— x.ᴅ.ʀ.

She took me by surprise when she asked that question. I mean I expected her to ask that, but then on other hand, I didn't know that it will be this soon.

Avoiding her eyes I turned my head to look in front of me. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes only to see pictures of her teared face when she found out that she lost our baby.

Her face was full of betrayal as I pushed her into that torturing room. The way her face shone with pain as she pointed that fucking gun on her head.

I didn't even realize that tears started to flow down my cheeks until Antea didn't pull me into her chest trying to calm my ragged breathing.

"Hey, hey, shh... I'm here. Don't keep it all in yourself. It won't do any good to you. Instead, let it all out. You will feel better. I'm here. You are okay." She tried to calm me down but all I could feel is my throat tightened as more pictures clouded my mind.

Her shyness when we first met. The way how her eyes shone when she was speaking about something she loves. The way her smile is capable to make my day better and my dark world a brighter place.

A sob broke through me as I remembered how her eyes lose that brightness and became lifeless, dull, numb.

"Take deep breaths." She whispered in my ear and I could feel her lips pressing a soft, tender kiss on my forehead. That action alone made me wrap my hands around bringing her closer to me.

'I just want to hold her. To have her in my hands at least once again.'

"I'm here. You are okay." She whispered running her hand over my back. "Everything will be fine." She croaked out making me lift my head from her embrace only to be met with her tearful eyes.

"I'm so-so sor-ry." I shuttered as I brought my hand cradling her face in it and wiping her tears. "I didn't want to make you cry, again.." I croaked taking a deep breath and pulling her in my chest.

"I.. I'm fine. It's just.. I saw you cry and my hormones just went crazy.." she said with a short laugh making me tightened my hold on her.



A small hand made an appearance when Emiliano came to stand right I front of us. "No, dada." He pouted while looking at me. I could see tears pool in his eyes making my heart hurt.

"Shh, mio figlio." I said pulling him into my lap. ("Shh, my son.")

"Are you okay now?" Antea questioned after we calmed down a little. "Yeah, I'm fine." I said not loosening my hold on either one of them "I'm so sorry." I added on which she only shook her head.

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you feel bad. I shouldn't ask-" she started but I cut her off quickly not letting her finish that thought.

"No, don't you ever apologize for something like that. You should ask everything that you want to know about. I just.. it took me by surprise and.. some things got back to me." I said kissing her forehead gently.

She lifted her head from my chest to look at my face. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you sad." She exclaimed while rubbing my back soothingly.

"It is not your fault. I just remembered everything that happened before and.."

"If you don't want to tell me it's okay. You don't need to-"

"No, it's your life we are talking about and you should know about it but at the same time I don't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me? With what?" She asked pulling away from me and turning around to face me.

"With truth." I mumbled while glazing at her face.

Her eyes held so much curiosity but at the same time fear and confusion.

"How bad it can be?" She asked timidly tilting her head to the side causing me to take in a harsh breath.

"A really bad... you, umm.. y-you tried to-to.. ohh, Dio mio. " I exclaimed as I lifted my head in the air looking at the ceiling. "It's bad. Really bad. I almost lost you. You- you.. I could have lost you for good." I said shouting my eyes tightly after I felt that stinging sensation coming back in my eyes.

"It will be okay." She whispered leaning her head on my chest "You are not going to lose me. Look. I'm here next to you. And I'm not going nowhere." She said while tightening her hold on me.

"You tried to kill yourself." I said just above a whisper scared of her reaction. I could feel my heart hammering in my chest just by saying those bitter words.

Her body froze while her whole demeanor changed into one of shock and disbelief. "I did what?"

"You, you tried to kill yourself." I said louder while looking at her face which changed a couple of colors.

Her eyes scanned my face like she was looking for any trace of a joke. She was probably trying to see if I'm joking or if I'm serious. However, after she got nothing but truth her eyes started to pool with tears. Tears that she spilled way too much because of me.

"W-why?" Her voice wobbled "Why would I do something like that?"

"Something happened, one thing happened which pushed you over the edge. You weren't the same after that." I said letting now calm Emiliano down on the floor and turning my full attention back to the crying girl next to me. My girl.

"What happened?" "I really don't want to tell you that-" I started but she cut me off.

"You just told me that I have the right to know about my life. Please tell me."

"I don't want to lose you again. I don't want to tell you and have you back in that state. You weren't yourself. You looked lifeless. There wasn't that shine and happiness in those eyes of yours instead they looked dull. I don't want you in that position. I don't want to see you press a gun against your temple ever again. I just.. I don't want to lose you." I said biting my tongue. However, my response made her grab my face in her hands.

"You won't lose me. Just please tell me. I'm here and I promise that I won't leave you but please.. tell me." She begged.

Sliding down from the couch on my knees in front of her I wrapped my arms around her leaning my head in her lap. Her hand found her way to my hair and she creases it softly.

'I can't hold it in. I can't hold it from her. I knew that I won't be able to hide it from her, but I didn't know it would be this hard.'

"You.. we lose our baby." I said just above the whisper, but she heard me because her body froze along with her hand that was in my hair.

Those words were like a knife that pierced through my heart and soul causing tears to start flow down my cheeks once again.

"Lost our baby?" She asked and from the corner of my eye, I saw her other hand made a way on her baby bump. "Bu-but I.. I'm pregnant."

"Our first baby." I whispered barely audible while lifting my hand to brush her tears away. I battled with myself about what to tell her. Should I tell her the whole truth and risk losing her again, both her and our unborn child, or lie to her. I could tell her the truth later when I think that she was able to handle it.

"You were in the first month with pregnancy when you had a miscarriage." I let a lie slip past my lips "You blamed yourself for that even if it wasn't your fault. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester. But somehow you got in that pretty head of yours that it was your fault when it wasn't." 'It was mine.' I wanted to add.

"A month after that incident you tried to kill yourself because of.. because you blamed yourself." Her eyes closed tightly making my heart bleed. She is trying to keep her tears in, I know she does.

"Thankfully, Mar.. Angelo came there at the right time and he took a gun from your hands." I said as I took her gentle hands in my rough ones and brought them to my lips kissing them. "When you pressed the trigger.." I choked on my own words "..when you.. I thought that I lost you." I sobbed.

She pulled her hands from my gasp and that's when I knew. 'I lost her. She was going to hate me, she.. oh Dio mio I hope that she doesn't harm herself.. or the baby. She can scream at me, she can hit me, beat me, but please don't let her go to her old state. Her silence is harming me more than anything else. I was shot, cut, but I never experienced pain like the one she can inflict. And she can do that with only her silence.'

My head slumped down and I pulled away from her letting her go if that's what she wants. My arms fell to my sides not having anything to hold on to. My heart was shattered into small pieces while my head hurt from crying and dark thoughts that ran through it.

I felt her move from in front of me and I shut my eyes close tightly not wanting to see the pain that I caused to her once again.

To my surprise, I felt something touching my legs. Thinking it must be Emiliano I opened my eyes only to face the beautiful face of a girl that stole my heart.

She slid down to sit in front of me cradled my face in both her hands making me look at her. "I'm sorry." She croaked no which I shook my head quickly.

"No, don't apologize." Exclaiming I pulled my face from her hands and wrapped my arms around her bring her in my lap. She leaned her head in my chest as she cried.

"Shh, I'm here. Please don't cry, your tears are breaking me more than you could ever imagine, carina." I whispered in her ear while slowly rubbing her back.

We stayed in that position for some time until both of us didn't calm down. I was leaning on a coffee table which was, I could say pretty uncomfortable. It was cutting my back causing waves of pain to go through my spine with every little move.

However, I didn't complain. Reason? I had my girl in my arms. She was curled into my chest and I simply didn't want to move scared that she will disappear.

"Are you better now?" Her voice came our hoarse yet timid. "Yeah." I whispered back equally quiet "Are you? How are you feeling? Are alright? You and baby?" I asked as fear started to grip my body. Crying, at least this much isn't good in pregnancy.

A soft chuckle made me snap my head at her "I'm fine. We are both completely fine." She said putting her hand at her baby bump and rubbing it slowly.

My hand itched to touch her baby bump, just to put my hand on her, but I know it wasn't the time. She is probably uncomf-

"So," she started, pulling herself to sit next to me "the baby?" She asked timidly making me scan her face not knowing what she wants to say with that.

"What with a baby?" "Umm," she swallowed hard while looking everywhere except at me "I-I just, umm.. I wanted to kn-know.. uff, umm is, is baby that I'm car-carrying yours?" She asked barely audible but I heard her nonetheless.

A smile made its way to my face while I watch her fidget with her delicate fingers. Gently grabbing her chin between my fingers I made her look at me.

"Si." I said while pushing a string of her hair behind her ear. "You are carrying my.. our baby." I whispered while my cheeks started to hurt from how big my smile was.

"Ours." She sends me a small smile while her cheeks and tip of her ears got pinkish color.

"Dada!" Emiliano squealed jumping in my arms while throwing both his hands around me and Antea causing me to hit my back against the edge of the table. Pain shot through me but I did care instead my first thought was to look at Antea to see if she got hurt.

Breathing a sigh of relief upon seeing that she is fine I turned to Emiliano with a serious face "Emiliano." I called him making him look at me with his innocent eyes. "You can't jump like that. You can hurt yourself or someone around you. Capisce? You could hurt a baby." I whispered to him while cradling his little head in my hand when his lower lip started to tremble.

"Me! Me babay." He squealed with a smile suddenly making appearances on his face, tears, and sadness long forgotten.

His answer caused both of us to laugh at him. "No, principino. You are a big boy, aren't you? We were talking about other baby."

"Ba..babay." he whispered looking curiously at me. "Si. There is a baby." I said pointing at Antea's bump. Following my finger, he looked at her curiously and put his hand on the bump.

Antea looked at him carefully and was about to say something when there was a knock on the doors.

• • •

[A/N]

Hi!

I saw a bunch of authors drop questions after a chapter so I decided to give it a try. I'm bored soo, umm.. I don't know.

Can you tell me what you like and what you hate about the story so far? ;)