"You know the worst thing about falling in love?

You never know, how deep you will fall.

And if there will be anyone there to catch you or not."

- suzangill©

....

Ben and Neil rushes towards Ezra, to pull her out of the knee length water, to only have her cough it out .

Her breaths heavy ,after the sudden unexpected surge of water into her mouth.

"Cupcake? Are you fine?"

Ben says, rubbing her back. While she continues to cough. Tears falling down her eyes as she nods at him, telling it was fine.

"What the hell brother! What is the meaning of this!"

It was Neil who spoke this time. Getting up to shield her from him. While Aaron just stared at the girl coughing. Looking at her with an expression impossible to decipher.

"It was just a fuc*ing Laptop! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"It had the blueprint of the project I spent last 6 months on Neil! And tomorrow I had to present it in the meeting! But just because of this stupid girl! The project will go to someone else!"

"So what bro! It still doesn't explain you nearly pushing her into the waters! It was just a mistake-"

"Her fuc*ing mistake will cost me millions dammit! But you won't understand it! When it comes to this girl, all of you barely understand anything!"

He screams looking at Ezra. Who was shivering. Her tears mixing with the salty water to trace down her cheeks, but for those grey orbs they didn't mattered.

Blinded by rage, he was only feeling hate.

"And neither will you ever understand what all she does for us brother! You never will!'

"Ben no-"

"No Ezra! Let me. Just because he is our elder brother , doesn't mean he will do anything and we will listen to him! He is wrong and I am not scared to stand with the truth."

Walking closer, Aaron approaches Ben. To only have him get up.

"So this orphan girl is so special to you huh? That you will go against me because of her?"

"Don't you forget she is just an outsider picked up from a dumpster to be shown generousity by our mother."

"Brother!"

"Don't you dare go there! She is our family! But how will you know about it ?"

"When you left all of us alone. And didn't pick our calls for weeks! When we all needed you, you were there fuc*ing this stupid girlfriend of yours!"

"Ben! No!"

Neil says, trying to stop him. Everyone sees things going out of control, but it was too late.

"Let me brother. Let me tell him today what a selfish man he has been! He didn't come! And dad....he was on verge of death! I saw their pains...Ezra saw it...she held all of us together! How can he say such things about her..."

"Calm down Ben. We will sit and talk. Relax"

Neil says trying to control Ben. Who looked like he will kill Aaron.

While Aaron clenches his fists. Seeing both his brothers looking at him in dissapointement. Just because of that girl....that stupid foolish girl.

He looks at Ezra, standing there in a corner, hugging herself. Doing nothing except crying and his anger flares more.

How he wished the girl hadn't come in his life.

How he wished things would have been different.

"I hate you brother! I hate you for everything and no matter what I won't forgive you! Never!"

Ben screams and Aaron steps closer. The storm building inside his chest, not ready to subside.

"I don't want your fuc*ing forgiveness! Go hell with you and this girl!"

He says turning around to leave, to only have Andriana stop him. Holding his face in her palms.

She looks into his eyes.

"Breathe in. Come on. I am here. Trust me!

"Step aside Andri! I don't want to hurt you!"

He says trying to push her aside and leave. When she stops him instead.

" You won't Aaron. I trust you. Come on look at me."

Taking a deep breath, he looks at those beautiful calm eyes. To have her nod at him. Giving him an encouraging smile.

"Yes, that's it. Calm down. Everything will be fine. Just breathe. I am here."

"Andri I...let me go"

He says almost sounding vulnerable. To only have Andriana pull him in a hug. Rubbing circles on his back.

"We will go. Just relax first."

Everyone looks at them in surprise. And that's when they realise that maybe the girl meant much more for Aaron than they thought.

She was not just another fling.

They were serious.

He listened to her. He trusted her. She knew him better.

"Go and sit in the car. I will get your stuff. Okay?"

Aaron doesn't turn around to look at his brothers and they all felt a pang of hurt in their chests. While Ezra? She blamed herself for this....for the widening of the drift between the brothers.

Andriana comes towards them to pick up his stuff and hers. To only look at everyone in disappointment.

"It's a shame that being his family you guys were never able to understand him."

" I understand now why he made those choices back then."

"You all will regret this."

With these last words, she leaves. Following Aaron as everyone looks at each other. Not able to understand much what happened back there.

"Guys I am sorry-"

Stel stops Ezra. Pulling her to her chest. Trying to console her.

"It's not your fault Ezra. It's fine."

Ben and Neil give her a smile, trying to lighten her mood. When she knew, the pains they were hiding behind their smiles.

Hugging the robe tightly around her body, she stares at the beach sand.

Trying to stop those tears.

How she wished, she hadn't trusted Andriana with the stuff. How she wished the night would have turned different.

Following everyone, she looks in the direction in which Aaron and Stel left . To only feel a sharp pain in her chest.

She didn't needed any evidence now.

It was finally proved today.

That Aaron Reed only felt one emotion towards her. And it was none other than.

Loathe.

Boundless and insatiable.

......

Aaron's pov

We reach back to our villa. And I don't waste a second to rush into my room and search for my bag. The rising storm in my heart getting impossible to tame.

"Aaron Calm down baby ! Please!"

I hear Andriana screaming behind me . But I couldn't. Those eyes, the way they were looking at me.

I just can't help...I hate myself..I hate my fuc*ing self so much!

Slamming the door behind and bolting it. I throw the stuff out of my bag to finally find the thing I have been searching for.

Opening the small transparent box, I gulp the medicine with water. And sit down on the floor.

Breathing heavily.

Fuc*!

You were on your very limit Aaron. You fuc*ed it so bad today.

"Aaron open the door baby. I am here."

Andriana has consoled me everytime such an incident has happened in the past. But today,I don't know. I want to be left alone.

To sort my shit together myself.

"Andri I am fine. You can go."

"Are you sure?"

She asks over the closed door and I reply instantly.

"Yes. Please go."

I was left to my rooms silence after it. The medicine working like magic to calm the madness rising inside me.

Placing my head on the bed behind ,I look up at the ceiling.

To only see her.

Coughing , looking at me with those innocent eyes. And I feel self loathe like I never felt before.

How can I push her? How can I even touch her! She is so pure...so innocent.

Slamming my fist on the bed board, I feel a sharp pain hit my knuckles.

And I found my thoughts getting distracted but only for few seconds.

Neil was right....it was just a laptop. A fuc*ing laptop that I can buy any second....what were millions? They were dirt in front of those tears I made her cry.

Money....it was nothing. If it would have been everything? I would have been cured till now.

I wouldn't have been mentally sick like this all these years!

It's been almost 8 months since I last had an episode like this. I thought I was improving, I thought I was finally free from the shackles that ruined my childhood and can come back home.

That I can meet mom....dad.....my brother's. Even her!

But no. One incident. Just one fucking Laptop and it got triggered again.

And we are back to square one.

These hands...how dare they push her...how can they touch her to hurt her?

And that's when I begin the spee again.

Hitting the bed board again and again. To literally have the wood crack and the splinters to pierce past my skin.

But I didn't cared.

I could do anything to distract myself. Few minutes more Aaron...few minutes more.

. . . Half an hour later

I lay on the floor. With my right hand laying limp beside him, bleeding profusely. My grey eyes looking dead as they stared up at the ceiling. With my head resting on the mattress of the bed.

A lone tear lining along my lids as I remember the scene again and again.

The hate I saw in eyes of Neil and Ben for me, making my heart to sink into depths of regret.

Will Mom and Dad also hate me if they come to know about this?

Will everyone leave me?

Who wants a monster as a son...who wants a brother who can go crazy and do anything to embarrass him and everyone.

Who wants a lover who can forget his controls and harm her?

Who wants a sick person with Intermittent Explosive disorder Ezra?

No one does.

And a naive innocent girl like you? Never.

A beast like me never deserves a beauty like you.

I am cursed Ezra.

A sick man, with a childhood disease that he is hiding from this world since so many years.

I remember in school, you once asked me why I started smoking?

This was the reason Ezra. I was too young to be cursed with a disease at such a young age.

You complained that I never saved you from the bullies?

This was why Ezra. Because I couldn't save you without nearly not killing them.

I couldn't show you the beast I harboured inside me.

I couldn't show you the true Aaron Reed.

But no matter what... behind your back I still did it...the boy that dared to touch you Ezra?

I nearly killed him in the subway next day. As everyone wondered why he was never seen after that day.

And..the blood. His limp body...it still haunts me Ezra. . . . .

I didn't leave Mom and Dad for studies Ezra.

I left to Seattle to be treated for this disease.

7 years....I spent to try and control myself. To cure myself.

But now it seems, they all went invain.

I am back to the man I was.

I was surprised I didn't kill that Nathan guy. And I thought I was improving.

To only come back here.

Like this, to hurt you instead.

They say I didn't come when Dad was on his death bed...how could I?

He would have died seeing my condition only.

I may appear to be like a calm man Ezra, but below these grey emotionless eyes. Are storms, that destroy whatever that comes in their ways.

You said you hate me?

Good Ezra. You should hate me. For I even hurt the man that I am.

I never deserved your love Ezra.

And the earlier you realise I am not worth your selfless love? The better it will be.

For those people are lucky that find love in this world.

When I am a broken man on the inside, who couldn't love his own self.

When I was a beast who will only leave you broken in the end.

With nothing except grief.

Breathing heavily. I close my eyes to only remember the first time I had this episode.

When the first time I lost control.

And I can't help chuckle now, at how stupid the reason was for it.

It started with you Ezra. . . . . It started 15 years back in the park beside our house.

And I think, you fon't even remember it. When I have it engraved in my mind and soul.