Paralyzed

V A L E R I U S ' P O V :

My body feels completely paralyzed.

Black surrounds my vision. A soft beeping sound starts deepen in sound. Déjà vu suddenly strikes me. I try to move but I can't tell if I am. Everything feels foggy.

Annoyance picks through me. I think it takes me a solid ten minutes to peel my eyes open and adjust them to the bright light in the room.

I want to groan but I can't for a moment. I know exactly where I am.

"Holy shit!" I hear someone stutter from beside me. "Val!? Val a-are you awake!?" Their voice is frantic.

Suddenly, a figure of my brother is standing above me. Tears bellow in his eyes, his mouth is open wide in shock. Savino. Yet, he looks different.

Oh God. Why is he crying?

I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out at first. Savino mumbles something about water and I can't move to watch him get something from the other side of the room.

My eyes droop and adjust to the empty hospital room with nothing but a black duffel bag on the ground.

My eyes find my legs under the covers then my hands that lay outside of it. My eyes catches the sight of a string bracelet tied around my wrist.

White, purple and pink.

It takes a good second for my brain to register why I recognize it.

Ellie.

Where's Ellie? Nothing comes out of my mouth when I try to ask him. No words. Savino tells me to drink my water.

He helps me sip it much to my displeasure. When I can make words out, I do.

"Where's Ellie?" My voice is raspy, barely audible.

Savino looks stuck on words. His eyes hold a deep sorrow.

"W-What do you remember Val?"

I close my eyes, trying to let everything come back to me. It takes awhile before I can recall anything at all.

"Guns." I take another sip of water. I close my eyes, forcing myself to remember. "Mamma.. she took me and gave..," I'm interrupted by my own coughing. "Ellie— they have Ellie!"

Where is my girl?

"I'm going to go get Carlo. He's should check you out before we talk anymore."

Savino goes to leave but I take his hand so he stays.

I've always been able to read Savino easily. He's not very good at hiding what he's thinking. I can see his worry, it's radiating straight off of him.

"She's scared, Sav." I take heavy breaths to maintain my airflow. "Let me see my baby."

Savino just stares at me like I'm crazy. He opens and closes his mouth before speaking. He's completely hung up on words. Tears flood his eyes.

"Val.. do you know how long it's been? Do you remember anything about being with mamma?" He stutters out. His stutter gets worse when he's nervous. Why is he nervous?

How long it's been? What is he on about?

I shake my head no. I feel my heart pump all the way to my rib cage, thumping.

"Is she with papà? Bring her here." I demand but Savino doesn't move. He's starting to annoy me.

Something passes through his eyes. He waits a moment before speaking.

"Valerius.. h-how old do you think Ellie is?"

"Don't be dumb." I rasp, taking another sip of water to cool my burning throat. "Ellie just turned six. You were there."

One by one, tears fall from Savino's eyes. His head shakes. I'm utterly confused. Their hand comes up to their mouth. He backs away.

"Val.. what year is it?" His voice shakes in a whisper.

"It's twenty-twenty-two."

I don't understand. Is he okay? He's asking me such trivial questions while he should be out bringing me my daughter.

"Shit." He breathes. "Carlo said this could happen. I just— I just forgot you w-wouldn't know."

"What? Know what?"

I try to figure out what he's talking about but I just don't understand. I'd start to get mad if I wasn't high on whatever hospital drugs they have me taking.

"Val.. it's twenty-twenty-nine."

And for a moment I don't process what he tells me, but when I do, my heart drops. I can feel my world starting to crumble beneath me.

"No..," my voice is below a whisper.

He's lying.

Tears start to come to my eyes.

He has to be lying.

"Mamma had you for five years." His voice breaks. "You've been in a coma for two, Val."

A tear escapes my eye. Shit, shit, shit! This can't be happening.

I was right there. I was just there.

I just saw Ellie. I was just leaving. I knew I'd be back. I knew my family would find me. He has to be wrong. It's only been a few days. Just a few days.

"No.. Savino." I try to level my voice but I fail. "Where is Ellie. My Ellie. Where—," I'm interrupted by my own coughing.

Savino breaks, a sob racks through his body and I freeze. It feels like I'm dying.

No. No, no, no.

"Savino." I beg, plead, cry. "I can handle it. Just tell me! Please."

His head hangs low, he looks at me with such pity.

"She's d-dead. I'm s-so sorry, Val."

Tears stream down his face.

"No." I shake my head repeatedly. "She can't be."

It feels like I'm frozen in time.

Maybe this is a dream.

"Most of your house burnt up in flames. We were able to save almost all of it but the living room. Ellie..," his eyes close, if physically pains him to tell me this. "Ellie's remains were found with John's. Mostly burnt but we identified them to our best ability. I didn't want you to find out like this."

My body feels too dead to move. I can't feel anything. I don't think I can even cry.

"Where is everyone." My voice cracks.

"Enzo took over. He's doing okay b-but it's hard for him. Papà helps a lot but we rarely see him. Papà, I mean. He's always hiding away at home. Mar moved towards Rome.. you know he has a family now. A wife, two kids."

I sob uncontrollably. I can't look at Sav, I have to close my eyes. It hurts. Everything hurts.

"Oh my god." I barely make out the words.

"Fabio.. he doesn't keep in touch much. He's traveling, moves around a lot. I think he's in Puerto Rico now. H-he blamed himself a lot when it happened. He just couldn't stay."

This is all my fault. I should've protected them. I should've done better.

I can't think straight, everything starts to blur.

The beeping gets faster, I can't breathe. I try to move my legs to get up but I can't. They're glued in place. My eyes frantically find Savino. I can't move.

"Val, calm down! It's okay.. it's okay! Carlo said this would happen." Savino's stutter is obvious.

Tears blur my vision, I choke out a loud sob.

Why can't I move my legs?

"What's. . . wrong," I can't get my words out straight.

"Val! Stop trying to move!"

"Tell. . . tell me!"

"Mamma! The drugs she'd used on you to keep you passed out.. they had side effects!" He tells me quickly, his stutter barely there. "Carlo.. Carlo said you could wake up paralyzed."

Paralyzed?

I shake my head. No, no, no, no, no.

"Val w-we.. we can fix this. I'll be here. I'll— I'll be here everyday to help you. You're too strong to let this hurt you."

Savino grabs my shaking hand. His eyes feel so comforting, like he's saving me from drowning. I look up to him, barely breathing.

My eyes close and I nod hesitantly.

We'll fix this.

I'll fix this.

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To be continued . . .

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