Mine

V A L E R I U S ' P O V :

"Ellie!" I pause. "Ellie!" I yell into the empty room.

Panic slowly starts to creep into my head.

I swear she's always doing this to me.

I dip down, checking under our bed. I walk into our closet and still, there's no avail. My heart squeezes hard in my chest.

"Eleonora!?" I call again and when there's no response I run to John who stands in the hallway next to our bedroom door. "John, where the hell is my daughter?" My tone is completely serious.

"She's in the house." The corner of his mouth lifts.

This fucker.

"Where, John. Where in the house!" I grit out.

"I was sworn to not tell." He replies and my jaw ticks like a bomb.

I'm so close to killing him.

A tiny giggle stops me from cracking his neck in two.

I turn to the left where there lays a lump in the curtains in front of the window. I sigh, relief floods through me. That little devil.

I give John a death glare as I mouth, 'I'm going to kill you.' Partially as a joke and partially not. I haven't decided yet.

It's clear someone has taught my daughter what hide-and-seek is.. and it wasn't me.

I start walking to the window slowly. "Ellieee—" I drag out, my steps creaking on the wood.

Ellie giggles quietly and I watch her feet shuffle from below the curtain. She's not as quiet as she thinks she's being.

"Where's my girl?" I tease further.

The sheer curtains show Ellie with her hand over her mouth, trying to contain her giggles. My head shakes at her.

I can't even be mad anymore. She's too cute for me to stay mad. She's breaking down my ability to think clearly. I can't even get mad anymore when she's around. It's too hard.

I open the top of the curtains but don't look down to see her. Ellie huddles in the corner of the curtains, her big blue eyes staring up at me. She anticipates me finding her.

"I guess since she's not here.. I'll have to eat all the chocolate cereal."

I pretend not to see her and go to walk away.

"WAIT!" Ellie screeches from behind me and I stop walking, a smirk rises on my lips. I hear her small steps thump the floor. Thump, thump. She runs into my legs. "Papà... nooooo. Pleaseee!" She pouts, hugging my legs tightly. I chuckle a little.

I think I can say with ease that Eleonora Armani would gladly choose chocolate over me any day.

I scoop Ellie up quickly, throwing her up in the air just to keep her an arms length away.

"You think you can run away from your papà?" I tease and she giggles. I pull her closer to me from above. "You want to make papà sad?" I give her a fake pout and her eyes turn sad.

"Noooooo!" She shakes her head repeatedly.

"Because if you do run away..," I pull her down so our noses touch. My chest fills with love. "I will always find you." I let a kiss smack on her cheek.

• • •

A text pings my phone screen. I continue to help Ellie with her puzzle while I answer it. It sits in between my shoulder and my ear.

"Ci—"

"Ai!"

I pause— my eyebrows scrunch together. I pull the phone back and checked the name.

I'm so utterly confused.

"Angelo Rossi?" I ask in pure shock.

I didn't know he still had my number.

"Amico! Sí! How are you Valerius Armani?" Angelo cheers happily.

I haven't heard from Angelo since two years after high-school. I never expected to hear from him again. This is weird.

"Fine." I say, still confused. "What is going on?"

Angelo and I were a group of three. Me, Angelo and Bruno. We lost touch after school. I haven't heard from them since maybe when I was twenty and they were talking about meeting up again. I declined.

We haven't talked since then. Nine years have passed.

"I emailed you! No reply. There is a reunion for school coming up again!" I recall they do this every few years. I never go. "This year will be small. Just few people. Bruno had the idea, bring a few of the guys back together. Meet the new families! We were wondering if you are in town."

My brain thinks of a response while I flip over some turned over puzzle pieces and watch Ellie figure out where they go.

"I don't—"

"Before you tell me you won't go—," I roll my eyes. "Look Bruno just got married! I have two kids! Fucking two!" Angelo was able to find a wife? Damn. I have missed a lot. "I didn't think that was possible! They'll only be like five of us there, it's been too long! It'll just be drinks, food and a few friends catching up. Come on, amico." Friend. It's weird to hear him call me that again.

I sigh. I look to Ellie.

Carlo did say I should reach out to more people. More friends or family.

Carlo said, for the sake of my daughter I shouldn't let her be alone. He's told me Ellie needs to see me making friends for her to be open to the idea.

"I'll think about it." I lean back in my chair. "Send the information."

• • •

Left, right, left, middle— no! Shit. I can't do this.

I roughly undo it and try again.

I didn't know friendship bracelets were this hard to make.. and apparently I'm skilled at everything but braiding.

I can't believe this is what my life has come to.

I look over to Ellie who has a content smile on her lips. I look down and— shit! She's halfway done with her bracelet.

How did she manage to do that?

This may be the most insecure I've ever been in my entire life. My manhood is gone.

I had an idea. Ellie gets very nervous when I'm not around. I need her to feel comfortable, I won't always be able to be there twenty-four-seven. The solution the internet gave me was meditation and the solution John gave me was friendship bracelets. Apparently his daughters make them all the time.

We picked the colors for each other. Ellie chose white, purple and neon pink for my bracelet and I choose purple, light pink and yellow for hers.

Twenty minutes of struggling and with some help from Ellie, we finished our bracelets. I tie each around our wrists.

"Now, Ellie, whenever you are scared— papà will always be with you, sì?"

Her big, blue eyes looked up to me and she smiled with curiosity lifting her brows.

So fucking blue.

"Ellie be with papà?"

I smile warmly. "Yes, and Ellie will be with papà."

I kiss the crown of her head.

• • •

"I can't believe I'm doing this shit." I hiss to no one but myself.

I open the back door and unbuckle Ellie's car seat. She walks with my hand in hers until we get to the door, then I set her on my hip. I know she'll need the comfort if she's meeting new people.

I knock and await my fate.

The door bangs open and I'm face to face with someone I barely recognize but I know it's Angelo Rossi. That face is unforgettable. That ugly fuck.

I could've gone longer without seeing his face again.

"Amico!" Angelo smiles and shakes my hand. "It's been too long. I'm glad to see your ass finally got out of the house!" I glare as he smirks. "Who's this?" He points to my daughter.

Ellie looks at me shyly. "Eleonora. She's my daughter." Angelo looks as if he's going to pass out. His mouth drops open completely in horror.

"No." He gasps. "No, I won't believe it! You— you have a kid. You hate kids." He laughs and lets me inside.

"I do. She's the exception."

"We'll she's very beautiful." Ellie hides her smile in the crook of my neck. I stand up straighter with pride. "She clearly didn't get that from you." He chides and I give him a nasty look. "How old?"

"Around four."

I still don't know the exact age of my daughter. I don't think I'll ever be able to. It hurts to know that I might never know her true age.. or her birthday.

"Really? My son is five, so close in age! Two sons actually. Five and three."

The conversation ends shortly after and I follow Angelo to the deck. There were definitely a few more than five people here but there were two I knew. Bruno and Angelo.

"Valerius! Glad to see you're alive!" Bruno comes up and pats me on the back. "I had though you died from doing stupid things." I roll my eyes.

Wow. So friendly.

"If anyone was going to die it would have been Angelo." I joke back. Angelo shouts in his own defense.

Everyone gets introduced and Ellie doesn't seem too nervous after a few minutes. Anglo introduces Ellie to the kids and she eventually starts to walk around— too wary to play yet.

I make sure to keep my eyes on her.

"So, how's it been?" Angelo places a can of beer in front of me, clasping my shoulder before sitting down.

I don't have an immediate answer. Love. That's the first word that comes to mind but that doesn't answer his question.

I think about it. Chaos. Fulfilling. Life-Changing. Beautiful. Unbelievable. Too many words for a feeling that's supposed to be one word.

"Fine."

Bruno chuckles. "Always been a man of so many words." Angelo laughs with him and I sip on my beer.

"So where's the wife?" Angelo asks with a smile. He casually sips down his own drink.

I stiffen. I need to get used to this question. It seems to come up often.

"She's dead."

I tale too long of a sip, wishing it was something stronger.

"Shit!" Angelo hisses. "I'm sorry, man. That shit has to be tough." He shakes his head.

"I'll get another beer." Bruno got up.

Angelo grabs his wife's hand and pulls it into his lap, interlocking their fingers. Jealously isn't far away. I don't look at their hands again. I can't.

"I can't even fucking imagine. I'm sorry, Val."

"It's fine." I think of Katerina and the day she left. "It was a long time ago." I just think about it every fucking day.

"Clearly not that long." Angelo points towards Ellie and my jaw ticks. Bruno comes back and sets another beer down. I glare at Angelo. "I'll drop it." He thrusts his hands in defense.

Angelo knows me well. He knows when to stop before I really get mad.. because when we were younger, my tell would be my fists in his face.

"You better." I pop the cap off the glass bottle. "Or I might just have to kill you." My face is stone.

Was it a joke? Was it not? Eh. I don't know.

Angelo looks at me with blank eyes. His wife looks slightly alarmed. I pop a small smirk and Angelo brakes out into laughter.

"So how is it being a papà?" Bruno asks.

So fucking fulfilling.

"Good."

"Oh look! He can respond without just saying 'fine'." Angelo laughs while I roll my eyes.

"Fuck you." I click my jaw.

"Fuck you too." He sips his drink with a smile.

Now I remember why I never kept in touch with these dumbasses.

"Juno and I were thinking about getting a surrogate soon. Or sometime soon." Bruno smiles and his husband smiles back.

"Good for you." I tell him sincerely.

They chat a bit about their families and just common conversations. It got boring after a little.

I want to leave but I notice Ellie actually smiling with other kids. She looks happy. My girl has the brightest smile on her face.

I watch her play around. Angelo has a swing set for his kids. All six of the kids here are playing on it. Ellie sits on a swing and Angelo's son (I can't remember the little shit's name) stands in front of her, giving her a weed. Some grass, twig thing.

I narrow my eyes at the little boy.

Little shit.

Why is he near my daughter? Does he know who I am? I can ruin that little five-year-old's life.

The shithead hands Ellie a small white flower and starts talking to her. Ellie smiles and a scowl touches my lips. The boy has his hand on Ellie's swing, getting too close for my liking.

"Angelo get your little shit away from my daughter or I'll ring his neck."

"Tommy! Ai! Off!" Angelo yells without missing a beat.

Tommy (shithead) jumps back and runs away to his brother who is on the slide. Wimp.

Ellie tilts her head and looks over to me like she knows I'm the reason the shithead ran. I give her a snide smile and she huffs. She folds her body back so she bends back on the swing. Brown ringlets of her hair sweep the dirt ground. A pout settles on her pretty little lips.

I shake my head with the slightest smile touching my lips.

Her teenage years will be fun.

• • •

I look into those all too familiar blue eyes.

So fucking blue.

I don't like the thoughts I'm having. I don't know if this is just all in my head.

It's too similar to be a mistake.

I have to know.

• • •

I slide into bed right next to Ellie. She's barely awake. Today has been a long day for her. I'm proud of how well she did.

"No baff papà... noooo." Ellie whines and shoves her face into our pillows. "Ellie too tired." She mumbles all too cutely.

"Is she now?" I smile, my voice teasing. "Then Ellie will get one in the morning." I say and make a mental note to change my bedsheets tomorrow if she'll sleep in them dirty.

Ellie smiles smugly.

I change into pajamas and grab a baby wipe. I start to wipe Ellie's face down. Her features scrunch while I do it. I kiss her forehead when I finish.

I pull my wallet out my pants I wore today to grab the hair tie I keep in there. I pull it out and something drops on my dresser face-down.

I bend down to pick it up.

"Papà?" Ellie calls out.

"Yes?"

I grab what fell and turn it over to put it back. I stop midway. My heart clenches.

I didn't know that this was still in here.

"Do I have a mamma?"

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

I look at the picture of her. Those fucking blue eyes. Blue eyes too similar.

Of course she's asks this question now. Of course at this time. It all can't just be a coincidence.

I'm fooling myself.

"Ellie?" I call out. I don't turn to see her, I slide the photo back into my wallet, hoping to forget about it.

"Sì?"

"How about we read a story tonight?"

I take out the hair tie and throw my wallet back on the dresser. I try to look unaffected.

Ellie's face lights up. "Yay!" She giggles. Her mind is comply free of her past question.

I lay Ellie into my lap and start to pull her hair back as she thinks of a book she wants to read.

• • •

It's been weighing on my mind for too long now. I pick up the phone and dial the number I need.

Carlo Sanchez picks up on the fourth ring.

"I need something from you." I say.

My eyes stay glued to Ellie sleeping beside me. She looks so peaceful, so sweet.

I watch her body rise and fall.

"Valerius. It's four in the fucking morni—"

"I need a paternity test, Carlo."

He shuts up.

"See me in the morning. First thing."

• • •