— x.ᴅ.ʀ.

I watched with furrowed brows how the nurse whiled a single incubator in the room. My heart skipped a beat and my head started to fill itself with ugly scenarios.

'Oh God no.' Jumping on my feet as soon as I registered that nurse stopped just a couple of feet from me.

"Sir can you move a bit so I can get to the mother."

I didn't acknowledge her words but instead walked closer to her feeling my throat closing. 'He can't leave.' Peaking into the incubator I was met with two little bundles wrapped in blue blankets.

Letting a ragged breath of relief I looked at the nurse when she called me once again "Sir? Sir, can you move to the side? Are you alright?" Giving my head a little shake I moved away letting her push the incubator closer to Antea's bed.

"Here you go, miss. Umm, I'm gonna leave you alone now and be back in fifteen minutes that's how long the doctor said they can be here." She said as she left the room.

I turned my eyes on the girl on the bed who was struggling with lifting herself to look at the babies.

During the whole time since I came from the NICU, I didn't leave her side. I only left her for five minutes when Dante came running here, but he left after I told him that they don't let anyone in with her.

Since she woke up and opened these mesmerizing eyes all I could see in them was a pain. Not only pain caused by surgery, but the pain caused by finding out what I did. To her. To us.

My sins scarred her in many ways.

"Let me help you." I mumbled as I came to stand on another side of her and put another pillow behind her back while helping her turn to the side.

I didn't miss the way she hissed in pain under her breath from movement and the way her body pulled away from my hands when I touched her. My heart was breaking knowing that I caused all this again. I pushed her away once again.

"Oh," pulling my head away from my pity party I looked how her eyes light up and fill with tears "this are my babies."

"Si, amore." I said sitting next to her "This are our babies." My words made her turn her head a little towards me and send me a bitter smile.

Her eyes weren't on me much before she switched them back on little boys in a glass box in front of us.

"Can I hold them?" She asked timidly causing a wave of sadness to wash over me.

"No, not yet. They need to get used to all this." I replied but a thought came into my mind. 'She doesn't know anything about smallest twin.'

Taking a deep breath I switched places and came to stand next to the incubator "Amore, we need to talk." I saw uncertainty in her eyes and I cleared the air about what I want to talk to her "About twins."

Her eyes widened on my words and her lower lip started to tremble "You are gonna take them from me, won't you? Xavier please-" my own eyes widened at what she was saying.

"N-no, I won't take twins away from you. No, no, no amore. Why would you even think something like that? These are our babies, you are their mother. I would never take them from you."

She took a couple of deep breaths while looking at me causing me to kneel next to her bed and take her delicate hand in my giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"We need to speak about something else. Something serious." I said leaning closer to her and putting another hand on her head slowly running it over her messed hair.

She blinked tears away and looked at me with soft sniffles "What?" Her voice was low nearly inaudible and if I wasn't so close to her I probably wouldn't hear her.

"Twins, as you know, are born way too early and besides that's the reason for them being in NICU. However, the doctor said.." looking down on the floor I could feel a familiar sensation of pain in my chest. Taking deep breaths I looked at her again "Twins weren't detected because as you can see one is bigger than the other." Her head turned to look at the incubator next to us and her eyebrows shoot up.

"Yes, this one is smaller. How is that- why?"

"When they were in the womb, the bigger one was more, umm how to put it in words, he was more dominant?" I said but that sounded more like the question "And as a result of that this little one didn't get as much food and nutrients as he should have."

Her face was falling with every word said causing me to tighten my hold on her hand knowing that the next words will shatter her along with me in tiny pieces "They, t-the doctor sa-said that he.." I stopped myself shouting my eyes tightly holding tears that filled them, not being able to utter those dreadful words.

"What? Tell me." I could hear silent demand in her voice.

"He said that-that he, that there is a small chance that he is gonna make it." I croaked out letting my tears to travel down my cheeks.

Her mouth fell open and she looked at me in disbelief while silent tears were wetting her cheeks.

"Wha- Noo, this is a lie. You are lying. Why are you lying?" She sobbed out while pulling her hand from my grasp and pushing my other hand away from her hair leaving a cold feeling wrap around me.

"I wish I am, amore, but that's the truth. That's what they told me."

"No. No, he can't leave me. He can't." She sobbed while placing a hand on the glass box and watched sleeping babies in it.

"This is all my fault." I unconsciously let words slip my lips which brought her attention back to me.

"Please, do what you want to me, send me through that torture about which that monster told me you already did, send me again through that but save my baby, please. I beg you, Xavier. Please save him. Don't let him die."

I watched how a woman I love scrambled into ashes in front of me and I am not able to help her. She is begging me to send her through the same hell she was once before and barely came alive from.

Still, on my knees, I grabbed her head in my hands keeping her head and eyes on me. "I love you. I would never do that to you. All that he told you was partly true. I did send you in that room and I did hit you and believe me when I said that I regret that every single day, every minute, every second. There is no time when I don't remember what I send you through.

If I could I would cut my own hands which I raised on you, but I can't because if I do that then I won't be able to rise family with you. I love you till the point that it hurts. I never intended for you to not get feed or for you to get beaten or raped. Those things I would never do to you because however much I hated you at that moment I still loved you deeply.

Those, those things were planned by Aleksei's side, he and Pamela did that. I, I'm not gonna say that I am not responsible because I am, I did exactly what they wanted. I pushed you away and then they pushed you over the edge. And now I please, I beg you, please don't say something like that ever again.

I would never do something that would hurt you, never again, I learned my lesson and if I ever do hurt you I would plant a bullet in my head, the same moment you let tear because of me I would put a bullet in my head. I love you and I can't imagine my life without you or our kids. You all are my life, and I know I fucked up but please give me a chance I won't repeat the same mistake twice, for fuck sake I won't do it ever again.

Please give me a chance. I showed you me, true me over the past months we were together. You know somewhere deep inside your heart that I wouldn't hurt you, never. If someone needs to beg for something that is me, I need to beg you to stay in my life and for him to stay with us. For him to not let go of us." I sobbed while looking at her crying face letting her see everything of me. "I love you. I don't want to see you hurt."

Her soft hand found a way on my cheek wiping tears away making me grab a hold of her wrist and brought it to my lips leaving a tender kiss on her palm.

Taking a deep breath I locked our gazes "I will do everything in my power to keep him here with us but the doctor said that it's all on him now and how he reacts to his new surrounding. All we can do is talk to him, just like you use to talk to him when he was in your stomach. It's good for him."

I pressed her hand against my cheek as I closed my eyes tightly and leaned my head on bed "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me. If you can't find it in yourself to forgive me at least let me be in your life, please. I love you so much." I mumbled till I didn't felt her other hand go through my hair causing me to lift my head slightly while connecting our eyes.

"I-I'm sorry, I.. I can't.. not yet.." her words felt like a blade that pierced my heart and soul "I.. I need time, I don't remember anything of that, and until-"

"I will tell you everything about what has had happened and then you can decide, is that okay? First, we are gonna wait till you are fully healed and boys are all alright, okay? And then I will tell you everything from start till the end of what happened that week." Her head bobbed in conformation and a small smile started to tug on the corners of my lips.

A knock on the doors caused us to snap our attention on it. The doctor walked in looking at papers in his hand not lifting his head from them. We looked at him waiting for him to say something but nothing happened.

Turning my attention to the love of my life I brought my hand on her cheek wiping her tears away. "Is everything alright?" Doctor asked after a couple of silent moments.

Nodding my head I averted my eyes on him "Si." "Alright then, I came here in case you decided the baby names?" He asked lifting his eyebrows in an asking manner.

"Do you have any names?" Antea asked me but her gaze stayed locked on the boys in a glass box.

"Well you once said that you liked the name Matteo but Dante ruined it for you."



— ᴀ.s.

"Yeah, he doesn't look like Matteo." I exclaimed silently not raising my voice. "Umm, what-"

"What about Ehno?" I asked turning my eyes towards Xavier, sniffling I looked at him hoping he will like it.

That name is traveling around my mind for some time now and I just can't seem to get rid of it.

"I love it. I wanted to propose that name. It means a protector. What about you? Do you like it?"

"I like it too." "Okay, so we have one name, and what is other name?" The doctor said while taking a step closer and peaking over the incubator to look at little boys.

"Do you have any more names amore?" Xavier asked from beside me but I couldn't take my eyes of the smallest boy. He is so small that he would easily fit in my open palms.

"You know, I don't want to create hope or give you a reason for grieving but it is miracle this little one is alive. We expected for him, however wrong that sounded but by our predictions, he would already be dead if he wanted to be. If he keeps like this.. then probably he is gonna be alright. He is a real fighter." The doctor's words left a ringing in my ear.

'Fighter, fighter, fighter..'

"Xavion." I let the name silently slip past my lips. "I didn't hear you amore. What did you say?"

"Xavion. That means fighter." I said with a small voice feeling a little bit of hope deep in me.

"I like it." Xavier whispered while skimming his eyes over still sleeping bundles "Xavion and Ehno."

"Protector and fighter." I mumbled under my breath turning my eyes towards Xavier sending him a small smile.

"Okay, so we have names, our little fighter's name is Xavion?" Doctor asked looking at me making me nod his way "okay and older brother is E-E.. umm, how did you say?"

"Ehno." Xavier said while grabbing my hand in his hold and rubbing a thumb over the back of it causing me to send him a small barely there smile.