{ Tori's POV }

I read her old journal first. I'm a fast reader especially when I'm interested so it only took me about two-three hours to read about her whole life up until she gave birth to me. It only took a few hours for my life to be flipped upside down, and for only one question to remain. What now?!

A quick version of her life story is-- she grew up in a rich family. Her mother was an author named Anne Smith, and her father was a business man, his name was Gerald Smith. My mother wrote that she always felt like she wasn't perfect enough for her parents but she knew they loved her the best they could. She more or less had a happy childhood.. and as she grew up my mother volunteered in shelters from when she was sixteen until she was eighteen where she happened to meet a girl named Angelina, who turns out to be my aunt. Apparently Angelina had been visiting in California on a business trip with her family, when she decided to visit the shelter where my mother was volunteering.

As it turned out Angelina's family, the Ferrari's owned the shelter to help out women and children who had either been abused or widowed. My mother wrote that Angelina was very much like her name, she even called her Angel for short. The two of them quickly became like sisters within a months time. Angelina couldn't stand the thought of leaving my mother behind so she convinced her to come back home with her for a visit so she could see where Angelina was from. My mother hesitantly agreed because of Angelina's pleading, and her own trusting heart.

My mother didn't really find out where they were going until she boarded a seemingly private plane and pushed for answers...turns out Angelina was taking her to Italy. She suddenly realized how crazy it was to get on a private plane with a girl you've only known for a month to Italy. Just as she was about to tell Angelina she had changed her mind, and turn to walk off the plane.......an attractive man walked into her view.

Only my mother wasn't just simply attracted to him. Everything about him, made her want to know more about him. He walked with such confidence, and seemed to hold everyone's attention, while having everyone's respect. My mother felt like she had to know him, or at least try to know him. Something just came over her in the moment so she took a leap of faith for once in her life, and she sat down and stayed on the plane.

My mother found out the mystery guy's name on the plane, Valente Ferrari.. who just so happened to be Angelina's older brother. My mother later goes on to talk about how beautiful Italy was, and how much of a culture shock it was...but she also later goes on to mention how strange and different the Ferrari family turned out to be.

The real Ferrari family seemed to have all died off somehow..well outside of Angelina, and her older brother Valente. The rest who Angelina introduced as her family weren't of any blood relation at all, most of them were actually men who walked around like bodyguards. Most of them never said a word unless it was a quick hello to Angelina, or if they were talking to Valente. All of this made my mother more curious about this family, and the more she discovered..the more she realized she didn't actually want to know.

She wasn't prepared.

But there was my mother falling in love with Valente, and his mysterious personality. She found him to be somehow charming, and he even seemed to have a soft spot for her.

Everything would've seemed and could've been like a fairytale, but my mother got too curious. She discovered that life is far more dangerous and cruel, than what she imagined.. she found out that Valente was the Don to the Italian mafia, and his bestfriend Francesco was his underboss. How my mother found out she didn't really explain..but for her to be so scared I know she was one hundred percent sure.

Only after about a week of finding all of that out.. she discovered she was pregnant. She was about a month late, she was always sick even throughout the day, and she stayed tired if she tried to do too much. My mother was a innocent and a little naive, she didn't expect to get pregnant the first time she had sex..she wasn't even sure that was possible. I mean what are the chances?..but none of that changed the fact that she was indeed pregnant. She only found out for sure when a women named Elena confronted her about it.

Elena was the wife of the underboss Francesco, who were the only two outside of Angelina and Valente that she ever talked too. Elena had a son a few years prior so she noticed the signs and symptoms, when she confronted my mother she realized that my mother didn't really have clue about the pregnancy. Elena got her some unused pregnancy tests out of her own bathroom, and advised her to take them. My mother took the test, and then surprisingly Elena stood by her side until the test was ready. It was obviously positive.

My mother was already scared for her life, but now even more scared for her unborn child's life. My mother begged Elena to keep it a secret, and she agreed probably seeing how shaken up my mother was. Even as she wrote this page in her diary it was clear she was crying, there were smudges all over the paper.

After about a week Elena found my mother in the bathroom crying, Angelina was shopping, and Valente and his men including Francesco. My mother wrote that Elena knew the worries of a mother but she was trained to be a mafia wife so she also knew how to handle it..but she saw the troll the mafia was taking on my mother, and I'm sure she realized something had to done, or else the child my mother was carrying wouldn't have made it. That very same day Elena helped my mother get on a lower class plane with a disguise, she gave her some money that was her own, and told her to be safe. Elena even gave my mother her personal and secure cell number to call in case she ever needed help or decided to come back.

My mother was shortly back in California in her old house to try and get her parents help and support, not even money wise just emotional. When she told them about the pregnancy, she was denied any help..because she was unwilling to get an abortion. She even wrote in her diary that she didn't leave Italy and risk everything just to come to California and abort me. So she went her own way, and that led her to a different place each month ; on the run from the mafia.

One day Elena managed to get up with my mother, after my mother called once to let her know she was safe and to thank her. Elena called again to tell her to ditch the phone, because Valente had the whole Italian mafia trying to find her. Their orders were straight from Valente to track her down. My mother asked how Valente and Angelina were taking it and asked if anyone was specious of her. Elena informed my mother that Valente was turning into somewhat of a drunk, turns out he had more feelings for my mother than he ever admitted. Not to mention he didn't even know if my mother was even alive, he knew she was either kidnapped by his enemies, or that she ran away after finding out the cold truth of the world he lived in. It was tearing him apart. Elena told my mother that Angelina kept crying for the first few weeks, and that the mansion just seemed darker without her there. She said the only person who grew specious that someone in the mansion was involved was Francesco but he quickly decided to leave that thought alone because it only angered Valente more. Valente had started becoming a heartless man, and no one including his sister could change that. Even after all of that information my mother was still too scared to go back.. if not even more so. My mother wrote that she was scared of what would happen to her if Valente found out she was carrying his child and ran. They never talked about kids so my mother didn't know how he would feel, much less how he would act with all of his new found anger.

So my mother changed her last name from Smith to Miller, and moved to Florida.. where she gave birth to me. I learned that my first few months of life were spent in Florida, in a hotel under the fake name of Rhea James. Apparently it reminded my mother of a spy name so that's why she choose it. After I was a year old she moved us to New York where she began working in department stores, and leaving me in the trusted care of the old lady next door named Fran.

Around the time I turned five she decided to help open up a shelter and it became like her real job without pay, she spent all of the money on the shelter and those who were in it..because she was once a pregnant woman who had to sleep in unsafe shelters. She was once homeless and scared. She wanted to be the reason others could feel safe and cared for. She named the shelter Angel's Safe Haven for the lost, after the girl she once called a friend and sister.

As I grew up my mother kept writing in her journal how much I acted like my father. She said I looked like her but with his dark colored hair, much unlike her dirty blonde hair.

She said I had her curiosity and kind heart for helping others, but combined with his attitude and humor..I was a deadly combination. She wrote that it amazed her how I never met him but held so many of his traits, like how I'd overthink and observe everything, even the tiniest of details. She also wrote that she was sure I took my boldness after him, along with my smart mouth..because well she had neither. She only had one moment of boldness and that was to stay on the plane to go to Italy so she never really pushed herself to be bold again.

My mother even wrote in her diary that she was afraid I would turn out to be like my father and his family. She was worried because I had a violent streak, I tended to get into fights in middle school. I was always trying to help other kids from being bullied like she would have, so she couldn't punish me for trying to do the right thing. However I handled it in a way like my father would have by physically knocking the bully out.

I remember her always saying "violence is never the answer" to which my sixteen year old self replied with "It is if someone is trying to kill me. What do you want me to do, just stand there and die?"

Which I personally feel is a very valid point.

Over time my mother seemed to write in a way that made her seem grateful that she met Angelina, and Valente. She realized she was grateful that she went to Italy, although she admitted she never wished to go again.. because if she hadn't of taken the leap she would've never fell in love, felt what it was like to have a sister, or had me.

At the end of her life journal there was a letter with my name on the back of it so I hesitantly opened it very carefully.

"Dear Tori, if you are reading this it means that my time on earth is done. It also means you are your mothers child, because you just let your curiosity get the better of you. Right now you might be mad at me for leaving you alone, but I'll always be apart of you.. and now I am not suffering anymore. I know you will be fine. You are brave, smart, beautiful, and one of the strongest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. There is not a single doubt in my mind telling me that you won't be able to take of yourself.

I know that if you are reading this letter you have more than likely already read my life's journal, or diary as I'd like to call it. I can imagine you're mad and a confused of why I never told you any of this. All I can tell you is that I had my reasons but I should've told you. I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. I thought I did the right thing to protect you while you were younger, and when you got older and could take care of yourself ; I found out I had cancer. I grew selfish of my remaining time with you, I wanted it to be just us for whatever time I had left, you were never just my daughter, you were also my bestfriend.

I hope you can find it in that big heart of yours and forgive me from keeping it from you...and I hope one day you can understand why I did what I did.

I honestly just wanted to keep both of us safe.

That's why when you showed an interest in fighting, and had so many traits of your father.. I took you to classes because I knew the moment I told you about who your father really was you would want to find him..and you would need to know how to protect yourself.

I loved your father even though I was only with him for a short time. I loved getting to know Angelina like a sister. I loved talking with Elena and Francesco like family, and Italy was like a dream, and I know you've always wanted to go.

But I was too scared to go back and deeply traumatized, and it wasn't the perfect life for me. It wasn't a life for me at all. I didn't belong there..but if you choose to reach out to them, I'd understand.

Now you're grown, and you know how to protect yourself. They are your family, and you deserve a chance of meeting them. I haven't kept in touch with any of them but I've kept tabs when I could. The file "Ferrari" has all the information you should need.

Please burn this diary, letter, and that file when you're finished with it all. If any of it got into the wrong hands it would only put you danger. I love you sweetheart. Stay safe..and always remember who you are. Don't you dare let anyone take that from you. Love Always, Mom"

After reading her letter I started reading the "Ferrari" file. There wasn't much but just a few names and titles. It said they all lived Italy but she knew Angelina had a shelter in California, and that my mother thought they had a business in New York but she wasn't sure.

~ Italian Mafia ~

Valente Ferrari {Retired Don}

Angelina Ferrari Costa {Retired Don's Sister}

Riccardo Costa {Retired Don's Brother-In-Law}

Francesco Moretti {Retired Underboss}

Elena Moretti {Retired Underbosses Wife}

Luca Moretti {Retired Underbosses Son/Current Don}

and lastly Victoria Nicole Miller Ferrari {The Retired Don's Secret Daughter}

After reading that I began to burn everything like my mother asked..and now my heading is spinning a little. I don't fully know what I should do..

However, I do know that my curiosity will win and get the best of me in the end..

I'll just go ahead and rip it off like a band-aid nice and quick.