Forgiveness

V A L E R I U S ' P O V :

There's exactly twenty-two days until I become my papà's successor. There's exactly eighteen days until I say yes to Katerina.

She has yet to meet my family. I have yet to tell her about the mafia. I know it needs to come out but things are just starting to get back to normal. The two weeks of her completely ignoring me was starting to tear me apart.

Slowly, Katerina is beginning to forgive me.

"Ciao, baby." Katerina smiles towards me.

She walks into the house with shopping bags in her hand. She sets them onto the ground and pulls me in for a deep, passionate kiss.

"Ciao, amore mia." I whisper onto her lips, giving them a soft kiss. "You look beautiful."

"If you think I look good now..," she puts her lips right next to my ear, whispering. "Wait until tonight."

I shove my face into her neck, rubbing my nose against her soft skin.

"Why wait for dusk when we have the whole day?"

"V.. you horny bastard." She pulls away, looking into my eyes in a joking manner. A sly smirk pulls my lips.

"Only for you."

I rub my hand against her bare back under her shirt. I inch my hand closer to her bra strap while I peck from the base of her neck to the peak of her lips.

"V!" She laughs, when my hand slides up her stomach making her feel ticklish. "Okay! Okay..," she breathes out. "But first I need you to grab my bags from the car." I know that look on her face means she went overboard again. She hates when I say that, though. Apparently to her, everything is a necessity.

"You're lucky I love you." I tease and she gives me a pointed look.

"And you're lucky I'm forgiving you. Now go get the bags before I blow another hundred thousand."

Her face doesn't really seem like she's kidding but I take it as a joke or rather, her teasing me back.

I don't flinch at the money she spent. She's been doing it quite often. She says it's the least I could do for the damage I caused even if I had already paid all of Rosetta's funeral costs. Along with setting her family up for life.

After Katerina quit her job all those months ago, she relies on my money. I give her everything she wants to please her. I don't mind being her protector.

I surrender and walk out to my black Bugatti which Katerina tells me I should have wrapped in pink. I denied that.

I find the seats covered with shopping bags.

Prada, Valentino, Giorgio Armani, Versace and many more to which I don't recognize the names.

I take everything to our bedroom while Katerina soaks in a bath.

• • •

"Are you scared to get married?" Katerina asks quietly, half asleep.

I don't move my head that's tucked into her neck, relishing in the essence of her body. My hand stays on her stomach, not feeling like moving it. She places her hand over mine.

Yes. "No."

"I'm not either." She pauses. "At least I don't think I am.. I don't want to be."

"Then don't be."

Katerina doesn't speak for awhile after that.

I let my hand run through her curly, blonde hair. It's naturally a dirty blonde but she dyes it. I watch her bright blue eyes search for something in mine. My hand stays over her stomach, rubbing my thumb back and forth over her soft skin.

"What if I get pregnant?" She says out of the blue. I move my head on the pillow so I can have a better view of her. "Because.. well, because you don't want a baby."

I wonder where this is coming from.

I know of her fondness for babies but she doesn't brings them up anymore.

I breathe in deeply knowing my first choice would be to not go through with it. I'm too fucked up to be a parent. I don't know the first thing about being a good parent.

"My choice wouldn't matter as much as yours. But that wouldn't matter anyways. You're on the pill and we use protection."

Katerina nods. "What does that mean?" I look into her eyes to try and figure out her feelings. I want to know what's she's thinking. "Are you saying your choice wouldn't matter?"

"I wouldn't be a good papà. I'm not parent material, Katerina. But ultimately, it's your body and your choice. And if you ever decided you wanted to keep the baby. . . I'd do everything I could to be a good papà. I would love her the best I can."

"Her?"

"Hm?"

"You said her as in a daughter."

"Did I? My mistake. I'm tired."

Katerina hums lowly, resting her cheek on my shoulder.

She doesn't speak again and eventually I notice she drifts off to sleep, I follow soon after.

• • •

"Are you fucking crazy!?" Papà shouts at me, he's clearly furious.

"It'll happen soon." I try to reassure him.

"You plan to get married in two fucking weeks and you haven't told this Katerina that you will become the most powerful person in the world in three weeks!"

"I plan to." I sneer out.

"There's something actually wrong with you." I hear Enzo add from behind papà.

He can fuck off.

"Do you even plan on having a traditional wedding?" Mar asks and I don't answer because although I always imagined myself having one, I know Katerina wouldn't like it.

"Val.. I mean this with complete sincerity.. do you really think she can handle this lifestyle? Does she..."

"Does she what?" I snap at Savino.

He hesitates. Savino hates starting drama.

"Does s-she love you enough to stay?"

Something inside of me freezes. Maybe it was my heart or maybe it was my mind.

I want to punch his face in. I don't for some reason. Maybe because Savino is the only tolerable brother I have.

I don't like thinking about his words. Something about them makes me feel insecure and I never feel insecure.

"Yeah.. I don't know, fratello. She sounds like what the Americans call a "gold digger"." Fabio says, sitting back on our papà's desk.

"I'm giving you two days." Papà tells me sternly. "If Katerina doesn't know of what we do in two days then with devil on my side, that wedding will not happen."

I don't speak. I stare, silently fuming.

My brothers are silent.

"Sì?" Papà pushes, his voice cold.

I ignore everything that pounds in my chest. I itch to punch something. I don't want this shit to fall apart already. I don't want to lose the one thing that is good in my life.

There's a prominent pause.

"Sì." I repeat.

I storm out of the room, immediately catching the eyes of my mamma outside of the door. She must have been listening.

Our eyes lock for a moment. It only takes her a second before the deepened scowl on her face turns into a sweet fake smile. I don't say anything but walk out of the house.

It's funny how mamma had always claimed to be on my side. In the end, though, she was the biggest traitor of them all.

• • •