waking up the next morning brought on instant dread and regret. although ivy's aim was to get absolutely peppered, the last thing she thought about was the consequences. even trying to have the faintest idea of the night before brought on a severe headache and a sickly feeling in her stomach rose at the thought of alcohol. all she could remember was being sick, continuing to drink and simon taking her to bed, but even those memories appeared foggy.

groaning, she weakly reached for the glass of water on her bedside table and took a small sip of it. all she could think about was the mess that was in her kitchen and how difficult it would be to tidy up with an extreme hangover. suddenly, the night before felt like a terrible idea.

ivy's phone vibrated against the surface, message after message, but she chose to ignore them. she knew it would simply add to the misery of what she was already feeling, especially if people were only going to remind her of the previous night. however, after one certain ping, she felt the sudden urge to pick up her phone and look at it. it was from simon. for some reason, he was a special ring, even if it sounded the same as all of her other contacts.

from simon how you feeling?

to simon awful

she felt annoyed at herself for allowing her nerves to get the better of her, leading her to drink copious amounts of alcohol on an empty stomach. when it came to the party, everything was fine, even the way that simon behaved with her. ivy assumed that her night would be a lot different and very awkward, but she was grateful that it somewhat felt like old times. even if she was waking up in an empty bed.

from simon haha i thought so, i wanted to talk but we can save it til you're better

"what?" she grumbled quietly, staring at the message in front of her. what could there possibly be to talk about? from what she could remember in her fuzzy brain, which was still very scarce, nothing necessarily happened between the two.

to simon it's fine, come round :)

from simon are you sure?

to simon of course

his fast replies overwhelmed her with fear. she began to think about every bad thing she could have possibly done, but nothing came to mind. so then her imagination sent her crazy, thinking about every mistake she could have made whilst drunk, but surely if it was that bad, she would remember. right?

from simon okay, i'm gonna set off soon

taking a deep breath in, she slowly moved her feet from beneath the covers. as she stood up, she could barely hold up her own weight making her way to her bathroom. she slowly made herself look slightly more presentable, if that was even possible in the state that she was in. perching herself on the edge of her bed, she weakly slid a pair of leggings on before someone made their way into her room.

"hey." sage mumbled, resting her head against the doorframe with furrowed eyebrows, "where are you going?"

"nowhere," ivy shook her head, "simon's coming round and i can't exactly be chilling in just a hoodie and knickers when he get's here." she laughed.

"i'm sure he wouldn't mind." sage smirked, "why's he coming round anyways?"

"honestly, i have no idea, said he wanted to talk about something." ivy shrugged her shoulders before running a hairbrush through her hair, "i'm a bit nervous because i don't know what there is to talk about."

"i don't remember much from last night," sage sighed, "but i'm certain nothing happened that you guys would need to talk about, at least from what i heard or saw anyways."

looking to the floor, ivy took a deep breath in, "hmm."

"don't worry about it."

"trying not to." ivy looked up and raised an eyebrow, "all the guys took us to bed, didn't they?"

"mhm." she nodded her head slowly, "i fully refused, but i'm glad that they did to be fair, i feel awful." she wrapped her dressing down even tighter over her body.

"is es still asleep?" ivy questioned.

"yeah, i'm gonna head back to bed too." sage let out a long yawn, "let me know what he says."

"will do." ivy bit her lip, anxiously picking the skin off it as she watched sage leave the room. now it was just waiting for him.

hearing a knock at the door instantly filled her with dread as she made her way to the front door. the scent of alcohol last night was intoxicating, but stumbling through her kitchen, the stench only added to the nausea. grabbing the spare keys, she weakly pulled the door open and simon greeted her with a grin - it was refreshing to see someone that day with a somewhat upbeat attitude.

"hey."

"hi." she sighed, allowing him to walk in, "how are you not hungover?" she cocked her head.

"didn't drink much to be fair." he paused in his footsteps for a moment and glanced around the room, "wow."

"i know." ivy groaned, "don't remind me, i've got to tidy all this up."

"i can help?" he kindly suggested.

"nah," she shook her head, "i don't want to do it yet, i don't think i could hold my body up for much longer." she smirked.

"fair enough." he laughed.

"but we can't really sit in here," she cleared her throat, "so, erm, we'll just have to go to my room."

"that's fine." simon shrugged his shoulders, a faint smile forming on his lips as he followed ivy's lead into her room. she instantly retreated into the covers and sank back down into her favourite spot. chuckling, he slowly slid his shoes off his feet and she gazed up at him. he looked tired, the bags under his eyes were evident and his hair wasn't styled like usual. she was desperate to ask if he was okay because it appeared as though he was losing sleep, but she also was far from ready for whatever conversation he was wanting to have.

"thanks for taking me to bed last night by the way." she chuckled, watching him slide himself in beside her.

"don't worry about it," he shrugged, "it's the least i can do."

"i know, you're so lovely." she smiled.

"i am." a look of cockiness swept across his face as he confidently agreed.

smirking, she shook her head at him, "shut up." she playfully hit his arm.

"ouch." he frowned and wrapped his hand around his arm.

"once again," she laughed, "shut up." she gazed as he pulled out his bottom lip, jokingly behaving like a child. ivy shoved the remote on his chest, "put a movie on or something."

"alright, alright." he rolled his eyes and flicked through netflix whilst ivy scrolled through her phone for a bit.

he put on some movie that neither of them had heard of before, but they instantly went silent as it started. the two of them intently watched the screen, although they were not cuddling, ivy aimlessly rested her head on his shoulder without realising as he sat up against the headboard. it didn't bother him, even if it was not the most comfortable position, it was relaxing and he began to think of happy memories.

"i thought you might have been busy today." she mumbled, her focus remaining on the tv.

"nah," he shook his head, also paying attention to the tv, "well, i could've been, but i'd rather make time for you." he shrugged his shoulders.

"oh." ivy slowly turned her head and gazed up at him with wide eyes, it was surprising to hear that come from him. simon brought his head down to look at her and their eyes locked briefly, but he suddenly realised what he said.

"i mean, i put other people first, you know?"

"mhm." she nodded her head slowly and turned her attention back to the tv, but simon held his gaze on her. sighing, he looked back at the movie and felt ivy's head steadily make its way back onto his shoulder.

although simon was not expecting to be there long, he heard faint snores fall from ivy's lips and knew he would not be heading home any time soon. he was positive that he would be in and out of the flat, thinking that ivy would instantly ask what he wanted to talk about, rather than telling him to put on a movie and chill together. it took him by surprise, he thought she wouldn't want him there. but this felt different and he was appreciating it.

simon remained watching the tv in front of him, putting on another movie and gazing every so often at ivy fast asleep beside him or his phone. she appeared so comfortable and content, simon worried that by telling her what he wanted to say, he would be taking that away from her.

she finally awoke from her slumber, "fuck, sorry."

"it's fine." he laughed softly, "you feeling any better?"

"mhm." she nodded her head slowly against the cushions, "much better."

stretching her body out and shuffling it up against the headboard, she reached for her phone and glanced at it. it felt slightly awkward, but she really did not want to ask him what he wanted to talk about, she was enjoying his company too much. his presence was enough to enlighten her mood.

"are you hungry?" simon asked, turning his head to look at her.

"starving."

the two decided to order a pizza, ivy could not remember the last time she ate and she wanted to kick herself for it so she was more than excited for this takeaway. suddenly, they heard the front door open and close.

"who's here?" simon asked.

rolling her eyes, ivy took a deep breath in, "probably harry or ethan, they took the keys didn't they? we'll see in a second."

"ah, right." simon nodded his head slowly.

after hearing a soft knock on her bedroom door, ivy yelled the words "come in." and ethan strolled into the room.

"oh, minter. you alright lad?" ethan appeared startled, clearly not expecting to see the boy laid beside ivy in her bed. but who would have expected it?

"yeah," simon nodded his head slowly, "are you?"

"yeah not bad," ethan nodded his head and turned his attention back to ivy, dangling the keys, "i've brought these back, are those two still in bed?"

"well," ivy laughed, "if the kitchen's still a mess then yeah they're definitely still in bed."

ethan chuckled, "alright." and swiftly left the bedroom.

"don't think he was expecting to see me." simon raised his eyebrows, smirking.

"i don't think he was either." ivy giggled, "oh well." she shrugged.

"are him and harry here often?" simon questioned quietly.

"yeah, i guess they are." ivy nodded her head slowly, "i've not really paid much attention to them though recently, usually it's just a hi and a how are you and then they leave me alone. been nice for them to give me space to be fair."

simon looked surprised, "just didn't think they'd be here that often."

"i don't notice it to be fair, usually just sat in here." she glanced around her bedroom, "better than fifth wheeling."

"true." simon smiled, nodding his head in agreement, "bet it's never quiet in this flat though."

ivy cocked her head and pulled an awkward face, "well i guess when the guys are here it can be a bit loud and when sage is streaming, sometimes it would be nice for a bit of peace and quiet, but it could be worse." she shrugged.

"well, when jj and i aren't busy, it's very quiet at mine, you're always welcome if you just want to get away. it's not ideal staring at these same four walls all the time." simon raised an eyebrow.

"yeah, thanks." ivy smiled softly, "when it's just me and the girls it's fine, we do things together, i just don't bother with the guys often."

"why?" simon asked with concern in his voice.

"doesn't matter." she shook her head and turned to look at the tv.

ivy could not bring herself to explain that she needed space from everyone because everything and everyone reminded her of simon and it was only intensifying her feelings. even being laid next to him was taking a toll on her, her feelings for him never went away, she just pushed them to the back of her mind. neither of them were over the relationship and they knew that, yet they acted like they were just friends and ivy hated that. she felt as though she was lying to herself and everyone else when she was promised to better herself and speak up about things.

"hmm," he mumbled, "foods here anyways. i'll go get it." he slid his body out of the bed beside her.

"okay." she bit her lip, nodding slowly as she watched him leave her bedroom.

the two delved straight into their food, sitting in complete silence whilst paying attention to the tv in front of them. when they finished, ivy threw the rubbish to the floor beside her, too lazy to move and plummeted straight back into the pillows beside her. time was ticking on, she knew that simon would need to talk to her at some point which led to butterflies fluttering around her stomach.

"ivy." he finally spoke up, making ivy's heart drop to her stomach.

"mhm." she muttered, not turning to look at him.

"well, erm," he sat up, scratching the back of his neck, "i just wanted to talk to you about last night."

furrowing her eyebrows, she sat up and looked at him, "go on."

"so," he cleared his throat, "remember last night when you were being sick and i was helping you?"

"yeah." she nodded slowly, staring at him with a puzzled expression.

"it's just that you told me that you - " he took a deep breath in, "loved me."

ivy's eyebrows were instantly raised and she glared at him with wide eyes, "did i really say that?"

"yeah." he laughed awkwardly, he could feel the second hand embarrassment. although he could have left it and not told her, he spent all night losing sleep over it. it had confused him, he did not completely know where he stood with ivy, so to hear those words fall from her lips only messed up his mind even more.

"right." she bit her lip and turned away, her skin burned from the embarrassment.

"i just wanted to ask about it, i'm guessing you don't remember saying that?"

"nope," she shook her head slowly, "not at all."

simon let out a quiet sigh of relief, remembering how he also said it back, "thought so."

"i don't even know what to say." she choked out, "well then." she muttered.

"yeah." he turned away, "i - i just wanted to say something because -"

"no, it's fine, i understand." she shrugged, "i just don't know what to say."

"don't worry about it."

"okay." she murmured.

neither of them knew what to say to each other. it was embarrassing, awkward and tense. ivy could not believe she would say such a thing whilst drunk, she was annoyed at herself. it was clear that it had fucked with simon's mind, but putting herself in his shoes she would be the exact same.

"i'm gonna head off," he sighed, "thinking about streaming tonight so -"

"yeah, it's fine." she smiled softly, she understood that he wanted to escape.

she exhaled as she watched him pull his trainers onto his feet and stand up straight. pulling her body out of the bed, she stood in front of him and gazed up at him. the eye contact was intense and the temptation to embrace on another and smash their lips together would not go away. their faces inched closer, but the talking outside of her room snapped them back into reality.

he walked towards her bedroom door and she followed behind, watching as sage and esme began to clean up the kitchen. "i can help, if you want?" simon asked.

"no, it's fine." ivy inhaled deeply.

"my stream can wait, i'm happy to help."

"no, honestly," she shook her head, "we can do it." a faint smile formed on her lips.

"alright, well i'll see you later." he smiled down at ivy before peering over her shoulder, "bye guys. thanks for last night." he waved to the two girls.

after they all said bye, ivy's back leant against the front door and she let out a loud groan, "i'm such a fucking idiot!" she exclaimed.

"why?" esme asked.

"well," ivy raised her eyebrows, walking to pick up a bin bag and aggressively threw empty cups and bottles into it, "i'm just an embarrassment."

"go on." sage stood still, waiting for ivy who was ignoring the two girls by clearing up the kitchen.

"ivy!" esme yelled.

"i fucking told him i loved him." she turned on her heel and glared at the two girls.

"oh shit." the two girls muttered in unison.

"well, you know what they say ivy? a drunk mind speaks a sober heart." sage mocked, laughing.

"shut up."