Tumbling Down

V A L E R I U S ' P O V :

The auburn liquid drizzles down into the glass thickly. I bring the cup to my lips and take a heavy gulp.

I sit down in my home office, my black cushion chair. I open a drawer. One I closed off before I moved to America. One I promised myself I'd never open again.

Some promises, though, are meant to be broken.

I pull out a picture book and throw it on my desk, leaning on my chair.

Valerius Armani & Katerina Watson 2015 - 2016

I'm not really sure why I kept this. Maybe to hold onto what I had. A piece of the past.

Once I loved Katerina. Maybe I do still love her, I'm not completely sure yet.

Love is a hard thing for me.

Once I was so madly in love. I was willing to give up everything for her, but in the end she only saw me for a monster.

I don't blame her. I am. I ruin everything I touch. I'm no good. I'm destructive.

It was shocking to my family when they found out. They weren't happy it was someone outside of the mafia, my mamma specifically. She believes in tradition and this wasn't even close.

I'm not a romantic person, I've never been a lovable person. I never did relationships. I never imagined myself with someone who could love me. That was until my Katerina Watson.

We had a rough meeting. It wasn't ideal.

But something struck me that night. It wasn't just her blue eyes that drew me to her. Something in me felt complete in her presence. She made me not think. Not breathe sometimes.

Sometimes my love for her was so strong it felt like I was dying.

It was thrilling.

I knew she was going to be important in my life. I thought I had thrown that all away a few years ago but now I'm not so sure. I think she gave me much more than tears and a heartbreak.

I let my finger glide along the side of the photo album. It's small, black. It has an engraving in shiny, gold letters.

To: My Stalker

The gift was for our first and last anniversary spent together.

The first page was a photo of Katerina making a funny face to the camera with me not paying attention in the background. She knew I hated having my photo taken so she made it her goal to always sneak one when I wasn't looking.

Payback for stalking her, I assume.

Flipping through the book, I am well aquatinted with the memories that go with them. The good, the bad, the even worse.

I haven't revisited this book since I moved six years ago. It hurts to remember, to relive.

I flip to the last page and see it is dated right before everything happened. My heart stops.

Katerina wore a black puffy dress with her hair tied back. She had on her good jewelry and her award winning smile. I stood behind her, my hands around her from behind. My hands over her stomach, unknowing. Her hands were clasped in mine. I believe this was before a dinner. Katerina always insisted on taking photos.

She would have been pregnant then. Maybe just a few weeks, but pregnant.

I take the photo out of the clear pocket.

I should frame this for Ellie's room?

It's kind of like a baby picture, right?

• • •

"Entra."

A guard walks into my office. I recognize his face but his name doesn't come to me at first.

"A package was left in front of the gates. No name and nobody saw who it could be from. I checked, it's clean."

He hands me the slim yellow package.

I nod at the guard and he nods back in respect before exiting the room.

I unclip the metal ties before opening it. My hand reaches in and pulls out a sheet of paper.

A note.

—

Mr. Valerius Armani,

I see you've finally learned the truth, but do you know it all?

May 11th, 2016. The day young Katerina Watson left you. The day you lost everything.

We had eyes on her for awhile. Who knew it would be you to place her right in our hands. And to think all it took was the truth.

When Katerina left she was exposed to us. An open target, no protection.

We planned on using her for leverage and eventually break her into pieces so small even you couldn't glue them back together.

Then, a better deal came along. Something that would undoubtedly ensure the collection of the Italian Mafia.

Your daughter. A baby your little girlfriend had kept a secret from you.

Did you know the day you told her the truth she was going to tell you she was pregnant?

Keeping Katerina locked up wasn't hard. We had her give birth and decided she wasn't useful anymore. After the birth, we killed your lover. Her baby crying right beside her.

I had great plans for your daughter, I did. Of course, though, I underestimated the Armani in her. The brat got off her leash.

I guess I underestimated how alike you two are. When I learned that fate had somehow put her in your dirty hands... It got me mad.

This is a promise. Valerius Armani, you will lose everything again. You may have your daughter now but I swear to you, I will have her again. Your Mafia will crumble and I will be the cause.

Count your days. They're limited.

Ivan Moscow.

—

My fist tightens as I chug the rest of my second glass of whiskey.

That bastard won't come anywhere near my little girl ever again and that's a fucking promise.

He's playing games with the devil.

Anger is igniting a fire deep from inside me.

I reach my hand back into the package and pulled out a larger piece of paper.

—

Eleonora Valarie Armani

Born: December 6th, 2016 Weight: 6 pounds 4 ounces Height: 19 inches Eye color: Blue Hair color: Brown Sex: Female

Father Valerius Alessio Armani

Mother Katerina Elora Watson

—

Ellie's birth certificate.

My heart is beating throughout my entire body. I feel tears begin to press against my eyes. My emotions are on overdrive.

Fuck this.

All my anger I had before is released and a sense of pride fills me. I put away my fury for a moment. It feels good to finally know my daughters birthday. To know what a father should know. But it feels even better to know my daughter is named after both me and Katerina.

She was so small. I wish I would have been there. I wish I could have saved her, saved both of them.

She's still small. I can't imagine her any tinier. It hurts that I never got to hold her, that her mamma never got to hold her.

After I pull myself together, I stop John in the halls.

"I need our system checked. The house needs scanned for bugs. There's no way Ivan knew to send a note barely twenty-four hours after I call Carlo for a paternity test."

John nods and walks off to get on the phone. I find myself upstairs and at Ellie's door within seconds.

I expect my girl to be fast asleep but instead she's up and drawing random lines on our comforter with her finger.

"El—," I'm cut off by a little yelp.

Ellie's eyes widen once she's realizes I've caught her up after bedtime.

My straight face soon becomes relaxed when Ellie's jaw hangs loose. I inch closer slowly and she begins covering herself with her sheets. She tries to hide in plain sight.

"Eleonora Valarie Armani." I test out her full name on my lips, I couldn't stop the smile on my face. "Why are you still awake?" I pull her out of the covers and onto my lap.

Ellie giggles slightly and they get louder while I place kisses all over her face.

"P-Papà!" She screeches. "No- no!" She giggles with a large smile and throws her body around.

I laugh, placing one giant kiss on her cheek before pulling back. "My little devil." I shake my head, brushing the hair away from her face. "What are you still doing awake?" I ask, cuddling her closer to my chest.

"Scared without you, papà." She whispers to me.

I tuck her hair back and smile.

"Piccolina, no matter how far away papà is, he will always be there to protect you from the monsters."

"Promise?"

Her eyes start fluttering shut.

"Till the day I die."

• • •

I dip my left hand into the light grey paint and place my handprint directly onto the wall. I wipe the excess on a towel.

I turn to Ellie but she has a settling glare on her face. It's rare I get to see her angry and it's very funny when it happens.

I force back my smile.

"Ellie, baby. Don't you want your handprint next to papà's?"

Deciding on staying in Italy (because Ellie is more familiar with it now) I've been trying to make our home feel more.. not like a murderers house.

Today Ellie and I decided to tackle what I've been meaning to do. We (mostly I) painted the room Ellie picked out in the house a light pink color by Ellie's request. I thought it would be a nice idea to paint together. It was not a nice idea.

Halfway through, Ellie had more paint on her than the wall. This is her third outfit change and she's decided she doesn't want to go anywhere near the paint again.

She's pissed. Her glare looks more like an intense pout but I'm proud at how well she's doing it. My little devil-spawn.

"Paint is mean, papà." She says sternly.

I sigh. "Well— piccolina. The paint is very sorry."

Ellie's arms begin to slowly uncross. Her eyes gaze warily to the paint and then back to me.

"It does?" She enquires hopefully.

"It does." I confirm with a single nod of my head.

I hold back a laugh as a grin splatters onto her face. Her right hand pops in front of me so it can be painted like mine was.

I pick Ellie up by her waist so she can lay her hand next to mine. Her forehead crinkles at the texture. I place her handprint right next to mine so it intercrosses our thumbs into a subtle heart.

"You like it?" She nods with a dimpled smile. I kiss her cheek because I can't help myself. "While papà finishes your room, you'll be with John. Sì?"

"Sì." She agrees.

I take her to walk down the hallway to John and she runs to him.

"Hello, princess Ellie." John nods his head in respect for his future Don. Ellie greets him back happily.

• • •

I finish Ellie's room.

She has her princess bed and her pink walls. The stuffed animals she loves and the decorations she picked out.

I hung her birth certificate in a frame and it sits on the center above her dresser. Below it on her dresser, I have a photo of me and Ellie and a separate frame that has the photo of Katerina and me before she left. The one where she would have been pregnant.

I think that if Ellie will never know her mamma then she should at least get to see her face whenever she wants to.

I have our handprints next to her bed so I'll always be there before she goes to sleep.

Ellie lays in her bed, ready for sleep. I pick up the frame of Katerina and I and bring it to her. She leans against me, her back to my front.

"Ellie, do you remember when you asked if you had a mamma?" She nods. "This is her." I put the frame down so she could see it. "She loves you baby, I know she does." I try to not let my emotions get the best of me.

"Mamma and papà?" She asks quietly. Ellie's finger glides over the frame softly.

"Sì, piccolina." I swallow the cry in my chest.

I don't want to get emotional with her.

"Pretty..," Ellie's hand was on the frame, admiring it.

"She was pretty, sì? Pretty like you." I pinch her cheek and sniffle back the sob. I lay a kiss to her head.

"Pretty like papà!" Ellie giggles and I laugh.

"Is that so?" I ask and she nods her head with a silly smile. "Well I guess you have to get it from somewhere." I say teasingly and she laughs again.

"Papà..," She calls out so I hum a response. "Where is mamma?" She asks innocently. I feel the knife in my chest come back again, twisting the wound deeper.

I take in a deep breath. "Mamma is gone, piccolina..," I respond, trying to avoid the real meaning behind my words.

It hurts, everything hurts.

"Will be home soon?" She looks at me hopefully and I swallow the lump in my throat.

"No, baby. I'm afraid mamma will be gone for a long time." I tell her with my voice cracking.

Tears gathered in Ellie's eyes and a tear falls down my cheek. "Oh..," She trails off sadly. She stares deeply at the photo in my hands.

Suddenly my phone rings and we both jump. I check my phone screen. Shaking my head, I wipe my face quickly.

It's my mamma.

I'll answer, knowing picking up her call was better than an unexpected visit. "Ellie I want you to be really quiet for me, sì?" She nods.

My fingers brush through her hair and she relaxes. She'll fall asleep soon.

I finally accept the call and put it to my ear. "Valerius! My son that has apparently found no time to see his own mamma." I roll my eyes and go to talk but I'm cut off again. "You move out and suddenly I'm not important anymore!" She exclaims.

"Bianca..," Papà warns from what I assume is beside her. I silently thank him.

"What Adriano? It's true!"

"Am I on speaker?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Yes, dear, of course. We do everything as a family remember. Now why do you sound like that what's wrong?" She presses and I sigh, annoyed. I had hoped she wouldn't notice.

"It's nothing mamma. What is the reason for your call?" I ask as calmly as I can.

I notice Ellie is almost asleep.

"Now, Valerius..," Mamma warns.

"Bianca." Papà warns again while cutting her off. I hear my brothers chuckling in the back.

Of course they find this amusing.

When I know for certain that Ellie has fallen asleep, I slowly get up and lay her head on her pillow. I hear small whines of protest but soon after, I hear her soft, even breathing.

I grab the picture frame off of the bed and start walking slowly to her dresser so I don't make any loud noises.

"What are you doing Valerius? I can hear you moving around."

Always needs to know everything.

"Nothing mamma, just some work." I set the frame down on the dresser.

"For what?"

I am about to respond when I turn around to see Ellie up and trying to get down from her bed to get to me. She wobbles and I began to panic.

I go to jump over and help her when she falls straight off of the side of her bed. I don't miss the crack when her head made contact with her nightstand.

Fuck.

Panic infiltrates me. I run to her, dropping my phone in the process.

"Cazzo!" I hiss, picking her up from the floor.

John runs into the room.

I look at Ellie and she has tears in her eyes. She has a gash on the right side of her forehead. Blood starts dripping down.

Fuck. This is bad.

I expect her to scream or cry but she doesn't. She barely cries at all. Maybe it's the shock.

I put her on my hip and walk her into her bathroom. I set her on the counter and she starts silently crying. The strings to my heart pull together.

"Valerius!" I hear mamma yell from my phone but I ignore her.

I grab a first aid kit that sits under the sink and whisper encouraging things to Ellie to try and calm her down.

Everything happened so quickly.

"Pick up the phone." I tell John and he complies.

I wet a cloth and started dabbing off the flowing blood from Ellie's head as she sniffles. This seems like a little too much blood for just a simple fall.

"Hello, Mrs. Armani." John says into the phone and looks at Ellie's head in concern.

"Wha- John? Where's my son!" Mamma yells out loud enough for me to hear because she isn't on speakerphone.

John looks at me and realizes I'm not going to say anything. "I'm afraid I can't tell you that." He says and I roll my eyes.

Damnit why couldn't he have just lied?

That is just going to make her want to know more.

"This is going to need stitches." I mumble to myself and press the cloth harder trying to stop the bleeding. "John, get Carlo to the house. Now!" I command and he nods while bringing out his own phone.

Ellie whimpers at the pain. I hold her close to me and hush her, rubbing her back for comfort.

"It's okay, baby." I hush to her.

"Carlo? Why is Carlo coming to your house, Valerius?" Mamma shouts and I tighten my jaw. John looks worried too.

I close my eyes to refocus my emotions. Ellie shakes in my arms, crying.

I need to lay her down. The bleeding needs to stop.

"Valerius I do not know what is going on but I'm on my way! I'm tired of you avoiding me!"

• • •