Chapter 35: You thought I'd let you go? Heh. That's so fucking cute.

I was just idly walking around the house alone. Avea was busy with the packing and most of the servants were busy tending the house, keeping it perfect for our guests, who'd also come with their own bunch of followers. Obviously, the Duke's sons wouldn't go around without their own people ready to serve them at all times. Speaking of which, I see one of them now.

"Ah!" My eyes clearly brightened as I spotted the golden boy walking in the corridor and I called out to him excitedly as I quickened towards him. "Caeles!"

He continued walking for a moment, probably trying to decide between ignoring me or answering, and as I got closer, he gave up with an aggravated sigh. He turned around and gave me a look. "What?"

"Oh," I slowed down as I spotted his face and made an awkward expression. At my reaction, he furrowed his brows.

"What is it?" He asked impatiently and my frown deepened.

"No, it's just that..." I finally stood face to face with him and hesitantly reached out my hand, before pulling it back. "You have..."

Caeles cocked an eyebrow with annoyance, but also curiosity. "Tch. Quickly."

I sighed and then nodded. "Allow me... you have something on your hair."

I reached out but he grabbed my wrist. "Don't touch me." He glared at me. Then he ruffled his hair, trying to get whatever it was out of it. I made a face at him.

"It's still there. Just let me," I clicked my tongue. Then I raised an eyebrow with realization. "Oh, or are you scared?"

"Scared? More like disgusted," he sneered but then pressed his lips together. I rolled my eyes and reached out again, letting my hand hang in the air for a moment. He didn't protest so I smiled and brought my fingers to his hair, pinching until I got a strand of his hair. And then I pulled it with a mischievous grin.

"Oh, what's this!" I giggled but he didn't even blink as I held up the strand of hair and showed it off. "I kept wondering if it was real gold, you know?"

He glared at me, unimpressed at my prank and I sighed. "I wonder how much I could sell this for- hey, chill. It's not like it really hurt you." I puffed my cheeks. I wanted to joke with him but jokes are no fun when they're one-sided. I thought he'd try to do something to get back at me but he's so serious. But before I could grumble out an apology,

He reached a hand into his pocket and I jumped back, alert. "Woah, woah, woah!" He ignored me and pulled out a marble that reminded me of that Silent Promise thing he had made just to shut me up. "What the fuck!" I screeched in disbelief; he continued to come closer and I continued to step back. "Hey, you for real? Are you really gonna- what does that even do?! You know, you're kinda scary dude- ALRIGHT!" When I saw him give me that villain-like smile, I gave everything up; I turned and decided to flee, but-

"Stop following me, you lunatic!" I screeched as Caeles continued to be on my tail.

"I don't want to hear that from the craziest piece of shit I know!" he yelled back.

I quickly turned a corridor and looked for an open door. I raced towards it, feeling my heart race with a thrill. I don't know why I had begun to smile. I quickly got into one of the drawing rooms and turned around to shut the door, but Caeles was fast and he blocked me from slamming the door in his face. "No!" I laughed, trying my best to press my side against the carved-mahogany door. That shit was heavy. "Stop! Alright, I'm sorry!" It was hard to breathe now because of the running and the laughing. "You're crazy, you bastard!"

"Shut up, you annoying little-"

At that moment, we both heard a cough and froze. I felt Caeles' weight get off the door and I stepped back as well. I peeked through it to see Cassian standing there with his aide.

"Uh-" "Um-" Immediately, Caeles and I were incapable of human speech. Cassian sighed, and then walked into the room, beckoning Caeles and I with a motion of his fingers to follow him. He sat on one of the couches and the two of us silently followed him and sat beside each other on a couch opposite his, already knowing we were gonna get lectured.

He was quiet as he watched us for a moment and I heard Caeles gulp. Then Cassian called his aide and said something to him, which is when I made a sound signalling to Caeles.

"What even was that marble?!" I hissed as quietly as I could and he glanced at me sideways.

"Why should I tell you?" He whispered back. "This is all your fault."

That took me back. I gave him a look as in 'oh, you're really gonna say that? Really?' At which, he rolled his eyes and sulked a little. "It was a bead that makes you laugh uncontrollably for 30 seconds," He mumbled out and it took all it had within me to not gasp out loud.

"You!" I made a horrified expression. "Did you have that made for me?"

He shrugged. "I thought you'd look really foolish."

This damn brat-

"Running in the house, disturbing the peace with all the noise and havoc, surprising the servants who are here to do their jobs."

Cassian watched us without any expression as he made his statement and I swear I felt chills on the back of my neck at the sight and his deep voice.

"Is that the sort of behaviour you think is alright for you two?" Cassian raised an eyebrow and I noticed how his straight hair shone like silver metal in the light from the giant window behind him.

"No," Caeles replied from beside me and my eyes widened slightly. Oh, we need to answer? My mom always just wanted me to keep my mouth shut during her lectures though.

"No," I joined in belatedly and Cassian nodded.

"If you want to run and play around, do it outside the house, where there are lesser chances of anyone accidentally getting hurt. Understand?"

You know what, wait a minute, isn't this my house? But... well, he's not wrong though. Caeles or I could have run into a servant, or created some trouble running around in this sort of house like that. I pushed back one side of my lips and nodded in agreement with a shrug. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry, Cassian." Then I turned towards the boy beside me. "Heard that?"

Immediately, his glare was placed on me and he reached into his pocket again but I squealed and stood up, rushing towards Cassian, "Yo, save me!" I sat my ass down beside the silver-haired brother and grinned at Caeles who'd also stood up and continued to walk towards me. I glanced at Cassian because why wasn't he saying anything? And he just sighed and brought his fingers to his head, rubbing at his eyes with a sigh. "Hey...!" I nudged him and he peeked at me from between his fingers.

"What?"

"Uh..." Shit, Caeles is almost here! Should I run again? Crap!

Cassian shrugged. "You two have been doing this for years, figure it out yourself." And with that, he took the stance of the audience, resting his chin on his palm as he watched us.

"Dude, for real?!" I yelled as I jumped up to escape with this sense of betrayal, but it was too late.

"Hahaha-the fuck! Haha-oh my-hahaha-gosh-heheh-Caeles, you fucker- heheh-I'm going to fucking-hehehahaha- kill you, you-heheh-fucker!"

I sat down, wheezing with laughter and soon enough, the two brothers joined in. They laughed at me as I laughed at my helplessness and desire for precise revenge- against both of them. Maybe murder.

In the last five seconds of the laughing spell, Cassian's aide returned with a box in his hand. Caeles handed me a glass of water while still snickering and I took it as I glared, contemplating throwing it at his face but decided I'd get better revenge. As soon as I finished drinking the water, Cassian handed me the box his aide had gotten and I watched him curiously, wondering what it was. It was too easily forgotten that I was going to cuss them out.

"You like apples, right Nora? This was given to me and I thought you might like it more." He crossed his legs as he passed it to me and I took it from him. I opened it to see it was filled with mouth-watering apple-flavoured pastries. My mouth fell open and I looked up towards him with heart-eyes.

"Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?" I asked with a grin. "Food is the way to a person's heart you know?"

At my words, he made a face and Caeles snorted. "He doesn't have to try," He muttered. "You're already obsessed with him. He should be trying to shut you up instead."

I picked up a pastry and held it towards Caeles. "What's that? You hungry, Goldie?"

He clicked his tongue and pushed my hand away. I shrugged and bit into the pastry, offering the box to Cassian and his aide as well, who declined. At that moment, Caeles began talking to Cassian's aide about something.

"But is it okay to give me this? It was a gift for you. Isn't it a shitty thing to do?" I asked Cassian with a little smirk, not realizing myself if I was joking or not. I was just curious about the answer.

Cassian shrugged and leaned towards me as he spoke. "Do I have to pretend with you?"

I slightly cocked an eyebrow as I shook my head and he narrowed his eyes and I watched his lips as he spoke. "I couldn't care less. You like it right? Just take it."

I grinned, bringing my fingers to my lips and he raised an eyebrow as he watched my reaction, the corners of his own mouth twitching. There's something about this side of his. It reminds me of my own hopelessness and it's thrilling. Yeah... there's something absolutely thrilling about being secretly so... unworthy? I don't know what it is. Ah, maybe it's the 'whatever' or the 'I don't give a shit.' Maybe it's the freedom and the riddance of pressure that comes along with it. But getting rid of that stuff, means you can hurt people. Being your real self is not something everyone is going to be happy with; especially society. So freedom and doing what you want means hurting society, which automatically makes you a piece of shit. I've already fallen so how much further can I fall? How despicable to like such a thing. But yeah, same. I care, but at the same time...

I couldn't care less anymore.

If I'm a deviant, it's because you made me this way. You should have just accepted me back then. Now I'm still the same, but a more bitter piece of shit that hates you.

"Brother..." Caeles spoke again and I snapped out of my way out of line train of thoughts. What, how the fuck did I even get there? Bitter piece of shit? The fuck? "Isn't that what the Daleka family had sent to you?"

"Yes," Cassian nodded, leaning back with a tired sigh.

"Who's that?" I asked, covering my mouth to talk as I munched.

"No one-" Cassian was interrupted by Caeles.

"Another family bent on marrying their daughter to Cassian," Caeles grumbled, annoyance clear on his face.

"What!" I jumped in shock, and almost choked on the food in my mouth.

"Ah, great-Caeles get her water!" Cassian clicked his tongue as he patted my back and immediately another glass was presented to me. "Marriage?!" I screeched in between gulps. "Already?!"

I knew he wasn't going to get married anytime soon; but the idea that families were already pouncing on this 17-year-old boy... "Absolutely not!" I shook my head. "I object!" You're way too young for marriage! Trust me, marriages are scary!

"It doesn't matter a rat's ass if you object or not," Caeles said as if it was the most obviously thing ever. "But true, it's still annoying. They haven't officially asked yet but keep sending gifts picked by their daughter and asking for 'meetings' which are not-so-cleverly disguised dates, all while brother is so busy."

Ah, for real? No wonder... I can actually tell that Cassian is extremely tired. He even seems quieter than usual today. A duke's duties are no joke, and he's also so young...

"Just say no!" I cried out and they both gave me this look that had me really embarrassed as if I'd said the stupidest thing ever.

"Alright, son of duke. I guess they're important people and you can't do that." I muttered, scratching at my cheek. "Still, no marriage!"

"You don't have to worry about that," Cassian sighed again. "Father is bent on you, anyway."

Oh right. The duke is shipping us cause of my status. I made an awkward expression. That's only for now though, Cassian. He won't hesitate to jump ships when Aurelia, the heroine, becomes who she is.

"That's right. Have I been too quiet? Maybe I ought to show those people who they're messing with, trying to get to you like this." I grouched, pushing up my sleeves as if I was getting ready to do some rough-handling. The brothers raised their eyebrows at me; Cassian looked a little worried and Caeles cocked his head curiously, as if in thought.

"You have been too quiet, actually?" He looked at me. "Are you still sick?"

I made a face. Really? Just cause I'm outwardly giving Cassian his personal space, you're asking me if I'm sick?

"Shut up, Goldie. Go talk to the wall," I said this and then turned towards Cassian before he could reply. "At the next party, I'm gonna stick to you like glue. That'll show 'em not to get near you."

Cassian furrowed his brows at me as Caeles muttered some insults in the background. He tilted his head and spoke softly. "Why would you do that?"

Huh? Why? Well... cause that's what Nora does. And besides, it's what she did in the book, and I'm worried if I deviate more, there will be even more consequences. What if Cassian gets into some family feuds cause he's single, and ends up married or hurt or something? Jeez, it's like I'm a guard dog or something, protecting the in-demand main lead until the heroine arrives.

I shrugged at him. "I love you?"

There was silence in the room, making me feel awkward and then Cassian shook his head. "Don't make yourself do that. It shouldn't matter what people think, but in society it does."

"What are you talking about suddenly?" I asked, confused. Then Cassian exhaled softly, a bit tiredly.

"One of the reasons why you're going back to Ilaria..." I noticed him lick his lip. "Is because you're over me, right?"

We sat there in the quiet of the room for a moment.

Damn...

...As expected of the main lead, right? Bingo.

"Cassian, that's-"

"So you don't have to do that anymore." Cassian interrupted me, looking into my eyes. For a moment, I thought they were shaking. I must have imagined it. "You don't have to stick by me anymore, or do anything at all. You should go back and live the years you missed with your father. Right now there's a bad name about you, but it will all be fine in a few years, if you just behave alright within society. It'll all be fine and you'll live well-"

"First of all-" I interrupted him this time, raising a hand signalling him to stop. He shut his lips and looked at me. Yeah, his eyes... Tch. Honesty is always too scarce when it comes to our real feelings.

"Don't tell me how to live my life."

I spoke with a sharp and low voice. "Not you can tell me what to do, and nor can anyone in any fucked up society." I snorted. "What? Behave alright within society? What's alright? And why? Listen, I never belonged in such place anyway." Whether I was Nora, or Rose. I never belonged where people were judged. Because I could never really catch up. Who I was never met their standards.

"Eleonora-" Caeles tried to warn me about my tone.

"I'm not talking to you, Goldie," I snapped and then turned towards Cassian, leaning forward in challenging manner.

I looked right into his eyes.

"And you."

Until the heroine comes along with her innocent charm and claims all of you...

"You're mine."

I'm not having any random wannabe come up and suck up to you, to ruin this book that has now become my life. I'm already worried about the consequences of my own actions and I know I'm being greedy about going to Ilaria with my father, so I can't afford more fuck-ups. Besides... you're more used to this anyway, right?

"You think after all these years, I'm just going to hand you over to anyone?" I cocked an eyebrow and tilted my head. "Just cause I gave you two steps worth of space to walk around, you thought you were free of me? Hah, that's cute." I smirked.

"Hey, have you forgotten who I am? And what were you telling me? I don't have to stick with you anymore?" I threw my head back and laughed. When I was done, I wiped at my eye and the smile left my lips as I looked at him. "Fuck. That's hilarious."

"Nora!" Caeles growled, ready to yell at me but Cassian held up his hand, silencing him. Then he looked at me.

"Do you mean that?" He asked me silently.

"Yes-"

"Then don't leave my side."

My eyes widened at him speaking so fast. After a moment, he continued while staring at me. "At the next party, don't leave my side. Don't make me think you're leaving me again."

...Hey, isn't that ironic?

I raised my eyebrows idly.

You're the one who's going to leave me.

"Me leaving you...?" I made a thoughtful expression and then innocently tilted my head. "And how would I ever do that? Ever since you gave me that flower..." I smirked at him and leaned forward. I gripped his wrist and brought it next to mine. I grinned at him, close to his face.

"You've got me chained to you, my dear."

"...What are you doing brother?" Caeles muttered, his voice tired and Cassian glared at him.

"You don't know anything," He replied icily as he stood up. "I'm going to get prepared for dinner. You two should as well." I nodded and watched him leave with his aide. Caeles and I were the only ones in the room and I thought it was a dangerous combination so I stood up to leave as well when-

"Nora."

Oh great. I unwillingly turned towards him. He was, of course, glaring at me. He did for a moment before exhaling and then looking down.

"I know brother thinks he needs you," he spoke and I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"I know he depends on you, maybe even more than he does on me." Oh, what's this?

"But I'm telling you now, Nora." Caeles snapped his head up to meet my eyes. He stared at me so intensely, my feet felt numb.

"If you do any of what you used to... If you try to hurt my brother again..." He spoke through gritted teeth. His voice was low, almost guttural. "I will do anything to protect him. I will fuck it all up. So watch yourself."

Shit...

I was glad he hadn't stood up. If I had to look up at him while he said that, I might have just fainted.

Caeles continued to watch me, waiting for my reply. If I wasn't the one it was aimed that, I would have been so proud of him in this moment. I exhaled softly through my nose. Truthfully, I am a little tired.

"I don't want to hurt him," I spoke, making sure to look into his eyes. "I'm sorry about all that shit." It was a crappy apology. Mostly because it wasn't mine to make. And maybe that's why he looked so unconvinced. The body I am in deserves this, but I felt like I couldn't be bothered. Tch. How annoying for me. It's only for some time anyway. Not to mention, I was only doing this for everyone's protection. I looked at him properly. I wish I could just threaten him to make him stop.

Agh. Crazy thoughts again. Fuck, how annoying.

"You know I've changed, right?" a crease appeared between my eyebrows. "I won't do that shit again. I'm not asking you to trust me yet; just watch and see. I love Cassian, okay? Properly now."

For some reason, Caeles chuckled. I made a surprised face as I watched him and he looked up at me. He was baring his teeth in a grin but his eyes weren't smiling.

"You? A psycho like you? Love someone?" He gave a breath of laughter and I raised an eyebrow. "You aren't capable of loving anyone except yourself."

...Wow.

I froze. I felt my chest constrict. It hurt. I stopped breathing for a moment. Then before I knew it, I was smiling too. I couldn't control this grin. I hadn't intended to smile at all.

I let out a laugh. Fuck. Knowing the right words to say to get under the skin of a person was the privilege of one who always fights said person.

You're fucking good at this, Caeles.

'You aren't capable of loving anyone except yourself.'

It was meant for Nora. I knew that. But was I unfamiliar with these words?

'You aren't capable of loving anyone except yourself.'

Shit.

Maybe you're right.

...Fuck this.

"You're fucking annoying," I muttered as I reached down to pull out his fucking hair.