— ᴀ.s.

My head was in such a mess right now. Everything that Xavier said, just keeps repeating in my head like a mantra.

'.. we were together..' '.. we lost our first baby..' '..you tried to kill yourself..' '..blame..'

I had a miscarriage before. I.. we lost our baby. My heart was breaking at the sight of Xavier, of his tears, of pain that his eyes emitted. He was in so much pain and in so much sadness that I didn't know how to stop his tears.

All I could do is hug him. And that's exactly what I did I got on the floor next to him with my tears leaking down my cheeks and hugged him till he was calm. Until both of us calmed down.

A knocking on the doors made me avert my eyes from curious Emiliano to the entrance door. 'Weird. Guys usually don't knock.' I thought to myself as a frown pulled on my face.

"What is it?" Xavier asked upon seeing my confusion. Shaking my head I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders.

"Nothing." "This must be guys." He exclaimed getting up from the floor and rubbing a hand over his face. "Umm, I'm not sure." I mumbled as I got up with his help.

"You sure? Are you waiting for someone?" He asked while his eyes flashed with something that I didn't have time to catch.

"Yeah, usually guys when they are coming here.. well let's say that they don't knock." I started explaining as we made our way towards the entrance door.

"They would usually just brag in li-" we were midway in the hallway when doors were thrown open and Matteo walked in.

"-is is how you walk in over here. You don't need to knock on that door." He exclaimed while watching Moreno's shocked expression which caused the rest of them to laugh.

"Like they own a place." Xavier finished my sentence which made Matteo turn around facing us for the first time today.

"Oh you guys are here already." He smiled and made his way toward us while extending his hands to Emiliano. Taking Emiliano in his arms he walked into the living room followed by Angelo and Daniel.

Maya lifted bags which I didn't even see she was carrying "I'm gonna go in the kitchen, join me when you find the time." Exclaiming she left towards the kitchen leaving me alone with Xavier and Moreno.

"I don't know how you deal with them, but.. hat down. If they brag in my apartment like that, I would probably open fire on them." Moreno said in disbelief as he made his way to us.

His words made laugh erupt from me. "Well, I don't remember how they usually walk in.." I said making Moreno's face fell the slightest bit "but from what I learned is that neither one of them knock." I added with a smile.

"Umm, I'm gonna go see if Maya needs some help in the kitchen." Unwrapping Xavier's hand, that I didn't even feel he wrapped around me, I smiled at him and made my way into the kitchen.

"You are already done with a brunch? Why did you do so much? You know that you shouldn't work that much. Why didn't you wait for me?" Maya attacked me with questions as soon as I stepped into the kitchen.

"I couldn't sleep after I woke up so I decided to be useful." I wined back only for her to tsk me.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk, okay I will close my eyes but only this once. If we made a deal that we will do this together then don't pull a stunt like this again and besides I don't want you to overwork yourself."

"I'm fine. Don't worry." "Are you sure your eyes are red? Did you cry?" She asked but the only thing I could do is hear Xavier's sobs and see his pained face.

It breaks you in a whole different way when you see grown-up men cry. Especially if you started to catch feelings for the same one.

If I could I would take away all his pain and sadness. Only if I could, but that's impossible.

Giving my head a little shake I looked at her. Since I met her she was nothing but supportive and caring towards me. She was like a sister I never had and I have trust in her if I told her something that she won't pass that to someone else.

"Yeah, I did." I said silently on which she came close to me pulling me into a hug.

"Why, what happened? Did Xavier do something to you? I will kill that motherfucker if he did-" she started but I cut her off quickly not wanting her to blame Xavier for anything.

"No, no. It's not his fault. I mean he.. umm, we.. he told me about, umm my past.." I exclaimed on which she pulled away slightly looking at me with wide eyes.

"He told you? What did he tell you?" I frowned at her 'Is it just me or does she actually knows something about all of this?'

"He told me about.. about us. He told me that I was working for him and that then we got in a relationship."

"Did.. did he told you anything else?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, he told me that we lost a baby." I said silently causing her to pull me into a hug.

"Oh, dear God. I'm so sorry, hun." She comforted me but I simply didn't feel a thing.

At first, I was shocked and sad that I lose a baby before this one. However now.. I just don't feel anything. It's not that I don't care about it, it's just that I.. Xavier said himself that I lose baby in the first trimester and that that's the time when you can lose baby in most cases.

Maybe because I don't remember any of what happened before, I don't feel anything regarding losing a baby. Or on the other hand, maybe it's just shocking so my brain still didn't process his words.

"I'm fine. However, he told me that I also tried to kill myself." I added in a low whisper making her still.

"I know." She sighed causing me to pull away from her.

"You knew?" I asked making her nod. "How? How long? Why didn't you told me?"

"It's not my story to tell. But to answer your questions Daniel told me when he came back from Italy. He told me about you and Xavier, about baby, your suicide attempt.. I wanted to tell you but, it's not my place. Besides Xavier told Daniel that he will tell you everything, but he didn't want to scare you or push you away from himself."

"So that's why you act differently since we came back from Italy, that's why you don't let me do anything around the house." I asked making her nod with an apologetic look.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I just.. I care about you and I didn't want that something happened to you..you were through hell already and I don't want you to suffer or be sad anymore." She said as her shoulders slumped down and her gaze fell on her feet.

Shaking my head at her I circled my arms around her pulling her to me "I'm not mad at you. It's okay. I know that you meant nothing bad. Both of you." I smiled at her causing her to smile back.

"So are we done here?" She said after some time making me nod. "Yeah, let's put all of that at the table." I said grabbing one of the plates and carrying it to the table.

Setting the table guys joined us to eat. During the late breakfast, there was a comfortable and homely atmosphere. Everyone seemed to be engaged in conversation with someone.

Xavier cleared his throat bringing everyone's attention to him. Yet still, his eyes were fixed on me "I spoke with Daniel about you two, well three.." he glanced at Maya "..to come with us back in New York."

I frowned at his request "You mean like, umm.. like a trip?" He looked at me for some moment then shook his head slightly.

"Well, I thought about you moving back home.. with me, with us." He said as he fixed wiggling Emiliano in his lap. "That might help you bring your memories? And besides, I will be closer if you need me or anyone from that matter." He added making my frown deepened and my head title to the side in confusion.

"What do you mean? I mean I know that you are going back to New York but I have Daniel here. I'm not alone."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Daniel shift uncomfortably causing me to switch my eyes on him. "What is it?"

"Umm, do you remember when I told you last week about that company near London? The one that works with cars.. well you told me that I should shot my shot. And I kinda did... they called me yesterday to arrange a meeting, well not meeting but job interview.. with me."

His answer took me by surprise. Emotions swam through my body, sadness because he will leave me alone, anger because he told me only now, but yet there was happiness because I know how many times he told me about them and how much that means to him.

"So you are leaving?" I asked in a low voice scared that if I rose it the slightest bit it will break. He was quick to stand up and came to stand next to me.

"No, well yeah... but before I go I will go with you to New York. If you like it there and if it helps to bring your memory back then I will let you stay there. Of course, if you would like to stay if not you can come with me to London. That's the main reason why I told them that I will come to have an interview in two weeks." He said with a smile while rubbing my back soothingly.

"Okay." I said silently while lowering my gaze to my lap frigging with my fingers. Truth be told, I'm scared to leave. I don't want that Daniel leaves my side while on other hand I know that it's selfish and I don't want that. I want him to go and chase his dreams.

But I can't shake that feeling that I will stay alone. That everyone is going to leave me. All alone. With no one by my side.