Inside Blue Base, Caboose is talking to the Epsilon unit about all the things that happened in Blood Gulch.

Caboose: Then there was the time we got a tank. Of course no one knew how to drive it, but then there was a big fight, my team got in trouble. So I talked to the tank. She was really nice, you're really gonna like her. Anyways, the team was in trouble, and I had to use the tank to drive out there to help them. ...Well, help most of them. ...Erm, some of them. ...Okay, let's just say this: I drove the tank, and some people got helped... and some other people didn't get helped. ...Details aren't really important.

South walked out of her room, yawning and stretching her arms.

South: Morning, Caboose. Talking to Church?

Caboose: Oh, hi Miss South. Yeah, I was just telling Epsilon about the time he got killed by a tank though no one seems to remember who was driving the tank, and how he became a ghost that turned out to be an A.I..

South just chuckles, shaking her head.

South: Okay, well just try not to start any fires or anything. I'm gonna go shower.

Caboose: Okay. Now, where was I? Oh, yeah! Then there was the time I had to clean Tucker's armor....

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

At Red Base, Sarge is running around, searching through multiple areas of the base for Grif, stopping in front of the Warthog.

Sarge: Grif! Where the hell are ya? Grif! Grif? Grif! Come on!

Grif: (from in the base) I'm in here!

Sarge: Where are you? Grif, I need you!

Grif: In here, in the base!

Sarge: I can't hear you! Get out here!

Sarge runs towards the base while Grif is exiting it.

Grif: Okay. Damn, what is it?

Sarge: Where's Simmons?

Grif: Simmons? If you wanted Simmons, then why didn't you yell like a lunatic for Simmons?

Sarge: Damn it, Grif! I entrusted you with one duty! And that's to know exactly where Simmons is at all times so I can find him! Lopez watches Kan, Kan watches Slade, Slade watches Donut, Donut watches me.

Grif: Yeah, who watches me?

Sarge: Nobody. You move less than Donut does. Now where's Simmons?

Grif: I don't know, he's downstairs in your hologram simulatron or whatever the hell you call it with Slade.

Sarge: Excellent work, Private Grif!

Grif: Wow! Thank you, sir.

Sarge: I'm gonna recommend you for a big shiny medal!

Grif: Okay, you're being sarcastic right now, aren't you?

Sarge: Oh, absolutely! ...Wait, was your question sarcastic?

Grif: Who knows? Probably? Unless—wait, are you being sarcastic right now by asking that?

There's an awkward silence between the two.

Sarge: Hm. Maybe we should drop this conversation.

Grif: Yeeah...

Sarge: (starts heading into the base) What're Simmons and Slade doing downstairs?

Grif: Sorry! Not in my job description!

Sarge: (grunts) I'll ask 'em myself...

Inside the simulation room, Simmons is helping Slade work on the jeep.

Sarge: Simmons! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!

Simmons: Really? Sorry, sir. I was just down here working on the jeep prototype. I know you really want to see it built, and we need to work on a few bugs in the design.

Sarge: A few bugs?

Simmons: Yeah, you know, like the fact it stalls every time we fire the magnetic cannon, because you based it on an EMP.

Sarge: Oh, right!

Simmons: Kind of a critical flaw, if you don't mind me saying.

Sarge: Oh, I don't mind you saying! Feedback is important.

Slade stands up from working on the other side of the Warthog.

Slade: Give me a fuckin' break, mate!

Simmons: It's just that sometimes I feel bad criticizing your work... you know, because you're in charge and all.

Sarge: Simmons, there's no reason to feel that way! You're a valuable member of the team! I always find your feedback to be both insightful, and appropriate.

Simmons: ...Really?

Sarge: I know I can be rough sometimes, but that's only because it's hard being the leader! You know, dealing with those dirty Blues and that lousy Grif character all the time!

Simmons: He is lazy, sir.

Sarge: I don't mean to complain, but sometimes... I just... need a friend... Simmons, we've been working together a long time. I hope I can call you a friend. And that you can call me... the same.

Simmons: Gosh, sir, I don't know what to say! If it's okay with you, I would really like it if I could just call you "dad."

Suddenly Sarge disappears in a blue light, shocking Simmons.

Simmons: What the-?!

Simmons turns and sees Slade had hit a button on the control pad for the hologram room.

Simmons: Slade, what the fuck?! I was just about to-

Slade: Make yourself sound even more sad and pathetic? Yeah, I know. Mate, when are you gonna stop with the whole 'I want Sarge to love me like a son' propaganda?

Simmons: I-

Slade: Oi! Zip it and listen to what I have to say, Richard.

Simmons was shocked that Slade had used his first name. Slade walked up and put his hand on Simmons' shoulder.

Slade: Mate, I get that you want some stability and fatherly-figuration in your life, but Sarge is just not gonna do it for you. Why can't you bloody see that? Think about it! The old man lives in his own world for god sakes! His own version of what happened at Command was you turning into a Mongoose! How is that not proof for you?

Simmons: I have no one else to look up to! My own dad wasn't even there for me!

Slade: And look how you turned out without him! You're a goddamned Space-Marine! You made that decision on your own without having to rely on some older male figure to tell you what you should do! You have to learn to have some independence.

Sarge then appears at the top level of the simulation room.

Sarge: Simmons, Slade, are you boys down here?

Slade: Yeah, Sarge.

Sarge: What the hell are you doing?

Simmons: Nothing. We were just working on your jeep design and—

Sarge: What? Stay away from my jeep! It's perfect! You'll just mess it up!

Slade: We're fixing the rate of fire, Sarge. Your designs and configuration STILL makes it stall every ten seconds.

Sarge: I told you, it's perfect!

Slade: Simmons, back me up here.

Simmons looks between Sarge and Slade, before coming up with his answer.

Simmons: You're right, sir! It's totally perfect!

Slade drops his jaw.

Sarge: See, told ya, Slade! Now, get upstairs on the pronto! We need to have a meeting! And I need someone to agree with me.

Simmons: Do you want to brief me on the details first, so I know what I'll be agreeing to?

Sarge: Oh yeah, I'll get riiiight on that. Send you a memo.

Simmons: Really? Because I've been working on the template and I think it's ready to—

Sarge: No! Of course not! Why the hell would I do that? What, did you get exposed to radiation or something down here? (leaves room) That boy's gone crazy...

Slade then turns Simmons to look at him.

Slade: Did nothing I just say five minutes get through your cyborg-skull?

Simmons: Yeah, I got what you were saying. You said I need to try harder to get Sarge's approval!

Slade: I never said-

Simmons: Thanks for the advice, Slade! Gotta go!

Simmons then rushes up the ramp towards the elevator.

Slade: One of these days, I don't when, I am just gonna learn to live and let sleeping kissasses lie.

A simulated Grif appears.

Grif: I love boners!

Slade pulls out one of his pistols and shoots the Grif in the head before it emanates in blue and disappears.

Slade: And I feel somewhat better.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Outside the entrance of Red Base, Grif and Sarge are watch Simmons and Slade walk up.

Sarge: Finally! Maybe now we can get started!

Grif: What's your problem?

Slade: I'm fine. Fuck off.

Sarge: Men, as you know, the Blues have been erased from Command records, for some unknown reason.

Slade: Unknown? Sarge, you were the ones that did it!

Sarge: You can't prove that.

Slade: I think I can—

Grif: Prove it to who?

Slade: —because you're the ones that did it. I can ask Kan and he'd say you did it too! He was in the room!

Sarge: Allegedly.

Slade: Not allegedly. You told Simmons to do it, and he did it. And may I also point out that Simmons tried to stop you, but as bloody usual, you just ignore what everyone else says and do what YOU think suits you.

Sarge: Reportedly! Let's not go accusing people and inviting a lawsuit until we know the facts!

Grif: Who's gonna sue us? Us? We're gonna—wait, we're gonna sue ourselves?

Slade: (facepalms) You are all fucking numbskulls.

Sarge: I'm going to defer this conversation to my legal team.

Grif: So, that means the staff meeting is over?

Sarge: No!

Grif: Why not?

Sarge: We have too much to discuss! Isn't that right, Simmons?

Simmons: Absolutely, sir! No one has ever been more right than you!

Sarge: If the Blues aren't in Command's database, that means even if we destroy them in a resounding victory, it still won't count as a win! It's like we didn't even beat anybody!

Grif: Hey, that's right! I never thought about that, sir!

Slade: Seriously?

Sarge: So that means, we can't kill the Blues.

Grif: Exactly. Because if we defeated them, it won't even count. And that's the best part about winning a war: getting the points.

Sarge: Bingo!

Simmons: Good point, Grif!

Slade: Earth to Dumbarses: the best part about winning a war is peaceful resolutions without anymore blood having to be shed.

Sarge: We need to find a way to get them back into the database first.

Grif: So, your plan is to hold off our attack until our superior officers take notice of one of the teams in this canyon? And, notice them well enough to actually go out of their way and add them back into the database? Or, do anything at all in any way to formally recognize us in an official capacity?

Sarge: You got it.

Grif: This is probably the single greatest plan I've ever heard in my entire life.

Slade: You would think that, lazy-ass.

Sarge: Slade! Can it! And thank-you, Private... ugh... Grif? Urgh!

Grif: You're... welcome? Am I... saying that right?

Simmons: That... just got immensely weird.

Sarge: So! Our first order of business should be to fortify our own team! Get ready for the big battle! Let's get Donut back on his feet.

They all turn to where Donut previously was, but he is gone.

Grif: Hey, where's Donut?

Sarge: Slade, where'd he go?!

Slade: How would I know?

Sarge: Keeping track of Donut is one of yer duties!

Grif: Oohhoohoo, busted!

Simmons: Big time!

Slade grabs Grif and Simmons by their necks and bashes their heads together, making the pair fall to the ground and holding their heads in pains.

Grif/Simmons: OW!

Slade: The both of you can eat shit and die.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Back at Blue Base, Caboose is still talking to the Epsilon unit.

Caboose: And then there was the time we turned all of our armor black, because Tex was captured. You remember her. I told you all about her. It was a crazy adventure. Then there was another time when she helped us break into O'Malley's fortress.

Donut is standing right behind Caboose as he drones on.

Caboose: Didn't I tell you that one already? (suddenly glances up) Hey! Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched by someone? (after a brief silence) Donut, I'm asking you a question.