Shiv’s Pov:

Ananya won’t listen to me, that’s why I didn’t argue with her about going her by taxi that day. Even if I argued, I know she isn’t going to listen to me this time. And I’m the sole reason behind this. I’m hurting her and it’s also hurting me. I’m feeling like a coward right now, who has joined the army to serve the country but doesn’t have enough courage to be with loved ones. Does this feeling come to every soldier, the way I’m feeling right now? Or this is just me, who doesn’t want to see another woman on my mom’s position?

In one moment, I just want to run to Ananya, tell her how much I love her. How desperately I want her to be in my life but … leave it. I dial my mom’s number. My backbone, my warrior.

“How are you, beta?” from other side soothing voice of my mom came.

“I’m good. What about you? Are you taking your meal on time or not?” she doesn’t like to eat alone but the household helper only stays in day time. So, she has to take dinner alone.

“I’m absolutely doing good and also taking my meals on time. Don’t worry for me. Now, tell me why are you sounding low? Are you hiding something from me?” I never hide anything from my mom. I tell her everything. But, how can I tell her my insecurities, my fears?

“Is Ananya alright?” she asked again.

“Yes, mom.” She always asks about Ananya, she is doing fine or not?

“Then, what is the reason behind your sadness, Shiv? You don’t want to share with your mom?” Whatever the situation is, she always stands like a pillar with me. Never let me feel the absence of dad.

“It’s Ananya” I don’t know, how to say it to mom.

“You said She is fine, right. Now, what happened to her?” my puzzle words are making her worried now.

“No, mom. Nothing has happened to her. It’s me, who is hurting her.” I never discuss this type of conversation with her. It’s kind of awkward. It’s not because she is my mom. It’s because, I never talk about this to anyone. Earlier, she just advised me, not to force Ananya to go with me to University. And it was the first day of Ananya in University. After that, as I said she only asked me, how she is adjusting and doing in the new city.

“Shiv, what you are talking about, I’m not getting it. Say it clearly.” She said it, kind of sternly.

“I don’t want her to go through, the way you have been going after dad’s death.” I told her.

“Shiv, what happened, happened. It was in our faith. It’s not like what happened in the past with your dad, the same will repeat with you. Remember, it was in the past. Stop thinking negatively. Don’t carry this type of thoughts in your mind. It will affect your life. And did I teach my only son to be a coward? No, right? You’re a fighter, like your dad. From now on, don’t think that way.” Yes, she is right. I’m not a coward. I’m a fighter, like my dad. I won’t let you down, dad. Whatever happened, it was in the past, I have to live in present to make a better future. It is easy and simple, why did not I realise it earlier? I was acting like a fool. It was not enough that I even created the whole drama.

“I won’t think, mom” I assured her.

“We are proud of you, beta. Where you are standing right now, it’s because of your hard work. Don’t let your insecurities come to your path. Learn to face the problem and move forward. Bye, take care of yourself.” I’m feeling relief now, like the burden has lifted up from my shoulders.

“Bye, mom. Love you”

We ended our conversation.

I look at the watch, it’s 7.05 pm. I have to go early or she would go alone by taxi, which I won’t appreciate. I took the red roses, which I bought for her and drive towards Ananya’s PG. I haven’t informed her because, she would be angry, ok mad with me. And I don’t want her to mad with me. Specially, today. Because, it’s our first date. And thinking of our date, a smile appears in my lips.

I have reached near her PG and waiting for her in the car itself. Mom’s words are still coming in my mind. It’s true that I have to overcome my insecurities first. But I already created the scene between us. I even destroyed the little progress, which we had made during this two and half months. I know, it’s going to be tough to build it again. I have to tell her, why I suddenly acted like a fool. It’s not easy to tell your weakest point to someone. The fear, the insecurities in me. But I have to confess it, right? I have to clarify myself in front of her today.

The message ringtone broke my thoughts. Yes, it’s from her.

Ananya: “I’m out for Police Bazar.”

Seriously, I’m right here from 15 minutes near her PG and she is saying she already has left for PB. When? I hurriedly come out from the car and dial her number.

“Are you sure that you have left your PG?” I asked her because I want to confirm whether she is really gone or not.

I’m looking at her PG gate now. Trust me, it is not comfortable to stare at girl’s PG continuously. The gate is slowly opening, revelling Ananya. She is looking at me now. Correction, she is glaring at me. I smile at her and open the passenger door for her. She whispered a thank you to me, which I can only hear.

She isn’t talking with me. She is mad, as expected. And I know the reason behind it. I ruined our relationship and I promise you Ananya, I’ll mend it.

“We were about go Police bazar, right?” she finally speaks. We are now on the Sohra road which is complete opposite of the PB.

“Yes. But I want to have my dinner at a peaceful place rather than hustle bustle of city. I have selected a restaurant, which is offering good food as well as a peaceful environment. I think, it is fine with you.” I replied, which is true. But I’m doing all of these for her. The last week was hectic for her because of the exams and my not so good drama. So, I just want her to relax and enjoy the dinner peacefully. And also, I want to share my problems without any disturbances. So, I changed the spot of our dinner without informing her.

“Yes, it’s fine.” A simple reply from her. Before I say something, she turned her face and starts to look at the outside. Enjoying the nature, I guess. I took glances at her time to time but didn’t disturb her. I concentrate on my driving. It’s difficult to drive at night, specially at hills region.

We have reached the restaurant. I parked the car and get down from the to open the door for her. What a weather! The chilled wind. It’s feeling refreshing.

“Can you please hold the purse and my mobile?” she asked me. She is feeling cold, I guess. And who wouldn’t? she is only wearing a sleeveless top. No doubt, she is looking pretty but this type of cloth isn’t suitable to wear at clod windy like today.

“yeah, sure. Give me.” I hold her purse and mobile. She hurriedly, wore her cardigan.

We stepped towards the restaurant, a boy welcome and show us an empty table. The boy was about to pull the chair for Ananya but I pulled out the chair before he did it. I know, he is doing his job. But It’s our date, right? It’s my duty to do that. Wait, why did she smile at the boy? It was me, who pulled out the chair for her not him. And you know what is more annoying, he smiled her back. And it’s pissing me off.

“Why did you smile at him?” I asked her after the boy us alone.

“Is it a crime?” No. No. it’s not a crime. You can smile at anyone, except me.

“No.” I didn’t say anything. I looked at the menu.

I heard, Ananya is clearing her throat. I see, she wants to gain my attention. She can call my name, right? But, no. Why would she? I asked her whether she has decided, what she wants to have for dinner.

“Anything will fine with me.” That’s what she said, when I asked. So, I call the boy and tell him to suggest us, what would be good for dinner. We ordered a combo meal and the boy left, giving us a full privacy.

She is silent, not like her usual self. She is looking here and there, but not at me. Look at me, Ananya. Look at me. It’s like, she heard my inner voice and she turned her face at myself and our eyes locked. Tell her now, Shiv. Tell her.

“So, what are you planning to do after this?” I have to start the conversation from somewhere, right?

“I’ve not planned anything yet. But I hope, I’ll surely figure it out before completing the course.” She said with a smile but her smile couldn’t reach her eyes.

I called her but she is lost. Why she is acting differently not like other normal day? It’s making worried now.

“Where are you lost?” I asked her, to kill my curiosity.

“Uhm…I…I’ve something to tell you. No! ask you. I’ve something to ask you.” Okay, let me hear her first, then I will tell her.

“Yes, ask me.” I will answer all of her questions today.

“No, not now. After having dinner we’ll talk.” I also have something to share with you, my love. And I promise, I’ll make everything right between us, like earlier.

*********