I remember when I first joined the dregs, a little over a year ago now. I was new to Ketterdam, new to the life of a criminal, I was still so easily fooled even after everything that happened in Ravka. Some of the boys in the Crow Club thought they could mess with me, one tried to grab my waist while the others were taunting me. I tried to get out of his grip without using my powers, I didn't want anyone to know who I was but then his hand started to go lower and without thinking I shocked him. Now Grisha have a higher pain tolerance and I am used to using my power on Grisha during training at the Little Palace. So when I shocked him I used to much power and he fell on the floor dead.

I'm thinking about that right now because Matthias helped me move the body, Matthias who is sitting next to shifting awkwardly. I nudge him, giving him a glare "stop fidgeting, you are grating on my last nerve" I bite and Matthias looks at me strangely "well if you weren't so close to me, you wouldn't feel that way" he bites back and I frown "I'm cold". Matthias sighs and wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him, I let in his warmth glad to feel something other then cold for once.

"Why did you choose this life for yourself?" Matthias asks, he will offer this question every so often probably hoping for a different answer. I shrug, curling into his side "because the one back home would have been a life of slavery. No one would choose that for themselves" an answer I haven't given him yet and which makes him pause. Matthias shifts and looks down at me, pity in his eyes "slavery? For a queen? I've never heard of such a thing" I flash him a smile and nudge his shoulder "well, you learn something new everyday"

My eyes feel heavy and I hear Matthias humming what I can only guess is a Fjerdan song and before long I am out like a light.

——

Something jostles me awake, it is dark outside and when I look up I see Kaz has kicked my foot. Frowning I shake Matthias awake and we both stand up "it's time to leave" Kaz says and stalks off into the darkness. I shrug on my leather jacket, strap on my knives before getting Matthias to strap my axes onto my back. As he does that his calloused hands brush my sides and I shiver, I turn around and my brown eyes meet ice blue ones. "We should get going" I say barely above a whisper and brush past him.

As I move to step onto the boat I miss a step and Kaz grabs my elbows, steadying me "thank you" I say and he flashes me a quick smile. My heart flutters and I move further onto the boat, "Kaz" I say and he stops turning around to face me, his expression unreadable "if this job um..... if this job doesn't go the way we want it to" my voice breaks and a tear falls from my eye "I don't want a funeral, just give me a proper Ravkan send off" he steps forward and I take a shaky breath "if they take me don't come for me, I'll make my own way out"

Kaz reaches up and cups my face in his hands, his gloved fingers wipe away my tears. "Why would you say that?" He asks quietly "we have been on too many jobs to just give up now. Now that we are so close to our money" I am still crying but he keeps wiping my tears "we are a team and we will keep being one until the last of us falls. And if you get captured I would come for you" he pauses dramatically "I would come for you. And if I couldn't walk, I would crawl to you, and no matter how broken we are, we would fight our way out together. Knives drawn, pistols blazing because that's what we do" I smile weakly and we move closer together.

Is he going to kiss me? Is this it? The moment I have been ready for, for months? But instead he embraces my, stroking my hair. "If we get out of this alive, I will take you far away from this miserable place" he take a breath "maybe a farm" I laugh and look up at him, raising an eyebrow "the great mister Brekker. On a farm? I can't see it" he smiles then, a great big warm smile that I have never seen on his face before, that makes him look younger, sweeter. "I used to live on a farm" he says and I look shocked "you surprise me Kaz Brekker" he smiles and straightens up, moving away from me as the others come on board "there is a lot that would surprise you about me miss Starkov", he winks at me and my heart flutters.

I could genuinely be happy with him.

A/N: sorry for the late update! I've been super busy but I hope you enjoyed. Sorry as well for it being so short