Chapter. 12: The Prince of Self-Ruin.

Ah, there's Risor!

Grinning mischievously, I snuck up behind the crouching man and tapped his shoulder, before swiftly jumping to the other side; making him look both ways. I giggled and then crouched beside him as he gave me a look.

"Oh, don't be too mad!" I grinned and held out my hand which had a keychain in it; it was a citrine gem that I had seen in the market and it had reminded me of Risor. It sparkled golden, like his eyes.

"For you." I pushed it closer to him when he just stared at it, not understanding why I was showing it to him, and then his eyes widened and he shook his head.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It's a little thank you, Mister Risor." I beamed up at him and he reluctantly picked it out of my hand.

Thankfully, it was cheap, and I could afford it with a discount because the stall owner's dog had almost bitten me... ah, sweet memories.

Hmm?

I noticed Risor looking troubled, staring at me. I tilted my head.

"Oh... do you not like it?"

He shook his head. Then he sighed and wrote something in his notebook.

"Did something happen?"

Ah...

I blinked. And then twisted my lips in a bitter smile.

"You sure are sharp, Mistor Risor." I touched a leaf idly. "But it's nothing I'm not used to."

I didn't expect him to pick up on my mood when I made sure to greet him with a smile. The truth is, I was feeling very low right now.

Feeling hungry after lunch, I'd decided to go to the kitchen, hoping it would be empty and that I'd be able to sneakily take some food as I do in the night. But instead of being vacant, it was full.

Full of the manor's servants and food. A feast lay on the kitchen table as the staff ate and made merry. I watched through a gap in the door until the smell of delicious food turned too bitter for me to breathe in and I left.

In the few moments I stood there watching them, I heard a few things they said and one rang clearly in my ears.

"Who knew it'd be so nice to serve an abandoned noble?" A worker leaned back into his seat with a grin. "Nobody cares enough to even check the house funds!"

"There should be more nobles like this! My sibling serving her master is so envious."

One laughed at my misfortune while the other wished for someone else's. I wondered if it's because they were characters in a book that they were being like this. Are they acting like this to fulfil Nora's abused past arc, or are they really such terrible people?

No matter what, it was easy to hate them.

I could throw a tantrum and fight them, but how much would that change? Besides, I don't care. I only need to survive and leave this place.

Ever since I got here, I never felt like I was the daughter of a marquess, or a noble or their master. I had no confidence to suddenly up and start ordering them around and besides, I'm sure they worked for my stepmother and I had no intention of being any further involved with her.

I was used to hunger anyway. The days of my past life when I barely felt like moving, let alone cooking were not uncommon for me.

My gaze returned to Risor in front of me and he had his brows furrowed. Then he wrote something else on his notebook.

"Are you hungry?"

He must have known about the feast inside, but he was still out here. It's why I was so surprised when I saw him through my bedroom window and immediately ran over to him.

I felt kind of ashamed that he knew and shook my head no but Risor stood up and gestured for me to follow him.

He led me to a greenhouse like place that had a little open patch of soil and crouched down, reaching his hand out.

I crouched beside him and watched as a little shrub of berries grew.

"Ah!" My excitement slipped out and Risor smiled at me before gesturing to the berries. I picked them and offered some to Risor. He shook his head, telling me to eat them all.

I was so touched at this little thing. I was only planning on using him for his knowledge; I hadn't expected him to be so kind to me, knowing my reputation. I gave him the brightest smile I could and then stuffed my face with the delicious berries.

"They're so delicious! Thank you so much, Mister Risor!" I still tried my best to be elegant and spoke after I'd chewed and swallowed them.

"This way, aren't we plant elementals lucky? We won't ever have to get too hungry!"

At my laugh, Risor smiled back at me and wrote something in his notebook.

"Should I surprise you more?"

"What..." I couldn't help but feel thrown off as he suddenly asked me this. What's this? What's he saying?

Seeing my confused reaction, it was now Risor that had a mischievous smile on his face.

He reached his hand to the soil again and immediately, what looked to be a tall flower plant was coaxed out of the ground. I watched in awe as a bud formed and was coloured red as the petals opened. A beautiful red flower was stood proudly in front of me.

I brought my hands to my mouth and turned to Risor. I was full of feelings after watching that happen and he just looked back at me with a smile.

He then extended his hand to the petals and gently caressed them before holding onto one with his fingers. And then he looked at me.

"W-wha-" After my initial confusion, I realized what he wanted. "You want me to hold a petal?"

I, too, did the same and leaned forward to softly hold onto a petal. And suddenly, a sweet voice filled my mind.

"I can do this, too."

I jumped back in shock and Risor was now laughing at me.

"Y-you! You can talk?!"

He shook his head, still smiling and gestured back to the flower. Still reeling from the surprise, I leaned close to him again and we both touched the flower petals.

"I can communicate through the flowers."

The sweet voice once again echoed around my mind and my eyes snapped to Risor.

"When my tongue was cut out, I thought I'd no longer be able to talk to the flowers but then one day..."

The voice of the flower told me of how one day Risor got a reply to his thoughts as he was tending to a plant and he realized he had developed a new strand power.

I looked at Risor in awe and he just gave me a small smile. This guy has what, telepathy with flowers? Really?

"What a cool teacher I've picked..." I mumbled out and Risor's eyes widened and he turned away. I could see his ears were red, but I was thinking about something else.

How desperate must he have been when he couldn't talk to flowers anymore... that he ended up activating his own unique strand power like this...

So that's why he spent so much time in the garden. This was how he could talk to them.

"You're a strong student, too." I was snapped out of my thoughts by that voice.

"Huh?"

Risor turned to me again and looked into my eyes as the voice asked me a question.

"Do you know what an Amaryllis flower stands for?"

So that's the name of this flower? I examined its vivid red petals. It stood tall and straight. It was so beautiful.

"Strength and determination."

My lips parted slightly as I looked at Risor who was looking right into my eyes.

"I picked this flower because it reminded me of you."

I felt something in my heart. It was a slight pain and a little feeling of being light.

"...Hah." I brought my other hand to my forehead and closed my eyes. "Seriously, you..."

What? Strength? Determination? How could those words ever suit me? Kind words, especially from you...

"Don't give up." These words echoed around my mind again. I smiled at him and didn't tell him.

I didn't tell him how tired I was of these words, all the way from my past life.

A while later, once again, I found myself walking to my hideout. I arrived at the entrance to it surrounded by trees and realized something was different.

On the same spot I saw him last, lay a curly blonde-haired kid. I squinted my eyes at the sight.

The heck... is he smoking?

Wearing what looked to be an ancient Chinese robe, I realized he must have the entire cultural wardrobe back home; and he had an intricately decorated pipe, ornamented by little jewels, in his hand, which he occasionally brought to his lips and blew out what seemed to be blue smoke.

I thought this last time too but... what a twisted and weird child.

I made my way towards my usual spot and he grimaced when he saw me.

"Children shouldn't be smoking," I said as I sat down and he clicked his tongue.

"As uninteresting as ever, I see," he muttered and in a second, in what appeared to be a magic trick, the pipe disappeared from his hands. "I was here first."

"What are you saying? I found this place first."

"But I got here first today so you can just leav-"

"This property is owned by me though," I countered smugly, and he clicked his tongue again.

He had more flowers with him today; a bunch of red hibiscuses and I watched as he picked them up to twiddle with them idly now that his pipe was gone.

I turned back to the view of the capital and brought my knees to my chest. We sat in silence for a few minutes before he broke it with an exasperated sigh.

"You. Now that you're here, say something. It's immensely boring. You are one of the most uninteresting people I've seen."

My mouth fell open at this. "Why am I suddenly having to listen to this? I didn't come here to hang out with you, did I?"

"Who'd want to sit with a boring person like you anyway? My toenails are falling asleep in your presence."

I tch-ed at the child who was being childish. "You keep saying I'm boring and uninteresting; are these the only words you know? What should I do then? Tell you a story?"

He shrugged and now began to pull out the petals from the flower one by one.

I bit my lip and thought of a story to tell him but... my mind was only full of plants and the characters of this book!

"Alright, but I am not doing this for free; if you are entertained by the story, I will make a request of you." I saw my chance and decided to take it.

The young stone-handler dismissively waved his hand, nonchalantly agreeing to my condition.

I raised an eyebrow at this.

...Aren't you being too easy-going? What if I ask for something too expensive?

Oh, well. Not my problem. I'll just start on my part.

"Alright, this is the story of a man caught between the love of two women-"

"Next." His quick reply made me frown. Hey, Cassian's story actually wasn't too bad, you know...

"Then, a man who destroyed nations for his love-" This time, it was his yawn that interrupted me.

"A boy whose voice could charm even the most cold-hearte-" Alright, alright. What's with that face? Then there's only one more left...

I sighed and spoke of the character I wanted to think the least about.

"The prince who led himself to ruin..."

His hand that was about to pull out another petal stopped mid-air and he looked up at me with a grin. "Ruined himself?"

I'd noticed this last time, but this boy seemed to like the idea of people harming themselves; it must have been why he approached me last time... because he saw me with my fingers on my neck. How twisted...

So you picked Azriel...

Of course, I remember his story.

It was too fucking tragic.

Actually, on second thought, isn't this story a little too dark for a kid? Ah, but who am I treating as a kid...

"Hey, how old are you anyway?" I asked him and he replied with a question.

"You first. How old are you?"

"Me? I'm fifteen."

"I'm fourteen." His reply made me frown. I was sure he was a lot younger, even though he didn't act it. Seeing this he shrugged and continued, "My body is still growing."

Well... whatever, then.

"There was a prince who fell in love with this girl who was beautiful both inside and out. She was kind and always put others first; the prince who was selfish thought that she was the opposite of him."

Crown-Prince Azriel lived in the palace with his mother. He was born from the love of his parents but as time went by, the emperor distanced himself and began a harem. The empress who loved him, couldn't take his unfaithfulness and fell into self-pity. Azriel grew up watching his mother drowning in darkness and madness.

And... Azriel was a young crown-prince, of twelve years, when his mother gave her life to save him.

There was an assassination attempt and the castle was attacked. His mother's body fell on him as she shielded him.

...That was the turning point, of course.

Tragedies birth heroes, was it? In books, anyway.

With the rage, sorrow and pain of his mother, the ancient magic flowing in the prince's blood was awakened... through negativity. This immense power was felt immediately throughout the empire; more powerful than any other emperor or being that lived.

An Imperial family member's awakening was something that is usually celebrated with great fanfare around the empire but... that was the day when too many lives were lost.

Moments before Azriel's awakening, the aides and servants who believed that the empress and the crown-prince had been murdered, killed themselves, swearing their loyalty to follow them to the after-life; that was the strength of their love and loyalty to their master.

It included the people who raised Azriel and the people he cared about; and as he walked around the castle killing the intruders, he saw the bodies laying around of his beloved people who had given their life for him and his mother.

After killing the attackers, his destination was the emperor. His father, who hadn't left the palace of his harem even as the empress lay bleeding to her death. If that man hadn't just shielded the harem palace and done something instead of always being indifferent... his mother's life and death wouldn't have been so miserable.

That day, Azriel was left as the only remaining member of the Imperial family; and the harem was obliterated, including everyone in it.

Yet, the empire lived without a crowned emperor as the prince had locked himself up in the palace. No one was allowed to approach him.

The kingdoms were led to terrible conditions and the people suffered due to the lack of actions from the Imperial family. Traitorous nobles, and ruffians, the underworld took over and raised taxes, black-mailed the civilians and were just treacherous.

However, two years later, the silent crown prince sent a sermon; the empire was to prepare for his coronation.

Once Azriel became the emperor; like magic, the empire was cleaned. Bodies of the cruel nobles were found hung outside their mansions; the underworld was wiped out and the ruffians either ran away or were killed ruthlessly.

The scorned cowardly young prince was now a beloved and respected emperor. Of course, not everyone forgot that he was the reason they had to suffer in the first place.

That was what happened six years ago. The emperor would now be 19 years of age.

So young...

"The prince, who had fallen in love with the girl's pure heart and innocence... felt that he was too dirty and unworthy of her love. She loved someone else, and instead of fighting for her... the prince fell into self-pity and darkness." ...Just like his mother.

"What was his fate?" The boy asked, curiosity and excitement written all over his face.

"...One day, he went mad and locked himself up... he killed anyone who cared about him and approached him and then he... he died himself."

Rezel, who was listening intently suddenly fell back in mocking laughter.

"He abandoned his kingdom! What a useless prince. Just like the one we have-"

"What are you saying!" I quickly interrupted him and looked around to make sure no one was here to hear him slander the emperor.

"It's true. If he wasn't such a coward, I wouldn't have-"

"Don't hate him too much." I interrupted before I could hear the rest of his words.

"What?" Rezel furrowed his brows.

"He probably hates himself more." I said as I looked into his brown eyes.

He glared at me. "What are you saying?"

"More than you hate him... he hates himself. So don't hate him too much."

"...Hah. And where do you come off, saying such things?" he scoffed at me.

I averted my eyes and looked back down at my hands.

"...Experience."

I closed my eyes and thought back to my past life.

Every time I couldn't do something... every time I rejected my friends to stay in by myself... every time I failed...

Don't show me those disappointed faces.

I am the most disappointed in myself.

More than you hate me... I hate myself. Why can't I do what you want? Why can't I do what I need to do?

More than anyone... I wanted to be kind.

More than anyone... I wanted to be worthy.

...But I was just worthless.

I sighed and looked back at Rezel.

"Do you think he enjoyed himself those two years he locked himself up in his room? And the prince from my story as well... He was worth saving."

Rezel, who stared at me unblinking this entire time, suddenly let out a small snort and sneered at me.

"What are you saying? He was a monster that killed his people and ruined his empire."

"I don't care if you don't understand. He was worth saving." I said again and felt like I was throwing a tantrum.

Rezel rolled his eyes. "I do not know why you are saying that. You are just spouting off whatever now."

I bit my lip, suddenly feeling a pain in my throat.

"...Because... it's okay to give up sometimes."

Rezel only watched me, perhaps realizing how my voice had changed.

"Those of us who give up... we punish ourselves enough, so... you don't need to say anything more to us."

We are the ones most disappointed in ourselves. We are the ones who hate ourselves the most.

More than anyone... I wanted to be kind and pure-hearted.

But I'm tired.

So let me be.

Please.

I took in a deep breath, realizing how I was going off tangent and making it deeper than it needed to be. I shook my head and gave a soft smile to Rezel.

"So don't hate him too much. Trust me, he's already made himself suffer enough."

Rezel then glowered at me. "...You're like him. It's disgusting."

I winced and then shrugged. It was why I had wanted Azriel to end up with Aurelia, the heroine the most. I related to him so much but then...

Haha... he was the one that ended up having such a pathetic death.

I extended my hands in front of me, similar to the way Rezel had done the day I first met him.

"My reward."

I was scared that he'd say the story wasn't entertaining but then he stopped glaring at me and sighed.

"What do you want?"

I secretly let out a relieved breath and smiled at him, bringing back my hands to the grass on my sides.

"Do you know of Ara roses?"

It was time to put the knowledge of the plant books to use.

Ara roses were plants restricted to this world and had thorns so sharp and huge, they could be the ideal weapon if I learnt to grow them well.

"Of course, I do. You want me to get you one?" he asked casually and I blinked in surprise.

I was originally just going to ask him if he knew where I could find someone who could sell it to me, as they were extremely rare and expensive. I thought I'd have to work on selling a bunch of Nora's stuff to be able to afford it but...

"Can...you?" I asked cautiously and he scoffed at me as if I was being incredulous.

"Do you know who I am? That's nothing for me."

I was trying to hold down my excitement and hope as I asked him the next question.

"So... can you get me an Ara rose?"

"When do you want it?"

I stopped the squeal that almost left my lips and gave him a huge grin.

"Anytime! Anytime is fine! Whenever you can, please!"

He raised his eyebrows at my excitement. "Why do you need them so much?"

With a smile, I reached out to the ground where a petal he ripped out fell to.

"I decided that this time, I'm going to do my best to live."

***

Writing. is. so. HARD.

Haha, thank you so much for the votes! I keep refreshing my notifications, and each vote and comment feels like a pat on my head lol

I'll probably edit this chapter later as well.

Thanks for reading my story :) from my heart <3