simon awoke to the sunlight pouring through the small gaps in his blinds. looking down at the weight resting on his chest, he softly ran his fingers through ivy's hair before rubbing his eyes. the memories of the night etched in his mind, no matter how much he alcohol could have consumed, he knew he would always remember it.

waking up next to ivy felt very different compared to their previous encounter, probably because simon knew where he finally stood with her and he had come to terms with the fact he was still madly in love. he felt at peace with ivy in his embrace, the light snores falling from her lips and her heavy breaths, her hair messily sprawled across his chest which he attempted to fix - she was simply perfect to him.

he yearned to lay like this forever and for once, everything felt like it once was. simon remembered ivy's loud laughter and bubbly personality, he remembered her 2am whispers and delicate kisses. he thought about the way that she would wrap her arms around the front of his body just to show him some form of affection whilst he was busy working or the way she would steal his headset to annoy his friends, but they adored her anyways. ivy's qualities were so engaging, no wonder simon missed her. but something still felt as though it stood in their way.

ivy's head slowly moved on simon's chest and a soft groan fell from her lips, "morning."

"morning," simon whispered, "did you sleep okay?"

"slept like a baby." she sighed and looked up at him, a lazy smile forming on her lips as she was met simon's piercing blue eyes.

since ivy and simon broke up, she struggled to sleep well beside any other guy. she always put it down to not being comfortable laid beside them, so she would be slumped there with a dying phone during the early hours of the morning, makeup clung to her face, waiting for them to wake up so she could head home. but with simon, she was always content sleeping beside him, even after not seeing him for over two years.

simon's thumb moved rhythmically along ivy's arm whilst checking his phone. she was satisfied in his embrace, knowing that by moving she would probably find herself shivering. as soon as they found themselves in his room, they were surrounded by warmth even from the smallest touch. ivy could not bring herself to shuffle away from that.

"that tickles." he chuckled, swatting ivy's fingers away which stroked up and down his torso.

"that did not tickle!" she exclaimed and brought her head up to look at him.

"yes it did." he raised his eyebrows with a smug expression.

"you're so full of shit." she narrowed her eyes at him, but the eye contact became overwhelming and both of their breath's turned shallow. ivy slowly brought her hand up to caress simon's cheek so that he would hold his gaze on her. leaning up, she guided his face down with her hand and instantly closed the gap in between them both. even with chapped lips and dry mouths, the kiss was soft and full of bliss.

pulling away, she smiled shyly and brought her head back down to his chest. simon gently combed his finger tips through her hair so that it all sat in one spot, "do sage and esme know you're here?" he murmured.

"mhm." she nodded, "even if i didn't tell them they would've known."

"fair enough." he laughed.

"i'm glad i'm here, instead of home."

"why?" simon asked, cocking his head.

ivy leant up to look at him, "because i can guarantee that either harry or ethan are at mine, it wouldn't surprise me if both of them are. even when they're hungover, they have no shame in being loud."

"i agree with that to be fair," simon smirked, "as i said, you're always welcome here."

"thanks." a small smile formed and she bit her bottom lip before laying her head back down on him. she laid listening to his steady breathing and heartbeat drumming into her ear, "simon?" she sighed.

"yeah?" he murmured, placing his phone down onto the side.

"you meant it, right?" she pulled her head back up again to look at him, "what you said to me last night, did you mean it?"

simon instantly furrowed his eyebrows and nodded his head confidently, "of course i did."

"so what happens now?"

the dreaded question. neither of them knew what would happen next, but they knew that the question needed to be brought to the surface. ivy was certain she needed him back, as her boyfriend. she did not care about any obstacles that could potentially stand in their way, she did not even want to think about them. but that was all simon could think about.

"i - i don't know." he stuttered and swallowed harshly. simon had accepted that he still loved her and admired her company and everything about her, but he was uncertain as to whether he could be the perfect boyfriend, just like she was the most incredible girlfriend.

"oh." she raised her eyebrows and shuffled her body away from him, plummeting into the pillows. a shiver instantly hit her so she immediately wrapped the covers tighter over her naked body.

simon's attention turned away from her as he let out an elongated exhale, "i just don't know what to say, i need to think."

"what is there to think about?" she glared at him, her stare burned into the side of him. simon only shrugged his shoulders in return, refusing to look at her. "simon."

"what?" he swiftly turned to look at her.

"i don't understand, what do you need to think about?"

"just things." he inhaled, running a hand through his flat hair.

"fucking hell," she rolled her eyes, "we're not gonna get anywhere if we don't talk about things. or is that how you're still going to be?"

"no ivy -"

"no, simon." she groaned out of frustration, "i just want you to talk to me, i want to understand what bothers you, i want us to compromise, i just want us to be us." simon remained sat in silence, "please." she practically begged.

"i -" he sighed, "what if i'm a shit boyfriend again?"

"you were never a shit boyfriend." ivy shook her head at him.

"but i was," he murmured, "come on, you know it."

"simon, don't be stupid."

"ivy," he muttered, "i pushed you away, i was such a busy person and i still am. you did everything for me, you even lost sleep because of me, you deserve better."

"but i want you." she huffed, turning away from him, "you're more organised now and - and you make time for me and other people, i - i don't get it." ivy could barely string a sentence together, one day he was confessing his love, the next it seemed as though he was not too sure.

"ivy. please look at me." simon sighed and she slowly turned her head to look at him, warm tears blooming in her eyes, "i love you, i mean that. i just need some time to think."

"okay, simon." she mumbled, pulling her body from the covers and instantly reached for her dress pooled on the bedroom floor, "i'm gonna head home."

"let me take you."

"no." she shook her head, "i'll be fine." she quickly slid her dress up her body, only zipping it up halfway.

"come here, let me zip -"

"no." she raised her voice as she pulled her heels over her feet, instantly feeling fragile from the pain endured by them.

simon pulled his body out of bed and walked towards his wardrobe. he passed her a hoodie, "well put this on, please." he exhaled.

"fine." she rolled her eyes, tugging the oversized material over her body, "bye."

"ivy, just let me take you home. just talk to me."

"there's nothing to talk about," she swiped away a tear that managed to escape, "you need time to think." she made quotation marks.

simon stressfully ran his fingers through his hair, "i know, but -"

"happy birthday for tomorrow, simon." she choked out, hissing at the stabbing sensation in her heels as she quickly walked out of his room, only to find jj stood in the kitchen grabbing himself a drink.

"ivy," he furrowed his eyebrows, watching the tears race down her cheeks, "what's wrong?"

"nothing," she stifled, "i'm just gonna go home."

"i'll take you."

"no, it's fine." she shook her head, wiping the tears away, "it's just simon - in fact it doesn't matter."

"i'll try talk to him." jj suggested before he brought her in for a tight cuddle.

"don't bother." she sobbed, "there's no point."

"i'll call you later, yeah?" he sighed listening to her sniffles.

"okay." she pulled back, wiping her wet face, "bye jj."

ivy stumbled into her flat, sniffling and holding back the urge to cry as she listened to loud voices inside. she spotted sage, harry, esme and ethan chilled out on the sofa together, blankets and cushions sprawled everyone with a movie playing loudly on the television. ivy huffed at the sight, instantly putting on the fakest smile possible.

"well, look at what the cat dragged in." ethan chuckled, glancing at ivy's state. she raised her eyebrows and huffed, walking in the direction of her bedroom, "what's wrong?"

"nothing." she shook her head, "just tired."

"oh," harry wiggled his eyebrows, a smirk forming on his lips, "did simon keep you up all night?"

"yeah, whatever." ivy rolled her eyes, brushing off the comment.

"ivy!" esme shouted, "come chill with us."

"nah." ivy shook her head and walked into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. the last thing she needed was to be fifth wheeling and she knew they would interrogate her about simon.

she took her shoes off her feet and flung them to a random spot in her bedroom alongside her bag. delicately pulling simon's hoodie off her body, she rested it on her bed before peeling her dress off her body and made her way to the bathroom.

after showering, she threw on simon's hoodie. it somehow felt as though he was there with her as she curled up beneath the covers. she had been resisting the urge to cry since she left his flat, but now she was left alone in her bedroom, no energy to chill with her friends and everything appeared to be crumbling. although she was not tired, she succumbed to the sleep trying to consume her, just to forget about everything for a couple of hours.

her phone belled in her ear, a grumble falling from her lips as she waved her hand beneath the covers to find it. she bright screen stared her straight in the face, causing her to squint at the screen to recognise the name. it was a facetime call from jj.

"hello?" she wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"sorry, have i woke you up?" he chuckled, watching her attempt to wake herself up.

"yeah, but it's fine," she laughed softly, "you alright?"

"yeah, not bad," he smiled, leaning backwards in his gaming chair, "are you?"

"hmm." she sighed, shrugging her shoulders, "i don't know."

jj frowned as he stared at ivy's disheartened expression, "i did talk to him, he loves you ivy."

"i'm sure he does jide, but we don't seem to want the same thing."

"but he does, he wants to be with you, he's just worried."

"but there's nothing for him to worry about!" ivy exclaimed, "we're older, we can compromise, fucking hell we finally live in the same city. he just doesn't seem to think like that. i love him jj," she began to pour her heart out, "i miss him, i want us to be together because that's where i'm at my happiest and nothing seems to work with anyone else."

"i promise you now," jj took a deep breath in, "he feels the exact same, it's so obvious. i just don't think he wants to hurt you again."

"well i don't think he would." she exhaled, "but i'll just leave him to it."

"he'll realise soon."

"maybe." she felt a lump in her throat, "i'm gonna go anyways, bye jj." she gave him a small smile.

"alright, bye ivy."