Report ID 2241569

Author Krill

Disease

Can we talk for a moment about just how disgusting humans are? And I don't mean psychologically this time..... I mean like physically. And physically disgusting in a terrifying sort of way. By now we know that humans are excessive in every way possible, and that includes their diseases; the way I see it, there are two types of disease: the kind that start on the inside based on an internal malfunction, or the stuff that comes in from the outside and causes an internal malfunction. Since I will mainly be focusing on these outside diseases, we will be looking at mainly viruses and bacteria.

1. The common cold, this is the human trademark super virus. It is, in fact, so common, that most humans ignore it as a part of life. Most of the time, it won't even stop them from going to work. 'But Krill' you may ask 'what is so wrong about that? It doesn't seem so bad' well I'll tell you why.

a. Symptoms include dribbling from every orifice like some kind of slimy ooze creature from your worst nightmares.

b. Coughing, a symptom caused by throat irritation that leads to the spread of the virus by spewing it into the air like a diseased aerosol canister.

c. And if that wasn't enough, sneezing irritates the nasal cavity turning the human body into a disease cannon shooting nasty into the air at around 80-200 mph.

d. The most terrifying part about this? The humans consider it a normal occurrence, and in many places, they will walk into public like that to spread their germs to everyone, and no one cares. Accept maybe in Asian countries, where the humans will wear masks to protect others, or themselves from getting sick, but of course, being lucky me, we are in a western country where no one gives one shit about anyone else catching their nasty.

2. Oh, can we also talk about the human's yearly epidemic? Yes you heard me correctly, the humans have a yearly epidemic. In fact, it is so regular and so predictable, that the humans have dubbed this viral epidemic "flu season". Because like fall, winter, and summer the humans have a time of year where they can just go right ahead and die. Who the F*** has a SEASON for epidemics!

a. Symptoms include all previously mentioned 'common cold" but like times 10

b. Body aches, because nothing says F*** you like a disease that makes your entire body hurt for no damn reason.

c. This pain notably includes the head.

d. And like all infections, the human body has one sure fire way to get rid of it. How you ask? Well the human body makes the executive decision to make itself the most inhospitable enviornment possible. How? By turning up the natural body temperature of the human to BURN the virus away

i. This would be fine and all if it weren't for one little problem. The human natural body temperature is 98.6, but starting at about 105 degrees the human body stars burning its own brain and may potentially cause irreversible damage

e. Other symptoms include gastrointestinal problems (see section 3)

f. DEATH very probably death, in fact, some years the death toll rises to around 80,000.

g. And does this stop the humans from going about their daily business? NO, NO IT DOES NOT!

3. I know my last two inclusions on this list have been mostly respiratory in nature, but lucky for you, I have a fun little tidbit about gastrointestinal diseases. What is it called? You guessed it. The stomach flu or viral gastroenteritis, or an infection of the GI tract. I would honestly rather die of the respiratory flu that have to deal with this mess.

a. Can cause a low-grade fever. Doesn't seem so bad you say, well just wait.... Just wait.

b. Headaches.

c. Stomach pain, yes, the humans can feel pain in their viscera. And that fact in itself is the most horrifying thing I think I have ever heard. It turns out human digestion already hurts to begin with, and they just don't notice, but try getting a human to digest when their insides are INFECTED. Can be so bad, it causes the human to curl up on the ground in agony.

d. Nausea, or the extreme desire to eject all bodily contents out of the mouth.

e. Can humans do that? You ask...... yes.... Yes they can. Oh.... I.... it's making me sick just thinking about it. So you know how humans have a digestive cavity filled with acid at about a Ph. level of 1-3..... well if they feel sick enough, their body triggers a reaction that causes all contents of the stomach, acid included, to..... shoot back up the esophagus and out the mouth known as throwing up, vomiting, hurling, tossing ones cookies etc.

i. This reaction can have enough pressure to send the stomach contents shooting out of the nose as well as the mouth. And yes, humans tell me that it does burn, its acid after all.

ii. This reaction can actually cause other, completely healthy, humans to preform the exact same action upon sight, sound or smell.

iii. Some humans have no ability to tell when it is coming, while other humans seem to have a magical 6th sense warning them of this approaching issue.

f. If any measure of stomach contents manages to last through the stomach, or was, perhaps, already in the lower directional tract by the time the infection is in full swing, digestion goes haywire, and the only option the body has is to eject internal contents as fast as it can..... out the rectum.

i. ...

ii. ...

iii. ... I hate this species sometimes

g. Both sections 3e and 3f can and will be performed at exactly the same time, and the human has absolutely no ability to control it. So they might just.... Explode, with disease, everywhere. On the floors, on the walls..... everywhere

h. Humans consider this to be another common occurrence, like the common cold.

4. And these are just the COMMON human diseases, I haven't even gotten into the plagues or most specifically the Black Death.

a. A 14th century human bacterial disease that killed an estimated 50 million people in Asia, Africa, and Europe the latter of which lost up to 60% of its population.

b. Symptoms first appear flulike with the development of swollen lymph nodes and eventually develop into necrosis of the extremities, seizures, and the continuous vomiting of blood.

5. Oh look where we are now BACK TO THE F***ing FLU and the 1981 influenza outbreak of the H1N1 strain, a massive pandemic that killed up to 100 million people roughly 5% of the world's population, and GUESS WHAT some human scientists think it wasn't ANY DIFFERENT from the current flu they have today.

a. Granted the flu they have today mutates every year, so this is generally speaking.

6. Ebola..... F***ing Ebola

a. Causes you to bleed to death internally.

b. Isn't hemorrhagic fever so fun! J L

7. There are generally too many human diseases for me to discuss right here, but I need you to know that there are hundreds if not thousands more that can cause brain damage, disfigurement, blindness, and cause humans not to be able to move.....

a. I learn that most of these horrible diseases actually come from the fact that humans domesticated other species on their planet. Some of the more deadly iteration of these diseases aren't even meant for the humans, but an interaction with animals passes diseases not meant for humans, onto humans.

8. The good thing is, humans are very good at making vaccines against these diseases. Some of these were even eradicated in the richer countries.....

a. But humans sometimes don't understand a good thing

b. SOME humans REFUSE to take A LIFE SAVING MEDICATION BECAUSE THEY THINK THE VACCINE WILL KILL OR DISFIGURE THEM! F***ING MORONS! Why the F*** do we talk to these people. SOME humans are unable to take these lifesaving medications cause of other underlying conditions and REQUIRE heard immunity to be safe BUT NO! IGNORAMUSES LIKE THESE HURT MY SOUL!

c. Vaccinate yourselves, as an alien whose planet is about a few billion years older than earth, and of a species who has interactions with other intergalactic races, I know for a fact that the benefits far outweigh the costs.

9. Humans are insane, their diseases are insane, everything about earth is designed to kill you, even the stuff that you cannot see.

10. Earth is a death planet

Article 16 of The Pan-galactic Peace Agreement.

By order of the Galactic Assembly, any species either entering or having already entered into alliance with the Galactic Assembly are required, by law, that anyone leaving their home-world must provide full proof and documentation of a complete vaccination panel including all required off-world vaccinations if they are to interact, visit, or parlay with any out-species factions. Refusal to do so will bar a subject from exiting their own system.

If this law is to be broken, home world-rights are immediately foregone, and punishment will be quickly and thoroughly executed by the Pan-Galactic Penal System. These punishments include and are not limited to, fines, prison sentence, and extradition.

The Galactic Assembly has and enforces this law specifically for the safety of the species, with the knowledge that cross-species disease has the potential to cause planet-wide pandemic and annihilation. It is our desire to enforce this law most strictly, and with full purpose to protect the species under our care.