Chapter 28: Found a place to rest my head.

Eleonora Sollea.

She is the daughter of Marquess Viridis Sollea of Ilaria, and his late commoner wife Kaira Sollea.

Immediately after the death of his wife, Viridis remarried a woman, which led to the ruin of his relationship with his daughter.

He was a bad father that abandoned his daughter. That's what I knew about him.

Now let's write it in a different way.

Viridis was in a marriage of love that came to an early tragic end when the carriage carrying his brother Venor and his wife Kaira overturned, resulting in the instant death of them both.

Before Viridis could even finish his breath of mourning, the pact between the Sollea and Ceridwen families was brought up. For the peace treaty between the two territories to be kept, a member of the Sollea family had to marry a member of the Ceridwen family. The Ceridwen family had no sons, so Sollea's daughter, Viridis' sister Atresia could only sit by and watch.

It was supposed to be Venor Sollea who married Thalia Ceridwen.

Viridis thought about the people he had to protect. He looked at the sad brown eyes of his precious young daughter.

Before Viridis could even finish his breath of mourning, his second wedding was set.

"Don't come near me! Leave me alone!"

His daughter loathed him. He tried to explain, but he was never given a chance. Ever since the death of her mother, his daughter Eleonora only went further away from him. Further into madness.

Then one day-

"If you appear in front of me again, I will kill myself."

She broke her mother's favourite vase and picked up a sharp shard of its glass. She held it to her wrist as she threatened her father.

"I'm leaving. I'm going far away from you! I don't want you!"

A thin red line tainted her unblemished skin; her hand that he held so dearly in his own when she was born. So preciously, so tenderly, with so much fear... that he might hurt this precious little child. He remembered his wife laughing at his worry. Now that hand was cutting at... what was it cutting at? His daughter's skin? Their link to each other? Their relationship, their love?

Oh, dear lord... Tears pooled silently at the grown man's eyes. Where did it all go wrong?

The one person he was most helpless against in this world was taking advantage of his weakness; the sorest, most painful part of his heart. She threatened him with herself. She put herself- her life on the line for such a thing.

How did it become so twisted...?

"I won't come to you again." His quiet voice echoed around the room towards his little girl. "I will do what you want. Whatever you want. You may leave here."

The girl's grip on the shard of glass loosened and he spoke again, feeling as if that very shard was glass was piercing at his heart.

"But please. You will take care of yourself. Nothing must happen to you."

The girl nodded but inwardly she knew. That these were just his words as he played at being a father. He wasn't really such a man. It was all just acting. She knew that.

He'd asked her before. If she wanted him to send Thalia away. It always made her angrier. She'd yell at him in an anger he'd never seen before. She told him to leave her out of this. He was ready to send her away and bear the price of it, but his daughter only threatened him further.

For years, he lived suffering with the memories of his broken family. He wrote her countless letters, every time the pain got too much. He sent them but never got a reply. Many a time, he couldn't take it and would take his coat, would almost summon the Ilaria stone-handler and ask to be taken to his daughter's estate in the capital. He just wanted to see her but... he'd sit back down on his chair and bury his face in his hands, hurt and defeated. He'd remember the words she spoke and her threat. Perhaps she wanted to let go of him. Perhaps he'd only hurt her further.

But what of him...? What has he done to deserve this much pain and suffering? He'd started to look at life so bitterly as he lived each day alone even when in company.

Then it changed one day.

"What did you say happened to my daughter?" He fiercely questioned the words of his aide.

Strange rumours were floating around. The Ilarian servants in the capital had been dismissed to be punished by Aldebaran. One of them managed to run away and then unzipped his mouth in a pub to sell information. The daughter of the Marquess of Ilaria was severely ill and she had lost all her memories. Moreover, she was a pathetic girl that wasn't even respected by her servants.

"Dear lord..." The Marquess was held by his aide so that he wouldn't fall over.

"Where is she now?" He pulled his arm back and stood up straight. "Did you not hear me? Where is she now?!"

"The Noblesse Oblige Charity Exhibition in the capital, my lord."

"Get the stone-handlers."

A song was playing.

An old familiar song. One I often listened to at 2AM, wide-eyed nights. The dull orange glow of the lamp in my room was a comforting light, and for a moment, I'd have travelled to a Parisian street.

And if my life is like the dust That hides the glow of a rose

I'd be dancing with a lover, wearing a dress that felt just right. I'd be smiling and holding to the air a glass of a red gift from the fruits, I'd toast to life, surrounded by the sleepy but bright glow of warm lights that only ever showed me what I wanted to see.

What good am I? Heaven only knows

The self-depreciative song lyrics only went on to fill me with further emotions as I dreamt this perfect scene, one that I could never achieve elsewhere but in these useless thoughts.

Lord, this bitter earth Yes, can be so cold

I'd hug my knees and with my cheek rested on them, I'd sway myself to and fro. Today as well, I disappointed him. Do I even deserve this trifle moment of fictional happiness?

Today, you're young Too soon, you're old.

Ah, that's right. I'm Eleonora now. That moment the man looked at me, did I imagine it?

But while a voice within me cries I'm sure someone may answer my call

...I must have, right? It can't be... right? I was too dizzy after all. But... it is strange. I thought I saw it for a moment... the glistening of the trail of a tear going down his cheek as he looked at me.

And this bitter earth Ooh, may not, oh, be so bitter after all.

The song ended. It was time for me to open my eyes.

"It is all my fault. If only... if only I hadn't agreed to send her away. I didn't know what I could have done, but I must have done something no matter what! Even if she... even if she...!"

It was a terribly sad voice. It was breaking and faltering, then raising with an overflow of emotions and regret.

"Why... how did we end up like this? Oh, dear lord... how did it all get so twisted? My daughter..."

A pang of a sweet pain pierced my chest. It was my first time being in the presence of this man, but somehow, I knew him. Somehow, we were connected.

"My dear... where did it all go wrong...? I would do anything for you and yet..."

My eyelids fluttered open softly and gazed at the mess of a man on his knees beside my bed. He was holding onto my hand as if it were his lifeline, and he rested his forehead on the back of my fingers. His eyes were shut tightly, and I could feel the tickle of his wet eyelashes.

...How strange.

Why now, I wonder.

If this had happened when I first arrived here, everything would have been so different. If this had come to me in those times of my hardest despair, I would have been saved much earlier.

...All I had to do was remember.

Why now, I wonder... did these memories return to me?

Is it because I finally saw the person so hugely present in them? My mind is full of this man right now.

This man... and the young Eleonora.

"Again...! There she goes again! Eleonora!" The young dark-haired man chased after a smaller, girlier and much more mischievous version of him. "I've told you not to go around without your shoes, my girl! Ah, don't show me that smile!" Her mother brought her hands to her lips as she laughed, amused at this scene of the great marquess running after the little girl while holding two of her tiny shoes. A dazzling grin naturally came over his lips as he caught her and easily picked her up so no pebbles may mark her precious feet. "Devious, just like her mother," he murmured into her cheeks lovingly and the girl giggled, pushing away his face with her small hands.

"I should have protected you... forgive me. Forgive me, my little dear."

"Who is really the commoner amongst us?" muttered Kaira as she eyed her husband wipe the food covered lips of a young Nora. Having a tantrum throwing child would have been understandable; however, it seemed to her that her husband was more of a child amongst the two. He refused to eat unless the little girl was sat at his lap as they dined together at the long table. "You spoil her too much," she looked at him with a playful jealous pout and he laughed. His laughter echoed around the room like music. The music of pure happiness. The child looked at him and a contagious laugh bubbled out of her own lips. Nora's mother pressed her lips to hide her smile. These two looked much too alike.

"My dear, no one here is a commoner but me. Dare I say, I am the poorest fellow in this room; completely at the mercy of a woman and a child. But never spare me, for I shall sooner perish than to forget the taste of your lips."

The woman rolled her eyes at him. "See, these are the words. The words of the very devil that seduced me. Don't make that shocked face and listen to me now, Marquess. Ever since my precious daughter has come to us, look how you've forgotten me!"

The man winced at her words and stood up, still carrying the child. Then he moved towards his pouting wife and she turned away from him, crossing her arms.

"Don't say that now, my dear. It is true that this child is the apple of my eye, but isn't that because she has so much of you in her? How could I not love her when I love you so?" He leaned down and gravitated towards her; brushing his nose lightly on her lovely cheek, tickling at her skin. He could see the smile teasing on the corners of her lips and couldn't help his own.

"You say that, but she looks just like you. Look at her hair. Those dark, messy curls of yours."

"But you have the prettiest shimmering brown eyes and see, my dear; hers shine just like yours do when you look at me."

The woman finally turned towards her husband with a smile. "Oh, they shine, do they?"

"Like the sun shines hope through the dark clouds, and the moon illuminates a path for the wandering souls of the night. But I am lost in your eyes, and may I never be found."

She could never win against this man and his romance. What clever words that directly wrap around her heart, without a trace of hesitation- no, not even the polite sound of a knock. Silently, gently and then so turbulently that she was left a vulnerable mess with his love. But she was vulnerable, only because he was too.

She leaned forward towards him and closed her eyes as she murmured her words true to him.

"It is your smile that saved me, my love."

"Is that so?" He breathed out.

"Yes. I can say it's ruined me, but no; I found my salvation in you. So I am saved, even if this world shall shatter tomorrow; for in this moment, I am with you and that is all that matters."

"Don't speak of moments, my love. Let us only speak of eternity." And he leaned forward to kiss her.

But they had to break apart with delightful laughter because of the child that had placed her tiny hand lovingly on her mother's head.

"I was wrong... I was wrong! It doesn't matter whatever you said or what threats you spoke of. Perhaps I should have imprisoned you there to keep you safe. But how could I keep you from yourself? Oh, what could I have done? Why did such a thing have to happen...? I beg you, forgive me. I beg you, let me be here beside you."

"Are you asleep, my dear?" The marquess peeked gently into the room through the carefully opened door. His daughter was sat on the bed with crossed arms as she looked at him with disappointment. He winced then gave her the brightest smile he could as he walked into the room with open arms and exaggerated gestures. "Oh, what a lucky man I am. My daughter is awake so I shall sweetly kiss her goodnight..."

The girl didn't react to his sweet words and his expression of his love for her as he sat down beside her. She continued her silence, and the man sighed with defeat. How was she so similar to her mother? They both knew just how to get what they wanted from him. But he was never too hesitant to oblige anyway.

"Alright, forgive me, my sweetheart. The guests took longer to leave than I thought." The man gave her his most pitiable face at her but the corners of her lips wouldn't even tremble. An unnoticeable crease of worry appeared between his eyebrows. His daughter was certainly a harder shell to crack than his wife. Is it because children are always so ruthless? He pitied himself for being at the receiving end of a child's wrath. He leaned in closer towards her and spoke in the soft voice that usually delighted her. "Won't you forgive me, my apple of my eye? I am sorry for keeping you waiting."

Finally, the girl gave a dramatic resigned sigh- dramatics that she certainly learned from her father and the reactions that she took from her mother- and she held out her hands to her father's cheeks. "I waited for you. I won't sleep until I see you."

She was so sincere and serious in her heartfelt words of love to him that he felt the pang of guilt growing bigger; but he also felt the pleasure of being loved and needed by his dearest. He placed his much bigger hand on her tiny one and pulled her closer to him in a short embrace, after which he made her lay down to sleep and tenderly placed her blanket on her. He murmured to her softly as he stroked her head.

"It is the same for me, my little girl. I cannot have the first breath of my day unless my eyes have seen you. I will try my best to not let you wait again, so can you forgive me?"

A smile finally bloomed on her lips and she pushed her face towards the blanket shyly.

"Of course, I forgive you." Her words were muffled so he leaned down towards her.

"What, my dear?"

"You said... daddy, you said you will always... forgive me, right?"

He heard her this time and realized she was speaking of the time when she had misbehaved and he had taught her sternly to ask for forgiveness when one makes another feel wronged. It was an impactful moment because he had never been so serious with her before. It made her cry as she apologized and he immediately took her in his arms. 'Of course, I forgive you,' he murmured, trying to comfort his sobbing child. 'I will always forgive you, Nora. I love you. You are my daughter.'

"So I will always forgive you. I am your daughter. And you are my father."

The man's eyes widened at her words and before he could react further, the child pushed off the blanket she was hiding in and pressed a kiss against his cheek, before just as quickly rushing back out of his sight. There was a sound from the little lump on the bed.

"I love you."

"Why don't you love me anymore?" My voice was a whisper.

I stirred and turned my head so I could see him better. My movement made the tears in my eyes pool and fall to the side of my cheek.

"You said you loved me," I murmured again and he slowly raised his head. His hair was dishevelled, and his face was a mess from hurt and despair. His eyes were red from the sorrow and his lips trembled faintly.

His grip tightened on my hand but I wrapped my fingers around his even harder. I sat up and looked down at him.

"You were supposed to love me." I spoke through gritted teeth. "You were supposed to protect me, you were supposed to be with me!"

Who else will love me...?

Tears helplessly streamed down his cheeks and he nodded desperately.

"Let me."

He stood up and leaned in closer to me but I turned away and cried. "No!"

His arms wrapped around my shoulders and I sobbed. "No! You will regret it! I will make you regret it!"

"My only regret is letting you leave my side." His voice was a pained whisper. His warmth felt real and familiar. His warmth... felt like me.

"I will disappoint you and you will hate me! I will make sure of it!" I cried into his shoulder.

"You breathing beside me is all I can ask for. It's all that I want. You could never make me hate you. As long as you live safely, you are not able to disappoint me."

Despite myself, my arms reached out towards him, like it was only natural. I never heard him say these words, my own father. I wouldn't think he was capable of it. I didn't care. I didn't care to think of how perhaps I, Rose, didn't deserve this. I didn't care to think of how he wasn't my real father. I didn't care. I am... finally getting a father's warmth. I want it. I need it. Why should I stop? Maybe I deserve it. Maybe that's why I'm here.

I tightened my grip around him. I don't want to let go.

After all this time... After all these messed up moments...

Finally found a place to rest my head.