Chapter 3: My death was written when you said "I'll protect you."

There was a knock and a maid entered my room. Giving the slightest bow, she looked up at my eyes and said "His Grace Lord Arcturus is here to see you."

I jumped with a start, my eyes wide.

That bastard is here?!

In the past month that I had been chilling and relaxing in this mansion, this was the biggest terror. Twice this man had sent a notice before, asking to meet Lady Eleonora and twice this month I had declined, telling him how I'm just so tired and how I just need to rest. Just why is he so persistent? Isn't he supposed to be happy that Nora's finally off his back?

I sighed and pursed my lips, my hands akimbo as I thought about how I could get rid of him once and for all.

Staying away from him is key to my survival. I don't know how this world works and I'm worried that spending too much time with him could possibly wake up Nora's obsession.

"Serve him in the tea room and prepare to dress me, please," I said to the maid, making sure my tone was polite and she left to call the others, without saying a word in reply to me.

Her obvious rudeness as a maid made me sigh. I think a lot about their treatment of me. Of course it's not normal but do I really want to say something and make them hate me more? It's too much trouble.

To be honest, all this is a luxury I didn't have in my past life so it's more than enough to satisfy me. A bunch of grumpy servants is the last thing that I'd care about when I have so much else.

The hands that dressed me and did my hair were rough. I was still happy to have this help though because I had no idea how to wear these clothes by myself anyway. They were quiet, not speaking a word to me.

So cold...

I stopped myself from shuddering and looked into the mirror. Wah. Now... that's definitely the face of a villain.

My eyes were sharp and terrifyingly intense and the way my face muscles contorted when I smiled could only be called scary.

Do you really have to make it this obvious that I'm a villain?

Moreover, in this world full of people with eyes and hair colours of the rainbow, I was born with brown eyes and brown hair. How much more unfair can this be! These are common in my world too, you know!

With this ice-cold face and Nora's terrifying reputation, I wonder if I'll ever be able to find a husband in this life.

Ah, no. I reprimand myself.

I'm a 21st century woman. Even if I am in this world, I do not need a husband. That's right, I will just survive the novel and live my life relaxing peacefully.

Just have to survive this novel.

I repeated this in my mind like a mantra as I turned towards the tea-room but the maid continued to walk ahead in the corridor.

"Where are you going?" I asked her, feeling swirls of irritation rise in me again but I waved them off. She turned around and said "His Grace said he would like to walk in the gardens today," after which she bowed and stood to the side, waiting for me to walk ahead. I loosened my clenched fist. And you didn't think of letting me know? Is talking to me that much of a bother for you?

Whatever. I began to walk towards the gardens, trying to ignore my plummeting mood. But I didn't have to worry too much because as soon as I stepped outside, a wonderful breeze hit me, carrying the smells of various flowers and I took in the sight of the garden around me.

Risor's work really is no joke...

The rotting mansion behind me, the area ahead of me looked like something out of a fairytale. A beautiful assortment of colours filled my eyes and it was a sight that could make even the most indifferent person carve an expression of wonder. Even the cloudy sky looked like a painting. This... really is the world of a book, I thought.

I saw this garden everyday from up in my room but seeing it in front of me and being in it, it was like I was in a different world. I decided then and there that I would have a tea table put out here and spend my life in this garden.

My eyes slid across the various exotic flowers, and slowly fell onto a figure standing in the midst of the purple freesias.

Cassian...

As if my thoughts had called out to him, he turned around and looked right into my eyes. In that very moment, the clouds gave way and golden sunlight cascaded down on him, making him look like he was glowing in nature's own spotlight; a shower of fairy dust. Strands of his tied up long silver hair reflected the light like soft threads of spider silk floating in the breeze. Seeing me, his pink lips curved into a smile and he called out my name. My hand flew to my throbbing chest. His smile was dazzling... other-worldly... ethereal... I dedicate all my poems to him...

My mouth fell open.

What... what the fuck?!

I could barely stop myself from having a meltdown. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT DRAMATIC ENTRANCE?! DID YOU SEE THE SUNLIGHT? HIS SPOTLIGHT?

No, no, no, no, no. I shook my head wildly. If this is how it's going to be when I'm near male leads, I won't be able to take it. I will die of bitterness and jealousy before anything. Ah, but that is what I am meant to die with anyway. AGH.

I am so pissed! This man is too beautiful! Like, I get being attractive in moderation, or even a little extra. BUT DID YOU SEE THAT? That was just perfect! How the heck did that scene just happen? It was like I was watching a movie. No! Even better! Also, he said my name! There's no way my heart wouldn't skip a beat after seeing that.

Dazed, I reluctantly tried to make myself wobble my way towards him and realized he was coming toward me with the most worried face. I tilted my head and instinctively took a step back to keep my distance from the dangerous man and realized he was looking behind me. When I turned around, my maid had disappeared. Or more precisely... she now lay on the ground like a puppet with its strings cut off.

"T-the heck happened...?!" I exclaimed as I bent down to check her and realized she was mumbling something. I brought my ears closer to her lips and heard "Lord Cassian... Lord Cassian..."

I flew back in shock and covered my mouth with my hands. D-did she just...? No way!

You have to be kidding me! The male lead's beauty... just made my maid faint?!

There's no denying it anymore. I really was in the world of a romance fantasy novel.

After Cassian held her up, she took one look at him and her head lolled back, with a content sigh. I could only stand and shake my head at the fallen victim of the male lead and his powers. She was taken away by the other servants and Cassian returned to me in the garden. We both silently decided to ignore what had just happened and began our walk.

It was the hardest time I had with my two conflicting emotions. One was the urge to just stare at his brilliant specimen of a face and the other was to keep my eyes covered because his beauty was just too bright and dazzling.

After walking in silence for over two minutes, he cleared his throat and began. "Your memories still haven't returned, I see."

"Huh?" My head snapped towards him at the speed of light and I bit my lip to hold back the exclamations I wanted to make about the sound of his voice. So clear! So deep! As expected, main leads are a whole other species. I almost asked him if he was a flower to have a voice so sweet but who am I kidding? He's prettier than any flower!

Woah, I cringed at my thoughts. It's the power of the author's favourite child. My brain is turning into mush.

"Usually you'd be holding on to me and saying a lot, about all sorts of things. You're not doing that right now," he explained further, generously ignoring the unladylike sound and expression I just made.

Oh right. He's used to obsessive Nora. I pulled my cheeks back and gave him my brightest smile, but I realized it probably looked terribly awkward and scary.

"Right. You see, I've been meaning to talk to you about this; I've decided to let that of me part go." A pause to let that sink in for you. I pursed my lips and continued. "I will not be clinging to you anymore. I won't visit you and I won't mind if you want to treat me as a stranger. I know I've been out of line many times. I wanted to apologize for my past actions." I tried to make myself sound as sincere as I could as I looked up at him with subtle desperation.

I thought he'd be more shocked but his expression hasn't changed at all. What's with this guy?

"Y-you've been very kind," I quickly added, carefully watching his face. This girl who's been stuck to you like gum since you were kids is telling you she's finally taking off; shouldn't you show a bit more of a reaction?

"I see," he nodded and gave me another dazzling smile. And continued walking. What the... Hasn't his personality done a full 180 from that night? Is he acting kind right now?

This is going a bit too smoothly, right? But whatever, it's good for me. Although the fact that he really doesn't care if Nora stays with him or not is slightly pissing me off. I mean, even right now, the only reason he was here wasn't because he liked Nora or cared for her; it was because he'd made her a promise.

That damned promise he made to her when they were younger; this cursed death flag began the moment he took her hand and said "I'll protect you."

I shook my head and held up my dress. No, this is a good chance. Let's end this cleanly and we can live the rest of our life in peace!

Taking quick steps to catch up to him, I spoke with a grin "Right? Isn't this better? Now you don't have to come here anymore and of course we can be polite when we are in company but if you want, we could also pretend to be strangers-"

"And until when am I to go along with your scheme this time, Eleonora?" My words were cut off, surprising me.

Huh?

We both had stopped walking and now he stood, facing me. Looking at him from this distance was nerve-wracking. It was like there was an abyss in his amethyst eyes, pulling me in. What's with this intense stare?!

"W-what?" I stammered out. "Wait, you think this is a scheme?"

He gave me a look as if to say it was obvious. Huh. Of course he wouldn't believe me that easily. No, it made sense.

But the thing is, I had realized something when I entered Nora's body. For her, it was way too easy to feel these glowing embers of rage. As if the slightest breeze can create a whole flame and before I know it, I'll want to break and throw things. Nora's catchphrase 'How dare you?' echoed in my mind and I bit my cheek to stop myself from saying anything I might regret.

This body gets angry way too easily. It's dangerous if I lose control.

So I exhaled and tilted my head, plastering a smile on my face.

"I see. I've lied to you before, so it makes sense. I'll apologize for that. But after I lost my memories, I realized how embarrassing it is to be so focused on you when you want the opposite."

Let's just be straightforward; after all, lying any further when he already has zero trust in me would just be counterproductive. If I'm honest, he might just see that I mean it. But why do I see his expression turning colder by the second?

"I mean, you wanted this right? Looking back, I really was such a bother. I don't know how I could ever tell you how grateful I am for you always taking care of-"

"Until the end," he cut me off again, and my eyes widened to see that his face had completely changed. It was still ethereal and breath-taking but in a very scary way. He was now glaring at me and it would be a lie to say it wasn't intimidating.

"Until the end you don't care about how I feel," he scoffed, making me frown. Wait, what?

"What do you-"

"It's what I want, you said?" his tone was mocking. "And you know what I want?" For a second, the look in his eyes seemed familiar, sending a painful pang through my chest.

...Ah, that's right.

That face...

It's the same as the one he gave me that night. No, not just that night; it was the way he always looked at me. It's the same way the servants of the house look at me.

With unfiltered scorn.

I let out a short laugh of disbelief. Those damn eyes... Why is everyone here showing me those eyes? I don't care what Nora did but why do I deserve to be treated like this?

I died and was thrown into this shitty situation. The servants weren't enough and now I have to deal with this guy as well?

He was so indifferent this whole time and now he's acting like I'm dumping him? Everybody and their mother knows that the only reason he tolerated Nora was because of their past. Once the heroine arrives, even that tolerance disappears, as if she was a lifeline to get away from Nora. Once she arrives, Cassian bristles at even just the sight of Nora. Of course, I don't really blame him at that point because she was a crazy bitch, but then she's always been one.

Even right now he's just putting up with me because he he has to, for the sake of his reputation. Who knows what else this crazy bitch Nora would do? Rumours about the heir of the dukedom are troublesome, aren't they? Especially when they involve a marquess' crazy daughter.

Ah. Is he annoyed cause I put the blame on him? To be honest, he's not wrong. He's done his part well, taking care of me, coming here to 'check up' on me, even if it was just for appearances. But I still don't see why I have to be treated like this.

Sorry, Nora. I wanted you to have a clean break with your first love, but I don't think that's going to be possible. I'm far too irritated right now for that.

Maybe it's the fact that I already know that he doesn't actually give a fuck about Nora but is here anyway just for show. Because it's expected of him. But it's okay, Cassian. I'll relieve you of this duty now.

"Don't..." I finally spoke, through gritted teeth. "Don't come here anymore."

He tilted his head, making his silver hair fall across his cheek and shoulder. His expression was now blank. Like a mask. He looked like a hand crafted doll, with carefully air-brushed features.

I made sure to look into his eyes as I said my next words.

"Let's pretend we're strangers. Let's not meet each other anymore. Your Grace, I sincerely thank you for the memories." With that, I curtsied politely and turned around. "I apologize but I won't be seeing you out." I held my head up and without sparing him another glance, began to walk back to my rotting mansion.

Later, I regretted getting so angry. In the moment, I could only think of how pitiful the owner of this body was. It pissed me off. Cassian acted so high and mighty coming here to check up on her when we both knew he hadn't actually wanted to be here. It really pissed me off.

He never showed any reaction. As if Nora wasn't cutting ties with him but talking about the weather instead. And then he got mad at me.

I knew Nora was in the wrong. I knew all that but I was angry anyway; probably because I knew I was wrong. I'm frustrated that everyone I meet is an angel compared to me; even the servants treat me that way because I deserve it.

I won't deny that Nora was a terrible person, and I won't defend her at all.

But I, Rose, wasn't.

And living as Eleonora was taking its toll on me.

I wanted to pick at every little thing in everyone's characters so I could at least bring them closer to my level; so that I could paint them in a similar colour.

So that I wouldn't be the only dirty thing. So that I wouldn't be the only one suffering.

I've been trying to hold back and control myself but if everyone is to treat me like this anyway, why should I work hard to act any different?

These sorts of thoughts often plagued my mind these days.

I groaned into my pillow. My mood is completely terrible. It's only been a month...