Mother Knows Best

V A L E R I U S ' P O V :

"Ai Dios mio!" My nonna shouts. Her brown eyes wide, her breaths shortening.

This isn't going well.. but it's better than I thought it would go.

At least she isn't threatening with a gun.

"Mamma—" Papà tries to reason with her but it's no use. She's an Armani, she'll never listen to reason.

"Is this my granddaughter?" She shouts at me, pointing to Ellie who is pressed to my legs.

She's attempting to hide from all the shouting. Nonna's Italian accent is strong, fierce. It can scare anyone from a baby to a grown adult.

Nonna already knows the answer. My papà and everyone already explained to her and everyone else what happened.

But Nonna isn't an easy person.

She's anxious and angry almost always. I walked in expecting the worst. So, when my nonna opens her mouth, I expect her to start yelling. I'm waiting for her to scream at me or at my papà. I wait and wait.. and wait.

Nonna pauses. She lets out a straggled noise and breaths out. She looks to my papà, then to me, then Ellie. Her head shakes. Her eyes close and when she opens her eyes again, there are tears billowing in her tear ducts.

"I'm a bisnonna, eh? My grandson has a child?" She looks to my papá. We all look to each other awkwardly. My nonna hasn't cried before. Never before that we've seen. The last time was at nonno's funeral but she ran to the bathrooms in refusal to have anyone see her in such a state. "I wish your papà was here." She whispers to my papà. He looks taken back. "He loved his family. He would be so happy." Tears fall down her cheeks, she wipes them furiously.

My nonno is an "unspeakable" topic. When he passed it hurt my family for a long time. Even still nonna is not the same. She never got over it. Anyone speaking of him sets her off.

"Mamma..," papà whispers. He hugs his mamma tightly. "He would." Papà says to comfort her.

"I am sorry." Nonna said. She wipes her face. "I—"

"Don't be sorry." Papà says. Nonna smiles at him, patting his head like he's just a little boy.

"Let me see you." Nonna gives Ellie an encouraging smile. Ellie and I lock eyes for a moment before I have her step forward. Nonna bends down to her level. She cups Ellie's cheeks and brushes her hair back. "Beautiful girl."

My mamma scoffs. I snap my head to her to see her at the doorway.

I give her a warning look, silently telling her not speak. Though, mamma never follows what other people tell her to do. She lives by her own rules.

"Something to say, Bianca?" Nonna quirks. She turns her head to look behind Ellie. Nonna keeps her hands on Ellie's cheeks.

Mamma stands straighter. "Aren't you worried this child will put my son in danger? She's come from enemies, who knows what damage she can do!"

Here she goes again. I'm so tired of the same conversation.

"The same danger my husband was in when my son was born or the danger my son was in when his kids were born. Children are in constant danger in this type of work. You know that and so does my grandson." Nonna stands up and Ellie walks back to me. I grab ahold of her hand. "I hope I'm hearing things if you're suggesting your own granddaughter, who happens to be five, is a spy for the fucking Bravta. Because, that," Nonna stepped closer to my mamma. "Would sound crazy." She spits her words out in Italian.

"Of course not!" Mamma scoffed. "I'm not stupid—"

"Debatable." Bisnonna mumbles under her breath.

"— I know a child can't be a spy I'm saying she's probably already told Valerius everything that went on wherever she was. Which means if the Russians get her back she'll spill everything to them! That puts us all at risk—"

"You think she could tell me what happened?" I speak overtop of my mamma, stopping her. She looks to me with fire in her eyes.

I've finally had it with her. She sounds crazy.

"Come here, Ellie." Fabio takes Ellie and leaves the room. Ellie looks to me while she walks out with my brother.

I want to be with her but I have to fight my mamma on this. I won't tolerate Ellie's name being dragged through the mud.

"You think she could fucking speak when she first stayed with me? She could barely fucking walk!" I'm fuming. I've had enough of my mamma pretending my daughter didn't go through hell. "Do you think that she was able to fucking comprehend a name? A different fucking language?" I shout. No one else says a word.

My mamma looks to me, anger settles on her face. She doesn't like that I'm talking back to her. She can fucking deal with it. I've dealt with her for years.

"I've had enough of you pretending like my daughter isn't a real person who went through things so fucking unimaginable! Are the scars not enough? Is her trauma not enough for you? I'm done having the same fight over and over again. You won't ever see me or Ellie ever again after today. This is it."

I breathe heavily. It's taking a lot to not lash out right now, to not slam my fist into the wall. My entire body feels high on a thrill. I'm pissed.

"Figlio, don't be rash. This bitch is getting in your head! Just like Katerina did!"

I freeze turned around, my back to my mamma.

Just like Katerina did.

I don't think I pause a second before my gun is pressed against my mamma's temple.

She gasps, in shock that I pulled my gun on her. My hand has her pushed against the wall. My stare is deadly.

No one else in the room moves.

"Non parlare mai più di mia moglie o di mia figlia." I whisper to her, my voice filled with anguish. I press the gun down harder and she takes in a sharp breath. I see red.

"Val." Papà calls out to me. I can't look back. My mamma looks pissed too. "Put the gun down."

"You're dead to me." I hush to her, her body turns cold. Her eyes flash with something unrecognizable.

"Valerius!" Papà says more urgently.

He doesn't want me to shoot her. He knows I can.

I push off of my mamma and let my trigger go. A bullet hits the wall next to her head. Mamma gasps and so do a few others.

"You are no son of mine!" Mamma growls, tears burrowing in her eyes.

"I know."

I don't look at anyone as I turn away and walk out of the room. Anger surges through me. I'm in no state to drive, let alone calm down. I can't even differentiate what I'm feeling.

Anger? Loss? Sad? Vengeful?

My head isn't clear and I know it's best to stay away from Ellie when I'm angry. I don't want her to be scared of me.

So when I come across John in the hallway, I say, "Drive Ellie home." He nods, walking off to do just that.

I find my childhood bedroom. I look around the blank walls. I never used to be a sedimental person, things change I guess.

I want to punch, scream, fucking kick. Throw a goddamn tantrum like I'm three-years-old. But I don't want to be that impulsive asshole anymore. I want to be better for my Ellie. I want to prove to my family that I'm a good papà. So, with my fists clenched, I slide down my wall. I put my face in my hands and I think of what makes me happy. I think of my Ellie.

I sit there for twenty minutes, maybe more. Until I get a call.

John Incoming call. . .

• • •

"John!" I shout once I enter my home. The door slams shut behind me.

I hear crying coming from somewhere in the house. I follow the sound quickly. John shouts that he's in the living room with Ellie.

What I find is John kneeling down to Ellie on the couch. Ellie is shaking, sobbing. She looks in midst of a panic attack.

"Ellie!" I hurriedly whisper. I rush down and cradle her in my arms. "Shh, it's okay baby. Papà is here." I hush. "What happened John. Tell me what happened." I demand.

"She was upset at your parents home but I thought she was just tired. In the car she asked where you were and I told her you had to stay and you'd be back later. She just started crying, I tried to calm her but nothing worked."

"Ellie, look here." I brush her hair out of her eyes. I gently wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"No, no, no!" She repeats and shakes her head, letting a sob rack from her lips.

"Ellie, it's papà. I promise."

She tries to get out of my arms, she won't open her eyes.

"Papà gone like mamma!"

My brain hesitates for a moment before processing what she said. She thinks I'm dead?

I think back to the gunshot. She didn't see me after I fired my gun. She must have though someone shot me like they did her mamma. Shit. I shouldn't have fired my gun. I should have thought before I did it. I made a mistake. A bad, bad mistake.

Guilt floods through me. "No, baby. No." I whisper immediately. "No, papà is right here, Ellie. I promise, I'm right here."

I bring Ellie's hand up to my face so she can feel it. I hope she recognizes me. I place a kiss to her palm, rubbing circles on it to soothe her.

"Right here." I whisper desperately again.

Please open your eyes.

Ellie's eyes droop open. She sniffles and lets out a cry when she realizes who I am. She jumps up and throws her arms around my neck, holding onto me tightly.

"You're free to go now John." I nod towards him and he leaves with a nod.

"Papà..," Ellie cries into my neck. I squeeze her tighter.

"I know baby. . . I know." I rub her back gently, trying my best to calm her. My entire chest felt like it's on fire. "I'm sorry."

"Papà will always come back to you, baby. I promise I will. Always."

• • •

"Hello, Valerius."

I stare at my papà from inside my home. He waits at the doorway, not stepping inside.

"Papà." I greet, nodding only once.

"I've come to talk to you."

"Obviously." I retort blankly.

He blinks at me. I stand there and we both stare at each other for a moment. Well this is awkward.

"Can I come in?"

I press my lips together and stand to the side.

"Yes."

He doesn't say anything right away. He looks around nervously. It's weird though, I've never seen my papà nervous before.

"So.. where is Eleonora?"

"At school. Just tell me what you're here for."

Papà sighs. "I'm divorcing your mamma."

What the fuck?

Out of anything that could have come out of his mouth.. I never expected it to be that.

I look to him oddly. "But you aren't allowed—"

"You aren't allowed to divorce when you're Don. When you're in a position of power. But I am not the Don anymore, you are."

"It's never been done before— it's a sign of weakness.. everyone—"

"We've done a lot of things out of the ordinary recently. I think it's just as disgraceful as having a child out of wedlock." Papà teases and my eyebrows furrow at him. Is he.. making jokes?

"Why?" It's my only needed question. "For what? Why now?"

"Because it's about time I start protecting my boys."

I open my mouth but nothing comes out.

"I made a vow to protect you five from anything that was a risk to you. I sorry that I'm just now realizing that the biggest danger was always so close. I thought your mamma was a good, loving woman who cared about you boys. And she might, care about you I mean, but she is not a good woman. You helped me to see that. You boys deserve better, I just hope it isn't too late now."

"To late for what?" I clear my throat.

"For me to be your papà. A good one. One you all deserve."

I don't know what to say. I don't want to face the feeling sizzling through me. So, I deflect.

"What will people say when they know you and mamma have been divorced?"

Papà chuckles shortly. "Probably the same as what they'll say about you having a daughter." My lip quirks up into a smirk.

"What? That I'm a whore who can't wait till marriage to have a child?" I joke.

"Probably something more along the lines of a bastard or a disgrace." Papà clasps his hands behind his back with a small smile. "But as they say in America, like father like son. No?"

"Sì," I smile in the slightest. "Like father like son."

A moment passes. A more comfortable silence.

"I better be going then. You'll have to pick up Eleonora soon."

"Come with me." I say impulsively.

"What?" Papà pauses his turn to leave.

"Ellie might want to see you. You should come with me. She'll be happy you're there." I lick my dry lips. "A surprise."

Papà doesn't hide his smile.

"Yes, then. I'll come."

• • •