A Metaphor

V A L E R I U S ' P O V :

Five Months Ago

"Papà?"

My eyes flicker up and immediately dart right to Ellie. John has her hand in a hold. Ellie cradles her elephant stuffed animal in her one hand, chewing on her thumb while her other hand is in John's. Her eyes look sad.

"Ellie. Hello, baby." Just the sound of my voice makes Ellie crumble. She racks a sob through her chest and tears stream out of her eyes. "Oh my, come here." Ellie runs to me and I pull her into a tight embrace.

"Papà!" She cries. I put her in my lap and soothe her back by rubbing it.

I nod off John and he gives me a smile, exiting the room.

"What's wrong, piccolina?"

I rub circles along her back, holding her close to my chest for comfort. I reach for her stuffed animal that fell to the floor and place it back into her lap.

After Ellie calms down, she's able to hiccup out a few words. "Mamma is gone." She cries.

My eyebrows crease, panic slams at my heart. I already explained what happened to Katerina, Ellie already knows she's gone.

"I know." I coo. I place a kiss to the crown of her head. "I know."

"I see mamma."

My heart feels like it's stopping. Memories of my Katerina always seem to confuse me, I can never figure out how I feel.

"In your dreams?" I ask. "Sometimes I see her too."

I wipe the rest of the wetness off her cheeks. I brush her hair back to expose her face. I give her an attempted smile to lift her spirits. It doesn't work.

Maybe I shouldn't have told Ellie about Katerina. Maybe she's too young to understand.

"Mamma hurt. Mamma yells when I go to sleep!"

Her voice is staggered. She can barely make out her words through the sobs.

I don't know how to make it better. I don't know why she's crying or what she means. I want to fix it but I can't. Instead, I follow along so she doesn't feel so scared anymore.

"I promise mamma will never yell at you again. It's okay, Ellie." Ellie grabs ahold of my hand and squeezes tightly. I rock her gently, hoping she falls asleep and forgets about this.

After awhile, I think Ellie is asleep.

She sleeps in my arms but I don't even blink. My brain runs on overdrive.

All I can think about is my Katerina Watson.

Would she be the first and last woman ever to be in my life? Will Ellie ever get to have a mother figure?

• • •

The bell chimes as I walk through the door.

I promised Ellie I'd get her flowers everyday.. in contrary to that little shit trying to date my daughter. I told Ellie that I will stay true to my promise so last night while she was sleeping with me, I found a place with exceptional reviews.

La Casa di Fiori.

When I walk in, there is no line.

I thought this was a good flower shop. Isn't there supposed to be a line for good places? Everyone begging to get their hands on their items.

"Aì! Ciao." An older woman says. She looks to be in her eighties.

"Ciao." I nod back. "Do you sell flower singles here?" I ask in Italian. She says yes.

"Nonna!" A woman calls out. "Take your break. I'll take over."

My eyes immediately lock onto a woman, looking to be around my age. Her hair is as deep as her eyes. Dark curls flood down her back. Her face is soft, gentle. She looks to the older woman with so much love and care.

The older woman glares. "I'm old, not broken." She spits, moving past the young woman.

"I know." The woman laughs. Her laugh sounds like a cold waterfall, so soft. "Richie is out back." The old woman perks up and is gone in a flash. The woman turns to me, her dark brown eyes glistening. "Ah, young love, eh?" She jokes, her hazel eyes glistening.

I nod slowly, amused.

"So." She perks up. "What can I help you with?"

My eyes are stuck to hers. It takes me a moment to get my words out.

I clear my throat. "Two flowers."

"What kind?"

"They're different?"

The woman quirks a smile but my face is blank. She laughs quietly, brushing a strand of her hair away from her eyes. Her eyebrows raise.

"Only over four-hundred-thousand." Her smile is almost like she finds my seriousness funny. "And everyone of them have a meaning."

I shift on my feet.

Does she think I'm an idiot? I mean, I'm not Marcello.

"Just two." I repeat.

"Okay..," the woman trails off with a small smile. She comes back with two flowers. "A carnation and a white Jasmine." She wraps them in a brown paper and rings them up. "Card or cash?"

"Card." I pull out the black card. Something occurs to me while she's finishing the wrapping. "Do you sell vases?"

"Yes. I can get you one?" I nod and she smiles, coming back with a clear vase, simple yet beautiful. There's a silence between us as she's pulling everything together, she decides to break it. "So.. who's the lucky lady?" I don't miss her eyes flickering to my hands.

"My daughter." Why am I telling her this? She should mind her business. "I promised I would bring her flowers every morning." Why am I still talking?

The woman's eyes light up. "That's adorable."

No it's not. I don't do adorable things.

I clear my throat to stop the feeling creeping up in my chest.

"So you'll be here often?" She asks. I nod, I mean— I guess I will be. "Well, my name is Allegra." I nod, biting my teeth together to stop my words from flying out.

I pull my card out and she pushes my items towards me. I take them.

Though, as Allegra passes me the flowers, I can't help but catch the freshly purple bruise on her wrist. My eyes narrow in on it. Allegra pulls her hands away fast, pushing her sleeve down.

My eyes meet hers once again.

I'd be a fool not to see how exceptional her beauty is. It's entrancing.

I watch as her cheeks slightly turn red and she clears her throat this time.

"Thank you for shopping." Allegra says professionally and I nod.

I'd like to say I walked out of the store without another thought but those eyes and that bruise— they never left my mind.

I hop into the backseat and Ellie's head snaps towards me. I set the things on the floor before catching her in my arms. I hug her so tight.

"Ciao, piccolina." I smack a kiss to her head.

"Papà! I missed you!" I chuckle, I was only gone for fifteen minutes. "John says we can play later!"

I gaze as John who sits in the drivers seat. He gives me a kind smile.

"Well, that sounds exciting." I smile to her.

Once I put her back into her car seat, John drives off and back to our home.

I give Ellie her flowers and we put them properly into their vase.

My mind can't help but wonder back to earlier.

Every flower has a different meaning. Allegra had told me.

My curiosity got the best of me and late at night— I couldn't sleep. I was stuck on yesterday when Ellie came into my office crying. Out of sheer boredom and a little curiosity, I looked up what the flowers she gave me mean.

I sit back in my chair, staring.

Fascination and beauty.

• • •