Chapter 14: All I have are excuses for my worthlessness. I know and so do you. Right?

"...It's really pretty."

Rezel and I were currently sitting across each other on the grass. Today he was wearing a Mughal Jama and somehow looked taller and more elegant than the last time I saw him. A single brilliant red Ara rose lay on the ground between us. I bit my lip.

"...Why do you sound disappointed?" Rezel tilted his head with a curious expression, the gold embroidered ruby leaf-design earring hanging from his left ear dangled along with his movement.

I wondered if I should tell him or not, because it couldn't have been easy to get this precious flower and he even did it for free. But then I sighed and shook my head, picking it up. It definitely looked unique and extremely beautiful; you could tell in just one sight that it wasn't a regular rose. It was a lot fuller and had petals of a such a deep colour that made you look twice; not to mention its unique twisted and long stem.

However, to me it was just a flower with no more of a purpose other than looking pretty. That was because...

It needs to be a full plant for me to be able to absorb its energy...

"I just... really wanted to grow one. But I'm so thankful for this, Rezel-"

"Oh," Rezel clicked his tongue, understanding and looking annoyed. "You should have said that, then." And then he snapped his fingers and vanished into thin air. Once again.

I was reminded of our first meeting. "Does he have a problem with saying goodbye?" I shook my head and brought the flower closer to inspect it. "It really is pretty..." No wonder it was so expensive.

The velvety petals felt smooth and soft under my touch. But it was quiet. Too quiet.

What's this? I thought to myself with a smile. "It seems that I miss my noisy carnations."

"Tch."

I looked up in surprise at the sound of someone clicking their tongue to see Rezel back in his spot as if he'd never left.

"It more seems like you can't ever make up your mind, lady." He gave me a disapproving look as he pointed at a gorgeous potted plant that now stood between us. My mouth fell open at the sight.

Growing from the pot were dark green stems naturally twisted multiple times, resembling a tornado with large thorns and sharp leaves extended out in various directions and in between the eye of the tornado was a single vivid red rose. There was another huge rose blooming at a side of the plant.

"Uh... uh..." I was at a loss for words at this view. Rezel let out a yawn as he asked me,

"This is what you wanted, right?"

"Y-yeah, but..." I thought you'd left? And where'd you get one from so quickly?

Realizing this was my chance, my heartbeat rose in anticipation and excitement and I reach out to the flower when-

"Not so quick." Before my fingers could grasp it, the pot was taken away and I was left staring at Rezel's face.

"What is it?" I asked, feeling swirls of apprehension form within me. What now?

I watched as a corner of his lip raised up and he looked at me arrogantly. I subconsciously gulped as he opened his mouth.

"Did you think that would be enough?"

"What?"

He looked down at the rose and gently caressed the petals. Somehow, seeing his gentle gestures with that smirk on his felt very off and terrifying. "One dumb story for this precious plant? That too," He looked back at me and held up two fingers. "I had to go get it twice. Do you think that's enough for all the trouble I went through?"

Agh... I knew it. I held back my sigh. I knew it was too good to be true. And here I thought I has managed to play him.

"What do you want?"

I watched as the smirk on his face grew wider. And then he opened his lips.

"More."

...Why are you being so vague? Taking your time like this... please just say what you want, I'm kind of freaking out right now.

"More stories. Tell me more stories and I'll hand this flower over to you."

I blinked at him, pressing my lips hard together.

And that's how it began.

Which movie should I tell him about today?

It's been a few weeks since I achieved the ability to grow Ara roses; although whether I'm good at it is... quite questionable. Sitting again in my hideout, I played around with my powers, growing little saplings as I waited for Rezel. He'd told me last week to be here today for another story and here I was. He was bringing me another dangerously sharp thorn-ed plant. Somehow he's become my supplier?

I already did Harry Potter. What else was popular? Twilight really doesn't seem to be his type. Hmm, Inception? Hah, forget trying to explain that!

I shook my head as I pondered. Rezel had really liked The Hunger Games, though. Somehow it was fitting for this twisted little boy to like a story about teenagers being put into an arena where they had to kill each other to survive.

I heard footsteps on grass and turned around to greet the curly blonde-haired boy.

"You're here?"

He yawned as he sat down and slid a potted plant towards me. I reached out towards it with a grin as I made small talk. "You look tired."

He shrugged with another yawn and stretched, reminding me of a little cat. Although he couldn't be called that little anymore. His growth spurt really had hit, as he said. He finally looked his age now.

"Those bastards won't stop piling work onto me. What are they even getting paid for?" He grumbled about his colleagues. I remember how surprised I was when he first made me stop a story because one of his rings started glowing, symbolizing that he was being called to work. I didn't think with that I-don't-give-a-shit-about-anything attitude of his that he'd take his job seriously.

Just as I was thinking what a responsible person he is, he then said something that made me blink. "Nagging all the time... one day, I'll just shut them up for good. Feed them to those alley dogs."

I gave an awkward laugh. "Somehow when you say it, it sounds like you'd really do something like that."

He then finally turned to me and his eyes were serious. "Of course. I've already fed those dogs humans before."

My mouth fell open, a cold sweat going down my back. Warning sirens were going on in my head and the boy noticed. He clicked his tongue and dismissively waved his hand.

"Don't worry. I only kill really bad guys. It's like cleaning up the capital. A side job."

I was still pendulating between disbelief and fear. I thought I was just going to tell him a story and get out with a new plant but what's this I'm hearing? This boy's killed people? Oh, I really hate this book world! Why is everyone so extreme?!

"B-but you kill people?" I couldn't help the awkward tremble in my voice.

He looked at me like he was annoyed and said, "They came onto me cause I was a kid and tried to do this and that... after which they tried to capture me and other kids to sell us off. What makes you think I'd let them go alive for even thinking such a thing? Of course I had to clean up that dirt."

Paedophiles and human traffickers...

I knew about them. It was actually a whole organization mentioned in the book. Heroine had defeated them and earned the people's respect, which eventually helped her in becoming the empress. To think Rezel went against them as well... that too at such a young age.

"...Are you okay?" I asked him quietly and he snorted.

"They couldn't lay a finger on me, of course. You don't seem to know how strong I am. Should I show you?"

With wide eyes, I frantically shook my head 'no' and he laughed at me. It was such a creepy laugh. Then he touched one of the saplings I'd grown and I watched as a glowing red line spread across it, turning it into ashes that were blown away in the gentle breeze. Then his gaze was back on me.

"Be careful of the dogs in Tera alley."

He looked at me with a grin that only the devil could have as he said what he did next.

"They have a taste for human blood."

I could only stare at him as my heart trembled in fear.

Oh, I really do hate this book.

With all these overpowered characters around me, how was I reincarnated as such a disadvantaged weakling?!

But another opportunity for me to become stronger soon arrived.

"These are the most dangerous plants in this garden."

Risor and I were currently squatted in the greenhouse, in front of some ordinary looking leaves that resembled poison ivy from back in my world, but they were tinted red in the edges. I'd asked him if he could show me any plants I had to beware of, which led to him taking me to the greenhouse and growing these leaves.

"These are called Ruila Leaves. They are like poison ivy, but I think these are more dangerous."

We had a sunflower that we were both holding onto between us as he explained more about the plant to me. I gulped at his words. Worse than poison ivy? And I need to touch this...?

I took a deep breath and after strengthening my resolve, reached out to the plant with fearful eyes. My fingers were close to touching the plant when-

Huh?

There was quick movement and I felt a breeze. My fingertips couldn't reach the Ruila leaves and instead had touched the back of Risor's fingers. I looked up in confusion to see Risor looking at me with wide eyes and... is that... anger?

The flower we were holding had fallen to the ground in his surprise and Risor picked it up again, pushing it towards me. I obediently touched its yellow petals, understanding why he'd stopped me.

He didn't want me to get hurt...

That makes sense. I should have told him before I reached out to the flower, but didn't I tell him before that I wanted to learn how to protect myself? However...

Risor's actions made my vision blur as a memory flowed into my mind.

"Nora!" In a dark and dusty room, a younger Cassian yelled out my name frantically as he jumped in front of me, shielding me as I trembled with fear.

I frowned, blinking to focus on Risor.

"What are you doing?" Wow, I didn't know the flower's sweet voice could sound this angry. Risor was looking at me with furrowed brows but when he saw me stumble for moment, his eyes softened with worry.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked and I nodded, breathing in. "What happened?"

Cassian happened. What was that? I couldn't see what he was protecting me from, but my heart was beating a mile a minute in that memory. And... why did he look so... injured? Just... what was that memory?

"You..." My voice cracked and I cleared my throat to talk again. "You just... reminded me of an older brother." I smiled gently at him and he blinked, before scratching his cheek awkwardly.

"This plant hurts too much. I only grew it to show you what you shouldn't touch because but you..."

How can I tell him that it doesn't matter to me if touching it will be painful when it could give me the ability to protect myself? Seeing how worried he looked, I don't think he'd let me get close to it at all. It would be troublesome to explain to this sweet worrywart. So I put on a silly smile to resemble a little girl who doesn't think too much.

"Oh... I just wanted to be able to grow it," I giggled and his frown deepened. "I didn't think it would hurt that much. How did you learn to grow it, Risor?" I decided to change the subject.

His frown lessened a bit as he sighed at me and turned back to the plant. A soft voice then flowed into my mind.

"I stumbled onto it when I was a child."

A small bittersweet smile then tinted the corners of his lips and eyes as he seemed to be remembering a distant memory. "My worried mother looked everywhere for the remedy leaves."

A new plant suddenly grew beside the Ruila leaves. I watched as he took the leaves between his fingers. "All we have to do is crush these leaves and apply them to the wound, but she couldn't stop her tears as she did it." A small breath of a short laugh left his nose and I felt a bitter pain in my chest.

"Seeing her cry like that, I couldn't even bring myself to cry from the pain anymore."

A shaky breath left my nose.

...His family.

His tongue... his nobility... and then his father. Abandoned to a rotting house, away from his mother.

This boy had lost it all in just a blink. And yet, look at him. 'One who laughs.' That was the meaning of the name Risor.

He's been through so much... and yet he hasn't lost his softness. I can feel his warmth in the way he gently took my injured hand, and the way his words softly whispered into my mind when he spoke so lovingly about these flowers.

How... can you be so strong?

My hand reached out once again, but this time to his drooping head. His pupils met mine from the corner of his eyes as I stroked his hair, as one would when comforting a child.

"It must have been hard," I said quietly. "You've endured so much, dear. It must have been so hard... You did well, Risor." You did so well.

His eyes widened for a second, before he looked down and shut them tightly. We stayed like that, just breathing for a while before the sunflower we were holding whispered,

"It's like you're the older sister."

I smiled. It was a happy and cheeky one. "No, you're definitely the older brother. How can you say that when I'm still so young?"

A gentle smile graced his lips before he opened his eyes to look into mine. They were still so sad. I parted my lips again to speak.

"Then how about this... I'll be your older sister when you need me, and you be my older brother when I need you?"

In this rotten mansion, let's be there for each other.

Risor looked down and softly nodded.

"We can rely on each other. I'll protect you."

"Me too. I'll protect you."

We exchanged these words in the garden of the forsaken mansion that we called home.

Later, I watched Risor's back leave the greenhouse as I sat by the tea table, drawing in my book. He said he was going to town today. I waited until he left his cabin and then pushed back my chair, the sound echoing around the little greenhouse. I stood up and turned towards where the little heart-warming scene had played just a while ago.

I walked, my footsteps resonating as I replayed the act that took place a while ago.

He said he'd protect me... a scoff of a laugh left my lips and I crouched by the Ruila leaves. You really...

...are so kind. I don't understand it.

I crushed the leaves of the plant next to them.

The way you're so strong... the way you can be so kind...

I didn't realize I was glaring at my hands as I pressed the leaves together with unneeded strength.

To me and to these flowers... this house is your prison and yet you've made this garden look like heaven.

I finally reached a finger out to the Ruila leaves.

You really...

...make me feel so dirty.

Whenever you show me that kind smile... you make me realize all the things I am not.

I hissed, the pain spreading through my finger. I felt myself burn and sizzle as bright red blisters and boils immediately tore through my skin. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tightly shut my eyes.

Everything I'm doing is for me... how can you work so hard for someone else?

Even in my past life... I couldn't show the people around me the kindness they deserved.

I hurt them continuously and disappointed them again and again. I wanted to give them what they wanted; I wanted to give them what they wanted before they'd even ask for it...

I really wanted to be such a person.

The type of person who knows how to save someone.

But I could barely even save myself.

Hey, can you understand me?

I needed to save myself.

I'm sorry that it meant I couldn't give you what you want.

Trust me... I know.

I know how worthless I am.

Hey...

Everything... is just an excuse, isn't it?

...I can't breathe.

***

Thank you so much for reading and writing the comments... everytime, they really help my mindset because I keep having this fear that I can't write. ahaha I don't know why it troubles me so much. Anyway, sorry and thanks so much for everything :D