Chapter 31: I shrugged, and a tired, but rude, self-deprecative smirk curled at the corner of my lip. "Sorry I'm sensitive."

The room had three maids more than usual; they had fought each other to be able to get in. All their eyes were turned towards one direction. A golden glow seemed to be shining on them from that spot.

Caeles leaned back against the couch, his elbow on the armrest as he placed his fingers against his temple. Unlike Cassian, he never had much will to ever hide his discomfort, so his eyebrows were tensed, a fold appearing between them. But even that crease only added to his attractiveness, as the people in the room couldn't take their eyes off of him. He laxly crossed his legs, the fabric pressing tightly against the muscles of his thighs. A maid pinched the girl standing next to her and she glared at her, quickly wiping at her mouth.

Caeles breathed out through his nose, bouncing his foot. It was a long wait, and usually he would have been either bored, or have stormed out by now but he continued to sit in place. He'd come here to talk to Marquess Viridis with his brother about some tensions that were rising, and they'd finished with the talk so he should have gone back home. But no, he was waiting. And not for his brother.

For Nora.

It's been a few days since the incident in the charity exhibition. It's been a few days since she'd fainted in his arms like that. Caeles clenched and unclenched his fingers. He still remembers the feel of holding her in his arms. He was so worried in that moment.

"Tch. That girl..." He clicked his tongue and the maids immediately turned their gaze back forward, averting their eyes with their hearts beating fast. Caeles ran his hand through the side of his hair, unmindful of their reactions.

He wanted to meet her. He just wanted to know how she was. And it was only proper, now that he'd come all the way to the estate, that he meet her before he left. Even though he was here to meet someone else.

A maid entered the room with a tray of tea that Caeles had dismissively agreed to have. He wasn't paying attention while giving his order, and said no to any treats. The maid walked carefully towards him, holding the tray that had a teapot of extremely hot water, an extraordinary imported teacup and an entire set of various tea leaves. She stood in front of Caeles as she waited for him to try the leaves. Caeles leaned forward in his seat, but it wasn't to smell the tea.

His fingers pressed against the extremely hot teapot, moving it to the side and the maid's eyes widened, a sound of shock leaving her lips. She looked at his eyes to see if he was alright, but he wasn't looking at the tray at all. His eyes were ahead, looking out of the room. He'd mindlessly pushed aside the hot teapot just so he could see better.

The dark-haired girl walking down the stairs. The lady of the house.

It's a heavy dress, I thought as I tried my best to look elegant, walking down the stairs. But so pretty. It was worth going out shopping with Rezel.

I was wearing a plum velvet lehenga dress with heavy gold embroidery. I was totally dressed up, with even gold flowers adoring my usually frizzy hair. Wow, I felt ready!

I was going to hang out with Mr Viridis until it was time, then we were going to the theatre house to see a popular play being performed and I was so excited. It was my first time going to... well, anything recreational that people of this world do, other than sneaking out the market, but that's not something noble people do.

Oh, and let's not forget getting absolutely wasted in the commoner's party with Rezel. I sucked in an awkward breath through my teeth as I thought about how wild I had been. Yeah, let's please not think of that in dad's company, let's not.

I reached the bottom of the stairs and raised my eyebrows.

That's not a face I see everyday...

The maid I had slapped was walking towards me with two maids in tow behind her. Well, I couldn't really call her a maid anymore, could I? She was living the life of a noble woman, just without the actual title. I slightly tilted my head. All the other servants including her friends were sent away as punishment except her. Feeling bad, I let her stay and send her gifts from time to time, for no reason except for the fact that I can. She was free to leave, but, really, who would? Well, she looks like she's been enjoying them though and good for her.

She stood in front of me and bowed graciously. I waved my hand. "Rise. Are you living well?"

Although my words were those of concern, my voice was indifferent. She stood up, though she didn't meet my eyes as she answered, "Yes, my lady. It's all thanks to you."

I nodded. "If you need anything, let me know." And then I walked past her, Avea in tow. She moved closer to me and said something to me, and my eyes widened. "Who did you say!"

I turned towards the room beside me and through the open door, my eyes fell onto a seated Caeles staring at me. I raised my eyebrows in surprise as I made my way towards him, the sounds of my fancy dress and shoes ringing loudly in the room, and I noticed how the maid standing beside him had a very strange expression.

"Caeles!" I greeted him with confusion. "You wanted to see me? I swear, whatever you think it is that I did, I didn't and it wasn't my fault!"

Caeles shook his head, as if snapping himself out of a daze and glared at me, making me gulp slightly at the intensity. What have I done to deserve a male lead's wrath so early in the day?

"Who said I'm here to see you?" He said, a little crossly. "I was here to see Marquess Viridis."

"Wow, okay." I narrowed my eyes at him and gestured around. "Then what are you doing here?"

Caeles shrugged, reaching forward and tapping at a box of teas, signalling to the maid to prepare it. She asked me if I wanted some as well and I nodded. She got to work, the sound of spoon against glass filling the room.

"You fainted by the time I'd gotten you inside that day. I just wanted to know if you hadn't done something stupid, like losing your memory again." He leaned back against the couch, and laxly crossed his legs, not taking his eyes off me as he did. I was slightly taken aback. He came to check up on me? And there felt something different today. He never usually looked at me so much. I tilted my head and looked down. I noticed how the sequins of the dress sparkled in the light, like diamonds. Ah...

I raised my head with a smile, getting ready to tease him when-

"Nora." A clear voice rang through the air and I turned towards the door to see a silver-haired boy walking towards us. A smile bloomed through his face and he raised an impressed eyebrow. "You look great. Is that a dress from one of the southeast kingdoms?"

I stood up with a grin to greet him. "It's real pretty, isn't it?" He reached us, nodded with a smile and leaned forward to place a kiss on my cheek. Which left me reeling. I blinked with surprise, losing my breath for a few moments. He casually moved back and looked down at Caeles, giving him a smile as he sat next to where I was sitting, which was a couch adjacent to Caeles.

"You're done talking to Marquess Viridis?" Caeles asked him and I slowly reached a hand to my cheek. With the way he's reacting so casually, is this a normal way of greeting between Cassian and Nora? What...

There's no way I can get used to this! I'm close to hyperventilating and I'm not gonna forget that sensation anytime soon! A main lead just kissed my cheek! It felt like heaven. My cheek felt cool and so, so warm at the same time. I furrowed my brows and sat back down belatedly, and my wandering eyes noticed the looks on the maids' faces. Yes, there it is. It really did happen. They must be gritting their teeth with how tight their jaws are looking.

"What's going on..." I mumbled to myself but it was heard by the two boys and Cassian replied.

"I needed to talk to you about something, Nora. But..." Cassian poked a finger under his collar, glancing at the unusual number of servants in the room. "Shall we move to the garden and have some tea? I want the air."

I nodded. "Of course. We can go right away..." I looked at Avea and she nodded, moving immediately to get the garden set up for us.

"Not me," Caeles said, rising. "I'm leaving. There's no reason for me to see her more than I need to, is there?" I glared at him, glancing at the teacup he hadn't touched. It would feel so amazing to throw that at him. I regretted not being able to tease him earlier. It was, in a way, my form of revenge.

"Oh, is that so? How disappointing, I thought you were here just to meet me."

Caeles raised his eyebrows and then made a face. "How you flatter yourself. I don't like visiting demons but if I had to, I'd surely come for you." It was just a moment, I noticed. A sort of hesitation. Ignoring that curious reaction, I tilted my head and smiled shamelessly at him, as I sidled closer to Cassian.

"Too bad for you, this demon has already been taken."

Caeles growled, ready to probably hurl some curses at me when Big Brother Cassian decided to step in.

"That's enough, you two." He spoke sternly and I straightened up, still smiling smugly at Caeles. He continued to glare intensely at me but shut his mouth as his brother chided us.

"I'm leaving." He muttered and turned around. I shrugged and called out to him, knowing I was pushing a little.

"Come back when you're in the mood for a demon."

"It would be to slay you, for sure!" He growled, not turning around and I chuckled.

Cassian and I made our way to the garden, and were served our tea, after which we sent away all the servants around, leaving just us two in the garden. Cassian leaned back, relaxing in his seat as he pulled at his cravat and I noticed how even his face seemed to change a little when he takes off his mask.

For some reason, a smile was tugging at the corner of my lips at his sight. A little stronger thumping in my chest. Excitement? A sit of thrill? Look, he's fake too!

Look, he's dirty too!

Look, he's just like you!

I grinned at him and he raised an eyebrow when he caught me.

"...What?"

I shrugged innocently, leaning back as well, and stretching. "Fucking refreshing." I murmured, glancing at the sky for a moment.

"You know," Cassian tilted his head, resting his cheek lazily on his palm as he observed me. "You've really changed since your amnesia."

I picked up a biscuit and munched on it. "Well, yeah. I lost most of my memories."

"Yes, but that's still different. You've changed as a person? It's like you've become someone else."

I furrowed my brows at his notice. "...What makes you think that?"

A slow smirk spread across his cheeks and he gave me a helpless expression.

"I can't say it in a way that isn't rude. But it's about your personality. Changed for the better?"

"Pfft." I grinned at him. He was certainly more honest now. "Not by much though. You don't know of how I'm terrorizing the servants in the estate."

For some reason, he laughed. It was a little louder than I expected. He looked at me with narrowed eyes and leaned forward, now resting both his cheeks on his palms.

"A demon..." He murmured, thinking about something. Then he raised his eyes, smiling at me a little mischievously. "I know a lot about them."

I raised my eyebrows, understanding something. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on the table like he was. A devious grin was fighting to escape. "But you do, don't you?"

He nodded. "I've met many. Grew up with one, live with one, and have been hiding it well."

"And how is it?"

He leaned down a little and looked at me gravely through his lashes. "Wants to escape."

"Keep it hidden, unless you want the world against you. Let it free, unless you want yourself against you."

He sighed. "Better me, than the world."

I tilted my head. "But is it?"

His eyes snapped towards me with a little intensity. "You've become more annoying somehow."

I picked up a red apple and brought it to my lips. Then I grinned at him.

"This demon tried."

"Well, stop. If I become deviant, things will only get harder."

He complained a little and I shrugged. I knew that my tempting him was selfish, and it was a little entertaining because I wanted to see his reaction. A good friend would probably give a lot better advice, but... well, I'm a demon, aren't I? I've never been one for selfless-ness, or comforting, or caring, really. 'The world is fucked, nothing matters,' that's how I managed to live. Morals are quite often the last thing on my mind. And yeah, it's fucked up. Whatever. That's what despair does.

"Then fine. Let it out here, when you're with me." I bit into the red apple and Cassian bit his lip in thought. "That's how it's always been right?" I shrugged at him. "Who's a demon to judge another demon?"

"You haven't tried?" Cassian asked, after a moment. "To stop your demon?"

I watched him silently for a bit as I chewed. Then I snorted. I'm not some therapist main character. In fact, I'm probably even more fucked up than the main leads. I actually probably need a lot of help and therapy. But that's not an option for me.

"I'm the last person you should learn how to live from," I told him.

Haven't tried to stop my demon? What do you know? I tried more than anyone. Trust me. To the point I could only give in. And now, I don't care anymore. Why? Because if I care, I won't survive. I'll go crazy. Insane. If I think any more about myself and the way I am, I'll drive myself insane. If I could be anyone else... how I wish I could be anyone else. Yeah... how I wish I was the heroine.

"Tell me anyway," He probed, brushing his fingers restlessly across his hair.

"Then..." I watched him. Then I looked at the sky. For a moment, a look of utter hatred, utter disgust crossed my eyes. "Fuck this world."

I looked back down at him. "Fuck everything. Nothing matters. Let everything rot, including yourself. What's the use anyway?"

Fuck everything. Nothing matters. Let everything rot, including myself. What's the use anyway?

Those were my thoughts in my past life. Living day by day, dying day by day, until it was all the same.

Drag myself out of bed, spend a little too long in the shower, until I was late for everything. Care a little too much sometimes, and nothing at all the others. Living until I die. Living, waiting to die. Then just dying all the same as I lived.

Then... a boy with plum coloured highlights in his hair. Eyes with a red shadow and dark kohl. Black nail polish and in his hand, a guitar. He was stood at the bus stop. Looked up, towards me.

Oh dear, what a loser.

One shouldn't make homes of people.

But what do I do...

I found my salvation in you.

I clenched my fingers and turned towards Cassian with bitter eyes, trying to forget the memories of my past life.

"I have no hope to give you, I'm sorry. I have none for myself. We can talk about all the fucked up sad stuff, but I can't tell you beautifully why you shouldn't be sad. I don't have that light. But yes, I can understand you. I can sit with you on the same rocking boat, the same couch, and we can hold hands to comfort each other and talk about our problems, but I won't tell you why tomorrow might be a better day. But honestly, I hope it might. I truly hope so."

In this moment, as the last word left my mouth, I realized two truths.

One, I'd put the relationship between Rezel and me into words. Two people on a rocking boat, holding hands to comfort each other. We don't know all the shit that happened to us in our lives, and he never really tells me about his, but it doesn't matter. We sit there. We just sit there. We're there and that's all that matters.

Two, I can tell Cassian that tomorrow is a better day. For him, it really is. He's a character in a book and his future has been decided. He is going to go through hardships now, but he is going to have a beautiful future. His story has been set, and it would mean that mine probably is too.

Eleonora's fate.

Something snapped within me. A sudden burst of frustration. Anger exploded. I needed release. I wish it would all end. I wanted to scream. I picked up the teacup that was on the table and threw it to the ground, where it broke into pieces.

"Nora?" He called out and I glared at him.

"What?" I asked him, in a childish challenging tone. I was acting highly inappropriately, but this is how I am. These emotions are what I am, and I don't know how to get rid of them. It doesn't mean I should act this way, but fuck it. Fuck it all.

He watched me silently for a moment. I breathed a little heavily; a little erratically. Then slowly, his hand reached out. He picked up the teacup that was his, and placed it in front of me. I frowned, suddenly not understanding him. He gestured towards it.

"That too. Throw it. Break it all. It really doesn't matter," he pushed the saucer and the expensive teapot towards me as well. "None of this matters." Then he looked up at me, into my eyes.

"What matters is you."

A breath of disbelief left my lips. He continued to speak.

"So do it. Until you feel better. Just do what will help you. I won't let anyone say anything to you."

I don't know why. I laughed. I laughed as I teared up a little.

"You're all really crazy."

You're all crazier than me. Crazier than me for being so nice. So nice to someone like me.

For some reason, just those words were enough.

I calmed down after a while. Of course, it was just a sudden surge of anger that had suddenly appeared. It went away just as suddenly, leaving me feeling a little stupid and very immature. But Cassian just acted like nothing was unusual. Maybe he was used to it?

I observed him a little.

Yes. It would make sense that it was used to it. He'd still stuck to Nora, and she was in no way normal. He must be used to people that do strange things. I thought back to the first day of the charity party when I'd stepped in to protect him from the touchy girl. I'd remembered how he'd hated being touched by people. He felt like they always wanted something from him. But for Nora, he always allowed almost everything. Because he depended on her. I'd always been pushing him away since my amnesia but I remembered that moment, that little smirk he had when I came to help him.

It's kind of pathetic. He's just a boy raised with a responsibility too big for his shoulders, and a life full of incidents that, like any real life, were too many to fit into a book. To make it more pathetic, his only support was this manipulative, selfish girl, but even so, she was his support and he'd come to depend on her. And that day, as well as today, he'd tried to depend on me. I felt a little bad for being so worthless. I couldn't comfort him well, but it's always been like this for me. I don't know how to treat people in the way they deserve. Nobody should expect anything from me.

"What'd you come here for?" I croaked, trying to press down my thoughts and he raised his eyebrows in realization.

"Ah, yes." He clapped his hand. "I wanted to apologize to you, Nora."

I furrowed my brows and he continued, "I'd said that the servants that were dismissed were Aldebaran's responsibility to be punished but one ended up getting away. He's the one who leaked information about you. I wanted to apologize to you and ask for your advice on how you'd like him to be punished."

I widened my eyes. Why's he acting like he's asking me how I'd like my steak cooked?!

"I... uh, no, what?"

"We caught him, of course. I wanted to know if there's anything you wanted to say or can Aldebaran proceed to punish him in the normal manner of a worker who discloses private information."

"Uh... do whatever you want?" I waved my hand, as if I was swatting away the fly of responsibility.

"Understood." He nodded and then added a little softly, "I really am sorry. You'll have to be more careful now as people can try to take advantage of your amnesia."

Oh...

At this, I laughed. "What will they do? Try to say they were my friends?"

Cassian frowned at me taking this carelessly. I leaned forward, tilting my head, resting my cheek on my palm as I watched him completely. I gestured around with my other hand.

"Everyone in this world knows of how the only thing I ever cared about," I narrowed my eyes at him with a teasing grin.

"Is you, my dear."

***

Not edited, more like a chapter outline with how unsatisfied I am with it. But it's fine, I'll work on it later.