'So tell me why you really came by.' Camilla says placing her glass of wine on the table.

After this meeting, I need a lot more than wine.

'I need some men.' I can see Pablo grin from the head of the table. 'What happened to your own?' Dante asks.

He's the oldest, so he has to come to every meeting to see how this shit goes, but I truly wish he wouldn't be at this one.

He's just as annoying as his father, wanting to poke holes into everything.

But no one compares to his mother.

She's an absolute devil when it comes to stuff like this.

Favors.

Simple favors.

'They're focusing on the murders in England.' I lie. They were focusing on that, just not anymore.

But she doesn't need to know that. And she won't, because she only deals with our associates in Spain and Portugal, not England.

'All of them?' Pablo asks and I hold in a sigh as I nod. 'Yes, all of them. There's a lot going on there.'

'And you can't call back a few to help you with... With what exactly?' I turn back to Camilla and nod.

The story Marco told me is the only one that would make sense.

'I ordered a big shipment from the Russians, jewels, and guns, and a lot of people want it. We decided to send it in smaller portions, otherwise, it would be too obvious, but I heard some people still wanted it.' The lie comes out as smooth as can be, and I keep my eyes fixated on my aunt.

If she sees through the lies, we're screwed.

It's not a complete lie, but I couldn't care less about the shipment being highjacked.

'Where are you storing it?' She asks, taking another sip of her wine. 'Some in London, some in New Orleans, and some in Rome.'

'And you're deciding all of this without Leonardo?' I knew someone was going to bring up his absence, but I didn't think it was going to be Pablo.

They never got along, even worse than Camilla and me.

It had something to do with Monica Santos, but I never really cared about it.

'He's getting things done with the Russians.' He nods and turns back to Camilla, waiting for her to ask me more questions.

I can see that she wants to know everything, the price I'm willing to pay, how many men I need, when the move will take place, how long it will take, and why I came to her.

But I know better to talk before she even asks. I don't want to give away too much.

'And you're here? Without him?' I finally take a sip from my wine and nod.

It's odd for everyone that Leon is not with me, because we're together most of the time. He's my second in command, he should be here with me, but I don't want him here. Not after what he did.

'Yes. I don't want things to go south like last time.' I quickly glance at Pablo and Marco, before turning back to Camilla.

Four years ago, the last time we visited, something happened and I said I would never come by again.

But here I am.

Because I need to get those men if I want to go through with this war.

And the fastest way to get those men would be through my monster of an aunt.

'That was Leon's fault.' Was it?

Pablo really pushed his buttons for using Monica, and they weren't even sleeping with each other back then, but he flipped out and when Pablo went after him, Marco stopped him.

I remember Pablo pulling a gun first, but of course, Camilla didn't believe us.

Her sons lied about who pulled the gun first, so she flipped out and told us to leave.

It was a whole fiasco, but ever since then, I haven't been in contact with them. Until now.

'I suppose it was, but that's in the past.' I'll lie if it gets us what we need. Men to get Valentina back.

'Is it? Because Manuel is still scarred for life.' Oh for fuck's sake... 'I'll pay for his therapy.' I say, a bit too annoyed and she notices. Marco laughs it off and shoves his leg against mine as a warning.

'That's exactly why he's at Russia, to avoid another conflict. But he told me to send you his best regards.' Marco says, smiling. Genuinely smiling.

I thought, after whatever happened between him and North, that he was going to sit there like a freaking statue the entire time. But thank god he's not.

'He couldn't even apologize after what he did.' Camilla sneers, looking at Marco with a calculating look on her face. She's trying to push us.

'He's an idiot, that's nothing new, right?' A smile tugs at her lips and she nods, 'He has always been the dumber one.'

As much as I'm angry at Leon for betraying me the way he did, I don't like the way she talks about him.

But I contain my sneer about her spoiled sons and nod, 'Always.'

'How many men?' Okay. 'Two hundred.' I know she's going to say no to it, but it's worth a try.

She starts laughing and shakes her head. 'Two hundred? Are you insane? People will notice and they'll come to us.'

'What do you suggest then?' She looks at Pablo and whispers something into his ear, before turning back to us. 'About fifty should be enough.' Fifty?

If I want people everywhere, Europe, the US, even the UK, fifty won't be enough.

'One hundred and fifty.' Marco calculated everything. We should have enough with one hundred, but the more the merrier. 'You want to bargain? After what happened?'

'You just said that it was Leon's fault, why blame it on all of us?' She takes a long sip of her wine and twirls it in her glass, before turning back to me and sighing. 'Because you two work as a duo,' Not anymore. 'So whatever he does, whatever he did, is also partly your fault.'

'That wouldn't be fair, would it?' Marco says, keeping his eyes on Camilla. She looks like she's about to explode, even on Marco, and I doubt we'll get more than one hundred of her men.

'I should give you absolutely nothing after what you did last time, so take what you can get before I change my mind.'

'We need at least-' 'A hundred. That's all you get.' Pablo says, making Camilla look at him with wide eyes. 'I'll take it.'

Marco smiles proudly and leans back in his chair, taking a sip of his wine as well.

He seems more relaxed now. Good.

'Who is it you're ordering from exactly?' Not the follow-up question I was expecting, but I don't have to lie for this one. 'Alex.'

'Alexander Aslanov?' The fear sparks in her eyes, and I have a hard time containing my grin. 'Yes, that one.'

She knows that it's serious business now. Because Alex doesn't play around.

And neither do I.

'Do we have a deal?' I ask, wanting this to be over with. But I'm a fool if I think that this is it, that she won't ask more questions.

'When do you need them?' Dante asks in his mother's stead. I turn to him, lifting my glass, before taking a long sip, just like she just did. 'As soon as possible, I need to see what's the safest route to take.'

He nods and looks at his mother, who's smiling proudly. Even though it was a necessity to know when I'll need their guys.

'When is the shipment coming in?' I really want to shove all this fake information down her throat and get the fuck out of here, because I can't even look at her for longer than two minutes.

She reminds me too much of the past, of the people I came to loath with my whole being. She reminds me too much of Luciano.

Not by the way she acts, he would never spoil us the way she spoils her kids, but they have the same face. Almost as if he's haunting me from hell.

And I hate every second of it.

But in some ways, she's also like him in the way she acts. She hates me as well, I can tell even though she tries to cover it up.

She always liked Leon more, everyone did.

Everyone except my grandma.

Because he was soft, his parents weren't as messed up as mine and they were good people. He doesn't have the issues I do and I used to envy him for it. I sometimes still do.

But I'll never forgive her for what she did. She has some nerve talking about mistakes or incidents, but what she did was on purpose.

She left. She left when we were young, to avoid the mafia life, the life her last name would bring, just to start a new one here. With Pablo.

Weak.

She was weak, so she left. She's still weak. A coward that hides here and nowhere else.

When Lorenzo and Maria died, she didn't even come to their funeral. Not even to my mom's funeral, who adored her so much.

Selfish. That's what she is.

And I'll never forgive her for it.

I'll never forgive her for abandoning her family, for this bullshit of a puppet show she has here.

'In three days.' Marco says since I'm taking too long to answer myself. I nod and take another gulp from my wine, almost emptying the glass entirely. 'How long will it take?'

'As long as necessary. I'll send you five percent of our profit once everything is settled.' Her eyes widen at my words and I can see the annoyance in her eyes. 'Just five percent?'

'It should be enough for the work you put in, right?' I'm walking on very thin ice here, but I'm willing to drown.

She always caves in at some point. So she has to now.

'You have some nerve, coming here with that bargain.' She sneers, jumping to her feet. She's angry and I notice Pablo grabbing her hand. Probably to calm her down.

But a chuckle leaves my lips and Marco kicks me again, as a warning to keep my cool.

It's the hardest shit ever to not lash out at her, but we need those men.

'But it also takes lots of courage. And because you're my family, I'll take that offer. But if anything goes down and they track it back to us, I'll come for you, Rafael.'

Something sparks through me, but I keep my face as calm and collected as possible, and simply nod.

'Understood.' I slowly get up and keep my eyes on them, 'If that's all, I'll be heading to bed.'

I make my way into the hall and see Mariana. She's probably waiting for Marco again.

The desperation is disgusting, but I don't blame her. I know those two had something going on.

'Shouldn't you be sleeping?' I ask since it's already getting pretty late.

It's dark outside, meaning this meeting took a few hours. But I expected nothing less.

'I- No. I just wanted to talk to Marco.' I knew it. 'He has a girlfriend, you know?' Guilt washes over her and it takes her a few seconds to look me in the eyes again. 'I don't care.' Nasty.

If I needed a quick fuck, I wouldn't care either.

But then again, she wants more. I can see it in her eyes.

'Mariana, you're still up?' Marco asks from behind me. She smiles at him and fake yawns to get his attention. 'I was wondering if you wanted to take me to my room?' Are you kidding me?

He looks at me and grins, before turning to my pour cousin.

'Just to your room, right?' She shrugs and glares at me, before smiling at Marco again. 'If you want to come inside, that's allowed as well.' Oh god...

'Be back in thirty minutes.' I say, before heading out the front door.

Maybe Marco can smoothen things out for us, maybe he can try to get more men out of them. Maybe.

I head back to the house and walk into the living room.

North was sitting on the chair close to the window when I left, but she's not there anymore.

I run back to North's room since I have news. News that might help us get to Valentina.

'North!' No response as I knock on the door.

I don't get why I knock anyway, I never knock, so I don't knock again and simply burst through the door.

Finding an empty room.

Well, not empty. She has certainly been in here, her bag is laying on the bed, but she's not in here.

'North?' I head to the little bathroom, but she's not in there either. Shit.

I run back into the hall, straight to Manuel's place. Because he was with her last.

Just as I reach his house, I stop because of some loud noises coming from the bunker. It's them. My cousins.

I open the latch and run down the stairs, straight into the dimly lit room they're sitting in.

'Where is she?' They're all here. All fucking four of them. And they're laughing about something I simply don't care about.

'Where the fuck is she?!' Manuel jumps up from the musty-looking couch and walks over to me. 'Calm down coz, she's taken care of.'

What? I should've known it would be a bad idea to leave her with them. Those spoiled little shits.

'Where is she?' I ask again, trying to stop myself from bashing his head in.

Manuel laughs and slowly turns around, angering me. I throw my fist against the back of his head, almost knocking him out. He falls to the floor and crawls away from me, cursing at me in Spanish.

The others stop laughing and turn back to me with fear in their eyes.

'I'm going to ask you one more time, where is she?' I ask, gritting my teeth like crazy.

'Calm down Rafael, she's in there!' Benji points at a metal latch underneath the table.

No, they didn't. 'You put her in there!?' I shout as I head to the latch.

I remember that place from when I was little. It's dark and small, almost made me claustrophobic.

And they put her in there?

I push them aside and pull the latch open, revealing the tiny room underneath.

It's supposed to be a storage place, where you store food or something.

Luciano used to throw us in here if we wouldn't listen when we were little. When we were little.

And even back then it was a small space, with barely enough room for us to move.

Let alone a full-grown woman.

But somehow she fits. She's all crawled up in the corner, but she fits.

'North?' She slowly looks up, tears streaming down her face and gasps for air.

I reach out to her, pulling her out of the cramped space, and freeze when I see her hands. They're bruised.

As if she has been slamming them against the latch.

'What the fuck.' I whisper as I help her up. 'Are you okay?'

She slowly nods, even though it's clear she isn't, as she wipes her eyes, looking at the others in the room.

'Te mataré.' I fume at my cousins, without looking away from North.

They don't know what it feels like to be locked in there since Camilla babies them too much, but they will soon.

'You pieces of fucking shit.' I slam my fist against Rico and feel his bones break underneath me. He groans out of pain and runs towards his brother, as if he'll protect him.

I ready my fist for another blow and strike, straight into Julio's stomach, and watch as he folds forward, holding onto his stomach for life.

'Rafael.' It's North. Her voice is as soft a whisper, hoarse because she probably screamed the entire time I was gone. But I ignore her and slam my fist into Benjamin's face.

They all cry out in pain as they try to block me, but I burst through them like a fucking maniac and let all my anger out.

All the anger that grew the entire day, especially in that meeting. Fucking idiots. 'Rio!'

North's pleas for me to stop fade into the background as everything becomes dark and I let the anger take over.

Fist after fist, cry after cry, hit after fucking hit.

And they don't even know how to fight back. Weak pieces of shit.

They deserve every strike I give, every amount of pain, every drop of blood that spilled because they're all pieces of shit.

'Curse!' I'm tired and stop at the sound of that word. It slices through me a little, bringing me back down to earth, replacing the darkness with reality. 'Don't.'

As much as they deserve it, she's right. We're in their home, I shouldn't be kicking their asses right now.

Especially not after sealing the deal.

But they deserve it.

'If you ever do something like that again, I'm going to fucking kill you.'

Manuel looks up at me and slowly grins, he has always been the boldest out of all of them. 'Mariana survived three days in there, she could too.' They locked Mariana in there?

Just as I'm about to lunge at them again, North grabs my arm and pulls me back with all her strength.

It takes me every muscle in my body not to shove her to the ground as well, but the look on her face says enough.

If I go through with this, I might as well dig my own grave.

'We should go.' She says, trying not to look too terrified as the others slowly crawl back on their feet.

I glare at all of them and head back to the door, stomping up the wooden stairs and not even waiting for North to follow.

She almost runs past me to the house, but I grab her arm and pull her back. 'What were you doing in there with them?'

'They wanted- Manuel wanted me to come and hang- you said not to annoy them and he said-' She can't even form a sentence and starts shaking 'Calm down and tell me how you got locked in there.'

She tries to get her breathing steady, but nothing seems to work. 'North.'

She pulls her arm out of my grip and runs into the house, straight up the stairs, where she bumps into Marco.

'What's going on?' He asks, catching her before she falls. 'I-' 'They locked her in the bunker.' Marco looks at me with wide eyes, before helping North up the stairs, into her room.

I lock the front door and follow them to her room, staying in the door as Marco tries to comfort her.

'I told you they can't be trusted.' She looks at me with glossy eyes and nods. 'But you also told me to not annoy or bore them, Manuel insisted that I should come with him.'

She's finally breathing again. And she's talking.

But there's one thing missing. She's keeping something from me.

And I wonder what it is. Why she's acting like this. Like she saw a ghost or something.

'What's wrong with you?' It comes out more mocking than a genuine question. 'I just don't- It was so dark in there.'

Marco slowly steps closer to her and hugs her, trying to comfort her a little.

'Tell me what you need Neveah, let me help you.' She can't breathe again, making me look at her.

'Tell us-' 'Stop touching me.' She chokes and Marco instantly lets go of her, dropping her to the floor.

She crawls into a ball and leans against the bed, trying to catch her breath as if she's been running for hours.

What the fuck is- Marco opens all the windows and doors, letting as much air in as possible, and takes a seat across from her.

Far enough for her to move if she wants to, but close enough to know that he's there.

I stay put and watch as he tries to calm her down.

'It's okay, you're out.'

She looks at him as tears roll down her cheeks. She's crying again.

She's always fucking crying.

'He- he was there.' She stutters, looking at her bruised knuckles. 'He was there.'

'Who are you talking about?' Marco asks while I step over to the couch.

I take a seat and keep my eyes on North.

Marco and I both know that the place is barely big enough for two people, he has been there too.

So I wonder who she's talking about.

'Adrian.' She says, fear clear in her voice. Her breathing goes rapid, before steadying again.

'That's impossible. Right?' Marco asks, turning to me.

'You were alone in there North, you must've-' 'No. He was there.' She says, shaking her head at my statement.

When I opened the latch, she was alone. All alone, crawled up in a corner.

'No one was with you, you were alone.'

She shakes her head and finally looks at me, sending shivers down my spine.

'He's always lurking in the dark.'

'Neveah?' Marco asks, making her look at him instead of me.

I feel like I can finally breathe because her stare was too much. Too heavy.

'I'm never alone.'

What the fuck happened to her?

Marco looks at me, but I keep my eyes on Neveah.

Whatever the Steels did to her, messed her up real bad.

'Neveah, you-' Marco stops because of a loud banging sound coming from downstairs.

I jump up and walk into the hall, listening for something else. 'Rafael! My mom wants to speak with you again!' Oh god...

'Stay here, open the door for no one except me.' Marco wants to follow me, I can tell by the look in his eyes, but he needs to stay with North. Someone has to stay with her, or she'll drive herself insane.

I head to the front door and open it to meet Dante. 'What is it?'

'Why did you have to mess it up?' He asks as he heads back to their own house. I close the door behind me and follow him inside, hearing Pablo grunt in the living room.

As soon as I step in, they all look at me. My cousins even flinch, all except Manuel who grins proudly.

They're all pressing bags of ice against their faces and arms. It looks like I broke Julio's nose, and Benjamin's arm looks a bit dislocated.

But nothing that can't be fixed.

Camilla does not seem to think of it that way.

'You have some nerve, Curzio.' Pablo sneers, stepping forward. As if he wants to strangle me to death.

I would love to see him try.

'The locked Neveah in the bunker.' Camilla rolls her eyes and looks at Manuel, who instantly starts shaking his head. 'We did no such thing.'

'No mientas.' I say, making Camilla turn back to me. 'Yo le creo.' 'Of course, you do.'

Her anger flares and she jumps to her feet.

'Think before you speak,' she hisses at me, 'the last person who didn't, lost more than just his tongue.' Great.

So her sons lock a guest up in the bunker, but I'm the one who needs to keep my mouth shut?

'You know how dark it is in there, they locked her up for hours!' Pablo almost lunges at me again, but a simple hand on his shoulder stops him. It's Mariana.

'And that gives you the right to beat them up?!' She yells angrily. 'If you would've taught them some respect, I wouldn't have had to do that.'

'Respect?!' She laughs like a maniac, just like Luciano always would before exploding on me, and the anger flows through my veins again, slowly clouding my vision again. 'You're talking about respect?!'

I take a deep breath and try to focus on the light, trying to stay away from the darkness surrounding me.

Because if I go there, if I give into the darkness, we're all screwed.

'You come into my house, asking for my men, and you have the audacity to hit my children, after everything that happened and you want to talk about respect?!'

It's getting harder and harder to ignore the hand that's reaching for mine. The darkness that's ready to pull me into the hollow space that I'm in when I'm angry.

'After you abandoned us, you mean?' Her anger makes place for confusion as she tries to understand what I just said, 'Because that's what you did. You abandoned us because you were afraid of what our last name will bring, but here you are, doing the exact same with him.'

She steps closer, directly in front of me, and blinks once. 'Watch it, Rafael.'

'It's the truth, isn't it?' My words hurt her and I don't feel an ounce of regret for saying it, 'You're a coward for running and a fool for thinking it wouldn't haunt you in the end.'

'Stop-' 'You couldn't even come to your own brother's funeral.' I sneer, stepping closer.

I know I shouldn't. I shouldn't be yelling at her, or raising my voice at all, but I can't let this go.

She deserves to know exactly how I feel about this. About her stupidity, her ignorance.

'As if you care about Luciano, he-' 'I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about Lorenzo and Maria and my mother!' The darkness slowly closes in on me and I want to push her to the ground and-

No. Not her. Someone. Anyone but her. Because I can't hit her. I won't allow myself to.

'Get out.' Her voice is clear, even though she has tears in her eyes. 'They-' 'Get out of my house! Get out of this country! And don't ever show your face here again!'

I can't help but smile, even though I just lost my only option left. Well not, my only option, but the easiest one.

'Gladly.' I walk back into the hall and slam the door as I walk outside, wanting to burn this entire place down when we're gone.

When I'm back at the house, I run up the stairs to see Marco and North still sitting on the floor.

Marco jumps up when he sees the anger on my face as he takes me in. 'Grab your bags, we're getting out of here.'

I head to my own room and grab my bag, before heading back outside. Dante is standing on the porch and walks over to me when he sees me heading towards a car.

'All you had to do was apologize.' I throw my bag in the back and turn towards him. 'What?'

'If you just apologized she would've given you those men.' He says, looking at some people behind me. 'I shouldn't be the one apologizing, your piece of shit brothers should.'

'They did nothing wrong.' Fucking prick. I don't hold back anymore and let the darkness drag me down, into the empty room where I can finally let it all go.

And I do.

I slam Dante into the ground and throw punch after punch, straight into his face and all.

'Rio!' I can feel someone's hands on my arm, but simply push them away, and continue throwing punch after punch on the cousin I liked the most.

If he thinks that they didn't do that, that they didn't lock North up in that little space, he deserves every hit. Every fucking fist.

I continue hitting him, despite North and Marco begging me to stop, and feel the anger slowly leave my body. I needed this. I still need this.

I need to hit someone. I need to kill someone. I need to blow shit up again, set shit on fire because I can't do anything else to let the darkness go for a while.

'Curzio!' I can hear Pablo in the distance, but that's not the thing that's stopping me. The sound of a gun being loaded is.

I stop, jump back into the light, into reality, and turn towards the porch. 'Get the fuck out of here, before I shoot you.' He sneers, pointing a rifle at me.

I raise my hands and look at Dante, who's bleeding like hell, and groaning as he crawls away from me.

'All of you, leave now.' Camilla says, helping her son off the ground. Marco pulls me into the car and closes the door behind North, before getting in himself.

I have to catch my breath and stare at the dashboard, feeling North's gaze on me, even though she's in the back and I'm in the front, while Marco starts the car and races away from this place.

'Killian. He owes me.' I state, to no one in particular. 'So Amsterdam?' Marco asks and all I can do is nod.

I feel like, if I move too much, I'll explode again.

And if I explode in this car, I'll get us killed.

The entire drive to the airport goes by in silence and even as we get into the plane that was stationed there, we say absolutely nothing.

'I'm going to sleep.' Marco mumbles as North and I drop into our seats. He moves to the back, not saying another word as he goes into the little cabin.

It takes ten minutes for the engine to start and less than five for us to be up in the air.

'I'm sorry.' North mumbles when we soar in the right direction. 'It's all my fault.' 'It is.'

I hate to admit it, but it is. It's also my fault, but it's easier to get angry at her than at myself.

'I told you to stay in Italy, but you didn't listen.' I sneer, trying to let the anger out with words instead of hitting someone. In this case, her.

'I know but-' 'You just had to mess it all up again.' She looks at her feet and shakes her head. 'I didn't think-' 'No. You did not. And now I have to come up with another plan.' Which I don't have time for.

'Curse, I-' 'Is that really the best nickname you could come up with?' I ask, rolling my eyes at her. 'It's the one that annoys you the most, so yes.' She smiles a little and leans back in her chair.

'Look, it's not my fault they locked me in there, and if I-' 'Stop making shit about you!' She flinches and looks at me again, with a curious look. Not pained or scared. Curious.

'What's that supposed to mean?' She asks, moving to the edge of her seat. 'You tend to make everything about yourself. As if you want to be the center of attention all the time. Not everyone will bow down to you like some dog.' Like Leon.

'I don't need everyone to bow down to me.' She says, folding her arms in front of her chest. 'That's what you do with Leon and even Valentina.'

'How so?' 'You dragged her into this, you made Leon fall for you, you messed up our plan by following them into that bunker when I specifically told you to follow those rules.' I say as I let all of my shit flow out.

It's as if it clicks for her. As if everything finally falls in place. She finally sees what I think of her, why I hate her so much.

'You think I drag them around like dogs?' I nod and grab a glass, before pouring myself a glass. 'You try to act like the boss, but you're not. Maybe my stupid cousin will stand for it and maybe Valentina will, but I won't.'

I gulp down the first glass and fill the next, before pointing at her. 'All of this mess is because you made Leon fall for you.'

'You blame me for Leya's abduction?' She asks, a little annoyed, and I nod. 'If it's someone's fault, it's yours. Because it's your fault she came into this mess. It's your fault she met us.'

And it's like a switch flips, as if she has her own darkness that was waiting for her to give in.

'You are the one who wouldn't let us go when we begged you.' Right... 'Leon wouldn't let you go.' 'And you wouldn't let Leya go, admit it.' What?

I lower my glass again, ready to fill it another time. I want to empty the entire thing and throw it at her for accusing me like this.

But what if she's right?

Why wouldn't I let Valentina go back then?

Because...

'She wouldn't have left without you.'

'Bullshit. You didn't want to let her go either, otherwise, you would've forced her away.' She sneers, gripping the edge of her seat. 'I tried, trust me.' 'Bull-fucking-shit.'

She jumps to her feet, almost falling because of her sudden movement. 'You always had a thing for her, admit it.' 'What?'

'You always felt something for her, you always were obsessed with her, and you couldn't let her go either.'

'Oh just shut up and act like an adult instead of crying about that stuff, this isn't about me, this is about you.' She folds her arms across her chest and smiles. 'I thought you said that this wasn't about me?'

Piece of fucking- 'Get out of my face before I kill you.'

She smiles widely at me and nods, 'Gladly.' before heading to the backseat and jumping on the couch there.

She's really getting on my nerves...

But that's because she says the wrong things. The things that actually hold some of the truth.

I didn't try to send Valentina away until I realized I felt something. So maybe I was obsessed with her, as North says, maybe I didn't want her to go because I wanted to find out what it was.

What pulled me towards her.

But I didn't love her from the start. I felt something, but that wasn't love.

I still think that what I feel towards her isn't love. It's something close to it, but on the other side. It goes further than the way love is described.

I just didn't label it as love, but it was something else. Something different.

Something stronger.

Like we had a connection, without even talking to each other about our lives.

She knew. She knew how I felt most of the time, what I liked and disliked without me having to tell her with words. Because she understood.

We connected on a deeper level and that scared me.

Because I've never felt something like that before.

So as soon as I got excited when she came to talk to me, as soon as I got those texts through her phone, as soon as my heart started skipping a few beats when she walked into a room, as soon as I got nervous for when they left the house without supervision, as soon as I felt that pull towards her, I started pushing her away.

Or at least I tried to.

And then she said it.

"I love you." God.

My heart broke when I had to push her away.

I wanted to say it, but I just couldn't. It's like my mind went dark, black with no sliver of light. No way out.

And then, when we got to the house, and she turned around when I called her. I wanted to say it, I wanted to beg her to forgive me for my shit, but I couldn't. I physically couldn't tell her.

Because I was scared shitless.

I realized that I would do anything to keep her with me, but I needed her pain to stop. I needed her to stop looking at me as if it was killing her to be around me.

So I said some hurtful shit, tried to get her out of my system because I felt useless. I felt weak.

Valentina made me weak. For her and only her. And I hated her for it. I still do. But I need her here. With me.

I needed to hurt her, to break her heart so she could come back to me eventually, not feeling what she felt, love, but still wanting me enough to be around me.

Even if it would hurt her, I wouldn't let her go. I couldn't. I can't.

Because she was my light. My fire through the darkness.

She still is. And I need her back...

The things Leon would do for North are insane. But I doubt I wouldn't do the same for Valentina.

Because the feeling that comes with thinking about something happening to her is crushing me from the inside. It's forcing me into that little dark place. And I don't want to be there.

I want light. I want that fire that heats me. I want her.

And I'll have her again. As soon as we know where they are.

But first I have to somehow manage to survive North. Because she was right when she said we needed her.

Valentina doesn't want to talk to me. She'll probably only talk to North, so we need her around.

So god, dammi la forza.

Because I'll certainly need it.

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A/N: A CHAPTER ON WEDNESDAY HOLY SHIT!!!! I know.. I know...

I'm shocked myself! But I think it's because of fall break, so please don't expect this shit to become a regular thing! Also, I'm a bit unsure if I'll be able to finish a chapter for Sunday, but I'll do my best!

The only things I'm doing rn: Sleep, Work, Write, Sleep (Not that anyone asked lol) But I'll see if I can get the next chapter out soon!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, don't forget to vote and comment on what you liked the most!

See you in the next chapter, have a blessed day!