From the roof I watch as Alina and Aleksander come back from wherever they went and I see him help her off of her horse. "Salem are you ok? you look rather pale" Darla asks breaking me from my thoughts, I clear my throat and look at my friends who both look concerned "yeah, I'm quite cold I think I will go in now" Karlan helps me up and leads me down the steps and into the palace. We walk in silence just embodying one another company when we past Aleksander. "General Kirigan" I greet coldly, my mind flitting back to the letters I found and make a mental note to ask him about it later, he opens his mouth to say something but closes it as Karlan and I keep walking. I look back for a brief moment and see Kirigan looking at us with envy, this man needs to make up his mind.

At dinner that night I sit with Darla and I am laughing at a joke she made when I notice The Darkling's gaze on me, I look over and sure enough he is staring at me with a burning intensity making me look down at my plate, my face going red. My friend leans over to me and whispers "why is looking at you like that? lovers quarrel?" she smiles teasingly and I kick her under the table "no, nothing like that" I glance over to him again "I don't know what his problem is". After dinner I sit with Alina in my rooms and she tells me about her time with the Darkling and her lessons with Baghra but I'm only half listening and when she asks me a question I don't answer, I am too busy thinking about whether I should tell her about the letters. Alina hits me on the arm and I grimace finally paying full attention to her, "what?" I ask shortly and she huffs "I asked, how are your lessons going?" I shrug pulling my dressing gown further up my shoulder "fine honestly, bit boring, its mostly meetings now and how to run a country" we share a look and can't stay serious for long because we both burst out with laughter.

"what do you think is worse?" she asks "the orphanage or the Little Palace" I snort and run my hands through the velvet cushions on the sofa we are currently lounging on, "here of course" I answer "here they actually expect us to be something but the orphanage we could be whoever we wanted" Alina nods her head in agreement. The door bursts open and in comes Aleksander, he is in the middle of a sentence when he is cut short at the sight of Alina and I sitting together and he shifts awkwardly "I'm sorry I didn't realise you had company" he apologises and I wave a hand nonchalantly "nonsense, my cousin was just leaving" I give her a stern look and she nods edging around Kirigan and heading for the door. Once it is closed he steps forward, in response I take a step back which makes him look hurt "what is the matter?" he asks soothingly and I fold my arms looking at him accusingly "I found the letters" I say and he looks around puzzled. "what letters?" he asks and I step forward this time, "the letters that were failed to be sent to Mal, the ones he sent to us that we never got" there is a spark of realisation in his eyes and he scratches the back of his neck "I can explain" he says hesitantly.

Without pause I pick up a cushion and throw it at him, he narrowly dodges it and looks at me with wide eyes "get out" I say through gritted teeth and I think this is the first time have seen him genuinely afraid. When Kirigan fails to move I hold my palms up and summon lightning before throwing it at him, he narrowly blocks it with his shadows and he says "Salem let me explain" but when he sees the look in my eyes he backs away "I'm sorry" he mutters and heads for the door. When he is gone I fall to my knees and start sobbing, why does nothing work out the way I want it to?

Later that evening I am called for a meeting and I am waiting in the Darkling's chambers with Fedyor, who I have grown quite close to during our training, waiting for him to arrive. I am sitting by the fire when he comes in and Fedyor says "General. you wanted to see me sir?" he walks pas me on the way to his desk and replies "yes, Fedyor. Tell me, have you worked with a heartrender by the name of Nina Zenik?" this peaks my interest but I don't give him the satisfaction of looking interested, instead I just keep looking at the flames dancing in the fire place. "Once, yes" Fedyor answers honestly "she's one of the best in the Second Army" I can hear Kirigan's smirk from across the room as he says "quite. Nina's been on a priority mission for me and she's not reported in. If she is alive, she may need our help" this time I do turn, just in time to see the Heartrender dip his head. "Knowing Nina, sir, she is very much alive" he says his voice sounding confident, Kirigan looks up from his piece of paper with a sneer "I don't need your conjecture, Fedyor. I need you to find her for me" at this I cover my mouth with my hand and cough "prick" but he doest seem to notice.

Once Fedyor is gone I get up and say "if that is all" and make for the door, Kirigan stops me by saying "actually I wanted to talk to you about earlier" I turn and raise a eyebrow waiting for him to continue. He comes round from the desk and stand in front of me "I stopped those letters from being sent and the others from reaching you because I believe it is for the best that you live past connections behind you, this is your home now" I look up at him and shake my head "you can believe what you wish Aleksander but a person without a past is no person at all" and with that I leave him standing alone in his office.