" But without the dark we wouldn't know the warmth of the light."
- Unknown
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Lizzie watched his gentle eyes, as he sat on her childhood bed, shoes kicked off, as the light from the nearby flickering candle seemed to illuminate his face. His eyes were so warm, like a milk chocolate swirling behind them - and how relaxed his features were. They had been so tense in war, and seeing him against the soft light of the night she thought was even more beautiful than she could've imagined.
Lizzie looked down into her hands and sighed softly, briefly looking to where Floyd's hand lay gentle on her bent knee, in her criss-cross position in front of him. His gentle thumb brushed softly against her knee, soothing her, as unwanted anxiety filled her system. She wanted to tell him every single thing - everything. But the fear that he would grow annoyed with her cumbersome thoughts and believe it were annoying.
No. She had to tell herself, that was not Floyd.
" You okay?" he asked quietly, as her eyes caught on the snow that fell outside the window. She remembered the blood that had decorated the snow, the bitterness that had made her feel like there was no imminent escape. The blood had dripped over her fingertips, drenching them in the dark crimson color that she once wore in a dress to a church party.
Now she saw it as a color that signaled death and war and violence and fear with masked emotions.
Floyd watched her as she looked out the window - he could watch her like that for hours he felt, her gaze so focused on the falling snow, so gentle, like he could reach out and touch her and would feel the warmth she possessed. But he could see the pain that swam in her eyes - she tried to hide it, he knew she was good at hiding it.
But Floyd had been with her on D-Day, and he had been with her the day the war had ended.
She knew pain and he did too.
" The snow..." she whispered as pain filled his heart watching her mind reverberate to Bastogne in that moment, " it..."
" Hey," whispered Floyd, as she slowly turned to him, watching his eyes, trying to hold the steady gaze she had struggled to even look at her parents with.
" Floyd..." she whispered, shaking her head, as tears welled her big, blue eyes," I see them every night. They're faces. The ones I couldn't save - just a boy dying out in the middle of nowhere."
" Some parents never even got their son or daughter home," she managed, shaking her head, as she sniffled," they thought they would too." Floyd was quiet, watching her eyes, wanting her to tell him every burden that seemed to suck her into the ground, so for a moment, she could walk light as a feather and he could bear her pain so that she wouldn't have to feel it anymore.
Life was not that fair, but for this moment, she deserved fairness and a break from the horrors of society and of the world.
" They were just kids," she managed, as Floyd's face grimaced in the pain in her voice, his heart quite literally plummeting deep within his chest, clenching like a fist squeezing the juices out of an orange - except this time it was his heart.
Lizzie watched him, the tears that had flowed into his version, waiting to fall, waiting to cascade down her cheeks, following one after the other until there was no more left. The pain in her eyes was unbearable for Floyd to just sit and watch.
Floyd softly shuffled forward, and gently cupped his right hand on her cheek, his thumb brushing at the first tear that fell down her pink cheeks, her bright red nose, the feature that made him just want to softly press a kiss there, a promise that even in this moment he wouldn't leave her side.
His soft touch made her crumble then and there, another human, with hands that had wielded a bringer of death, so delicately touching a face and mind filled with so much pain and heartache, for a moment it almost didn't seem right.
To let someone who had fought a war have to touch something now so broken, when they were already so broken themselves. But Floyd didn't care. His thumb softly caressed her cheek, as her hand that wasn't clenched in a tiny fist against her heart, softly held his hand there, willing that it'd never disappear again.
" I couldn't save them," she cried out, a gasping cry filled with pain following," none of them, I watched them die in front of me." She shook her head as Floyd softly with pained eyes, let his other hand cup her other cheek, holding it there, giving her a balance - anything to just tell her she's not alone anymore. And she won't ever be alone again.
Watching her break, watching her break like she was all alone, was a stab of a knife to the heart and a twist of it if that's what you could call it - he should've been there for her, he should've been sitting by her side, holding her on her darkest nights, telling her she would never have to suffer alone after a war that had taken so much from such a pure soul.
And she'd been alone with nothing but her feelings and thoughts, and all Floyd wanted to do was go back to that moment on the train station, and hug her, and tell her, instead, he was coming home with her.
And he'd simply just be with her.
But instead she had been shattered again and again, and now sat broken and utterly depleted.
" I should've done more, tried to get back to school, get my life together, but it was all I could think about. What the war did, what we saw - no one understood. No one ever will." Lizzie managed out, as her bottom lip quivered in the soft outside light," It hurts."
Those two words, caused her face to blur from his eyes, as tears welled. He shut his eyes, her face softly held within his grasp, as tears pushed past his lashes and out down his cheeks, his body giving a heaving gasp of a cry.
Looking back up, Lizzie was watching him, with a trembling lip, her beautiful eyes watching Floyd, watching the tears that had been gated behind the barriers he had put up, finally be pushed open.
" I should've been here, Lizzie, for you, for all of you, for every single part of you," Floyd whispered, his voice wavering as he shook his head, " I should've."
" I should've never left you on that train station." he managed out, his thumb tracing the tear track down her pale skin. Hot tears streaked down her cheeks quickly, as she softly brought her hands up to his own fresh-shaven face.
" Floyd, please," she whispered," it's okay." Her voice was breaking.
" You've suffered so much, Lizzie, I should've been here for you." he managed, as his lips quivered and he squeezed his eyes shut, relishing her warm hands pressed against his cheeks, her touch soothing his racing heart, the feeling of her body so near, her presence and his so broken down to the rawness of what embodied the human spirit, in a tiny room in Grand Rapids, made him wish for a moment that everything would go quiet, the thoughts, the blood in his ears, everything and he could just watch her.
" You're so strong." he whispered," But I-"
" No, no, no, Floyd, hey," she managed, as she met his eyes, holding him steady for her, holding him there in her two hands, as his hands pressed warmly on the sides of her face, so the only thing the other could focus on was the one across from them.
" These four months taught me nothing but how do be strong alone," she whispered," but I never want to have to do that all my life. And it showed me love, Floyd." Floyd sniffled as he watched her, as she attempted a smile, attempted a bit of happiness in that moment for a world so dark and cold.
" My grandmother," Lizzie whispered, she always told me how raw love can be, how gentle and caring it was, how playful-" she gently removed her hand from his cheek, to gently boop his nose, as a small smile filtered onto his lips, watery eyes on her," -she always told me that everyone deserved love too, not just the ones who gave it either." Floyd watched her, his eyes clearing for a moment as he sat up a bit.
" These 4 months taught me that maybe there's more to love than just waiting and waiting, that maybe it was in front of me the entire time." she whispered," And that maybe, more than anything, in a world where you aren't guaranteed tomorrow that it's worth going for. And that it always will be."
Floyd watched her, as his eyes comprehended her words, her eyes, her face, the slight grin that showed on her lips - everything.
Without second thought, Floyd softly and tenderly pressed a kiss to her forehead, the feather light touch sending her eyelids closed, his soft scent of cologne clouding her features, his warm hands swarming her cheeks with heat. His lips stayed there for a moment as all was quiet, cuddled on her bed in her childhood room, two broken souls mended by one another as it snowed in the light of the outside world.
Lizzie was so comforted by the touch of this man, whom she had all but made sarcastic remarks towards on D-Day, when the sun had beat down upon her, unraveling any anger she withheld, the bugs and sweat stinging her sun burnt skin.
Now, she sat inches from him, his presence engulfing her - for a moment, she wished she could go back and look on him with eyes, that first day in the barrack whens he hadn't known what war was, when she hadn't see what bloodshed it could bring. But then she wouldn't be here in this moment with the touch of the man whose heart she held so close to her own.
And then he hugged her, the two eclipsed in the warmest embrace she'd had in months - of someone who understood her pain, who understood her fears and why she couldn't even look at dog tags anymore without seeing the names of the dead across them, why she never could smell sterilized medical equipment without thinking of the hospitals where the barely conscious had gone. He softly pressed a hand against her hand, finally feeling her soft hair, the gentle vanilla scent that lingered behind her ear, the way her hands held him tightly clasped in her arms, like a vow to never let go even when apart.
Softly, she began to hum the tune to I'll Be Seeing You, the tune making Floyd practically melt into her embrace, yearning for more of her touch as he shoved his head into her neck, softly letting out a shuttering sigh as she hummed. Floyd softly hummed against the side of her neck, as she squeezed him tighter, holding the other so close, refusing to let go.
" I'll find you in the morning sun..." Floyd whispered softly against her as he pulled back, softly brushing a strand of hair behind her ear, as she watched him with a soft, slightly sad smile, as the tracing of his finger, let her follow his hand into his palm.
" And when the night is new, I'll be looking at the moon...." she sang softly, as Floyd smiled this time, a bit wider than he had before, as her eyes looked up at him.
" But....I might be seeing a'you..." before he could even finish singing, Lizzie let out a giggle, knocking her forehead against his nose, as she slapped a hand over her mouth, watching as he raised a brow towards her in complete, utter confusion, not forgetting to draw a smirk up on his lips as he watched her giggle.
" What are you giggling at, cutie?" he whispered as her eyes found his.
" You sang the wrong lyrics, Floyd." she whispered softly back as Floyd titled his head to the side and pouted.
" No I didn't." he complained as Lizzie giggled.
" 4 months and it's the only song you listen to anymore makes me say that, Floyd, it was the wrong lyric." Floyd pouted at her sentence.
" Awwww, Lizzie." he whined going in for another hug, as she giggled at his pouty face.
" Hey," she said, as he pulled back, looking at her, watching as she looked at him," you're too funny."
" What can I say, I am a humorous guy."
" It's, but I'll be seeing you, Floyd." she whispered softly.
" Dammit," he managed out, voice gruff as she smirked at him.
" Sad that I might know more songs than you, Mr. Talbert?" she whispered, her gaze sneaky as she watched him, a smirk on his own face.
" In your dreams, Miss. Elliot." he whispered back and Lizzie watched him with shining eyes.
" Why are you watching me like that?" she whispered softly, her hand reaching up to brush that stubborn strand of hair from his eyes.
" Like what?" Floyd said as Lizzie giggled. She watched his eyes glint.
" Like that." she whispered.
" Like this?" he whispered, and a Lizzie couldn't take it anymore more as nearly the same time, her lips pressed against his, her eyes shutting at the touch placed upon her lips.
Tomorrow was no guarantee - in war and in life.
Wrapping her arms around his neck, her hand run up into his hair, as he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer into his grasp, yearning for the simple touch of her being closer to his.
Lizzie couldn't deny it, Floyd was a man of many cocky words, and albeit, he was not lying in anyway as he deepened the kiss, holding her so delicately yet firmly within his grasp. He knew how to kiss.
" You're laughing," he whispered, slightly out of breath as he pulled away with a laugh, as she giggled.
" How'd you know?" she whispered, smirking slightly.
" I just knew." he said softly, watching her eyes, as the moment finally was recognized for a split second between the two of them. She had kissed him, and he had almost immediately kissed her at the same time.
" You..."
" Kissed you?" Floyd whispered, his eyes watching her," Yes, ma'am." Lizzie smirked, cheeks blushing a deep red, as Floyd chuckled.
" When I get nervous, I laugh." she whispered," And you made me nervous." Floyd chuckled softly, as she watched him.
" At least you're not the only one." he said and Lizzie watched him, raising a brow briefly.
" Let's just say you sassing me out in front of the 502nd was enough to let my eye trail to you more often than I'd like." he said admittedly as Lizzie giggled.
" Or maybe Arsenic and Old Lace, when I knew you were right," he said and Lizzie let out a laugh, slapping his shoulder lightly as she did so, causing him to cackle at her own laugh.
" So....." Floyd said as he cleared up," wanna bet that Joe's gonna be the first to cry at the wedding?"
" You're on." she said, giggling," I'll make it that it's Captain Speirs, you heard he's walking her down the isle and we all know he loves her."
" Looks like you're about to lose, Elliot, I know Joe Liebgott and the man is in love, he's gonna break."
" It's a deal, Floyd." she said softly bringing up her hand to shake his with a tiny giggle as Floyd shook her hand, softly kissing her forehead as she laughed.
" I guess that means I'm gonna have to bring you as my date." she said with a smirk," Pity."
" Oh no, that means I'll have to DANCE with you, too, right?" he complained," Don't step on my foot now."
" God I have to hear you mess up the lyrics again to more of these songs that you don't know, great." she said as Floyd broke first chuckling softly, as she smirked.
She loved him, she knew she did, just by the way she felt whole, she felt like there was more than the war, than simply just surviving, but instead living. Living and simply being.
That her hands may be covered in blood, but Floyd still looked at her the same way.
4 months were for her growth, and she had been strong alone, but you didn't have to be strong alone your entire life - there was far more to life than that.
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IT. HAS. FINALLY. HAPPENED!!! IT HAS HAPPENED PEOPLE!! i knew with postwar the angst couldn't hang around for too long, war had brought enough - but i knew there still needed to be that angst factor there, but that lizzie was finding a new hope, more happiness and light in this relationship with tab that she had missed so much!! :) it makes me so happy for these too, but also sad BECAUSE THE END IS SO CLOSE :,( 4 chapters + 1 epilogue in counting - and i am EMOTIONAL. thank you all for staying on this journey with me, the highs and lows, through quarantine and 2020 - it has meant the world, and i'm so happy to be along on this ride! <3