— x.ᴅ.ʀ.

'She is dreaming her memories...'

If her memory is coming back, that means that she is gonna sooner or later remember everything. And I can't let myself be in the position of losing her.

It would be better if I tell her about everything. But where should I start and how? What can I tell her without scaring her away? Without jeopardizing her contrition and the baby's life.

Just like the first time, this could go or really good or really bad. I hope it goes well, I'm not in a position to risk anything with her anymore. I wouldn't stay a chance if she leaves me or gets in the same state as months ago.

"Talk? About what?" Her voice holds the edge in it, it sounded like she was concerned yet curious.

"We should talk about us. About.. about my job or profession or however, you want to call it."

"You are CEO, right? You own company?" She asked frowning making me nod.

"Yes, I am CEO but there is more." I said averting my eyes on the floor and rubbing a hand over my face. "More?"

"Yes. There are things you don't know about me, well actually the things you don't remember about me. They are not the nicest. But before, you knew those things and you were.. umm, let's say okay with it. I mean, umm.. ugh, how do I explain-"

Her chuckle stopped my attempt of explanation. "You are acting like you were some kind of bad guy." 'Oh if you only knew.' "Breath." Her words calmed my racing heart and caused my lips to tug at corners.

"Okay. Now that you are calm slowly tell me." She said as she grabs a hold of my hand in hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I don't want to scare you, but at the same time, I can't keep this from you. You already knew my line of business and.. ugh, you didn't have any connection with it but.." '..you got hurt.'

"But?" Our eyes locked and I got lost in them. In her.

"Do you trust me?" I questioned holding her stare and interweaving our fingers causing her to tilt her head.

"Wha- Xavier I think that you are overreacting. Whatever you are doing it can't be that bad. Just tell me."

"Please just answer me. Do you trust me?" I begged to make her eyes soften.

"Of course I do. I wouldn't be here if I don't. Just take a deep breath and calmly tell me what is bothering you." Her soft voice made me crack a smile however that smile disappeared after her next words. "It's not like you are a serial killer."

"Yeah.." I nervously chuckled while scratching the back of my neck with my free hand. "Not serial one.." I mumbled under my breath.

"What?" "Nothing. I just want to tell you that.." sighing I continued "I'm glad that you trust me and I want you to know that.. that I love you." Her eyes widened in shock at my admittance which made me pull her against me.

"I'm so sorry." "What for amore? You didn't do anything." "I-I can't say that back."

"And that's completely fine. You can take as long as you want until you say anything. I told you that I'm gonna make you fall for me again and I'm planning to fulfill my promise. So don't feel guilty if you can't say that at the moment, we have time." I finished with a kiss on her head.

"But now that we cleared the air about that, there is something I actually wanted to tell you. And I want you to be calm okay? I would never hurt you, you know that."

"Xavier, maybe it's my hormones but you are starting to piss me off and I'm rarely mad. Just out with it."

"Did you dream anything about the mafia?" I asked instantly not wanting to get her mad.

"About mafia? N-no, why would I dream about it?" She asked as she tried to pull away from me but I only tightened my hold on her keeping her in place not wanting to let her go scared that she is gonna leave me.

Taking a deep breath "I'm connected with it." I said feeling her body froze in my hold.

"You.. you are connected with the mafia?" Her voice was low yet I couldn't miss fear in it.

"Si, amore. But you need to know that I would never hurt you. I love you."



— ᴀ.s.

Fear gripped my body which caused me to feel paralyzed in Xavier's hold. Shutting my eyes tightly close I felt a heavy headache coming.

Flashback

"Well, hmm.. it does... and you see.. umm, my father, he-umm... he's in one which means that I'm also connected with it." Xavier said with uneasiness in his eyes which actually made me laugh.

'He? In mafia? Yeah right.' However, my laughing fit was stopped as soon as I saw his serious face making me swallow hard.

"Wait,.. you are serious?" I asked shifting in my seat, my heart fastened its pace feeling fear creep up my spine. "Yes, I'm serious." His reply only made my fear grow.

"Y-you kill people?" I questioned in fear as I started to pull away from him which caused him to grab my hand gently yet firm and pull me back into him.

"Calm down, I'm not gonna hurt you. And to answer your question no.. well, yes but only bad people." Yet again his words didn't ease my mind instead my fear only grew more and more making it hard to breathe.

He pulled me closer to him if that was possible and brought his hand on my back. I flinched in fear of him hurting me but instead, he started to slowly rub up and down my back making me still my movements along with my breathing.

"I'm not going to hurt you." He whispered which caused my body to relax just a bit in his hold.

. . .

"..that makes me and my brother capo, while my father is don." Xavier explained but I didn't pay attention to his talking my mind was in a mishap at this point.

He is in the mafia. How could I be so stupid? There is so much suspicious stuff happening here and I just now placed all pieces together. I should've known.

"Are you listening to me?" His soft voice brought me back to reality making me nod. My hands were getting sweaty from nervousness causing me to rub them against my shirt.

"Ye-yes. I'm.. I'm fine." I shuttered and he only shook his head at me.

"No, you are not. Look at me." Bringing his hand, he grabbed my chin and angled my head to look at him.

"I'm not gonna hurt you, capisce? I told you I only hurt people that hurt my family, let's say that it's an eye for eye favor. So don't be scared of me. I'm not a bad guy to you. I won't hurt you. I don't have anything against you, so don't be scared of me. I'm just a normal guy like anyone else. Everyone here is just a simple man or woman, you can't find the difference between 'normal people' and us, mafia people. I'm the same as the man that goes for a walk in the park with his son or a man that goes on a beer with his friends. I'm not different than others. All those stories and stuff you see about the mafia, not all of them are true. When you walk down the road you can't recognize someone as a mobster. We are all people with families like others, only difference is our line of work."

End of flashback

The memory just flashed in front of my eyes making me grip Xavier's shirt in tight fists.

"Amore are you alright? Are you in pain? What happened?" Xavier's concerned voice made me lift my head from his chest.

"I.. I think I remember." I said with wide eyes as I locked my eyes with his. "Remember? What did you remember?"

"Yo-you told me about, umm.." my brows pulled together as I tried to remember exact words "Oh, umm you told me about being a capo and umm, dom or is it don, I'm not sure.. you were telling me about mafia life." I said still feeling my heart beat at a faster pace making me pull my hand from Xavier's shirt and pressed it against my chest hoping to calm a little.

The previous fear was still flowing through my body causing me to sweat, but at the same time, I wasn't scared. It's like I know I'm in a dangerous situation, but at the same time, I know that I won't get hurt if that makes sense.

Xavier's eyes flashed with fear on my movement "Are you in pain amore?" "No, it's just. It beats really fast. I think this is all too much."

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to scare you, but I didn't know what way to tell you. You needed to know."

"It's.. umm, it's okay." I groaned grabbing my head feeling sudden hot pain shoot through it.

"Amore? Amore, are you okay?" Xavier asked with concern dripping from his words.

"It's just a headache. I'm fine. This is all just too much at once." His eyes didn't leave me as he watched me with uneasiness.

"Let me take you to the room, huh? So you could rest." He said standing up and before I could go against his word and argue, his arms snaked under my knees and around my back lifting me up in his hands. This sudden movement made me squeak in surprise which caused him to still his movements.

"Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" He spoke quickly while letting his eyes fell over my body stopping his glaze a little longer on my bulging stomach. My cheeks were beetroot red by the time our eyes locked back.

"Ye-yeah, you just took me by surprise." I said lowering my gaze downward "I have legs, which are thankfully healthy, you know? I can walk by myself." I said looking at him through my lashes.

"I know." He said and I saw a corner of his lip twitch into a smirk making my already red cheeks to get redder and heat travel through my body. "Is it wrong that I want to have you close?" Shaking my head slowly he proceeded "Than I'm gonna take you like this into a room."

He carried me into our room and laid me on the bed. "Do you need something? Anything?"

"No, I'm all good. Just tired." I said leaning my head on the pillow. "Okay, amore. If you say so. I'm gonna be here when you wake up." He said as he moved towards the couch and sat on it facing me.

I tried to send him a smile but sudden tiredness and feeling of dizziness made me slip into darkness.