A/N: this chapter is about suicide. I recomend you read with caution and at your own risk.

a sacrificed lamb



"So now you are married Rose, there is so much you must learn. It is part of being a wife in the mafia world." Jessica squealed excitedly. My aunts smiled at Rose encouragingly while Laura and the twins listened interestedly.

"Like what?" Rose asked worriedly.

"Well as you should probably already know, your whole wardrobe must change. As it is unacceptable now." Rose looked like she wanted to interject for her own safety she refrained herself.

"But the most important thing is that you MUST give your husband John an heir." I looked at the girls in front of me and rolled my eyes. They were all pathetic.

NO! they were disgusting.

"You also must fix that face and hairs of yours. If you don't mind me saying, love. It is revolting."

"Oh," Rose muttered quietly.

"Don't feel pressured love," Susan reassured. "It is little things you will learn eventually. These girls will all learn about it soon when their times come." She smiled.

I will never accept being one of these stupid housewives. Although my fate, I will never ever be one of these girls. I would rather slit my throat now.

"My point is that if at the end of this month and you can't 'complete' this mission. I won't just kill your family. But I have decided that I may as well make you my wife. As you will somewhat hold the titles of the Italian and Mexican mafia. It is perfect isn't it?"

"I am going now." I ignored their shocked faces and didn't stop the sour look on my face.

"You ok Angelina?" Mamma asked.

"Yes, I am fine. I just want to sleep now."

"Make sure you take your medication and inhaler." I rolled my eyes. My family have no fucking clue about me. I haven't taken a dose of medication in months.

Years even.

"ok-." I didn't wait for mamma to finish her sentence, instead, I just left. I was sick of her fake smile and pretending everything was fucking fantastic and sunshine. I wanted her to be the mother I knew when I was little. I want her to tell me, I can be whoever I want to be.

That there is always a way.

I went to my room, and into my bed. I closed my eyes trying to feel some comfort in my numbness. Until my phone rang.

"yes?"

"Where are you, Ange? Why the fuck are you hiding from me and EVERYONE? You are so lucky I am not there now. Because If I wa-."

I hang up the phone and put my phone on silent before Jace could call again. I didn't want him; I didn't want anyone. I just wanted to be alone.

Eternity and always.

I hugged the pillow tight to my chest letting tears roll down my cheeks. How could so much pain be possible? The metal band on my wrist digs into my skin endlessly. Reminding me of my unavoidable fate.

I was not moving; I was no longer living. I was breathing with my unbearable heart rate, but I was not getting too far. Because of the path, I am on will never change. In my dreams, everywhere I go I suffer pain. I will never expand or move because I will just forever be stuck in a dark tunnel with no end. I wish I could feel comfort and warmth and hope.

But it is like catching smoke

I bend and twist, I scream and yell. For what else can I do when I am stuck in hell. Frozen on a path that will only end to my death.

So why stay waiting, when I can just do it now?

My mind and body were in two different places, my body only following my heart. And my mind knowing there is only one right thing to do. I don't have a family, I don't have Blaze, I don't deserve happiness, I don't deserve love. I don't deserve anything.

Pulling baggy clothes over my small frame I tried to avoid my ugly figure in the mirror. I don't know when. But my body no longer looks like me now. It is not only covered in scars but it is also surrounded by ribs and a skeleton of a body.

"Where are you going sweetheart? It is awfully late." I looked at mamma with a blank look. She was oblivious to my darkness and sat happily on papa's lap.

"I have to go to a friend," I said calmly. John narrowed his eyes.

"Who is this friend you are always going too? If I understand correctly, I heard from people that you have hardly any friends at school."

"What so are you spying on me now? And it may surprise your brother, but I do have friends. As you know Jace. Who should you know is a lot better of a family than any of you?" I spat angrily. Mamma stayed silent gazing down at her lap while papa gave me a blank stare. "You have a real family, you know?" Juan snarled standing up stalking towards me.

"Real family?" I scoffed. "I am eighteen for crying out loud I do not need to be babied anymore. If you hadn't noticed I am not the same little girl with breathing problems, I am a grown, ass woman. I am not weak; I am not vulnerable; I am a strong independent human being who is well and truly capable of looking after and protecting herself. If you were my 'family' you would know that and accept that."

"ANGELINA GARCIA! Go to your room young lady! You don't speak to us like that! EVER." Papa yelled in his terrifying cold voice. It is the voice he has used on his soldiers and sometimes on my brothers but never on me. My family are all terrified of it, except me.

I didn't say a word but distantly walked back to my room.

They couldn't stop me from leaving. I was going to leave no matter what they said. And they can't do a single fuck about that.

"Goodbye family," I muttered then jumped out of my window. Usually, I would hide my tracks and make it impossible for them to find me. But there was no point in doing that. Because by the time they did, it would be too late.

I was on a mission.

I am sick of living a life of lies. I am sick of knowing that I am only an outcast in my family.

.. My father doesn't love me. He loves the little girl who I will never be again. My brothers only remember me. And my mother tries, but I can in her eyes that she has given up... What hurts me most is that I am living a life with no love, no honesty and no reason. Blaze was my reason. But I gave up on him. Otherwise, I would have lost him. Me breaking up with him gives me the chance. Gives him the chance to live a long happy life.

My body was in agony, but my heart hurt 10x more. It felt as if someone had put a million daggers in my heart.

The questions 'why' ran through my head. Why can't anything good in my life stay? Why does everything in my life only revolve around pain? Why can't I just be happy? One thing I know is that I am done. I am done living this life. I am done being hurt... I am done being haunted...

I am ready to die.

Ready to leave...

The thought of dying did scare me, but it also comforted me. Doing this would free my family, free Jace, free Blaze and it would free me.

I was not meant to live; I was meant to die. This world has no real place for me... I was born from the beginning to be a sacrificed lamb. A lamb sacrificed for all my family's mistakes. To give justice for Blaze's mother and stepfather. To bring some right to the Moretti and Garcia name.

"Papa!"

"Yes, my mariposa." Papa chuckled putting me on his knee.

"Juan said he is going to cut all my hair off! Please don't let him do that Papa. Cause mamma likes doing my hair. And if they cut it, then she would be sad." He kissed my cheek and rubbed my back. As tears started to brim my hazel eyes.

"I will always protect you mariposa."

"I love you papa, ALL the way to the moon and back." He chuckled to himself and shook his head.

"I love you more mariposa." My eyes narrowed as I folded my arms.

"Impossible." He taunted. "Because I love you too infinity." I rolled my eyes and sulked in his arms.

"It is so impossible!" He smirked and kissed my temple.

"How?" He asked tilting his head.

"Because I know how much my heart loves you. And that is how I know I love you more."

My hands gripped the metal ladder as I climbed every step. It was a 20 floored building, but I was determined to reach the top.

"Fuck of you uptight spoilt bitch, you don't know anything about suffering." Juan growled making all my cousins laugh.

He was right.

"Yes it does, now tell me?" He gritted looking at me with his pleading eyes. I ripped his arm off me and shot him a hard glare. He looked shocked not believing the stranger in front of him.

"The things in my life shouldn't concern you as they are just 'petty teenager girl problems'. You have never made an effort before to be upset over my life so I don't know why you are suddenly acting like you care." My words were spat with venom. '

"Fine then." He pushed me away from him. "If you don't want to tell me your worthless problems then don't. But stop putting and breaking this family a part because we have all had enough of your spoilt attitude." His words hurt me, but I let none of his cold words affect my expression.

I am a burden.

"You're my life now Angel."

And you were mine.

"I can't do this anymore Blaze. I can't do this to my family." I spoke weakly. "But I can't hide my feelings for you... I-I love you." The look on his face was enough to break my heart. He looked completely taken back but that didn't stop me.

"My family could die tomorrow because of this. But I can help it... I love you. And if they died tomorrow it would be all my fault. But Blaze. I-I love you... But I also hate you. I hate nearly everything I love about you but I-."

"I love you too."

I was finally on the top level and as soon as my legs found its groundings. My legs moved on its own account to the edge.

"When do you think he will let me go?" The silence answered her question. Even if he let her go home... she will never be free. she would always be a victim of him. Tears were emerging but she promised herself not to cry. She needed to be strong...

She needed to survive.

But eventually it got too hard. Taking the small bottle of whiskey out of my pocket I took one big swig from it.

For courage.

Maybe if she said no the man would be set free. Despite the painful punishment she at least would be saving a life. "maybe I should tell you that right now your brothers are at their cousin's house playing happily on the couch enjoying life. Wouldn't want something to happen them or your cousin, would you?"

she widened her eyes and shook her head regaining her grip on the gun. "n-no." clearing her throat. "I will do it." breathing in silently she pointed the gun to the man. Closing her eyes for a split second as the man begged one last time.

BANG.

I am unlovable, a monster. No one will ever love me.

I took one foot of the side of the building. Sucking in one last hopeful breath. Knowing that after tonight, I and everyone will be free.

Goodbye

Nothing nor no one can stop me now, I was just about to take in my final last though before I fell into peace. But then a voice stopped me.

"Wait, STOP! You don't have to do this!"