When the darkest days will immerse you, You'll lose yourself, lose your believe. When everything will be nothing but pitch black, You'll lose your desire to breath and live.

LEERA

I groan, peeved as I hear the alarm ring again, probably for the third time by now. My eyes refuse to open, my body too slothful to make any kind of movement, my mind too drowsy to arouse.

A little more. Just a little more sleep, then I'll wake up, I think in my half awake, half sleeping state- Wait what's the time? My eyes jolt open as apprehension slaps me right on my morning face. I promptly grab my phone to see the time. I'm fully awaken now and my eyes are wide open as I stare at the time on the screen questioning my life decisions just for extra 10 minutes of sleep. 8 AM! What the hell?

"Shittt! Not again." I jump off the bed, staggering to my feet, almost losing my balance and- "Ouch!" I'm tripped on the floor. I whimper as I caress my sore arm. Today, I'm dead for sure.

"Is there anyone more ill fated than me?" I bewail, dejected, more like complaining to god. The persistent ache in my head is also getting worse due to the sleepless night I spent. I don't know if I should be yawning or whining in agony now.

Wasting no more time, I get up and dash to the washroom, mentally praying I don't get late for the exam. I can't afford getting late for this exam too.

It didn't take me more than 10 minutes to get ready but I still barely have 20 minutes left until my exam begins. Making haste, I grab my bag and sprint towards the main door while stumbling on my feet several times.

Right when I'm about to join the last part of the race of me versus the time, my mom yells my name from behind, compelling me to halt in my tracks. I urgently utter, "Mum, hurry up I'm getting late!" My feet are already jolting due to agitation and the anxiety is exasperating me.

"Eat this on your way." She hands me a sandwich. Taking a quick, huge bite, I bid her goodbye. "Love yaa. See yaa-" and then when I was about to run I almost miss my footing again but luckily get saved from tripping down this time. "This girl!" I hear her sigh out a chuckle before I dart out.

Only five minutes are left for the exam to begin, when I'm infront of the university gate. I run like an absolute lunatic, thinking of nothing except reaching the hall in time. Before getting inside the exam hall, I check my watch once again for confirmation. Still 2 minutes are left. I made it. I pant as I speak, "May I come inside?" "Sure." The invigilator approves my going inside and when I step inside, I question myself, Did I accidentally step inside the wrong room? Wasn't this supposed to look like an exam hall? But everybody here seems so chill and unprepared even though the exam is just about to begin.

"Leera, come over here." I hear Aria's voice and then I comprehend that I'm actually in the right hall. I take my sit beside her and ask, "Is our exam delayed or something?" She looks at me, perplexed. "What exam?" "What do you mean? The exam which was supposed to be held today?"

I arch an eyebrow as she laughs and presses a hand to her mouth to not cause disturbance in the class. "Dumbo, didn't you see the date properly? It's 4th of next month. Not this month." My mouth hangs open. What am I hearing? I couldn't sleep the last night to finish the whole syllabus. It was so fucking huge. It was crazy. So, the tears I cried last night while studying was for nothing? Also the last night incident was an addition stress which made sleep absolutely interdicted for me. Everything about last night was just terrible.

I remain silent for a moment and then murmur a small, "Ooh." Watching my expression she shortly chuckles, "No worries. Good for you that you've already prepared for the exam next month. By the way, What happened to you lately? You seem quite distracted and unfocused most of the time." I gulp down a lump of air and shake my head side to side, conveying my disagreement, "What will happen to me? I'm absolutely fine!" I continue to divert the topic, "Also today I almost had a panic attack thinking I'll be late for this examination like the last one. And won't be able to sit for it as it's strictly forbidden to enter the hall after the exam begins." Inhaling deeply, I let go a sigh when I finish.

"Anyways the class is about to begin. Chill down and drink some water." She says and hands me a bottle of water.

The class begins and everything goes silent. The silence is also what I prefer nowadays. I can only hear the professor speak but whatever he's saying is entering through my one ear and exiting through my another, as if I'm not even hearing a single word in the first place. I might be physically here but mentally I'm not. I have lost my focus, lost my ability of paying attention.

She was right, I have been distracted and unfocused nowadays. It's all because of the peculiar things happening in my life that I don't want to speak to anybody about. I don't even know why those are happening, but I know for a fact that it's affecting me quite severely and I have been really perturbed after the first time something like that happened to me two months before.

It's not even mystifyingly amusing anymore, it's horrifying. It's scaring me, dragging me to a world of darkness that I can't see the exit through. This darkness is consuming me ever so slowly and making me a detainee of where I don't belong.

Flashback (2 months back)

"Leera, I got your parcel." Mayra, my flatmate gives me a package. I examine the wrapped parcel clueless of what could be inside. "But I didn't order anything," I say, puzzled.

"The delivery man got it and it has your name on it as well as the address of here. If you are sure you didn't order anything, I guess it's a gift from someone." She says casually checking her phone.

"Could be I guess. Well, Thanks Mayra." "Anytime!" She smiles and the door of my room closes as she leaves.

I unwrap the package with utter exhilaration but right when I open the box, I get startled. What is this? It's a bruised creepy doll and it has red paint all over her naked body which appears like blood, just like those in scary movies. What kind of joke is this? Who could pull this prank on me?

I put it in the trashbin promptly, disturbed and vexed at the same time. I immediately call the first person I suspect to do this to me and when he answers the call I start to bark, "What kind of prank is this, Levi?" "Yoo, you almost ruptured my eardrum. Why are you shouting?" He sounds casual and chill. So, he's in a good mood after freaking me out. "I'm gonna kill you, you douchebag!" "First, mind telling me what have I done?" "WHAT have you done!? I got the parcel you sent me with my name and address on it. You wanted to scare me, didn't you?"

"Eh wait? Which parcel? I didn't send you any parcel." Only then I realized that it wasn't a prank, it was the beginning of something. Something I could have never imagined to eventuate in my life.

* * * * * *

It was as if the whole class time passed in the blink of an eye. The class ended and I was mentally sleeping the entire class, cause I didn't get any sleep last night. Not only for preparing for the exam that didn't happen, for something I didn't expect to happen.

"Let's grab something to eat first. I'm starving." Aria brags me into the cafe with her. "Aria, I'm not feeling too good. I better go home." I mutter lowly. "Why? What happened? Are you okay??" She sounds anxious, concerned for me.

"I'm alright. I mean, you know, I didn't get enough sleep last night as I thought today was that stupid exam. That's why I'm a bit exhausted and also I'm feeling a little unwell," I say, unawarely fidgeting my fingers.

"Okay. Go home and get some rest. Inform me about your heath. And yeah do you even remember that we are going for the academic trip this week? Please don't get sick again like last week. You know Levi is also not here to accompany me and I can't afford attending the rest of the classes alone this week."

"For sure ma'am. No sickness!" I give her a thumbs up. "Do you have a fever?" She asks. "No, but I'm still hot." We both cackle at the same time. "No wonder we never find Levi's jokes funny until we get to remind them in his absence."

"But why do you look so pale as if you're stressed about something?" I touch my face and hesitantly smile, "Stressed for the exam that I fantasized to happen today, what else?"

"No I mean, it looks like something else, as if something has been bothering you." Is it that prominent? I wonder.

"There's nothing duh. It's just, I watched the stimulating- motivational movie someone recommended me and I'm just slowly realising the fact." I say the first thing that crosses my mind. "What fact?" She arches an eyebrow. I make a disheartened face, "It's what you say, I'm little to no good sometimes. I'm realising that it's the truth."

"Shutup. I thought something serious was coming up." She rolls her eyes. "Aha. Look at me and look at these dark circles that I got last night. That's it. I need sleep and I'll be fine." "Go home and get a long sleep. Moreover your mom must be waiting for you with delicious dishes that I won't get to enjoy." The moment Aria mentions about her a quick solace erupts inside me as I recall that she is still here, I have her by my side. At least I have her with me for now.

"Byebye Silly Billy. Don't get pimples on your face." I say and a small laughter erupts out of her. "Same bitch. And don't get sick like last week."

* * * * * *

Living in New York, living on my own has always been a blissful dream to me. But it feels like a doeful nightmare now. My mother came to visit me a few days back as I told her that I have been intensely missing everyone real bad. I never mentioned about any of those incidents I have been facing since a long period of the last 2 months.

She's busy with her job and my sister Elle, but still managed some time for me to come here when I got severely sick last weak. But certainly, she has absolutely no idea about everything her daughter faced before and is still facing.

The girl which has always been so pampered by her parents, is so miserable that she can't even say anything to them. Maybe I'm actually failing to appear I'm fine. Maybe it's too prominent how my mental condition is, like Aria predicted it so easily. But I can't let my mom know about it. I don't want anyone to know the past. The past I have left behind.

I don't want to ruin my parent's peace by letting them know any of these, because, I know once they know what their daughter is facing, they won't be silent. And then it might get them in terrible trouble.

Reaching the bus stop, I silently sit on the bench and wait for the bus to arrive.

When I'm finally alone and there is nobody that I know, I sigh out a long suppressed heavy breath looking at the blue, clear sky. My heart weakens and I can feel warm tears falling down my cheeks that I don't bother to wipe off.

After I relax, the bus arrives and I get into it. Taking my seat, I look out the window and the incident of last night starts playing in my head like a flash of memory once again, and I can literally hear those noice like a tape recorder is playing in my ear.

LAST NIGHT

It's possibly 2.30 at night and I'm relieved that I'm almost done with my preparation. Not entirely satisfied with my preparation but at least I'm hopefully not leaving my paper blank in the exam. I was so disturbed in the last exam that I didn't seat for the exam, claiming I was physically sick and Levi even got me fake prescriptions of doctor as evidence. He never questions, he does everything for me, just like a best friend does.

"Finally, I can sleep!" I sigh contentedly, closing my books. Right then, all of a sudden, I hear a loud clunking sound and the window glass shatters into pieces. I'm stunned, unmoving in my position.

It was as if something really hard like stone was thrown against the window with great force.

"Leera, what was that noice?" My mom shouts from outside of the door. "Leera, are you okay?" I hear Mayra's voice too but I can't move at all.

"Leera??" My mom bawls my name again and that's when I get out of the shock and rush to the door to open it. They get inside and both of them look so worried and anxious. "What happened?" I stare at the glass pieces on the floor.

"Oh my god! How did this happen?" I gulp down my fear and slowly manage to speak, "I-I did it." "What? Why!" Both of them react at the same time.

"I was frustrated because of my exam, and I-I threw a heavy metal object towards the window carelessly. The glass was already slightly broken and fragile, so-" Tears make out of my eyes as I try to explain. I don't even know how am I making these lies when all my life I have been a really bad liar. And I don't know if any of these is making sense.

"It's alright dear. Don't cry. I'll clean these." My mom strokes my arm. "No it's fine. I'm so sorry for disturbing both of you. Please go to sleep. I'll clear this mess and go to bed too." "Are you sure you're okay, Leera?" Mayra asks me, her eyes are almost closing due to sleep. I nod repeatedly, "Yeah. I'm so sorry for disturbance."

I manage to send both of them away and close the door. My heart is beating so rapidly and I know I'm scared, I'm terribly scared of what I might see. But I need to check this. I need to see what it exactly was.

I carefully walk towards the window, being aware of the broken pieces of glass that might pierce my feet. A part of me is asking me not to go near the window. But the small amount of tenacity wins the best of me as I'm already standing infront of the window.

I open the broken window and check the outside environment but find nothing unusual. There's a question in my head that how can someone hit something this high? Nothing makes sense to me. But right when I was about to close the window, I flinch back as another thing was thrown abruptly and this time it gets inside through the window and falls on the floor beside me. This time it petrified me dead to the core.

I gather all my courage, take a deep breath before I look out the window again but there's literally nothing abnormal? I can't see a single person who's doing these? And how can a normal person do this?

Taking the last glance, I pull over the curtains and step back.

My eyes locked to the small box that just got inside through the window but I'm too scared to touch it. Taking my time, I calm and prepare myself. Then with my last ounce of courage, I take the risk. The small black, plastic box is in my hands now and my hands are trembling.

I slowly open the box and find a small pendrive. What can possibly be in this? Multifarious new questions arise in my head but I ignore them and decide to see what's in this.

I insert the pendrive in my laptop and when I see the message which is meant for me, I'm incapable of being sane anymore.

"The past isn't forgotten. It'll get back to you, It'll make you endure what true affliction feels like."

END OF FLASHBACK

I still can't say that I'm entirely sure that he's behind all these. Everytime I think about him, I just force down my thoughts and try to redirect them. Shiver run down my spine but I try to neglect it too. I don't want to face him again, no matter what. He might be someone I used to love, but now he's someone who I never intend to see in my entire life again.

I despise that I ever had something for someone like him. But even if I deny everything, I can't deny the fact that things are getting worse everyday and I don't know how long will I be able to keep those to myself. How long will I be able to hold myself when I'm already too fragile? How long will I have to endure these? Why is it happening with me? Who is doing all these? There's no certain answer to any of the questions.

The past of us has been queer, it was unflattering and everything I need expected. But the past is indelible. A part of me believes it to be him but still there's another part of me which disagrees and rejects to believe that he is back and he is the cause of the peculiar incidents happening in my life.

But I know one thing for sure, if it's him who's behind these, I'm already damned and there's no escape.

__________________________________________

Hii guys. Here's the very first chapter of this book.

I hope the chapter makes enough sense for you to understand and hope you consider the mistakes as it's my first time writing.

First few chapters might be a little messy till I edit them and as I'm a newbie there will be tons of errors.

Thanks for reading. This is the beginning of a journey and hope you accompany till the journey ends <3

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