— x.ᴅ.ʀ.

"Take her in the room." The doctor said to one of the nurses then turned to me leading me towards one of the hallways.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked letting curiosity talk instead of me.

"I'm taking you to NICU to see your children." Doctor answer calmly yet I couldn't miss the edge in his words.

My head bobbed as I took his words in. 'He is taking me to see my children. My chil- wait a minute'

"You mean a child?" "No, sir. She had twins." He said turning his head to the side to face me with his brows pulled together. "She gave birth to twin boys. Didn't you know she was carrying twins?"

My steps halted and my eyes bulged out. 'Twins? Like two babies? I'm a dad of two more?'

My hand went up to my face rubbing it to see if I would wake up from a dream. I'm a dad of twins. Heart in my ribcage started to beat faster than ever before in my life.

"-ir, are you okay?" I snapped back to reality when the doctor shook my shoulders a little. "Are you okay? Didn't you know?"

"N-no." I started shuttering then cleared my throat "No, we didn't know she was carrying twins. How is that even possible to miss a baby, for so long?"

"It's possible to not detect a hidden twin but it should have been seen at 20 weeks check-up. When was she last time on ultrasound?" Doc asked as we continued our way towards twins.

"A couple of weeks ago. She was 26 weeks."

"And the doctor didn't say anything?"

"She said that she has, umm how did she say that it's called. I can't remember the name, there was a lot of amniotic fluid around the baby."

"Yes, that's caused by multiple pregnancies. And that also answers why her water broke so early, was she under a pressure of some kind, stress?"

My mind went blank, I was again a cause of her almost dying and jeopardizing the baby's life also.

"Yes, she was." I let the words slip past my lips with a heavy sigh. It hurts me so much to know that I could have lost her again because of my past mistakes.

"Well, that is what triggers it. She shouldn't have been exposed to that kind of stress." He said as he stopped in front of a big glass door.

"Before we enter you need to know a couple of things." He exclaimed as a pitying look took over over his face again.

"They were born early and as prematurely born, that's why they are here. In NICU. However, the problem is that one of the boys is way smaller than the other one."

"Smaller? What do you mean? What does that have to do with anything?"

"The smaller twin was hidden twin, his brother took most of the food and that's why he grew much faster than other one."

"I still am not following. What are you trying to say with that?"

"Sir there is a big possibility that he won't make it."

His words cut deep causing my heart to shatter. 'My baby won't make it? No. No. No. I can't let that happened. I can't lose another one. That would kill me, that would kill both of us.'

I could feel my eyes start to sting but I push tears back. "Is there anything that we can do? Call someone?"

"No sir. Everything is on him now. We will see how he reacts to his surroundings and will he adapt to the change."

"Are you okay with coming in?" Doctor asked on which I send him a curt nod. Pushing a door open we were met with the silent room, only the beeping of the heart monitor was heard causing an unpleasant shiver to run down my spine.

"There they are." He pointed towards glass boxes not far away from the door. Getting closer my throat started to close.

There they were both so small, wrapped with wires and tubes all around them. But the difference was easy to be seen, a baby on the left looked smaller than the one on the right. He looked like he could fit in my palms without any problem at all.

This time I couldn't stop tears from spilling. They looked so fragile, like a simple touch can shatter them into pieces.

One of my hands went on my mouth covering them not letting any sound escape. Another one went to touch the glass feeling the warmness of it in my fingertips.

"Unfortunately you can't touch them, not yet at least. They are still in the early stage and-" the doctor started but I cut him off. "I know."

"You asked how can you help them. I know that I said that you can't help them, but you can talk to them. Babies usually have a good response to their parents' voices, so you can try that." I nodded at his words letting them get into my brain.

"Can you, umm.." I started but got tongue-tied.

"Of course. I will be in front of the door." I waited till he didn't exit the room and when he did I let my tears flow freely.

Everything that happened came crushing on me giving me a feeling like I'm under the water. It became hard to breathe as I looked at the little boy in front of me. He might not survive. I might lose another baby.

"Scusi, piccolino. Ti prego, non arrenderti. Non ti merito, ma non mollare tua mamma. Ha bisogno di te." I croaked kneeling in front of his box. ("I'm sorry, little one. Please don't give up. I don't deserve you, but don't give up on your mom. She needs you.")

His skin looked red and almost see-through. Looking at him all I could see are wires connected to him helping him with breathing, feeding, and tracing his heart pattern.

"Hai bisogno di vivere. Se non per me, che per tua madre.. e i tuoi fratelli. Entrambi hanno bisogno di te." I begged "Ho bisogno che tu rimanga con noi." ("You need to live. if not for me, then for your mom.. and your brothers. they both need you." "I need you to stay with us.")

Switching my eyes on the other boy my tears didn't stop. Even though he is healthier than the other twin he is still premature and in danger.

Taking a deep breath I stood up wiping my tears and rubbing a hand over my face. 'I need to see her. Make sure she is alright. Just see her, have her in my arms even though I know after everything she won't want me there.'



— ᴀ.s.

I was awoken by a beeping next to my head. Slowly opening my eyes I was greeted with blinding light causing me to shut my eyes tightly close.

Slowly opening my eyes I let them get used to the light. Looking around I found myself in the white room, scratching the chair next to me made me lift my eyes a little seeing Xavier next to me.

His eyes were red and his cheeks were stained with trails of tears, some old some fresh. His gaze was cast downwards which lead me to the thought that he didn't see me. Yet.

Blinking a couple of times he rubbed a hand over his face and bit his lower lip anxiously. The memory of what happened entered my mind and I jumped a little twisting my head in search of him. But he was not there.

"Hey, hey, amore. Calm down." Xavier's raspy voice came next to me and I felt his hands on my shoulders pushing me down slowly. Turning my head to look at him I saw his eyes tracing my face until they didn't stop on my eyes.

Not being able to hold his stare, what from the insistent of it, what from the things that he did to me, I averted them on the plain wall in front of me.

I hear him suck a harsh breath "Amore, looks at me." He asked softly, but I couldn't find it in myself to connect our gazes. "Please. Look at me. Don't do this to me again."

My heart was breaking at his words, at sadness and despair in them. I wanted to look at him, for him to tell me that all that monster said was a lie, but I know by the look he gave that moment that it's far from a lie. That it's truth, a truth that will haunt me forever.

'He is the one that killed your baby.' Words rang in my ears, sending a feeling that Aleksei is next to me whispering them over and over again. On instinct, my hand went on my bulging stomach only to find it almost flat, with curves but not bulging out like it uses to be.

Quickly I jumped but regretted it momentarily when pain shoots through my spine causing tears to brim in my eyes.

"Shh, amore. Don't move too much-" Xavier started to speak quickly with a worried expression.

"B-baby.." I croaked out letting my tears fall. Xavier's face light up ever so slightly with a little nearly noticeable twitch in his lips. "Please, my baby.. n-no-o.. where is-"

"Amore, amore, shhh, calm down. They are okay. They are okay. Please, shh... calm down." His words soothed my worries a little bit making me let out a silent breath of relief, but my worry won't go away till I don't see a baby.

"I want to see. Where is my baby?" Croaking out words I didn't miss how a look of sadness washed over his face.

"Amore, they are in NICU. I will take you there when do-" he stopped speaking when doors were pushed open and an older-looking man in a white coat walked in caring papers in his hands.

"Oh miss, you are finally awake. That's great. How are you feeling? Do you feel any pain or discomfort?" He asked straight away surprising me a little.

"Umm, I-I.." stammering over my words I looked at him ".. f-fine, I guess."

"Alright, then." He smiled pulling his glasses over the bridge of his nose "I'm sorry, I'm so inconsiderate. I'm doctor Hugh."

"It's nice to meet you, sir." I said wiping my tears away causing him to cast weird looks towards Xavier.

"She wants to see babies." Xavier's words came in my ear causing me to look at him.

"I don't want to see babies, I want to see my baby. Mine baby. Not others." I hissed sniffling while turning to the doctor "Can I please see my baby? Can you take me to it?"

Doctor's brows pulled together as he looked at me for a moment or two and then like something clicked in his mind.

"Ohh, miss. Your husband didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?" I asked feeling worry grow in me along with curiosity. "You had twins. Two baby boys."

I could swear my heart stopped beating when I heard what he said. 'Twins.'

"Twins?" I asked wide-eyed not letting my eyes wander away from his face in case he was joking.

"Yes, twins. I am here actually because we need names, of course, if you have them. But considering that you didn't know you had twins I can let you have more time if you need it?"

"Amore," Xavier called me softly causing me to turn my head in his direction slowly still in a daze of what the doctor told me. "Are you okay?"

My stomach was making weird flips, but not from nausea. The flips were of surprise, excitement, fear. 'Am I capable of being a mother of two? One baby is okay, I can do it, but two?'

My breath started to get quicker and raged by passing second. Xavier must notice a change in my behavior because he sat down next to me bringing my head to his chest.

"Breath, amore. Breath. Listen to my heartbeat and count it. It will help you, it will send bad thoughts away." He spoke in a low whisper only for my ears to hear while running a hand through my hair.

I didn't want him next to me, or for him to touch me, not after everything I heard, although on other hand, I didn't want to feel alone. So I let myself, even for this maybe last time, relax in his hold. In arms of the man I fell in love with once again, maybe that were only memories that made me love him, but I think that he swoons me off my feet once again. Just like he promised.

"Do you want me to go?" Doctor asked breaking the silence in the room.

"N-no, it's okay. Umm, I'm sorry, I-I didn't know I had twins.. I'm really-" I started to apologize while pulling my head away from Xavier but he stopped me by lifting his hand.

"It's really not a problem. But I need to ask you, the names? Will you give them to me now or?"

"Can, can I first see them?" I asked hoping that he will say yes but his face turned into one of pity.

"I'm sorry but I think that won't be capable." "And why is that?" Xavier asked before I could even open my mouth.

"She has been in operation not long ago, she can't walk till the wound doesn't heal at least a little and that will last for three to four days."

I could feel my eyes start to water again and my heart shatters into tiny pieces. 'They won't let me see them.' Xavier's hand found my cheek while wiping away a tear that spilled.

"Shh, don't cry. I will find a way for you to see or babies. Okay? Just don't cry, don't spill your tears." His words in a weird way calmed down my racing heart. Or maybe it was the fact that every time he would promise me something he would make sure he would keep it.

"Well is there any way that she could see them?" Xavier asked as a serious expression took over his face.

"Umm, we could transport babies here in portable incubators, but that is for a short period. Maybe ten or fifteen minutes not longer. After that, we need to bring them into real ones."

"That would be great. Thank you." Xavier's words had dismissing edge in them causing the doctor to nod and leave us alone.

. . .

We sat in silence, Well Xavier was speaking but I turned myself off. All I could hear was humming in the background. All his words were blurred while my thought dominated my head.

'I was having two babies in myself all this time and I didn't even know that. How could a doctor miss that? How did I miss that? Shouldn't I know or at least spot a difference?'

A thought came into my mind causing me to turn towards Xavier "Did you call Daniel?" I want him here, next to me. He is the only one on who I could relay. I don't know could I trust Xavier after all that happened.

"Yes, yes I did. I called him and Maya and everyone else. Don't worry." He said making me sigh in relief "But I want you to know about what Aleksei said-" his storytelling got cut short when the nurse opened the door and wheeled only one incubator in.