first thing my hand landed on in the closet, a white wool sweater, and I put on my black jeans, all while pulling my hair into a bun. I grabbed my keys and phone and rushed outside, slipping into my boots and almost tripping and crashing headfirst into the floor.

Ronald was leaning down, running his hand over Massie's head. I rolled my eyes and pushed at his arms, not so gently, "Come on," I shot out, pushing him out of my house, pulling any coat from the hanger, and locking the door behind me.

I was practically running, I jumped into his car and he drove off, "So, what happened exactly?" I asked, my tone panicked, my mind busy thinking of the worst-case scenarios.

Ronald's eyes drifted to me, assessing my body language as I kept shifting in my seat, terrified and on my nerves. It's almost as if he didn't expect me to be this much riled up over this, "What the hell happened, tell me, do something right for once in your life!" I hated him and I wanted to smash his head into the steering wheel but right n ow all I could think of is Nikolas hurt and in pain. Who the hell hurt him again?

"His father-" He started to say.

"Isaac," I grumbled out, his name leaving my mouth with pure venom.

Of course, of course, who else...

"So, you know him," Ronald commented, his eyebrow raised, "We've met," I said, my jaw tight with my anger, "What did he do this time?"

"Well, he kidnapped him for some reason and...tortured him," Oh no, why, just why?! Wasn't everything he had done enough already...

"Drive faster!" I shot a glare at Ronald, unable to stay seated down in one place.

"I am driving fast!" He shot back, just as frustrated, "Stop shouting and sit still for god's sake."

"Don't raise your voice, I am older than you!" I grated out.

He looked at me with an unfazed stare, "Two minutes don't count as older."

I narrowed my eyes at him, my hand curling into a fist, I need to hit him, break his face, or do something to satisfy my building-up rage but first, I need to make sure Nik is okay.

I decided to keep silent, just counting the minutes till the car came to a stop by Nikolas's old apartment building. I didn't even question why he is here and not in his new place, I just pushed the door open and rushed to the elevator, Ronald trying to catch up with me, and the elevator door almost closed on his body as I kept pressing the button to shut it close.

He shot me a glare and I waved him off with my middle finger as the elevator took us up. His eyes stayed on me as if trying to understand something. Whatever it is, I crossed my arms over my chest and held him with a shut-your-face look. He rolled his eyes, "I don't like this one bit," He said under his breath. Such a whiney baby.

"Well, too bad for you," I said back and when the elevator door opened, I was already by the door, ushering Ronald to open it fast. When he unlocked it, I pushed myself inside, my gaze drifting all around till it fell on him, passed out on the couch.

I gasped, the sight that welcomed me still exceeded my expectations. I hurtled forward and fell to my knees beside him, my eyes wide as they assessed his state. His hair was all messed up, sweat and blood tangled up with its strands, his face had few cuts here and there, and dry blood painted some other parts, especially by the corner of his mouth, and right under his head on the couch.

But his face was the least scarred part of all, my eyes fell down to his neck, to the shirt that was bloodied in every sense. Slowly and carefully, scared to cause him any more pain, I unbuttoned it and what it was covering underneath knocked me backward, snapping all of my oxygen off. I pressed a hand to my mouth, my tears flowing without any restraints. It's almost like his old scars were traced again, some parts burned, the damaged tissue inflamed and bleeding.

I shook my head, unable to imagine what possible pain he subjected him to and why, "Oh my god," Tears slipped free and I brought my hand forward, scared to even touch him. I moved the shirt, so carefully, my touch a feather-like, terrified to cause more damage in any way, but Nikolas was out of it, his mind far away from here, taking a break to not feel a thing.

As I moved the shirt, taking it off, my eyes caught something on his back, I pulled my body up and my heart cracked, I felt it in my chest, splintering at the sight that welcomed me. It was horrifying. Shakingly, I moved backward, shaking my head, "I can't do this," I mumbled, my inside trembling and I shook my head again, "I can't," I turned to Ronald, "There is a reason I didn't become a damn doctor, I can't handle this-" Not when it's Nikolas. Oh my god, what did they do to him?

Ronald's eyebrows pulled together and he inched closer, his hand reaching for my arm, trying to calm me down but I pulled away, sniffling and furiously wiping at my cheeks before I pulled my phone out of my pocket, needing to fix this fast, "What are you doing?" Ronald asked.

"He needs a doctor, a real doctor," I said as I typed his name and pressed the phone to my ear, my gaze drifting to Nikolas and my heart broke some more, "My friend is a doctor, I just hope he is available now-"

Ronald's eyes grew wider, "You want him to kill me, don't you?"

I shot him a glare, "Yes, that's the dream," I mumbled and right then Malcolm answered my call, "Hey, Natalie," A bit of shock reflected in his tone, it's not often that I call him first thing on a weekend morning.

"Malcolm, hey, how are you? Uh," I rushed a hand in my hair, sniffling, "I am gonna ask for a favor, are you available?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, what's up?" His tone sounded urgent, probably after hearing my hoarse voice and tears.

"Look, you remember Nikolas, right, uh, he is hurt...badly," I kneeled down by the couch's edge, gazing at him as I added, "We are in no position to take him to a hospital, can you..." I swallowed hard, pressing my eyes shut and trying to breathe, "If I send you the address, would you come here and check him up, I am just so scared, he doesn't look good at all," I pried my eyes open and my hand rested over his cheek, gently caressing it and feeling the skin burning underneath my fingertips, adding more and more to my worry.

"Yes, of course, just tell me what happened, so I know what to bring-" He said and I heard shuffling beside him, already getting up and ready.

"He is passed out now but has so many wounds, some are deep and are still bleeding even," I started to explain, "Some skin look like it was burned..." I shook my head, trying to not let my voice shake, "His skin is burning up, his fever is scary and there was even blood in his mouth, I don't know," I turned to Ronald, asking for his help, to give me any information that could help.

"He was electrocuted also," He said and my eyes grew wide, sucking into a deep breath to clear my shock as I explained it to Malcolm.

"Okay, text me the address, I will be there as fast as I can, don't worry, okay Natalie?" He said, his voice assuring and I nodded, "Okay, I will, thank you so much," I said, appreciative for his help before we hung up. I immediately texted him my location and placed the phone away, focusing all of my attention back on Nikolas.

I got up to my feet and to the kitchen, getting a bowl and filling it with warm water. I went through the drawers, searching for a cloth and some rubbing alcohol. I could at least clean his wounds, decrease some of the risks as I wait for Malcolm to get here.

"You know that I could've just called for a doctor myself," Ronald said, annoyance flared in his voice as he stood by the door, arms crossed as he watched me move around and get what I need.

I gathered the materials and walked back to the living room, "Well, why didn't you," I shot back, placing them on the ground as I settled by the couch's edge and started wetting the clothe with the warm water, "Because he isn't a big fan of doctors touching him, so I thought he wouldn't mind his...girlfriend doing so," Bitterness coiled his words and I turned my head around to look at him, "Well, I am not his girlfriend anymore, so you can gloat now."

His eyebrow raised, a bit taken aback by the information and despite all, he did look delighted at the news, "Good, at least you came back to your senses."

"Shut up," I grumbled, annoyed by his mere voice before I inched the wet cloth to Nik's face, gently wiping at the dry blood and cleaning it. Ronald decided to keep silent, finally and I focused on the task in my hand, totally ignoring his presence like I did for the past nine years.

I brought my hand to Nik's face, gently pushing his hair back from his forehead and smoothing it away, my chest tight with so much pain, almost as if I can taste his own. I edged my head closer and pressed my lips there, "You're gonna be okay, I promise," I whispered to him.

I gathered all the strength I had and resumed my work, cleaning almost all of his wounds. Even when I hated blood and couldn't stand its sight or the feel of it against my fingers, I forced myself and carried on. I applied some alcohol and expected him to stir, to make any move at the burning sensation but he didn't. He was gone, the pain took him on a trip far away from this cruel reality, from the world that keeps hurting him more creatively every single day.

I didn't want to leave his side ever again, I wanted to keep him with me, hide him far away from all of this but I knew that I couldn't. It was cruel, this life, it is so damn cruel to some people.

When I was almost done, the bell rang and Ronald was already heading there, opening the door for Malcolm. I shot up to my feet, my eyes falling on him as he walked inside, "I am sorry to drag you here, but I didn't know who else to call," I started to say and he shook his head, placing his bag on the table, "Natalie, it's my job, don't worry about it," He said, like it's a usual occurrence, his eyes drifting to Nikolas, and his eyes assessing his state before he bent down by his side.

He opened his bag and wore up some gloves before he started to inspect all of his wounds, "What happened?" He asked, eyebrows pulling closer as he looked at me.

I gulped down, "Someone hurt him," I said, my tone begging him not to ask more and just help him.

He nodded, getting the message before he started taking the other equipment from his bag, going into the doctor's mood and focusing only on his patient. He injected him with many things, painkillers and antibiotics maybe, I didn't understand most of what he was doing and I didn't care, my eyes on Nikolas's chest, watching it rise and fall, it's all the reassurance I needed.

Malcolm carried on, it wasn't easy and it took time but he sewed up the biggest wound and dressed the others, ever so professionally. He was a great doctor, dedicated to his job and I watched him up close, relieved and so appreciative. I helped him at times by giving him some of the equipment he needed until he was all done and Nikolas was all patched up.

He pulled an ointment out of his bag, and placed it over the table, "He can use this once a day when he changes the dressing over the wounds, it will prevent any further infection from happening," I nodded, and he scribbled something over the notepad before he ripped the paper, handing it to me, "Bring him these, I wrote the dosages and everything, he can take them for a couple of days, and he will be brand new again."

I nodded, reading the names of the medicines over the paper. Malcolm closed his bag and straightened himself, his hand rested over my arm, and it gave me a gentle squeeze, "Hey, don't worry, he is going to be okay," He said, soft and assuring, "If anything happens, anything at all, just give me a call."

"Thank you so much," I breathed out, beyond grateful, "I don't know how to repay back for this," I mumbled, so appreciative of his immediate help.

He smiled, shaking his head, his eyes drifting to Nikolas one more time before they settled on me, "Just...stay out of trouble," He said, his smile fading, already understanding the out-of-the-ordinary situation we are in, but he didn't comment or ask further.

I nodded, "Thanks again," I said as I lead his way to the door. We bid our goodbyes, he asked me to take care and that we'll see each other around before I closed the door, feeling so energyless and drained all of a sudden.

"You could've gone and dated that doctor boy yet you still chose Nikolas for some reason," Ronald decided to make his presence known again by saying nonsense shit.

I looked back at him, too tired to even glare at him, "How about you come and live my life instead of me," I said, my tone neutral and unfazed.

He sighed, "I always thought you were smarter than this, Natalie," He mumbled, like he knows me, he knows nothing, he can't just disappear for how many years, become this person and now come to express his unimportant opinions about my life. I hate him and his presence and his words, and just everything about him...

He extended his hand forward, asking for the prescription, "Give me, I will go get them."

Having no energy to argue more, I pushed the paper into his hand, waited for him to leave before I walked to Nikolas's side. I let out a low sigh of relief, my shoulders relaxing, he looked slightly better now. I went into his room and thankfully he had some clothes here still. I pulled a t-shirt and a blanket from over the bed before I walked back to his side.

I tried to place the t-shirt over his chest, but he was too damn heavy for me to move around. It took me some time and effort till I finally succeeded. I opened the blanket, ready to cover him when my eyes caught something, a piece of paper coming out the pocket of his pants. Confused, I leaned down and carefully pulled it out. No, it wasn't a paper, it was a picture. A baby's picture.

Confused lines cut over my face, my mind trying to understand why would he have such a picture with him. He does have so many photos of Lilly over his phone, maybe I don't need to think or read too much into this but...the kid's eyes, they were the prettiest shade of green, a color I am starting to love more than I should.

I looked at Nikolas, then back at the picture, and shook my head. The baby is too young for me to relate their features together. My first theory was this, that this is his kid. I shook my head, the thought felt so silly. If he had a child, I would've known, or maybe not...there is a big portion of his life that I know nothing about. It's possible.

I sat down, my mind racing with so many thoughts, my pulse accelerating, my mind trying to connect the dots, even when they were miles apart. The woman from the restaurant. She had a kid in her arms...I looked at the picture in my hand, could it be the same kid? No, oh god, no...

Maybe I am just reading too much into it. Maybe. If it's actually his own kid, why does he not see him, or even mention him?

I gulped down, shaking my head, refusing to put more thoughts into this. I smoothed the picture and placed it on the table beside the couch. Stop overthinking it, Natalie. Even if he has a kid, it's none of my business anymore.

Ronald was right in one thing, I am smarter than this...smarter than to trust a man I literally know nothing about. But the thing is, maybe I don't know his past, but I really know him. As a person, his bad twisted side, his good one, I know them, it's crazy but I do. I trust him because I know he would cause me no harm. His past doesn't define who he is. People change, people grow...

But his past...it's complicated, it's something else entirely for it to mess him up this bad. The impact of it still resonates deep into the man he is today.

I shook my head, shaking all of that away, it doesn't matter. We have no future, so there is no need to dwell on the past any longer. My heart clenched tight, at the thought, and at the sight of him, so broken. I bet his father ruined his mind before he ruined his body. He got the talent.

I moved closer, covering his body with the blanket before I settled by the couch's edge, slowly lifting up his head and moving closer. I needed to feel him, to make sure he is okay, then I can leave. His muscles twitched and he moved slightly as I tried to help him settle between my arms. An instinct that had his arm going around my waist, his head pressing into my chest, settled between my arms like it was his little small home.

"Nate?" His voice came out low and hoarse, still under the effect of the meds because when I looked at him, his eyes opened only halfway before they dropped down again.

"Yes, it's me," I mumbled in reassurance, leaning down and pressing my lips over his head, my arms so tight over him, scared to let go, because when I do, they just end up hurting him more.

His head nuzzled deeper into my chest, his eyes still closed, his breathing evening out, and his arm firmly secured around my waist, "Are you really here?" He mumbled, ever so sleepily.

I rested my cheek over the top of his head, I caressed his cheek, running my fingers gently over his face, feeling him up close, and never wanting to break free. I pressed my eyes shut, I shouldn't be here, this is a big risk, but how can I leave him when he is in this state, "No," I mumbled, sniffling and holding back tears, "This is just a dream."

A low disappointed sigh pushed out of his mouth, his arm around my waist tightened, clinging into me, "Then, I don't want to wake up."

I fought my tears, keeping them in and I ran my hand through his hair, smoothing it back, "You're okay now," I whispered, "Just try and rest, okay," I added and he hummed, his brain stuck halfway between here and his unconsciousness.

I pressed another kiss over his head, savoring this small moment because I thought I won't be able to live through it again, "I miss you a lot," I said, even when it's been a couple of days only, "You're always on my mind, I am always so worried about you," A tear trickled down my face, "I just wish life wasn't so cruel to you like this."

I run my hand from over his cheek down to his neck, feeling the small cuts, the scars, and the pain radiating off his skin, the cry for help engraved over every part of his body, "I wish I can take your pain away," I mumbled, another tear falling as I recalled every word I read on his report; they tortured him as a kid and they're still doing it up to this day, "I wish I can make you happy."

He didn't say a thing anymore, his face looked so relaxed and he was gone far away from me again. I pressed my eyes shut, emotions so intense pressing over my chest and eluding me of any control as more tears spilled through my closed eyelids, "It's crazy but I think I love you," The pain I felt with that simple sentence left my throat as a low whimper, sniffling as I added, "How did I let myself do that, why did I have to love you? It's not fair..."

My eyelids glided open and everything was blurry, "It's not fair, not to you and not to me," I mumbled, my chest heaving as it tried to suppress all those feelings deep down.

How could I love someone I know so little yet so much about. It was insane. Crazy. Stupid. Not healthy in every sense.

I sniffled and brought a hand to my cheek, wiping my tears away, and right then I heard the shuffling sound of a plastic bag. My head shot to the door, my eyes meeting Ronald's as he stepped closer and placed the medicine bag over the table. I gulped, letting my gaze drift down to Nik, hoping with everything in me that Ronald didn't hear a thing. He is the last person that I would want to share any of my feelings with.

He sat on the couch across from us and I kept ignoring him, almost like he didn't exist, "You don't plan on leaving?" He asked after a while.

I just shook my head, "Not now," I mumbled as I pressed the back of my head against the cushion, holding into my grumpy man as I let my eyelids rest, dreaming about all the possible beautiful things we could've had and lived through together. If only-

A low moan parted my lips, my head dropping down and shaking me awake. I blinked my eyes open, I blinked again, kicking the sleep away. My eyes fell on Nikolas, still fast asleep and in the same position as before. How long have I been sleeping?

My eyes went to my side, on Ronald, still sitting there as well. He had his arm behind his head, leaning on it as he went through his phone, a permanent scowl on his face. My stare had his gaze lift up from the phone and to me, "How long have I been sleeping?" I asked.

"Two hours, maybe three, I don't know," He grumbled out, very annoyed.

A low sigh parted my lips and I moved, ever so carefully, scared to shake Nikolas awake. I still needed to leave before he fully wakes up. I let his head rest over the pillow and fixed the blanket over his body, tucking it under his chin before I inched closer and pressed my lips to his forehead, brushing the fallen strands away, "Take care, okay," I whispered against his skin.

Thankfully enough, his fever was gone, relieving me a bit more as I gathered myself and picked up my phone. Ronald noticed and he got up to his feet, grabbing his car keys and I shook my head, "No, I will take a Taxi," I said, I've seen enough of him for one day.

"I can drop you off," He suggested and I shook my head again, buttoning up my coat as I came to a close stop beside him, "Force him to rest and make sure he takes his medicines," I said and he nodded without even whining.

My eyebrows pulled closer, "I thought you hated him or something," I said and he gave me a knowing look, "I mean yeah," He scratched the back of his neck, "Not really, I don't know," He grumbled out, "I still wouldn't want him dead though, also, Alex told me not to leave his side till I make sure he is okay, so-"

"Why didn't Alex come here?" I asked, the thought nagging on my head since I stepped in and saw the mess Nikolas was.

Ronald shrugged, "I am not sure, I think they're not on talking terms or something."

My heart sunk down, and my eyes went to Nikolas one more time. He needs Alex now more than ever now, whatever his father did or said, it's probably messing with his head. He needs someone to pull him out and I am no longer here to do it. I need to talk with Alex...

My gaze flickered to the picture laying there, my jaw tightening, trying to convince myself that being away is for the best. That I am not just doing it for Isaac's twisted sake. Secrets, there are so many of them. They're everywhere. Nikolas's whole life is a big secret that I can't unravel, that I probably shouldn't...

I looked at Ronald, "Don't ever come to my house again," I warned him and his expression shifted before he nodded, agreeing, "I won't."

It was obvious, just like I don't want him to be a part of my life again, he doesn't want it either. If our reunion wasn't accidental, he probably would've never shown me his face. And that small fact alone, it broke my heart some more, proving yet again that I am alone in this world.

******************

Nikolas's POV

I pried my eyes open, blinking them awake. A low groan left my throat as I moved, pulling myself up, my mind trying to grasp everything that happened. Another groan left me, it really felt like a truck had run me over, my muscle tired and aching but the weird thing, that immense pain ripping me apart from before was long gone.

I rubbed at my eyes before my gaze drifted down, I pulled my t-shirt up, checking how all of my wounds were taken care of and covered. My head shot up, my eyes fell into Ronald, sitting over the opposite couch, his wary eyes on me, his throat bobbed before he spoke, "Are you okay? Because I am so done with babysitting you."

He got up to his feet, planning his escape and I shot him a hard glare, I wanted to kill him, "Didn't I fucking tell don't bring a doctor-" I started to say, getting up to my feet, and searching for my gun.

"I didn't, I didn't," He said in a hurry, defending himself, "And I clearly hid your gun because I don't have a death wish."

I whirled around, my jaw tight as I marched forward, "Lucky for you, I don't need it to kill you," I grumbled out, "I can be more creative."

His eyes widened and he backed away, running from me, "I didn't bring a doctor, I swear, I brought Natalie-"

His words had me halt to a stop, my mind trying to comprehend if I heard him right, "Natalie?" I asked, remnants of a dream, of talking with her, of feeling her up close, it hunted and pushed against my head, filling my chest with so many pent-up emotions I was no near ready to feel at this moment.

"Yeah, yeah, just...just Natalie," He said, his wary eyes on me, checking if I am going to smash his head or not.

She was here? She left? Why didn't she stay...

I ignored Ronald and backed away, dropping back into the couch. I needed a drink, I needed something to take my mind off everything or it will explode.

Ronald walked back to his place, his gaze still careful, scared I am gonna snap and do something to him but time passed and when I did and spoke nothing, he let out a relieved sigh, "So, what's the plan now?" He asked, forcing my eyes to meet his, "What are we gonna do to get back on Isaac for what he did?"

My eyebrows pulled closer, "Get back on Isaac?"

He sighed, "Look dude, I am not your enemy, okay, so stop treating me like one," He nodded his head forward at me, "This is not acceptable," He added, a flicker of anger in his eyes, "We need to do something, that son of a bitch needs to know his limit."

I shook my head, "We are not going to do anything, well, I am not going to do a thing," I leaned back into my seat, resting, "It's over."

"What's over?"

"This, all of it," I said, meaning it, "I am done, I don't want to do anything anymore."

"Nikolas, I know you're still tired, and probably the pain meds are messing with your head, but don't start speaking nonsense now," He said, not satisfied at all with my words.

"I mean it, Ronald," I added, looking at him, still so energyless.

Bewildered, he shook his head, "What do you mean? You are gonna what? Just...leave?"

I nodded, "It's exactly what I am going to do."

"To where?!" He shot out.

"Anywhere far from here and from everyone," I said.

His eyebrows pulled closer, "And leave Isaac to ruin more lives?" He interjected and I nodded, "As long as I stay away from him and from...his people, he leaves my people alone," I explained, "As for the rest, he can do all he pleases."

Ronald's eyes widened, "You know how terrible of a leader he is, how he slaughters people here and there, you know how he forces them into the HEX, which is pure torture believe me," Bewildered, his voice raised, "You know how is using the asylum as a front for human trafficking for god's sake, you know how he killed your own nephew or niece before they were even born, and you're just gonna leave him to do more!"

I nodded, "Exactly."

"He has my brother, Nikolas, whether I like it or not, I need your help to defeat Isaac, I am powerless against him!"

I nodded, "You need to let go of Nathan, Ronald," I gave him an advice, "Isaac wouldn't leave you alone otherwise," I added, "You want to kill Joseph? Do it, avenge your mother and then do yourself a favor and get out, you still have a sister and a father, you still have a chance, don't waste it."

I got up to my feet, "This world of ours is just going to take and take from you till you have nothing left."

"Look, I get it, it's not easy," Ronald said, getting up and facing me, "I know you've had enough but you can't give up now, you need to fight back, Nikolas, after all this time, this...up till now, you survived, it didn't kill you, it only made you stronger."

I scoffed, "Who tricked you and told you that," I said, "What doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger," I shook my head, "That's a lie," I explained, "Let me tell you about those who survive, let me tell you about the fear that sticks with them every damn second of every day, fear of life, of time, of everything," I didn't know why I was telling him that, did I just need to talk, or did I need him to understand and just leave me be.

"Let me tell you how they lost sense of what being safe actually feels like, they lost their trust in everyone, that they can't even trust their own selves anymore," I added, "Those who survive, their feelings die, Ronald, they stop caring, nothing makes them sad anymore, and nothing makes them happy because they know that nothing real ever lasts."

Nothing lasts.

"Those who survive are always alone because they know that when shit happens, everyone is just going to run away from them again," I said, "Surviving makes you selfish, it makes you heartless and cruel," I nodded, "So yeah, what's doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger, but no one really knows at what cost."

It's simple, what doesn't kill you, it fucks you up.

**********************************

Hey!

I hope you liked the chapter!

Cara just took her first step in moving on from Nikolas himself. Natalie is neck-deep into this mess and Nikolas, well, he had enough of everything and he is giving up...

What's your thoughts? What do you expect to happen next?

Do you think Alex will stay mad at him for too long? xD

See you soon! Love ya <3