Chapter 1: The price of loving you was death.

When I opened my eyes, I was in a dream about a different world.

I blinked in confusion at the sight around me. Foreigners? And... Am I in a ballroom?

The people were dressed in vintage European outfits; the women wearing fancy, puffy velvet and silk gowns talked and laughed with men in fitting medieval tuxedos.

They all look so beautiful, I thought with my mouth open.

Couples were dancing in pairs as an elegant orchestra played music by the stage. The scene reminded me of the romantic movies I used to watch and I wondered where I was.

I glanced up at the huge chandelier hanging above me, glittering like a galaxy of golden stars. My eyes slid down across the shining walls, with intricate designs on them; decorated with shimmering golden accents and structures along with awe-inspiringly embroidered tapestries. They were lit up with beautifully carved crystal lamps, embellished with sparkling jewels. No matter how you see it, this looks like a ballroom fit for the most royal of royalty.

This dream is so beautifully detailed...

I grinned in delight at such a rewarding dream. This place is so stunning and the people don't even look real because of how gorgeous they are!

I realized I was standing next to a gold sculpture and moved closer to determine if it was made of real gold and almost tripped over my heavy clothes. It dawned on me that I myself was wearing a lovely lavender gown, just like the women around me.

My emotions contradicted my situation, as warmth filled the puzzled me staring down at a dress I don't remember putting on. Oh, I thought.

This was a gift from Cassian.

An affectionate smile subconsciously graced my lips before I froze.

What? Cassian?

I blinked, confusion washing over me like a wave. Who's Cassian?

Before I could make sense of this foreboding feeling in my chest, I heard a man's laugh and my gaze was pulled towards a particularly large crowd of people.

Such a pretty voice...!

It rung out clearly in my ears, as if the air itself had carried it lovingly towards me.

It felt familiar, as if it was a sound I'm used to hearing.

The laugh was clear and loud, full of mirth and listening to it, my heart had begun to beat a little harder.

For some reason, I suddenly had the strong urge to find that person. My eyes scanned everyone standing there to determine whose voice I heard.

A woman moved a step, and my gaze stopped on a face previously hidden in the crowd; a figure of a man stood tall and elegant, surrounded by a swarm of people.

When I saw him, my breath caught in my throat.

Long silver hair tied at the back flowed down his shoulders; a sharp nose and jawline, but his eyes were gentle, as if they personified kindness itself as he engaged in conversation. A kind of beauty I could have never even imagined in my life now stood before me.

I thought the people around me were breath-taking but then what would that make him...? It was a face that couldn't possibly exist, because how could any person be that beautiful?

Even from this distance, it was a presence that made me want to keep my eyes glued to him. No wonder he was surrounded by so many people. I wanted to move closer.

As I took a step forward, someone said something and he laughed again, making my hand fly to my chest as I clutched it in sudden pain. What's happening? When I saw him just now...

I know this man.

But I had never seen him before. He didn't look like a human from my world to begin with. None of these people did but for some reason, I knew that this man and I had a past.

But I couldn't think of it any further as I had now begun struggling to breathe. The pain in my chest intensified, making me gasp for air.

My vision was getting blurry. I stumbled forward and somebody called out in a worried voice.

"Lady Eleonora!"

"Nora!"

I clutched my head in my hands, pressing on it hard, trying to soothe the pain.

What... is this...? That voice wasn't from just now...

I shut my eyes and visions suddenly filled my head; faces and voices I had never heard before now scrambled across my mind.

Feelings and emotions surged into me like a tidal wave. Sights, smells, touches... and one face in particular...

A child with silver hair and a smile that filled me with immense warmth. I couldn't see his eyes but scenes with him flowed into my mind; him reading a book, him holding my hand, him laughing with me; him looking at me.

Are these... memories?

His smiles and laughs filled my mind and as scenes passed, his face appeared to grow older as well; his smiles that were abundant and dazzling become smaller and rarer over the years until they suddenly disappeared, replaced by a blank expression that couldn't suit his age. The warmth and joy turned into feelings of despair as the memories appeared colder and darker.

Who is he?! I desperately clutched my hair as the question repeatedly picked at my brain, but the answer felt like it was always just out of my reach. Who is he?!

I opened my eyes to look around wildly for him. He must be around me. I was always near him. I always made sure he was in my sight.

My gaze was pulled like gravity back to the familiar man amongst the crowd of faces and now, my eyes met his.

Before I could call out to him, I wheezed and shut my eyes again; the pain increasingly scratched at my heart and head.

I could feel myself losing grip of the reality around me and I was falling into darkness when another vision filled my sight.

The young silver haired child was back once again.

I was looking up at him from the ground. It was raining down on us both and we were soaked, but he didn't seem to care. He gave me a gentle smile and held out his small hand towards me. I watched as in time my own tiny hand reached out and gripped it tightly with trembling fingers.

I swore I'd never let go.

And finally... finally I could see his eyes as he looked at me with that smile of his. It was the day I had found a new colour to call my favourite.

I had gone home and thrown out all my priceless gemstones; the jeweller was called and I bought every amethyst jewel he had in his possession.

I'd destroyed everything in my room that didn't remind me of his eyes that had looked into mine.

I'd torn and ruined all my dresses, except the ones that had hints of him.

I won't look at anything except him now.

A groan escaped my lips as another wave of pain and nausea hit me. I wanted to cry. Whose memories are these?! More foreign thoughts began to fill my head.

I'll only look at you.

I won't look at anything except you now. In this world that only gave me pain and hatred, you were the only kindness. Everything is so dark, and you are the only light. I will fill my sight with you, and never look at anything else that gives me pain again.

I'll only look at you.

So please look at me.

Even if you won't look at me, I can't stop.

If I show you how much I love you, will you look at me?

If you see how much I want you, then will you love me?

I only want to see you.

So just let me see you.

Even if you don't look at me, I only want you.

There was a sharp pain in my head and I couldn't feel my body anymore.

Whose fucked up thoughts are these?!

I didn't know what was happening but before I could lose my balance and fall, a hand tightly gripped my arm, holding me up.

In a daze I lifted my eyelids to see amethyst eyes looking closely into mine. Above them, his eyebrows were furrowed in deep worry; silver strands of hair fell softly onto his forehead.

Realizing who he was, my words left my lips in a whisper that only I could hear.

"This... is... madness."

"Nora!" He called out from right beside me but his familiar voice sounded very far away.

This face... these eyes, these lips... I know them.

But it didn't make any sense.

Like a stubborn child throwing a tantrum, this feeling nagged at me until I stopped breathing.

***

When I opened my eyes again, I expected to be back in my dirty and disorganized little one-bedroom apartment. I'd rub my face and reach for my phone which lay charging on the cheap bedside table, illuminated by a dull lamp I bought from Ikea. A poster of my favourite singer would greet me from where it was messily hung up on my wall and I'd check my notifications while squinting at my brightly lit phone screen.

Instead, I was greeted by a beautiful lace canopy hanging above my head. My eyes followed the wooden posts and I realized I was lying on a huge and soft bed, covered by a warm lavender quilt.

"You're awake?" A soft voice called out from beside me and my head snapped towards a figure of someone sitting on a chair next to the bed. When my eyes adjusted, I was looking at the same man from the party.

And the one from those crazy person's memories...

The intense emotions and scenes I had experienced came rushing back to me and I sat up with a fright.

What is going on? Is this a nightmare?

I took in my surroundings and looked down at my hands.

The boy said something about getting a doctor but I wasn't listening.

They weren't my own.

My hands don't look like this. Heck, this isn't even the colour of my skin!

...Am I still dreaming?

I tested moving my fingers and then pinched myself. When I hissed in pain, the man sitting jumped up and was beside me in a second. He quickly grabbed my hands and narrowed his eyes at me.

"What on earth are you doing?!"

This man...

Is he the cause of this? The pain had only begun when I first laid my eyes on him.

I pulled my hands away from his grip and asked him desperately, "Who are you?"

This voice! I blinked in shock, anxiety filling me. Even my voice doesn't sound like me. I don't understand this situation. I'd thought I was dreaming, but for some reason this doesn't feel like a dream anymore.

The man stared down at me, his eyes wide. He slowly looked down at his hands that I had pushed away and looked back at me with a frown.

"What do you mean...?" I'd almost missed the quiver in his voice.

"Who are you?" I repeated and after thinking for a moment, added in a small voice, "And... do you know me...?"

The silence felt like an eternity as I waited for his answer.

"Do you not remember...?" He asked and I couldn't read his face. I frowned, shaking my head.

"Nora... are you pulling my leg right now?" His voice was quiet but I could hear a subtle impatience in it. "Are you doing this for attention?"

What's he saying? I furrowed my brows and tilted my head before speaking up,

"That's not my name."

He blinked at me in surprise. And let out a scoff of disbelief.

"Lady Eleonora Sollea of Ilaria, daughter of Marquess Viridis Sollea of Ilaria." He spoke coldly with narrowed eyes and I froze at his words. "Is that not you?"

Of course, it wasn't me. But I blanched because I did know who he was talking about.

No way...

Without waiting for my reply, he continued, his voice firm,

"Lord Cassian Arcturus of Aldebaran, son of Duke Asghar Arcturus of Aldebaran."

This has to be a dream...

The man in front of me had the same silver hair and purple eyes as one of the protagonists of 'Look at Me Too'. With that cheesy of a name, it was just supposed to be an angst romance story full of unrequited loves that I'd read to kill time. Everyone fell for the main leads, but the heroine of course only loved one, causing everyone un-measurable pain. It was supposed to be just that but...

Looking up at his face I realized that the person who I'd thought to be a man was actually quite young; he was still a boy, of around 17 but his height and stature made him seem older.

And his expression... the beautiful jewel-like eyes he looked at me with were so cold.

So this was Cassian...

Though he would never show heroine such a cruel expression.

He wore a fitting lavender brocade vest embroidered with gold threads; under it he had a white frill shirt with flared sleeves. On his neck, his perfectly tied cravat was ornamented by a single alexandrite gem, resembling his eyes, that glistened brightly in the light whenever he moved.

He looks like a young prince from a fairytale...

I hadn't even realized how quiet I had gotten as I regarded his beauty and was pulled out of my daze when he brusquely turned around with a sharp sigh, as if he had given up on getting an answer out of me.

"I'm going to get the doctor."

It was only once I heard the door slam shut that reality set in and my hands flew to my face with horror.

I am in a fucking book right now!

I remember drowning in the pool and now I'm here! I've been reincarnated after my death! He said I was Eleonora! That Eleonora!

One of the antagonists; the crazy villainess obsessed with one of the male leads; the girl who ends up dying before the book is even half-way through!

Am I going to die?!

I suppressed a scream. Why couldn't I just be reborn as a baby?! How does this reincarnation even work?! I've become a character in a book, and I got here after she's already done all sorts of stupid things!

And a villainess?! I knew I wasn't a saint in my past life, but a villainess, really! Do I seem that evil?! Oh, and not just any villainess actually, no, I'm not even worthy of being called that, I'm just a small fry; a sub-villainess, if you may.

I scowled at myself. Am I really offended right now that I'm not the main villain?

I am going to die again! Dead!

I, Rosie, will not allow this! I plan on living a long and peaceful life this time!