A few nights later I lay awake debating with myself about whether I should go to him or not and I finally decide I will. Go to Aleksander and tell him that I am not mad anymore, he just wants what is best for Ravka and has been trying to make it up to me by sending me gifts. First a bouquet of white peonies, then it was a box of pink and purple macaroons, then it was a new dress, a necklace with rubies inside it, yesterday I got my own bow with lightning bolts up and down it with a note that read 'maybe you could learn a trick or two' and honestly I feel kind of bad for making him think I hate him. Plus if we are destined to be together, we won't always get along, at least not at first.

Slowly I make my way to his bedroom and knock on the door, when he doesn't answer I make my way to the war room where I am sure he is concocting a new battle strategy. The door is half open when I reach it and I hear Alina's voice, what is she doing there so late? "is this map current?" she asks and I try to keep silent, not to disturb them, "it is" he answers and I take a step closer so I can see into the room. They are standing together at the round table both in a dressing gown, her in a gold one and him in pitch black. The direct opposites of one another. "Our enemies are threatened by your mere existence" he continues, nether of them noticing I am here, "but Ravka can only stand up to them if we present a united front. And there is talk of an uprising in the West, led by our esteemed First Army General" this is the first time I am hearing about this and I wander why it hasn't been brought up in council. Aleksander moves around the table, further from my cousin and I relax slightly, "our own people, turning their backs on us" he sounds upset and I want nothing more than to comfort him but I can't without disturbing them.

"Aleksander" I hear Alina say and I am hurt that I am not the only one he trusted with his real name and that she says it with such affection. "I have been fighting this war alone for so long" he admits resting his hands on the table, darkness starts to fall on the room my lie of sight obscured. "I have buried so many good soldiers. friends. The coffers are running dry, the noose tightens and our own people are turning against the Grisha, just as their kin once did" his tone of voice turning from sadness to anger and now I want to go into the room but not to comfort him but to shield Alina from anything that might happen. I have learnt that when his voice changes like that someone is to be hurting I just don't want it to be her, she has been hurt too much already. Suddenly light appears banishing all that shadow and I see Alina has her hand on Aleksander's arm and I have the sudden urge to rip it away. I shouldnt be here, just go back to bed Salem and pretend none of this ever happened but I stay watching this scene unfold.

They look at each other which such adoration that I feel sick in my stomach, maybe I'm too late in forgiving him, maybe he got bored and is moving on. Alina lets go of his hand and they step away from each other "you are not alone" she says gently and I take a step backwards slowly, Kirigan steps forward slightly and raises his hand to cup Alina's face. I want to scream, I want to do something, anything to make it stop but I can't. Instead I start slowly moving backwards until I'm back in the hall and I race for my room silently. I lock the door and slide onto the floor, leaning against the wall, I put my head between my knees and cry.

--

The next morning I am fight training with Fedyor, I flip him over my back and punch him in the gut as he falls to the floor and he winces. "Are you ok?"he asks in his thick accent as I help him up, sighing I stretch my arm carefully and say "I have some issues to work through" by which I mean the events I saw unfold last night and the two people I am now avoiding like the plague because of it. Fedyor throws a punch at my face but I catch his fat and twist it as I knock him from his feet "good work Miss Starkov" I hear Kirigan's voice from the left of me, I don't even bother to look but instead mutter about going to see Baghra before stalking off towards her hut. Somehow he manages to catch up to me and he asks "you can't seriously still be mad can you? its been a few days and I have given you all of your favourite things. Just tell me what you want" I roll my eyes and stop, turning to look up at him. His black hair has been combed perfectly and he is the same black Kefta he is usually in, "Aleksander" I sigh putting my hands in the pockets of my dress to keep them warm "those are all material things. if you care for me and I mean truly care for me you will prove it without buying me things. Until then, please just leave me alone" and I leave him standing speechless as I enter the old woman's hut.