Hope

Hope isn't a thing or an action. It's a feeling our brain gives us when reality seems to hard. A feeling it gives us when we lust for more. When you say 'I don't believe you' , there is still hope left somewhere in the back of your mind. When you say 'we're done!' you still hold on to that little hope back there, hoping they'll explain it, or apologize, or leave you alone.

Trust

Trust isn't a feeling your mind creates. It's a discription of an action. It describes the action when you put something of you in the hands of someone else. Some put their phone in your hands, some trust you with an essay but most people out there, put their heart in your hands.

Betrayal

When you trust somebody, when you put something in their hands and they simply just drop it. That's betrayal. Hurts like a bitch. Sometimes we don't even know that they betrayed us. We just feel disappointed or mad. Sometimes even sad or exhausted. But when our hearts are on the line, oh honey, you'll feel the betrayal. It can leave a scratch that will need time to heal. Or it will leave a scar. In both situations you search comfort. But without knowing, you lay your heart right back into that person's hands you search comfort in. And our circle has started again.

I didn't. When a normal person would search comfort, I took my heart and put it behind walls higher than the sky. I simply just stopped the circle. No hope meant no trust, which means no. betrayal.

I wasn't always like this. It was because of you. I put my heart in your hands and what did you do?

You spit on it.

You gave it to him and watched while he dropped my heart, picked it up just to be dropped again.

You cut pieces out of it, made it bleed.

You didn't feel sorry, you laughed.

You enjoyed it.

And the only question I'm asking is why? Why did you do that? Why did you smile? Why didn't you stop? Why didn't you protect me like you promised? Why did you let him to that to me? Why?

Why did you break me, mother?

BIEP BIEP BIEP

The sound of my alarm went of and I jumped out of my bed. Bad move. I hiss in pain, remembering last night's events. I could feel almost every nerve in my body screaming for five more minutes of rest.My legs felt like jelly. Probably from too less sleep and too less food. Don't think I'm a girl who doesn't have an appetite, I love food. Scratch that, food loves me and I love food.

It's a complicated relationship.

My stepdad wasn't the best. But I couldn't complain. He made sure I got a roof above my head and had a meal every now and then. Well, sometimes.

Okay way too less, but that doesn't matter.

I wasn't dumb, I knew the way my mom and her boyfriend treated me wasn't right. But sometimes it's just easier to talk and think about it in a casual way.

Thinking about it too hard would cause dark thoughts to reappear. I would find myself back into the darkest place of my mind and I promised myself to never go back there again.

Ever.

Life's a bitch sometimes, but you just need to learn how to deal with it. Drawing has always been the best solution for me to express my feelings. I don't have good pencils and paper so I have to be creative with supplies. I took a mental note to look for something in the trash on my way back home. How longer the way back, how further away the daily confrontation with my parents.

Slowly I walk to the corner of my room where my small amount of clothes lay. I changed from my too small pyjama into my jeans and sweater and walked quietly out of my room. Trying not to make a sound on the stairs is harder than it looks like. It's like when you want to be quiet, every sound is reinforced. I step on the last step almost succeeded in not making any sounds. Just on the last step, it makes a sound. I look up and whisper to no one in general

"Really? The last one?"

I roll my eyes and took the eggs and milk from the fridge. Salt en peper will do andddddd done. Scrambled eggs with a glass of milk, coffee and some toast. Should be enough right? I shove an apple fast into my bag so that I have something to eat for lunch.

I had to do a lot of chores. Cleaning, washing, cooking. But most importantly, I had to make sure no one found out what happens here every night. At least if I want to stay alive. Hiding drugs and cleaning up broken glasses. Making up excuses and putting on a mask when we have someone over. The fact is, that I haven't take off that mask in years. I'm not the six-year-old girl who begged her mother to protect her. I'm not naive anymore. I'm not the little ten-year-old girl who cried herself to sleep every night. Well maybe I am still that ten-year-old girl...

My mother ran away with me when I was a few months old. She said my father was way worse than my stepfather and that I should be grateful. Now fourteen years later, I doubt that. No siblings, no father only and mentally abusive mother and her boyfriend. Karma, if you're up there, please hurry up.

I hurried my steps so I had more time to eat my breakfast. I look at the clock, and I see that I'm late. Fuck. Guess that's no breakfast today. I hurried up and placed the two plates with eggs on the counter. Running to the door and taking my backpack on the way I ran to school. I'll deal with their complaints when I'm home. Right now I need to be out of here. If I'm not out of the house before they wake up, I can expect a 'too late' note for my first period and words from them that hurts like a knife.

I skip school a lot. I switched my mother and stepfather's number to mine and a number that doesn't exist. In that way I can skip school without getting punished. Sometimes their words are getting too much and that makes me unable to sit through any period. A girl has to do what a girl has to do I guess.

I mastered pretending being my mother pretty fast. Mental pat on the back.

You probably think they found out after a while, not really. My principle is too dumb for that. Skipping school doesn't mean I fail my classes. I still value my education and only skip classes when it's getting too much and I know I can catch up with the material.

Talking about school, I never got many friends. Bullies are on my daily schedule but I manage to ignore them. Sometimes not the easiest thing, but that's life. I never cared for them anyways, but that doesn't mean life would be so much easier without them pestering me all the time.

Childish manners, really. Just because your dick is small, David, doesn't mean you can bully people to make it look bigger.

I arrived at school all gasping for breath and sweaty and the bell rang. Fan-fucking-tastic. I walked towards my first class, french. It's not like I care that I'm going to be late to my class. Did I told you I speak fluent french? My stepfather was raised in Paris and we went there every holiday when I was younger. After a while you catch up with the language. You can say all you want but french is a beautiful language. It's a bitch to learn but it has something... elegant.

(Miss Mcfield, why are you interrupting my class?) "Mme Mcfield, pourquoi dérangez-vous ma leçon?"

(My apologies, I promise it won't happen again.) "Mes excuses, je vous promets que cela ne se reproduira plus."

(You always say that. Just go to your seat Miss Mcfield. You're lucky you're fluent.)

"Vous dites toujours cela. Allez simplement à votre place, Miss Mcfield. Vous avez de la chance de parler couramment."

I gave Miss annoying a respectful smile and turned around to walk to my place. Once I sat down, I asked a pencil from a girl besides me. She tried to say something but decided against it and closed het mouth before giving me the pencil. One of David's buddies was about to comment something but I gave him my most beautifulest stare and he immediately turned back around. That's what I call a bitch face. I started drawing on my desk and I got lost in my thoughts.

Would my life be different if my biological father was in the picture? Where is he? Does he miss me? Does he knows I'm alive? Does he hate me? What kind of father would he be? Would he like me? Maybe take me in? Would he protect me from the monster that I barely call a mother?

My thoughts were interrupted by Miss annoying.

(I'm sorry, is my class not interesting enough?) "Je suis désolé, ma leçon n'est-elle pas assez intéressante?" she says with a irritated look on her face.

(My apologies.) "Je suis désolée, Mme"

Suddenly, a sound went through the building, indicating that the principle was about to give a message through the speakers of our school.

My heart stopped beating for a minute when he annonced that he was expecting me in his office, now.

Why would the principal want to speak to me? Did he found out about the phone numbers?

No, that would be impossible. It has to be something else, but what?

I mentally tried to slow down my thoughts as I stood up with shaking legs. Miss annoying kept looking down at me while I was making my way through the door.

Okay call yourself down, Isabella. Maybe he just wants a cup of tea.

Yeah right. Even I wouldn't believe that.

I walked towards the office of my principale. Think Bella think. What did you do? It doesn't matter, just don't give yourself away and see what he has to say.

Before I entered I took a deep breath. I stepped inside and Mr Langfort, our principale, gestured me to sit down. I hesitantly took the seat and sat down.

"I'm going to be straight forward with you Isabella, your parents have been arrested" Not what I was expecting-

"Wh-what?" This was wrong, so wrong, yet it feels so right. I took my time to let this new information sink in. I'm free. Wait, but for how long?

"What happened? Why are they arrested?" I said after a while.

"They have been caught dealing drugs, then your father tried to wound a police officer and both your parents were drunk. I'm afraid that they'll be in prison for a while. That is, if they don't get away with it. They have pretty good lawyers."

"What's going to happen now? With me? Will I be send to a froster home?"

"Unfortunately, I can't answer your first question. All I know is that you won't be part of the trial in any way. I understand this information is hard to process, Isabella." He explained to me with sorrow eyes.

Dammit this is not good. This is not good. This is bad, really bad. If I just ran away tonight, stay low for about four years and then built my life up again with a new identity? That'll work... right?

I mean if my parents really were getting a trial at court, it's only a matter of time before my mother's boyfriend speaks so low of me it will raise questions.

Question I never want to answer. What was I even suppose to answer?

Yeah, that's correct. They both treated me like shit and abondonned me way too much for a kid. Oh don't forget the silly nicknames and amazing convo's we had every night. Oh oh and the remarks here and there, what about the constant food I got? Yeah, those were the good times.

"Don't worry about a foster home, your older brother already took custody of you and he's-"

"Woah, slow down. I have a brother?" What in the name of jesus- this must be a joke, right?

"You must be mistaken, I don't have siblings. None. Zero"

"You have five older brother Isabella, the DNA-results just came in." He said with a small smile.

What's there to smile about?!

"FIVE?! Give me those stupid results!" I snatched that paper that he was going to hand me and I looked at it with big eyes. Anger was building in my chest. Five brothers, five rich brothers who had their best lives while I was suffering my worst nightmare.

No, it wasn't their fault. Remember your promise Bella. Never hurt the innocent. They just- didn't know.

"This is a joke right? Damn Mr. Langfort I didn't think you had it in you, good prank, I must say."

"Isabella this is very serious. I would never joke about this." He looked at me with pity.

I hate pity

"You know what? I'll call your oldest brother Lorenzo. Maybe it's better if you here it from him." he dialed in a number and laid the phone on his desk on speaker.

"Mr Langfort, what can I do for you? You know my time is precious. This better be good." one of the most coldest voices I've ever heard spoke to my principale. A shiver went through me but I quickly covered it up.

"My apologies Mr Castillo, it's about your sister."

"Speak." His voice changed from cold to even colder and darker than before. My heart made a jump. That was my brother. The unknown man who was now my guardian. A man I had to live with for another three years at least.

Mr Langfort looked at me and I knew it was my turn to speak. Here goes nothing

"Lorenzo?" I coughed, I didn't like it thaty voice was so weak.

"Isabella..." He sounded relieved, and hopeful. But still cold.

"Sooo, we're siblings?"

"Did Kia- your mother not tell you about us?"

"Not really..." I sighed, this makes everything so much more complicated.

"Me Langfort, would you mind giving us a minute?" I spoke softly to him.

"Miss Mcfield-" he started but one cough from the other side of the phone was enough to shut him up. When he finally left us alone, I started talking again.

"Look, you don't need to take me in just because you feel pity for me. I'll manage fine on my own. I always do." I couldn't suppress my anger at the end of my sentence. There's no way in hell he missed that.

I wasn't angry at him, more angry aty parents for putting us both in this situation.

"You have every right to be mad Isabella, but you are my responsibility, it is my job, and the job of your other brothers to keep you safe and take care of you. No place for discussion." He said the last sentence so cold I could almost feel a cold wind. A voice I can't argue with. Yet

"Fine" I mumbled

"Speak up cariño" They speak another language? It sounds like spanish or Italian.

"Fine" I said a little louder.

"Good. Now you're going home and pack everything. There will be a cab picking you up in two hours. She'll take you to the airport and there will be a man waiting for you. His name is Emilio, he's your third oldest brother."

His voice turned off, just like this was a business deal. I was kinda excited to have five older brothers, but mostly scared. Really scared. You can be the strongest person on earth, but being treated your whole life by my mother and her boyfriend's ways has his scars.

"Oh and Isabella?"

"Yeah?"

"Your last name is now Castillo, it always was. Don't be afraid to tell people that you're a Castillo, okay?" I'm sorry, did I get that right? Was that concern? If he's acting, he's damn good at it. I should take some classes from him.

"Okay" Come Bella, you're not a scared kitten.

Just say it you idiot

Now? No just wait a little more.

Ah fuck it.

"Lorenzo?"

"Lorenzo?"

He hung up. Dammit Bella.

I sighed and took the phone back to the principale. He gave me a knowing look and I left the school. I'm free. It's finally over. At least I hope, let's hope my brothers aren't like my stepfather Logan.

The whole walk to my house was overwhelming. Reality hit me in the face and I started to panic. Five brothers... I almost had a panic attack in the middle of the road. I hate being so weak. I had been through worse, come on Bella, you got this!

I opened the door and all the memories crash upon me like a train. A single tear escaped my left eye. I don't know it's because of all the scars they gave me, or because of relief. Let's hope it's the second reason.

I ran upstairs and took a bag and put in all the things I had. My clothes and Mr snuffles. He's been always by my side. I don't think my mother gave it to me. I guess I got it from my father or my brothers... Mental note to ask them.

Mr snuffles at your service:



I looked at the time and I still got some time left. I guess I'll take a nap.

Every minute of nap-time counts!

I sat my alarm so I wouldn't sleep through the doorbell. Yeah because that makes sense.

Soon my eyes felt heavy and felt into a dreamless sleep. After a too short time, my alarm went off. Being the grumpy me, I almost smashed my alarm in two. I don't have a phone so I use the bed alarm thingy. The sound that thing makes, makes even God want to destroy it. Seriously, it should be illegal.

I got up and just on time the doorbell went. I took my bag from behind me and opened the door. There was this older woman with a sweet smile on her face. Smiles can be faked, Bella.

"Hi sweetie! I'm Amanda, Mr Castillo hired me to pick you up and bring you to the airport" I simply nodded and went with her to the airport. I didn't say a word and I caught her staring at me a few times. I couldn't see what expression she had but it was scary. At least for me.

We drove another way then the signs said and now panic was racing in me.

"Ma'am I think you just missed, we needed to go right." I pulled out my cold voice and I could see she was surprised.

"You sure are your brother's sister. Such a strong little lady! Don't worry dear, we're just driving to your brother's private arena"

Wait what? Private arena? How wealthy are these guys? Just like she told me we entered a gate with four guards in front. When they saw the car they said something in the earpiece and the gate went open. I could only watch with open mouth.

In the name of the lord-

"Close that little mouth of yours dear, I don't think you want to eat some flies now do you?" I quickly closed my mouth and looked back outside the window. We were driving in a beautiful parking. Cars, motorbikes and planes were lined up from small to big. Everywhere you could read 'Castillo' on the parking. The cars even got special license plates. What the actual-

"We're here dear!" She opened my door and I gave her a look like she just turned into a dog. She chuckled lightly and gestured me to get out. I took my bag and gave her one last look before my eyes met the exact same color as mine.

Emilio...

He looked exactly like me. He was huge! I thnk around the 6'3. I looked at him with big eyes and I could see he was as surprised as me. He quickly changed back to his normal expression and walked towards me.

"Isabella... You've grown so beautiful..."

"Erm- you too?" I asked more than I planned to. I was mentally face slapping me. 'You too?' What the hell Bella? Ugh, this is going to be harder than I thought. A low chuckle took my attention and my eyes met again with those of Emilio.

"Sorry, I'm not very good at compliments" I mumbled

"I'm afraid you'll have to get use to it loca"

"Loca?" What is it with these people and Spanish/Italian/Chinese nicknames?

"I used to call you that before you...left. You were one crazy baby" A smile broke down on his face but changed into a sad frown. I guess they missed me. Now I feel guilty about not remembering them, or not knowing that they existed.

"Erm, I guess that's sweet" Sweet? seriously what's wrong with me today?

"So, how old are you?" Really? Small talk? What have I become?

"Twenty, loca. You'll meet the other brothers when we're home and I'll tell you everything you need to know."

"So all of you talk Spanish or Italian or whatever language that is." he chuckled and went with his hand through his hair. His hair that also looks exactly like mine and exactly like mom's.

"Pretty much. Dad was raised in Spain and moved to San Diego. We all picked up the language pretty quickly."

"That's cool. Wait San Diego? You're living in San Diego? I heard that place is beautiful!"

"It is loca. Can't wait to show you the beaches. But we need to go. Come on hop in!"

A small smile made its way to my face. He looked weird at my small bag. He must think I'm poor. Well I actually was because I never got money, and mom never spent money for me so.

"It's more than it looks like" I tried to reason, but he didn't change the look on his face.

He didn't quiet believe it but he didn't question me further. He sighed and guided me to the private plane.

"How long is the flight?"

"A little more than five hours. Try to get some sleep loca. It's been a hard day for you."

I don't know if I should be flattered because he showed that he cares about me. Or at least I think so. Or I should be scared I'm going to fly in a private jet all alone with someone I don't know. That someone being a twenty years old man, all muscle, probably double size of me, and super scary.

Yeah I'm going to die.

Edited.

Thank you all so so much for reading! I am loving this story so much and I can't wait to write more.

I speak a little french so the sentences aren't 100% from google translate but I have no clue about Spanish so that's fully google translate work :)

Big thank you to my number one: Katie. If it wasn't for you I would never read something like this, let stand even write it. So thank you < 3

Until next time love!