I hurried and changed the topic. I needed to go. I needed some space and time away from her before I said anything stupid. I needed to fucking leave.

"What did she say?" "That she loves me."

******************''

My heart beats hadn't come down since she said those words- not even after having a bone breaking fight session with Kelly, not after swimming twenty loops in the chilled pool, not even after crossing my daily limits of alcohol for three days straight. It won't stop ringing in my ears.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Neil shouted at me before I could even open my eyes and realise that I was having a bad hangover. And the door that banged against the wall right after he entered - felt like a crack in my skull.

My head was spinning and there was loud thumping going on inside my brain. The light was too much for my eyes to take in, I had to shut them tight. My throat felt like scraped parchment paper.

Basically my whole body was a fucking mess and Neil screaming at me at the top of his voice was not helping a freaking bit!

"What the hell!" I said annoyed with eyes closed tight.

"You really don't like peace in your life, right?" His voice was still through the roof.

"I really do! Specially when you want to bring hails and thunder over my head. Can't you speak calmly?" I barely made the sentences.

"Calm my foot. You really deserve a big round zero!" His voice was not too loud now, but it was still irritating me.

Big round zero? I opened my eyes a bit at the words. That's what I had said to Merlen yesterday.

"What about him? Did you find him out?" I asked waking up.

"You're gone, James. So much done for." Now his voice was sinister.

"Why don't you just say it out?" My eyes were wide open now.

He took a few breaths through his nose and crossed his arms over his chest. And then he said "She is the sister of that one man who already wishes you never existed."

Fuck my brains! And my life too!

"No fucking way!" I deadpanned.

"All the ways, rather." He said throwing a photo on my lap. Merlen stood next to a man whose face was too unlucky for me to be real- Norman.

"I suggest you confess your feelings to her while you're still alive before he hears about you." He whispered.

I was still looking at the photo in my lap, scared to even touch it.

"Neil... Norman hates me.." I said what he already knew.

"Nah-uh. That's an understatement, boy. He loathes you. So much that he wanted you interrogated within first week of your trial with God knows what all means and methods - that too when not a single cell of your body affected him. Now you're about to take his sister from him. God bless you."

"Thanks for correcting me." I said sarcastically.

"Look James. Now is the time you decide what do you want. You want to take the next step to her or you want to turn back and leave her altogether." He asked seriously.

"I can't leave her. But I can't stay either." Norman or not, I'm not the right person for Merlen.

"These are the moments I hate that I can't swear. You deserve a rainbow of words for what you just said. Get up and come to bar. We'll talk about this there." He said annoyed.

"Bar at 3 in the afternoon?" Was he listening to himself?

"You want to go to Norman's office and continue the discussion there? I'm totally fine with that." He said raising one eyebrow.

True. I needed silence and privacy. I couldn't let Norman know that I'm one step away from kissing his sister or leaving her at tears, while I make a fool out of myself. He'll really thrash me to death if he hears about either of the two possibilities.

"Fine. I'll be there in fifteen." He threw a bottle full of ORS towards me.

"Don't make a show." He left while I hissed at my pathetic state.

**************

"So now what?" Neil asked. I knew that tone. He was going to tease me to hell.

"What?" I replied seriously. Though my heart was still beating at hundred per second because Fuck everyone, Merlen loves me!

"You get married, make lot of babies and all that? And do you ever plan to grow a pair and say those three words back to her before she starts calling you a scared puppy?" I looked at him like that didn't just happen.

"You said bad words!" I didn't miss the chance to pull his leg. He smiled a fake one followed by a death glare that sobered me up.

"I don't know..." I started off.

"Don't tell me you don't love her! Otherwise I'm going to.." I waited for him to get control over his swearing mouth.

It's funny how at times he just wants to coat his tongue with all the bad words in every language and he has to hold back. His family must have inculcated deep values that he was raised this clean mouthed.

"I'm going to...?" I said with a small smile creeping up my lips.

"Break your teeth!" He said clenching his own jaw.

"Fine! I do love her! Like a lot! I'm crazy for her! And I can't imagine my life without her! But..." My heart dropped with that one word.

"But you're scared she'll lose you and will suffer because you went to her." He put my 'but' in words and I just looked at him.

"If that's the rule, then there shall be no second or third generation soldiers in the army. What say? They can't marry and reproduce, right?" He said annoyed.

He made sense. Like always!

"Oh you say this! You didn't even approach Lauret!" He looked at me insanely.

"Ho.. How.. What the f... What are you saying?" I laughed like a monster. Oh my god!

"What the heck was 'pure' for?" I asked really confused.

"Her name." "You and your trivia. What exactly do you mean, man? Her name is Lauret!"

"And Lauret means Pure." He said with same expression that he had when he looked at her for the first time.

I couldn't control any longer. I howled in laughter.

"You're whipped, Neil. Whipped worse than me!" I continued to laugh and watch Neil's ears turn red. He fumbled with words.

"My situation ..is not as ..easy as yours. It's.. complicated."

"Don't tell me you don't like her! Don't tell me you don't like any woman!" I said clutching the neck of my t shirt tight.

"One more word from that dirty mouth of yours and I'll rinse it down with so much alcohol and chilli you'll fear entering the washroom for weeks." Neil was pissed? Yes. And embarrassed? Oh hell yeah.

"ok ok. I won't tease you. But atleast answer the last question. Otherwise I'll be scared to go on camps with you here onwards." I said trying my best to hold my laughter.

He passed a red glare at me and said "I'm straight alright."

I cracked up. "Then you too need to grow that pair and tell Lauret that you lo-"

"I can't!" He said loudly and angrily. Angry at himself not me - the fact squared me back to seriousness in a moment.

"I can't. I can't tell her that. Or anyone for that matter. I can only stay alive if I stay away from all this. I took an oath and I can't turn from it now. I'm pathetic and helpless." He whispered the last words. I felt pity for him at that moment.

Whatever was holding him back was doing a damn good job because he was a fucking mess.

"Calm down." I said trying to calm myself down first. I shouldn't have started this conversation.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have.. Well leave it. Let's just stick to my pair." He looked up at me disgustingly. Ok that was intentional!

"I mean.. My life. God I have to share my personal life details with this man! Help me." I tried to be overly dramatic and immediately an arm slipped around my throat.

I guess he really loves Lauret because his hold was choking me without him putting an ounce of energy.

"You signed off your personal life the day you entered my team. So I dare you to say that again." Say what? I need air to say anything!

"My life... My rulessss..." I just wanted to trick him into a move and kick him. Such an ass to tease me in the first place.

Guess what? Wrong decision.

His grip tightened hard and my eyes rolled back into my sockets. I tried to get free by punching him on his sides.

Fucker just stood up, walked back till his feet hit the platform, moved his free hand behind, balanced his complete weight from the platform and leant forward with a choked me in front.

If at that point he decided to free me, I'd fall face first and my handsome face would be spoiled forever.

"Why'd you stop? Hit me." He teased me while I ran out of oxygen.

"So you wanted to keep your personal life to yourself?" He asked knowing well I can't say anything. I tapped on his arm twice. That was a No.

Fucker laughed loudly. "You want me to drop you right here?" I double tapped again. Oh pathetic me!

"Would a nasty scar on your nose make lady Merlen look at you and feel disgusted? You want to try that?" Series of Noooos and he was not done!

"You'll talk properly now?" I tapped once and repeated after a gap. That was a 'yes yes' in our sparring language.

He rolled me off and I fell on the ground on my side. I wheezed air like an asthmatic patient.

"Let's try again. Nicely." He came and sat on the sofa near me while I balanced my weight back on two feet.

There were two other men in the bar who looked at the whole incidence from far away and were frozen.

"He's alive. Don't worry." Neil said loudly and looked at me. I raised my hand agreeing with him and they continued doing whatever they were doing.

"Nicely?" I looked at him rubbing my neck. He chuckled.

"It's true I love Merlen. I fell in love when I first saw her. You know.. Like those movies.. They overdo it, but damn it's so true!" He looked at me as a child blabbering and sipping his drink.

"If there's anything I want, it is to wake up next to her every morning, tell her that I love her every moment of every day and keep her close to me." "What's stopping you?"

"This life I chose. It's too risky. What if I go for a mission and never come back? What if she's carrying a child I never see? What if-"

"Ladies lose their husbands in accidents too, James. We're not the only one dying." He's got a point there.

"What do you want then? I tie her to me for the rest of her life knowing there's high chance I'm going to leave her midway?"

"Then why did you get her hopes high in the first place? You useless being! She said it out for you! Why did you make her do that if you never wanted to stay with her? What the heck were you planning? A fling?" His voice was raising.

And so were my hackles. "I never even once thought about it as a fling, Sir. I wanted to be around her that's all. I never considered myself lucky enough that she'll like me back or even love me back!" I stood up with the last word.

He looked up at me intently. "Then why are you so scared to face the world for her? Or is it that big guy you're afraid of?" Did he just call me a pussy? For Norman?

"I. Am. Not." I said angrily.

He looked at me straight for a few minutes then suddenly his mood lightened and a wicked smile creeped at the corner of his lips. What was he planning now?

"I see. So you don't want to hurt her. Fair enough. And I know it will be hard for you to tell this to her. Don't worry I'll do that on your behalf. I'll tell her that his prince charming is going to lay his barbed life on border so she can carry on and find another man suitable for her, one that her dear brother likes too. You know, get married and make babies who don't join army..." He was clearly taking me to the edge.

"Neil.. You will not do that..." I warned him because he was totally capable of doing that.

"You do not pass me orders." He said curtly. Fuck!

"Please. Don't." I said politely sitting back down.

This time he got up. "You have twenty four hours to make up your mind and confess your feelings to her. Twenty five, and I'm going to the lady and Norman." He chugged the last of his beer down and left.

What the hell! How was this even going to work?!

'Hey, stupid J. I did not see this coming but I think I'm teeny tiny in love with you.'

The smile on Merlen's face when she said that.. I couldn't forget her face. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

She was mine. All mine. I was not letting her go looking for another man. I'm her man and she's my girl. My Merlen.

There was no going back now. I'm not letting her go. And there's definitely no breaking her heart. I was ready to face Norman, worse he could do was break my bones. The heck with it. I'm ready for that. But I'm not letting Merlen go for someone else.

I stood up and walked out determined. Neil looked at me from the ground. He grinned widely but I cared least.

"Make it worth a memory!" He shouted while I took off running.

************************************

Oooooof! I need a breather. This man had so much going on in his mind and nobody - not even a single person - knew about it! So much of self conflict and doubts and uncertainties.

That's what they call adulting I guess - take decisions. (I hate it though!)

And NORMAN's sister?! Are you serious?! Who wrote James's destiny up there? Pretty sure, was a bitch!

************************************

Now all my sadist readers - How do you see Norman reacting? (I'm ready for a laugh. Entertain me.) 😁

Vote and COMMENT your views.