Pent Up Anger

V A L E R I U S ' S P O V :

"Valerius, why didn't you tell us sooner?" Papà argues and roll my neck, clicking my tongue to the roof of my mouth.

It feels like I haven't slept in days.

"You know you can trust us, Val. We're family." Marcello chimes in with his eyes starring straight at me. They're all staring straight at me. Accusing me.

"I know." I say, taking my hands away from my face. "But I just found out I have a daughter and the woman I love-" I pause, "-loved died while giving birth to her. She-" I hold my breath, my voice gets caught in my throat. I force myself to continue. "She didn't even get a chance to hold her, Marcello. She was murdered." I bite the inside of my cheek to keep calm. "Now I have to figure out what to do about the fucking Russians and not only that but they're playing games with me now! Sending Katerina's necklace with her blood on it. They're fucking taunting me!" My voice cracks slightly. I try to pretend it doesn't.

"Valerius is right." Enzo speaks to Mar. "He needed time and you need to understand that."

"So, what happens now? Are they going to try and take Eleonora? Is she even safe at school?" Fabio questions, sitting up in his chair.

"We're going to find Ivan. He's planning something but he's messing with me first. I won't be surprised if he sends another one of his gifts soon."

"But.. Eleonora. Is she safe?"

My jaw ticks. I don't know. That's my answer but I can't say that. I cant accept that defeat.

I hesitate, "Yes." She has to be. She will be.

I may not be able to insure she's always safe but I would give my life for hers any day. I made a vow the first day I found her. I would die for her without hesitation. Though, that's something I won't tell my family.

They'd do anything to make sure both Ellie and I live through whatever happens. I'm sure, not every battle has a good outcome. Things don't always end the way you plan. Sometimes they never end at all.

"How can you be so sure of that?" Marcello asks on the brink of tears.

My jaw ticks. "Because, I've calculated everything Ivan could try and we are stronger, faster and bigger than he could ever imagine for his mafia. We have the power here." I believe what I say. I just hope they do too.

"He's right." Enzo chimes in. "The Russians will have to go through us to get Eleonora. And no one messes with famiglia."

The faint smile on their faces is enough to make me sure my Ellie is safe.

"Famiglia per sempre, eh?" Papà said to me from the other side of the table.

"Famiglia per sempre." I agree.

Family is forever.

• • •

"Entra."

My office door clicks open and in walks one of my guards.

"Don." He bows his head in respect. I can't help but notice his slightly frightened look. His eyes are looking anywhere but me.

To be fair, I don't think I've actually had a proper conversation with him. He's a good guard. He's never gotten in trouble with me before.

I believe his name is Leon. Tall, broad build. Dark skin, formal posture.

"Che cosa?" What? I ask, not looking up from my laptop.

He licks his lips before speaking. "I've had another guard take my place while I'm here." He reassures me. I don't care though. "I was guarding up on the third floor."

"Fretta." Quickly. I continue with reading over an email Marco had sent me.

"Sorry, Don. There were two men, I over heard their conversation. It was something in Russian. I don't know the language well but I believe they said something about a spy or something they have planned for-" he pauses, "- for the Capa. Your daughter, Don." My head snaps away from my computer screen and directly into his eyes.

"And you are sure?" I ask in Italian.

I would have to be so dumb to not figure out the Russians could have implemented spies at any time. I've been too caught up with Ellie to look where I should have first.

"I am."

"And who was speaking this way."

"I didn't." Leon shakes his head. "I believe it was Andre Popov and Lorenzo, I can't remember his last name but I'm sure I can point out his face."

While he was talking, I was typing.

"Which ones?" I turn my computer screen to him and he quickly points them out.

"Him." He points to a man with dark skin and dark eyes. His picture shows a broad chest and a round face. "And.. him." He points to a man with pale skin and blonde hair that is shaved small. His nose is slightly crooked.

"You can go now." Without hesitation, he goes to leave. "If you're wrong, you know what will come to you."

Mistakes can't be made in this profession and he knew that as soon as he stepped foot here.

"Yes, Don." The door closed on his way out.

My fingers quickly reached over to my phone, dialing the number. The phone rings once.

"I need Andre Popov and Lorenzo Greco in the basement, cell three. I want them knocked out and chained."

"Yes, Don."

• • •

"Val?"

"Papà. I need you to pick Ellie up from school. I'll be late."

"Is something wrong? You've never missed picking her up before." Worry rises in his voice.

My jaw ticks. I don't want to miss picking her up but I have to. I've been slacking off work and that can put Ellie in danger. Hell, I could have missed two rats in my own mafia.

"Something came up. I need to get this under control. This is for Ellie's safety. I'll be home later." In my mind I'm telling myself that it isn't a big deal that I'm not picking her up. It shouldn't be. Parents miss pickup all the time. Just as much as she struggles to be apart from me, it's hard for me to be without her.

"Val-" Papà tries to reason with me.

"No. My duty to this Mafia was set four years ago. I need to handle this. I'll see her later, there's no way you can reason me out of this."

I can practically feel my papà's rage.

I need to do this. I'll see her before bed, it'll be okay.

I reach for the bracelet on my wrist.

"When you come home and the guilt finally gets to you, I don't want you complaining." His tone is final and he hangs up.

My head is hurts from my conflicting thoughts. Staying here is what is best for Ellie. I need to find out if my Mafia is turning to shit. I need to open my eyes to what's been happening.

I don't understand why he is so angry. He doesn't get the right to be. He doesn't deserve to care now. Not after how he raised us.

I walk into the cell pissed off. I have to take my anger out on someone.

I take the dagger from my suit jacket and walk behind each of the hanging bodies. I don't hesitate to drag my dagger down each of their spines, contaminating my dagger in their blood. They both wake in shock, giving them a few seconds of hesitation before screaming out.

A dark scarlet color drains down their backs. Slowly, I watch as it drips. I walk around and both frantic men stop when the see me. My glare is stinging through their own eyes.

"Do you know why you're hanging from my ceiling?" I ask calmly, my facial features giving nothing away.

I can see how mad Lorenzo, if that's his real name, is getting. He's mad he has no control.

Just how I like my victims.

"No, Don." Andre tries to lie. His face tightens in agony.

I look to Lorenzo.

I could hear the huffing of his breaths. He won't speak for a moment, until he does. "No, Don." He grits out.

"Liars make me sick." I hiss. I know now. It's written in their faces.

They're guilty.

"I know." Andre breaths out, his body flinching in pain. I step forward and let my cold, bloodied blade rest on his exposed chest. "I know why I'm here." He croaks out. His muscles tighten when the cold metal meets his skin. Lorenzo hisses something in Russian.

Andre is smart. If he confesses now, he'll have a simple death. Easy, even.

"Tell me." I command.

"Ivan. He pulled me aside one day after work. He- he took my mother. He-" Andre was gripping the chains harder. "He hurt her, had people. . . do things her. He said he'd kill her if I didn't help him. He asked me to get Nikolai a job."

I push the dagger far enough into the flesh above his sternum that it just pricked his skin. Andre winces.

"I did it and I got my mother back. . . but only for two days before I found her dead. He killed her and then threatened to do the same to my sister if I didn't keep my mouth shut. I was going to report what happened. I swear. I was always on your side, I came into this mafia pure but I tarnished that. My mistakes can't be mended. I'm sorry."

Sorry? That's the most bullshit excuse I've ever heard.

I press the knife deeper into his chest. Blood drips slowly down his dark skin.

He knows he will die today. It's pitiful.

"Names."

He doesn't need to ask. Andre gives me the names of everyone he knew of. "That is all I know, I swear. I just know there is someone Ivan always mentions but he's never said the name of." Nikolai is squirming next to us. His pain fuels my fire.

I slowly let my dagger slide out of Andre chest. The blood pours down in a stream. Slow and steady.

"You made this easy. You'll die the same." I pull out my hand gun from the back of my pants. I make sure the clip is loaded and point it directly at the center of his head. My veins fill with a sharp thrill. Andre's eyes squeeze shut. "Open your eyes. You'll look at me when you die." He shakily brings them open to meet mine. A lone tear falling down his cheek in agony.

A bang rings through the air and every bone in my body relaxes. I watch the blood pool at his feet. The slather of crimson sprays everything close by.

"For you. For you, things won't be as easy." I tell Nikolai, keeping my eyes on Andre cold lifeless body.

"You're disgusting."

"We'll they don't call me the devil for nothing."

Not knowing the time, I let my eyes drop down to my wrist to see the bracelet Ellie made for me all those months ago.

I'm sorry Ellie.

• • •

I hear rustling in the kitchen.

I crack the tension in my knuckles and roll my neck as I make my way. The view of papà comes into my line of sight. He looks tired and is heating something in the microwave.

He looks over to me when he notices my arrival. I am first to talk. "Why do you look so stressed?"

He lets out a laugh but not a happy one. He shakes his head at me with his arms crossed around his chest. I shrug off my suit jacket.

"Eleonora has been crying all night." Something rises in my chest. Guilt. "She's been waiting for her papà who didn't even try to come home early enough to see her before she falls asleep. She's been tossing and turning for hours. She can't go to bed without you." My jaw ticks. "So, I'm trying to heat her up warm milk because that's what your mamma always used to do for you boys." I don't want to feel guilty. So instead I get mad.

"Don't shame me for not coming home. I had a job to do and don't act like you've never done the same! Like you're some saint. Don't act like you know what mamma used to do because you were always there. You weren't. You were never home!" I throw my keys on the counter. "You only showed up when it was time to teach me how to become Don. So, don't act like this is me discarding my own daughter. I'm a better father than you ever were and you fucking know it!"

I didn't think about what I said. I only let the words continue to fuel the fire to my own fault.

He stands in front of me, blank faced. His arms still across his chest but his eyes stare straight into mine.

"You are." He agrees blatantly.

"I'm what?" I grit out.

"You are a better father than I ever was."

My words get caught in my throat. The realization of his words hit me. I blink at him.

"No—," I try, feeling guilty for everything I said.

"No, son. Please." He cuts me off. "You're right. I wasn't a good father. I know that."

I wait for the joke but there isn't one.

Papà pauses, bringing his hand up to rub his chin. "When I was forced into marriage, I knew I had to have kids. It was a given for me to carry on the blood line. Due to your nonno's sudden illness I needed to take over as Don quicker which sped everything up. Your mamma was eager to start a family but I wasn't as much. Soon after our marriage, she found out she was pregnant. Everything came fast, your brothers were born but I still hadn't even begun to process becoming Don.. let alone being your papà."

Seeing tears from my own fathers eyes is hard to watch. It makes my throat burn. I don't want to look anymore.

Still, his story leads on. "I buried myself in work, I thought if I pretended y— I didn't have kids and a wife that my life would feel more in control. I didn't know how to deal with any of it. I was just newly turned twenty when your mamma gave birth to you. It was too late when I realized what I had done. You all were grown. I knew if I tried to make it up to you and your brothers that you would resent me for it. So instead I kept what your nonno had made me do out of it. I didn't force you into training or force you into marriage. I fought everyone on this and believe me they were not happy with my decision. I never wanted you to turn out like me."

I let a tear betray me and fall. I quickly wipe it. My brain can't process everything at once.

"Valerius, never think what I'm telling you is an excuse because it's not. I made those mistakes and I try everyday to make up for them. I don't want you to forgive me, I don't deserve it. But don't think because I wasn't there that I didn't love you. I've loved you since the day I held you in that hospital. I just wasn't ready to be your father. For that, I am sorry."

My mind brings me back to all the times I wanted to beg him to spend time with me or love me. He did love me. He did want me.

Papà takes a step closer. He reaches out and touches his hand to my shoulder. He leaves it there. "I am only telling you this so you know why I am so upset. Don't be like me. Don't miss out on all of the little things. You'll regret it one day. I know because I do. I regret not being there. Val, I think about it everyday."

I nod, still trying to cover up the effect his words have on me. It doesn't help when papà pulls my body into a hug. I try holding myself together by squeezing my eyes shut.

"Thank you." I swallow my emotion back into my throat.

"Don't thank me. Just go see your figlia." Papà squeezes me for a moment then lets me go. "After you go change your shirt." He holds up my hand which shows a dark red splotch. My lips lift just barely.

After a few moments I pull myself together and find myself standing in front of Ellie's door. I open it quietly but that doesn't stop the quiet voice I hear.

"Nonno?" She sniffles. "Is papà home?" I can't see well in the dark light but I don't miss her petite body against the bed frame. Her stuffed elephant, close to her heart.

I don't respond, I can't. I just walk further in and turn her lamp on. A pink hue lights the room. Ellie's eyes squint for a second before looking up in excitement when she notices it's me.

"Papà!" She squeals and I notice her red eyes and stained cheeks. Her fingers play with her bracelet on her wrist.

Guilt consumes me but I hold it together for her. Ellie jumps up and into my arms, I catch her.

"Ellie." I sigh with content. "Papà loves you, okay? I'm sorry I was late." I hug her tighter, relishing every moment. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I missed you!" She repeats, her voice breaking slightly. She squeezes me tighter.

"I missed you too, baby." I tell her and place a kiss to her head. "I promise, I won't be late ever again." I brush her messy hair down.

"I'll never leave you alone again, baby."

• • •