left behind..



I sat in the front passenger seat of Cole's car staring at my reflection in the cars vanity mirror. I sat silently studying the new features of the stranger in front of me as I watched Cole in the diner, on the phone talking to someone. I just hope it isn't to Blaze because I know for a fact that I do not want him knowing what I was about to commit tonight.

I wanted to get out of the car and run away. My head still fixated on new ways to end things. Before I could, Cole came strolling in the car with a lazy smile on his face and handed me a big brown bag. I wish I could be as carefree and full of life as he. I wished that I could be happy.

I want to be happy again. But the only time I was truly happy was with Blaze. He took the darkness out of my life and replaced it with light. But sadly I know I will never get that again. My stupid self-made sure of that.

I miss him...

I want him...

I stared at Cole with tears threatening to spill my eyes... I had a shaky hand on the doorknob and another one clutching the brown bag he gave me. I sighed painfully as I leaned back into the seat and wiped my tears roughly.

"You want to run?" He asked with disbelief. He was disappointed in me and to be fair I was disappointed in me too. "I'm trying to help you, please stop trying to run from this anymore. Stop trying to push all of us away. Otherwise, it is only going to catch you and swallow you whole." He scolded like a typical parent. I was grateful for his efforts but the only thing I was able to say was.

"It already has."

"No angel! It hasn't because you feel this?" he asked placing my hand over my chest. "Do you feel your heart beating?" he asked again. I shook my head wanting to deny it.

"This is you, angel! You are alive. If I hadn't found you tonight, you would be dead. I'm not sure about you Angel. But that fact alone scares the hell out of me. You can't die angel... you just c-can't"

Guilt suddenly swarmed through me. he kept constantly telling me how my dying, scares him. But did I really believe him? Or was he just saying this so he wouldn't have it on his conscious? As I sat and stared at him, I then realised. Here he was with his own eyes full of tears. He was about to cry because of me, I felt extremely guilt-ridden. I was hurting him.

"I am sorry," I whispered. "I just.... I don't know, I-I." I didn't have words or an explanation. I did not know what to say.

"Trust me, I know... all I want from you is to understand and to believe me. you deserve the whole world and so much more." He said with compassion and grabbed my hand in his."

I suddenly cleared my throat and looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Why did you follow me up there anyway? Did Blaze tell you to follow me or was it just a coincidence?"

He stared at me for a couple of moments before sighing. "as I said before, Blaze wants all of us to be watching you, Angel. He cares and loves you too much. I saw you climbing up the plaza hotel and something inside of me told me to go up there with you. Thank God, I did."

"I could have just being sightseeing?" I challenged pathetically.

"sightseeing?" he scoffed. "what? The 20 story drop?" I bit my tongue and averted my eyes. "Jace also told me to keep an extra eye on you." My head snapped towards him.

"You talk to Jace still?"

"He cares about you Angel!" he spoke defensively about Jace. "he was scared you weren't thinking straight and he was preoccupied doing something."

"Doing what?" He sucked in a breath and pinched his nose. "Can you just eat your food? I am not ready for an interrogation."

I hadn't even realised it was food he had given to me. I opened the bag and suddenly hot melted chocolate, and cinnamon flooded my senses. "I hope you like waffles!" He chirped before taking a big bite out of his own.

"Why did you buy me food?" I asked curiously. Still not bothering to pick up the mouth-watering looking waffle.

"Why did I?" he scoffed once again. "Have you seen yourself? Your sticks and bones! When was the last time you have even eaten?" He exclaimed but then his eyes turned remorseful. "sorry."

"I am just not hungry anymore," I muttered looking down at my lap shamefully. Before I felt his hand on mine.

"Its ok Angel, I am here. just take a bite then see how you feel." And I did, which I was glad that I did. Because my God it was the most delicious thing on this planet. I couldn't stop myself from taking another bite, then another, and another and after more bites.

I was finished.

"Wow." I sighed. "that was delicious.!"

"isn't it! I always come here when I have a shitty day. I also got you a hot chocolate, but I wasn't so sure of how much you like chocolate, so I was sur-." Before he could finish his sentence, I picked up the chocolate goodness and took a big generous sip. The chocolate melted in my mouth with its mesmerising sweetness.

"Guess you like chocolate then, huh." He chuckled to himself before slipping away at his own hot chocolate. I hummed in response and let the hot chocolate warm my insides.

We then drove around for a while with no location in mind. I guess Cole could guess I didn't really want to go home right now. If anything, I couldn't think of anything worse. The last place I wanted to be was with those people.

"You know I was around your age when I met Blaze... My mum wasn't in the picture and my dad was on the rails with drugs. We hardly had anything to live on and it was all up to me to look after Madeline, the house and to make sure we had some food on the table. Life was beyond shit." He sighed.

"But soon I found myself in the hound dogs' gang and eventually I learnt how to be a medic. I then was working for the underground fighting rink and this is when I was able to finally pull enough money to stabilise us. But then dad..." his hand tightened around the steering wheel.

"He found my money and stole every cent of it and it wasn't even a fucking day until he spent all of it. we were all on the street after that with nothing but our clothes and an odd few dollars in my pocket." Curiosity grew within me as I listened to Cole's story more. "But one night at the rink, I bumped into Blaze after he had finished one of his missions. I was shit scared, but Blaze had no intentions of hurting me or Madeline. In face, he lent me his earnings for that mission. It was more money than I had ever seen in my life. On that night I promised myself I would pay him back." He smiled to himself and I was happy to hear his story coming to a happier end. "Blaze took me under his wing and surprisingly I was about to pay him back within the first year."

"Did you ever see your dad again?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"No, thankfully for his sake I have never seen him. If so that bastard would be long dead before he could see me fucking coming. But Angel." He looked at me from the side. "What I am trying to say is that family doesn't always matter. It is the people around who do matter. The people who will love you no matter what. The people who will make sure your ok, who will do anything to see you smile or laugh. Who will do anything for you to be alive? That is what family is. Blood or not."

His words brought so much meaning and peace for me. "thank you, Cole. And thank you for telling me your story. It is truly remarkable how much you have done for your sister."

"Anytime Angel, it's the crazy things we do for family... right?" He smiled.

"Yeah, I guess your right." I sighed. "Hey, Cole?" I bit my lip.

"Yeah?" I pinched my sleaves nervously.

"Um- can you not tell Blaze. I jus-."

"No!" I glared at him dangerously. "I cant Angel because deserves to know. Like it or not, you two need each other. It is killing you both not being together." I folded my arms and looked away from him. "I always thought that the saying 'love can kill' was a myth. But that was before I saw you two and how being a part affected you both."

"I didn't do It by choice! I did it because I had too." I said quickly. He looked at me quizzically.

"what do you mean?"

"I-"could I really tell him? "I did it because sometimes to protect the ones we love. We need to send them away." I said slowly.

"is that what your family has taught you? Cause let me say as an outsider, it sounds like complete bullshit." The air in the car turned into an awkward silence.

"I should probably go home now," I say quietly, biting my lip as I looked out the window.

He started driving to my house with a tight jaw and his eyes focused on the road. He looked to be in deep thought before he suddenly broke the silence. "Madeline tried ending things as well."

"What?' I half choked.

"I shouldn't be telling you this..." he frowned. "but one night I came home late from the underground and I-I saw Madeline in a bath about to take some pills." I shivered at his words.

"She was always so terrified of dad and I never knew why. Anytime he was around she would act quiet, and I wouldn't think anything of it. I love my sister to bits, and I wanted to protect her always. Cause back then she wasn't strong enough to defend herself. The night I found her in a bathtub it was the same night I found out that bastard had been sexually assaulting her each night. It was the final straw for both of us and the fact we were going to be evicted only made us both move out of the hell hole faster. I was so filled with guilt that I let him do that to my sister. That after that night every time I wasn't working, I was teaching her how to defend herself. She was sad and consumed in her own dark world after the night she tried to commit but eventually, she pulled through. And she became the fierce woman she is today." I was so proud to call Cole my friend, my brother. He was so strong, yet so full of life. He was someone to look up too.

He smiled warmly at me which I could only give a small on in return. Though on the inside the darkness was still brewing.

"When I was ten, I was kidnapped." I sighed. "No one knew where I was for a week and no one still to do this day knows who kidnapped me. Except me and the closest people I trust. I was taken by the black-market rebellion." He wasn't saying anything, so I decided to keep going. "They gave me a proposition. Work and train under them and become one of them or stand aside and watch my family burn to the ground."

"But your family legit is the most powerful mafia surely they could protect them-."

"Yes, somewhat." I nodded. "But they had all of the mansion's workplaces covered head to toe in bombs. I was only ten and the last thing I wanted was my family's blood on my conscious. So, I agreed." He pulled to the side of the road and looked at me with sad eyes.

"As soon as I agreed they pulled a citizen from the street and told me to shoot him. I-I did it...." I wiped my tears roughly and looked away trying my best to keep my eyes from him.

"You were only ten." He said sadly.

"He made sure my body was clean. So when he returned me home and I told him the 'bosses' story. My family would believe it with ease without a second doubt. B-but every time their eyes were closed... I was training all hours of the night. Killing and shooting hundreds. I was getting whipped, tortured, electrocuted. I was lucky I had Jace... I never knew why they acquainted us both. But it is the only thing I am thankful for." I sucked in a breath. "They put me through things Jace doesn't or anyone knows about. Every time I hesitated, or I cried in front of them. T-they made me watch woman... they wanted to prove to me, that women are weak, useless, pathetic. I had to sit there chained to a seat as I watched countless women get raped and beaten. They told me when the time comes it one day will be my turn."

"I-i." he tried to put words together, but he couldn't.

"Tonight, wasn't the first night I tried to commit." He looked at me with wide eyes. "I tried when I was fifteen and before that thirteen... I tried the first time on my birthday... I was excited because it was the first day, I had a plan. I was going to Florida with my family, and it was this time, I was going to tell my family everything. But when I got on the plan Bosses second-hand Tony sat right next to John. My family was oblivious, but it was the most frightening experience of my life. Because somehow, they knew, they could read my mind. When I went to the hotel, I stole some rope from the storage cabinet, and I planned to hang myself at midnight when everyone was asleep. But Tony climbed through the balcony into my room and beat my body black and blue." I sucked in a heavy breath.

"t-the second time... Jace found me... It was after I sliced my wrist with a knife. He stitched me up and made me promise I would never try again." I sobbed loudly and clutched my chest as guilt filled me. I broke that promise and I hadn't even realised till now.

"A-and why did you try then?" He asked but deep in his eyes, he looked like he was almost scared for the answer.

"Juan was shot." I spat coldly. "I didn't finish a mission on time. So boss thought to teach me a lesson he would shoot my brother when he was only a teenager. My f-family just thought it was an odd enemy and thought because John shot the assassin, that they would never have to worry again. But if only they knew." His arms wrapped around me as I once again cried my heart out again.

"I am so sorry angel." He whispered. 'You should have never had to go through that."

"Neither should you have." He smiled and kissed my temple. I didn't tell him about Blaze or the deal. Because that was something, I still needed to figure out for myself.

"we will get through this. Angel. No buts! You are stuck with me now." He said then went back to his seat.

I stared at him in wonderment as he began driving again. He was a brother to me. The thought warmed my heart a bit. A brother... Just like Jace, I now had brothers who love me. That feels amazing.

Once we got home I hugged and thanked Cole once again. Because without him I wouldn't be here right now. Before I was broken and now, I had a small smile on my face. Though now I will have to deal with my family. Which they would be probably stressing and worrying over their weak 'missing' mafia princess. But when I looked through the outside window to the dining room. I was stopped in a trance.

They were laughing... they were smiling and cracking jokes as my parents and brothers played a game of monopoly. They weren't looking for me... They weren't worried about me... they didn't care... they were instead being a happy loving family... without me.