Aaron's pov

The thudding in my brain was no way calming down. That heaviness in my chest clawing at me.

Asking me to let it out.

To break, to ruin , to destroy.

It's been only worsening these past few days. I don't know what's happening to me. I get triggered at small things, I am almost always agitated.

Hell I even feel angry seeing someone smile.

I am that fuc*ed up!

It never was this bad before. What's happening to me?

Am I ever going to be okay?

Or is it only going to get worse from here?

I went to the doctor. To only have him increase my dose. He says an incident may have triggered it to worsen.

And I know somehow.

My condition worsened because I came in contact with the very reason of why this all started.

That I started living with her.

Smiling and enjoying with her.

Taking care and loving her.

My Ezra.

That I started getting accustomed to something I couldn't afford.

Her love. Which I never deserved.

I wanted to laugh at the timing though. It's like heavens are mocking at me.

When I thought everything was going to be alright? That I also deserved love.

That I can finally tell the stupid girl that I was having feelings for her.

Did I lost all thehope.

I am literally a trigger bomb now. I can't work in office without firing people. Dad is dissapointed in me. I can't concentrate on work.

My head aches almost all the time. I want to punch, I want to hit at things, I want to hurt my own self.

Can I also hurt the ones I care?

Will I hurt Ezra?

And that thought alone. Has made me shut myself from her. I sneak in to her room to stare at her sleeping form. I sip from the coffee mug she leaves on the counter. I stare at her almost all day in the cctv.

But I don't come in front of her

Afraid to see fear in her innocent eyes.

Afraid too loose even the right to stare at her from the shadows like this.

And it was going well.

Untill today.

When she was waiting outside my door for answers. Yet what I gave her were nothing but disasters.

I tried to walk past. To warn her, to avoid her.

But her words? The way she is so adamant and catches my lies so easily.

Declaring so bravely her love for me, without knowing my worst side.

Made me see red.

It brought out the worst in me.

I seriously don't know what happened next, what all I said just to hurt her. To make her hate me. My anger was clouding my rationality.

Words no longer my own.

My actions out of control

The throbbing in my head was like a burning ache. Which needed to be quenched. I felt like hitting my head on a wall , frustrated of the pains.

The massive energy in me desperate for a vent out. For a release. And it did release, but in the worst way possible.

I didn't wanted to hurt her, yet I did just that.

I became what I feared, a monster. . . . . .

The throbbing in my head was coming down. That ringing in my ears subsiding. As I continue to thrust in her.

I have lost the count.

It felt too good.

Almost calming my mind.

I was just letting it out senselessly. When suddenly like a bucket of cold water thrown on one's head

I wake up to reality.

When I realise her to be unresponsive. Her moans no longer echoing around, my name no longer on her lips.

Her arms not wrapped around me, rather laying still by her side.

And that's when raw fear enters like I never felt before.

" Ez-ra?"

I ask almost afraid. Turning her around to only stare at her face.

Fuc*!

What have I done?

She was unconscious or rather asleep. Her face serene. And body worn out, unable to calm my insatiable monsters.

" Doll?"

I ask again. Pulling her up to only find her limp form fall on my chest.

Cupping her face in my trembling hands, I felt afraid.

Sh*t!

How can I be so blind! I did it...she was afraid of me...her lips didn't say but her eyes? They were telling me....how much she was hurting.

My gaze travels lower and that was it. I felt ashamed of myself.

There were hickeys on her neck, down till her chest. She looked sore down there. I could see my fingerprints on her thighs from my tight grip on her.

And I couldn't help trace them.

Fuc*! Did I did all this to her?

No....how? How can I be so blind?

And that's it.

I couldn't see them anymore.

Laying her on the bed. I look at her one last time.

To remember what a monster like me can do to her.

To remember no matter what, I will never deserve her

The anger returns again. But this time,I was it's focus. Cursing I get up from the bed to only hit my fists on the wall

She was hurt!

I hurt her!

"No girl can stay with a man like you Aaron The day any girl realises your reality? She would never stay with you!"

" She will hate you!"

Andriana's words echo in my mind and close my ears with my hands. The throbbing returning

She was right.

So damn right.

I didn't listen to her. I thought Ezra could be my cure.

Look at her now.

Broken, marked, bruised. All by me!

She didn't asked me to stop. She stared right into my eyes as I hurt her.

She challenged me? She trusted me.

Look where it got us.

No! I won't let this happen! She wouldn't be suffering because of me!

I can't get my anger get the better of me!

In name of love she may take this...when it was wrong. I was wrong! It's not love... it's lust... it's rage... it's blind anger.

She is not someone I can use for my selfish needs like this.

I have to make a decision now!

It's now or never. . . . .

I need to leave.

For her. For myself. For our love.

Clenching my fists. I look at her calm face one last time, placing a tender kiss on her forehead.

" Forgive me my doll. I couldn't return your Selfless love"

Retreating my fingers, I turn around to leave. Not stopping even when my chest aches from each step I took away from her.

Walking out of the room. I breathe heavily.

Feeling tears sting my eyes.

Why?

Why does it happen to me? Don't I deserve happiness?

Why can't I be like others, why do I have to be like this.

So undeserving.

And worthless?

Looking up at the ceiling, stopping those tears from leaving. I bite my lip. To take out my phone and call that one person I thought I never would.

Placing the cell on my ear, I hear his voice.

" Why are you fuc*ing calling me?"

And I just take a deep breath to speak.

" Meet me near the lake in 10 minutes."

" The hell I wi-"

" Ben. Please"

I say almost pleading in my desperate state. Clenching my other fist, to hear him sigh.

" Fine. I am coming."

He ends the call and I stay like that for next few minutes. Gathering my shit. Staring at my knuckles that were turning blue and discoloring because of the impact with the wall.

To care less.

Stopping myself from turning around to go and kiss her again. I just walk out instead.

Putting on that cold look.

Numbing myself of all the pains.

......

Ben stands there, staring at the lake while holding the railing. To hear footsteps approaching and standing beside him.

Looking into the blue waters.

" Why did you call me?"

Ben asks tightening his grip on the railing. And Aaron doesn't say anything for next few minutes.

Both stand in silence. Saying nothing. Till Aaron breaks it.

" You were right Ben"

Looking into his eyes,Aaron completes his sentence.

" I never deserved her"

Ben chuckles, leaning forward on the railing. Shaking his head in disbelief.

" Atleast you know now what a bastard you are."

Aaron doesn't say anything. Just sadly smiles to take out an envelope from his pocket offering it to him.

" Give this to her"

And that's when Ben's eyes widen. Taking the paper from his hands to ask him in confusion.

" What's this? And why are you giving it to me?"

" Why don't you give it to her yourself?"

Aaron just ignores his stare. Taking out a cigarette from his pocket. To turn around and lean on the railing.

Lighting it.

Letting out a puff, to sigh.

" I am leaving"

Ben blinks in disbelief. Turning around, giving Aaron his full attention.

" Leaving? Where? "

Aaron doesn't answer. Continuing to take another whiff. Staring at the children playing and people smiling behind.

Living a happy life.

" Somewhere far."

Ben was used to his coldness. His detached nature. His ignorance of everything.

But he still was his brother. He did care for him. Even if he didn't show him.

" Stop with this bullsh*t bro! You can't leave again just like that!"

" What will I tell mom! Hell she will go crazy on me! You go and tell them."

" I am not being your messenger here!"

Aaron's stormy grey eyes meet his anxious ones. And he straightens up. Crushing the cigarette under his feet.

" I don't have time Ben. Just tell them."

" But where? Atleast tell me where you are going?"

Aaron's answer making Ben's heart to thud. And eyes to widen.

" Somewhere far from her. Where I can't hurt her."

Placing his hand on Ben, he looks into his eyes, speaking in a cold authoritative voice

" Take care of her like you always did. "

"And this time? Tell her how you always felt "

Ben's mouth opens in shock. As he sees Aaron ready to turn around to leave.

Not able to believe if he heard him correctly.

He knew! He always knew how he felt for Ezra? Yet he never showed it?

" But bro-"

" Ah and yes Ben."

A sadness flashes Aaron's eyes as he looks up from the floor into Ben's eyes.

Patting his shoulder.

" I am sorry for not being the brother I should have been. If possible?"

" Forgive me"

He doesn't wait for Ben's reply. Just turns around and walks away with hands in his pockets.

Making Ben to just stare at his back.

What the hell happened here?

Seeing him getting lost in the crowd. Ben stares at the brown envelope , turning it around to open it.

Pulling out the sheet of white paper he gulps as the words at the top become visible. And he staggers back in disbelief, holding the railing for support.

" Petition for dissolution of Marriage"